How Do I Keep My Sanity While Raising a Toddler?

HAAAAAAAAA HAAAAAAAA! HAAAAAAA! ROFL!!

Oh! I'm sorry- It's just that you mentioned sanity & toddler in the same sentence. Read "Siblings without Rivalry. Many insights...& It's 20% off weekend at Half-Price Books!

We're all with you, Deanna- but somehow or other we make it through!

D.

Wow! 2 years ago, I could have written that exact post :-). Mine are 22 months apart and I was almost 30 when the second was born.
Yes, it is hard to enjoy the moments, especially when you're sleep-deprived. You're not a bad mom, you're just a tired woman. I fully believe that the sleep-deprivation is the key to most of the stress/short-temper when you have 2 little ones like this. I promise there's light at the end of the tunnel. When the baby crosses that 8-hr mark at night, you'll feel like a new woman all of a sudden. In fact, see if there's a way you can take a night off here and there. Maybe your husband can take baby duty, maybe a grandma can come sleep in the baby's room one night and take over for a little while. Or maybe the 2-yr-old can spend a couple days with an aunt or grandma. We did that every couple months after our second child was born and man, were those breaks worth it. If you have family or close freinds near-by, it's ok to lean on them right now! Besides the grandma help, I have a couple close friends who would come by occasionally just to take my older child to the park for a little while.

You're definitely doing a good thing by getting up a little earlier. Even if I manage some alone time during afternoon naps, it's not the same as STARTING my day with a few minutes to just breathe, and spend time with God. There is no way to make it through parenting without regular communication with God. In about 6 months, when you have had some sleep and can read a book...I'm finding some inspiration in the book Sacred Parenting by Gary Thomas.
And it's GREAT that you can spend a few minutes with the 2 yr old. The baby is taking more time away from him than you probably realize, so figuring out a couple of little 15-20 minute intervals where he gets you all to himself is a great idea. It helps to remember that right now, the baby won't remember if she had to wait 15 minutes for a meal or a diaper change, but your son will remember and react later on to missing those 15 minutes. However, your toddler is not going to be scarred for life if you have more bad days than good right now. I often feel so guilty about that first year of my second child's life. I feel like I didn't give my firstborn the time and attention she needed, etc. But you know what? She doesn't know or remember a thing about it. Did she watch a TON of TV/DVDs that year (at least the first half of it)? You bet -- how else would I be able to feed the baby (or myself for that matter) or take a shower? Is she any worse for wear? No.

Your house will never be as clean as you want it to be right now. If you can afford it, hire help. If you can't, find a closet that you don't need to open very often and stuff things in it :-). I found it helps to use baskets. I filled book shelves in the living areas and kids rooms with baskets to make toy pick-up easier. Even though pieces and parts of things were scattered among different baskets, at least they weren't scattered on the floor. Then I got a big canvas laundry basket to keep in our bedroom. All the junk that I didn't have time to sort through got piled in there.

Also, one day I just had to ask God to help me let go of my frustration at the state of my house, and it worked. I still have to go back to that prayer, but somehow God has helped me refrain from having my skin crawl at the disorder.

I also realized that there is a direct trade-off between the cleanliness of my house and the amount of quality time I get with my kids. Even now, if my house is clean, the kids are likely grumpy and begging for attention.

2-yr-olds are their own special kind of creature and take tons of energy to deal with. Now that my oldest is 4 and the youngest is 2, I wonder how I even survived that year with a 2 yr old and a newborn! At least this time around, the other child in the house can get herself a drink and snack, and use the toilet without my assistance!
He's going to make messes, try to take control of any situation, and throw a tantrum at the drop of a hat. Do your best to give him some independence when it's appropriate, and make good use of a playpen or baby gate when he just needs a break (or you need a break from him!).
And, no, I did NOT try to get my 2 yr old to clean up her own mess, pick up toys, etc. It took too much energy to try to train/coordinate that. I did my own quick pick-up while she watched a video or napped. I waited until she was 3 to start on that and now, at 4, she can clean her room and make her bed independently.

As soon as the baby was old enough to really react and find pleasure in anyone but mommy, it was delightful to see the two kids together. No one could make my son smile and laugh like his big sister could. He watched every move she made and to this day things she hung the moon (yes, he even lets her dress him in tu-tus and runs around playing "princess" -- much to his father's dismay).

Anyway, I know this is a hodge-podge of advice, but I hope it helps.

Deanna,
Put a 1 year old in between the 7 week old and the 2 year old and I was you 14 years ago. I was 29, too! Seems so long ago. The good news is, I was not put away in a funny farm (yet), so there is a way to stay off the edge.

Here's what I did....

1. Get up early for alone time (You're doing that already).
2. Nap when the kids nap, no matter what! Even if you don't think you're tired. If they aren't in synch, get them there.
3. Get a job. And easy job that you can quit anytime. I did this, worked just 10 hours a week and it was GREAT! Non-mommy friends were good for me, as was using a different part of my brain. Don't expect to make money, just enough to cover sitting costs. It's good for you and the kids to be away from each other just a little bit. Try Barnes & Noble or a fill-in receptionist for lunch hour at a doctor's office or something like that.
4. Get rid of everything you don't need in your house so it's easy to clean. You might have to store stuff that you want for later. But boxing it up and getting it out is essential.
5. Have a mandatory date night with your husband. I paid big bucks to a sitter (no relatives around) that I trusted just so I could go out and enjoy myself and not worry. So worth it.
6. When the need to scream arises (and it will) practice screaming "I/Me" statements instead of "you" statements. It'll make you feel better to scream, "Messes make me crazy." rather than "You made a big mess!"
7. Remember when all else fails to keep you from melting down, that locking yourself in the bathroom and turning on all the faucets generally drowns out the screams for "mommy" and your own sobbing as well.

Good luck!

I'm raising an almost 10 month old little girl by myself, and I get completely frustrated sometimes.... Like I'm losing my mind. The only thing that really really helps me is to make sure to take at least an hour for myself every day. My sister watches my daughter for 1 hour a day just so that I can do something for ME.

Deanna,
As a mom of 4 I feel your pain! Our church is doing a Mom's connection. You can bring the baby and have the 2 y/o in the nursery. I did it last year and it was great- Mom's sharing ideas, "Mentor Moms" (Those who have been down this road) speaking on different things- we had a school principal talking about education, a time of recipe sharing, an olser mom that talked about time managemnt... Here is the web page blurb:
MOM + Connection

Join us for this chance to take a break from the routines of your days and have some fun and fellowship. Cost is $50/semester with childcare and $25/semester without childcare. Registration is required. Pick up your registration form at the church office. For more information contact ###-###-#### X 222 or email ____@____.com

Fridays -- 9:30am- 11:30am Room 210

Fall Dates:

September 14, 28 October 12, 26 November 9,30 December 14

Childcare by reservation only. Call 201

D.

magic pill= klonopin I love it! Lol... Sorry, you probably have to have an anxiety disorder to take it. It sure keeps me calm. :)

Join some moms groups or MOPS groups so that you can get YOU time too... you need it! We ALL need it. Spending time around little people will make you go insane if that's all you do all day long. YOu need to for YOU to socialize, let them SEE you socialize and they will be socialized in the process...

I know the MOPS group I am in meets 1st and 3rd Wednesdays at a church in Keller from 9-11 and it's a fantastic support resource. I've made some FANTASTIC friends through MOPS and love having the two hours of "adult time" those days to get to talk to other moms that are in my shoes.

You're so right. It is impossible to stay sane! I have a 20 month old and am exhausted between him and my pregnancy, especially with my husband working 70+ hours a week. I can't imagine what it will be like with two around! The one thing that has helped me tremendously is my moms group. Just yesterday I had to go in for an unscheduled OB appointment and I sent out an email to the group with only two hours to spare to see if anyone could babysit while I went. Five different moms, all of whom I trust completely, offered to help me out. It was so touching and comforting to know that these moms are all so willing to help each other out. And just taking my son to playgroups of course helps wear him out so he sleeps better!

You also might want to think about enrolling your oldest in am MDO. Most of them will let you do just one day a week. That would give you great bonding time with your little one.