Potty Training Dilemma: We Started Too Early and Don't Know What to Do Now

I think you should mellow out on the whole issue - it's stressing everyone out too much. Maybe go back to diapers or pullups and just let it be for a while. I swear he won't be in diapers in high school. It might be becoming a control issue because of the new baby and he should not be receiving so much attention for a 'negative' behavior.

I have 3 kids (now ages 13, 11, & 7). I found that with two of them, similar circumstances happened contributed to that final step. My son was sporadic with when he would tell me...basically if he was having too much fun, he'd just go in his pants. In particular, he loved the computer and wouldn't stop playing on it to go. I was worried about the finish on the wood chair that he sat in, so told him that if he wet his pants while on the computer, he would have to stay off if for the rest of the day. It took one accident and then never had another in front of the computer. Once i got over my frustration that he really was capable when HE wanted to be, it took about a month to translate it to always.

My daughter potty trained earlier and easier, but still had the stall at the end. One day we were playing at a park, while the rest of the family was in a nearby store. She had one accident and i changed her. I only had one other extra set of clothes with, so i told her if she had another accident, no more playing at the park. After her next accident, i made her stay at the car in her wet clothes until the others finished their shopping. She was so mad that the park was right there, yet she couldn't play. So my two biggest suggestions are: NO DIAPERS or PULL-UPS (except maybe at night) and rely on natural consequences (even if you have to stage them a little.)

hey A.,

Keep up the great work! The only thing I would change would be to give up the treats. Also go buy some five ply underpants and have him wear them all day. If he has an accident, then let him change himself. A couple of times having to change himself and he will be done with it. I would also say make sure that you get rid of all the diapers(at least put them away where he can not see them). Tell him he has to be a BIG BROTHER now. He has to show his sister how to use the bathroom. When I potty trained my son at 2 years old, I would give him juice or water every 15 minutes. Then about five minutes later make him go to the bathroom to go pee. By the end of summer he was totally trained. His Birthday is in April. They do say it is easier in the summer months than in the winter, because of the cold in the winter months. Good luck on the training. My prayers are with you.

Blessings,

L.

I feel your pain and frustration. I have a 2 1/2 year old girl who is in the process of potty training right now. I'm a daycare provider, so her friend who comes has been potty training as well. I really advise you not to go back to diapers. It's hard and time consuming, but you have to stay on him with this process. He's 3 now and you need to move forward, not back. I'm sure you don't want to hear this, but it's really us not the child. When I thought about potty training my daughter, I didn't want to do it, cause I knew that I had to stay on her and be on top of things because it's a long and sometimes trying process. I found myself being lazy and not wanting to take her and/or deal with the whole clean up of accidents, especially the poop accidents. When I put underwear on her, it was a whole different process. She did excellent, but would hold her bm's for a week at a time. I would have to put a diaper on her so she would go. Finally I had enough and I told her that she needed to go in the pot because she knew how to do it. After 4 poop accidents, she finally started going in the pot. I did discipline her after the last poop, because she just sat and did it. They are smarter than what we think they are. If he's asking if he has a diaper on, he has enough control and sense to go on the pot. He probably is fighting for your attention as well, with you having a younger child. This is oh so familiar because my daughter fights for my attention with the other daycare children. Just explain to him that he's a big boy and he has to go in the pot. Tell him how proud you are of him and be firm with him when he has accidents. Let him know that you know he can do it. Have him be involved with changing time for the baby, so he can see the difference between a baby and a big boy. My daughter would tell me that babies wear diapers and she wears underwear, and I told her that she was right. Give him little responsibilites so that he feels like a big boy and maybe that will change his whole thinking about the potty training. But you have to stick with it, as hard and frustrating as it is. Good luck and hang in there. Soon you'll be telling someone else how to potty train! :)

"Don't worry"! thats what everyone says.
I know its hard to potty train when you have a new baby, but it does all work out in the end.:)
I found out I was having twins when my daughter turned 2.
We had the same issues as you.
We stayed consistent with egg timers every 15 minutes and a sticker for trying.
So we praised her peeing and came up with the Treasure Box for pooping.
The treasure box was filled with all her favorite goodies!
New boxes of crayons,packs of panties,little toys from the Disney store, books and Playdough..BUT NO CANDY!
So when she put a "Treasure" in the potty she got a treasure from the box.
We started in Oct 06 and the twins came in April and we were fully potty trained by Aug 07 with no more nap or night diapers.
Our friends liked our idea so much they would bring their kids over and we would have a Panty Party Playdate.
We would let them run around in their undies and this way they could see each other go potty and get something fun out the treasure box.
Good luck!

Hi A.,
We are just starting the potty with my daughter (22 months) but we had some of the same issues with my son. He started early, (16 months) because he wanted to be like the big kids at daycare, but lost enthusiasm along the way. As long as I stayed on him, he was completely potty trained, but would never initiate going on his own. He would be so busy playing that he wouldn't stop on his own to go. (This was so annoying, since I knew he was perfectly capable) After the birth of our daughter (he was 29 months) he completely regressed. The pediatrician told us to completely back off for 3-6 months, (she said 6 is probably better) so we did since his entire world had just been disrupted. I would still occassionally ask if he needed to use the potty, but I never pushed it. We continued to use pull-ups/diapers for this time period. At this same time we were trying to find something that would be really motivating to him. (stickers and rewards/chocolate simply were not working for him). We finally discovered that he really wanted to go to preschool. We eventually told him, he didn't have to use the potty, but he couldn't go to school until he did, since no diapers were allowed at school. (We were not lying either, the preschool we planned on using didn't allow pull-ups/diapers). We got two mason jars. One he decorated with stickers etc, the other we filled with pebbles and left plain. Everytime he peed, he put one pebble in the school jar, every time he pooped, 3 pebbles. Anytime he had an accident (pee or poop), 1 pebble went back into the original jar. We didn't make a big deal about it. We would just say, oh, looks like you're not dry, you didn't make it this time, try harder next time in a regular voice. Then instruct him to remove a pebble. He knew that he had to fill up the school jar with all his pebbles if he wanted to go to school. My daughter was about 6 months when my son came to me (on his own) and said he was ready to use the potty. He went in and went on his own. I asked him if he wanted to wear underwear, he said yes, and we have been wearing underwear ever since (including night and nap). Not to say he hasn't had a couple of accidents, but not very many. Most of the time when he has an accident, it is when playing outside at a friend's house, because he holds it too long, then can't get inside to the bathroom quick enough. We just had to wait for him to want to do it. For us, school was all the motivation he needed. We quickly filled up that jar of pebbles and enrolled him in school. My suggestion for you is to back off, he may just be feeling too much pressure right now. Give it a break and then try to reintroduce it but let him take the lead. We used to tell my son to listen to your body as a reminder to pay attention to the urge to go so we weren't constantly asking him, do you need to go to the bathroom? I swear, when we asked him if he had to go, he just tuned us out and automatically answered no. Possibly find something that would be motivating for your son, so he has a goal to work towards. Lots of patience and love, my daughter is already testing my patience on this. I think I am going to wait a couple of months for it to warm up, then let her run around naked outside for a couple of days until she gets the hang of it.

HI A.,
This sounds terrible for both of you!! Have you been able to identify why he regressed from when he started at 20 months?
I can only tell you how we went about potty training our very independently minded daughter, who was able to go on the potty long before she would do it. We didn't pressure her. The Elmo "Potty Time" video was recommended to us and we watched that with her and talked about what was going on while it was on. We made a HUGE deal out of it EVERY time she went on the potty. Cheering, hugging, telling her how proud we were of her. We would ask her often if she had to go potty and if she said no we didn't force it. If she had an accident we didn't make a big deal of it. The positive reinforcement worked for us.

As far as the pooping part... we took her out of pull-ups or diapers except for nap and bedtime. She didn't like pooping in her underwear at all. Somehow it feels much different in underwear than in pull-ups. Two accidents and that was it.

It sounds like having your son in diapers and underwear is confusing. Have you tried getting rid of diapers all together? You could let him know that when the diapers are all gone that's all there is. Or, you could prepare him for the day that little boys don't wear diapers anymore. Set a date for yourself and let him know that it's coming and have a sort of special big boy day.

Good luck, and don't worry too much. Positive encouragement works better than shaming or punitive methods.I think we put too much pressure on kids to potty train. They are all different and some take longer than others.

Good luck!!

My son has been using the potty, though not consistently since he was 2. Now he is 3 and is pretty much potty trained with the exception of bowels. We have a chart up by the potty and every time he goes pee in the potty, he gets to put a sticker up. When he does finaly go number 2 in the potty, I have told him he gets to pick out a toy at the toy store, or he'll get the guitar that he always wants. My son asks sometimes also if he has a diaper on as an easy way to go to the bathroom. He pretty much just wears diapers during nap time and at night, or when he has to go number 2, he asks for a diaper. With the underpants, I found my son has had more accidents with the briefs. So I started putting "boxers" on him as they are looser and don't feel like a tighter diaper. He has had no accidents with the boxers. They don't sell boxers in his little XS size so I use the shorts that come with Carter's PJ's or knit loose shorts. I hope this helps!

I think your timing was right, this just happens to be a really stressful child to train and some are. Out of my experience, my two boys were hard to potty train, but yours seems more stressful. My youngest child, a daughter, seemed to be doing well with potty training, but reverted back to diapers and did not get out of them until she was 3 yrs. 2 mos. It may be stressful, but I say "stick with it", he will eventually get it.

Try, using pull-ups, for boys and have him pick out cloth traing pants, designs. Tell him that he proably would like to keep his new unders, dry and how proud you are of him when he is suceesful. Some children forget and soil, say no big deal and take the prssure off him. Do not go back to diapers.

hi there,
Is he home with you or at daycare??? I trained both my kids with the naked method. But it really only works if you're home alot. My oldest was trained at 21/2yr with some pooping issues till 3, but my yougest has been totally out of diapers since a little after 2. Only diapers at night.
Once you step foot in the house strip em down and let him go naked. Wont be an issue with being confused on what he's wearing. And usually a pee or two on his feet, instead of in a diaper and he'll stop that. When you go out put on underpants and just tell him diapers are for bedtime only now. They're smart he'll catch on fast.
Even thou my youngest has been trained for more than 6mo he still asks for his poo poo treats. (we never gave treats for peeing) Figure a treat a day isnt bad.....maybe change his treats to no accidents all day???
good luck

A.-
I don't think that you started too early. My daughter started about teh same time and has been fine, but then again girls are different. I would suggest using pull ups, so he thinks that he is wearing underware, and when he asks if he has one on... say no, even if he does and take him to the bath room right away. I would definitly stay on top of the potty training. Instead of using candy you could try stickers (dinosours or whatever he is into). Make a chart for each time he goes and when he gets say 5 he gets to pick a reward from the goody bag. (Small things like a rubber animal, I used play jewelery with my daughter). Then once he gets a few of those go for the whole day. If he goes the whole day without an accident he gets to pick a bigger toy, or a special treat. Then go a couple days in a row he gets to go get ice cream (my daughter got to go with me to the nail salon and got her nails painted). That way he has something to look forward to. You can make just a small chart and stick it over the toilet or on the back of teh bathroom door. Hope that helps!

My son was a little bit stubborn about using the potty. The only thing that finally worked is stopping the diapers (except at bedtime)and taking him every hour (even 15 minutes if he has a smaller bladder) Its two weeks of hell, but he will learn. We did this with our daughter as well and it worked like a charm. Hope that helps.