I'm still not sure how to approach this. My 3.5 year old daughter asks me to pick her up a lot, especially if she needs some comforting (she also insists that I stay on her bed at night and pat her back---basically she wants me all to herself). She will get mad and yell if I do not comply soon and/or if I'm busy with her baby brother (5 months old). I know that she is jealous of the baby, but my questions are:
1. Should I still pick her up sometimes or make a rule for no more picking up at all?
2. What should I do when she is yelling and demanding for me to hold her?
Thanks!
I personally see nothing wrong with extra cuddles....however I would be concerned about the way she is speaking to you. When my son gets snarky with me I make it clear I will not speak to him until he changes his tone and talks kindly, if he does not change his tone of voice he has a time out or a privilege taken away.
Hi I feel like im dealing with that right now. My daughter is 3 and my other daughter is 10 months and if she sees me talking or playing with the baby she must grab my attention away. It's sad, I feel bad at times because I dont ever want her to feel like I don't want her or love the baby more but she can be so needy at times. Anyways I think that you should pick her up sometimes but not all the time. And if she is demanding it try and explain that you cant hold her all the time then give her a kiss and a hug. Thats what I do sometimes its works sometimes it doesnt. Good luck
Pick her up if you're comfortable with that (my son just got too heavy). She is, in some ways, still a baby and I think cuddling, holding, ultimately help her become more secure and independent. It would be one thing if you were doing things for her like feeding, etc that she's capable of so I wouldn't fret too much.
I think you need to address the yelling though. That's a "baby" thing imo that she needs guidance in how to outgrow. I would consistently make sure she understands that you will not be addressed like that. She should not get what she wants by behaving badly. That only reinforces the bad behavior.
It sounds like she's trying to make the transition from being the baby to being an older sister. She's adjusting no doubt. Good luck!
I think it's ok to pick your "babies" up and cuddle them for as long as they will let you....my twin boys are four and I still love to scoop them up and hold them for a moment or two just like I did when they were infants. They like it too until they get bored and are ready to move on. As far as the night time events, I would not drag that out like that. It may take awhile but all she really needs is a short story, a couple kisses and hugs and then good night. I certainly would not pick her up and love on her if she's being demanding and forceful about it. She's old enough for an eyeball to eyeball chat that when she calms down, you will be glad to give her some love for a moment or so (if you're super busy at the time). Again, may take a little retraining, but she'll get the hang of it.
Always hug, pick up, cuddle when a child asks even if it is only for a few seconds. When my oldest starts nagging, whining, yelling for something, I simply repeat in a normal voice,"I will talk to you when your voice sounds like mine," and ignore him until he complies.
I have a 4 yr old (soon to be 5) and eventhough everyone tells me he's too big to hold (of course he is but he's mine :) ) I still hold him. He is my baby and I don't think it hurts him. He is still independent and doesn't want to be held all the time, especially not infront of his friends. The only thing I would say is not to allow her to yell/demand out of respect for you but as far as holding her... go for it. They're only little once and it goes too quickly.
I have three kids too...3yrs, 22mo, and 2mo. My three year old went through a jealous stage for about 3wks. He definitely has become a little bit more needy for attention from both mommy and daddy...I'm really careful about giving him the attention he needs so he doens't feel left out. To your point, I have found myself caryying him more than normal and I feel that if that's what he needs from me than that's what I'll give him. He's worked through most of his jealousy issues and but still has his moments...involving him in things that dealt with baby and giving him LOTS of postive reinforcement helped him so much.
Good luck.
U.,
You are a busy mama....yes cuddle her if you have the energy to do so. My 3.5 year old still does this at times but many times at night I am just worn out. I will tell ask her "Do you want me to pat you for one minute or not at all tonight?" She always says "one minute." And then I hold to it so that I know she is not trapping me. Have boundaries that you are okay with. If you are NOT okay with her requests, then set some boundaries about it. Love and Logic may be a valuable resource for you....it sure has helped me.
