New to Group

Updated on January 23, 2007
J.C. asks from Fort Worth, TX
10 answers

Hello My name is J. this is my first time to post here.... I just found out yesterday the after 6 years on my current job i will now be a sahm... which is very scarey but a welcome change for my family... any adjustment tips? i have a 3 year old and an 11 month old....

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M.F.

answers from Dallas on

I quit my job of 5 years in July of last year to stay at home with my then 2 yr old and 4 mo old. I have to say that I spent much of the first 6 months or so at home wishing I hadn't quit my job, and have thought it again several times since then! Staying home with kids is not something I thought I'd ever, ever, do. However, I'm beginning to realize the rewards of it (a whole year later!).
I'm not one of those sweet and emotional mamas who love every minute of home life and gush about my "darling little angels." When you're home with them all day you realize that they're darling and angelic about half the time -- if you're lucky. The other half the time you'll catch yourself thinking "I brought you into this world...." I really struggled with the fact that I didn't simply LOVE staying at home like so many other SAHMs seem to. Do I LOVE my kids? YES! Did I want to spend every waking minute with them? NO. Like the other moms said, definitely find a MOPS group or something for support/playdates. There will likely be a mom or two that you click with. If you can afford it, enroll your daughter in some sort of activity (gymnastics, dance, Kindermusik, Young Rembrandts, etc) or a mother's day out program. She's at the age where friends are important and if she's used to childcare with other children around, she'll likely be missing that sort of stimulation. Check the story time schedule at your local library for something fun to do that both kids will enjoy. If there's a story time specifically for kids your son's age, don't feel bad about bringing your "big kid" along. Not only do others do it too, but I've found that my daughter enjoys helping her brother learn all the songs and rhymes as much as he enjoys experiencing them.

Also, from the beginning, keep or get something for yourself. Build rest time or "me" time into your day. While my son was younger and still took a morning nap, I also had my daughter have "room time." He slept, she played, and I got to make some phone calls, work on Bible study or do anything else that I wanted to for at least an hour. Even after the baby dropped his morning nap, I maintained that sacred hour personal time. Afternoon nap isn't enough time to do everything I need to do, so this morning time is really important. I have also realized that the "me" time helps me be less exhausted when my husband comes home. If the kids suck all the life out of me, there's nothing left for him! And speaking of your husband, now is the time for guilt-free date nights. We didn't date much when I was working because we both felt guilty about leaving the kids. Now we have a "swap" with some friends and we go out every other Tuesday. On the weeks where we don't go out together, we rent a movie or play card games one night after the kids go to bed.

Also, I recently joined a gym and wish I'd done it sooner. I had no idea how rejuvenating it could be to spend a full hour doing something totally "grown-up" (the gym has free childcare where the darling little angels are perfectly happy).

If house work is a high priority for you, try to dampen your expectations. It's not often that you'll be able to spend more than 15 to 30 minutes on one task. I began my SAHM life with a lovely looking regimen of a different housecleaning task each day of the week: Monday laundry, Tuesday dusting, Wednesday floors, Thursday bathrooms, Friday was my day "off." Realistically, you need to do a load of laundry every day (but just ONE). And I have to think of dusting one piece of furniture at a time or in 15 minute increments. I vacuum if I think my black sweat pants have a little too much dog hair on them after rolling on the floor in a tickle-fest with my son, and the kitchen floor gets mopped when I can feel my feet sticking to it (which is more often than you'd think). I bought a lot of small baskets and containers to hold toys because it's easier for me and the kids to keep things picked up that way. And I'm just now realizing the joys of having 2 little "helpers" with household chores. My 3 yr old puts the clean silverware away and sets the table for dinner (silverware only). The 20 month old helps load the dishwasher (plastic dishes only) and the two of them are quite a team filling the washing machine and transferring clothes from the washer to the dryer. I had to let go of my ideas for getting things done quickly. House work, with helpers, is painstakingly slow. And I've learned to plan ahead -- it takes 20 minutes to load the car to go anywhere. If we're having company on a Friday night, I have to start cleaning the house (a tiny piece at a time) on Monday in order for everything to be ready by the time guests arrive.
I figured out that where I was in a rush, they were, literally, taking time to smell the roses (have to walk past them on the way to the drive way), learning about different sounds and textures, the differences between cause and effect, heavy and light, squishy and hard, stinky and not-stinky....
Yes, the cycle of never-finished mundane work will get to you. Just know that it gets to all of us. When it does, that's when we order pizza.

2 moms found this helpful
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A.D.

answers from Dallas on

For me like lots of women, It is a MAJOR adjustment. And, frankly, if you worked as long as I did... it's almost a complete identity crisis... you feel like you lose your identity in a way... but you have to realize there are ALWAYS places to work but that you're doing the MOST important work. It gets trying, boring, monotonous, and is a VERY VERY thankless job... but the benefits from this seed your sewing will be seen years to come... which kinda stinks but hey... who said life was easy huh?

Like other posters, find creative outlets... join a mom's group or MOPS group (I am in both and TOTALLY recommend this as it's been a WONDERFUL network and resource for me to get through the adjustment period).

I live in Keller with a 2 1/2 year old son and a 7 year old. If you get bored and want to go to a park or something -- shoot me an e-mail.

[email protected]____.com

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D.W.

answers from Dallas on

Hi J.!
Welcome to the world of SAHM. Personally I think I am more of a saty in the van mom, but that is OK!
It has been said, but I am going to say it again- find social outlets for you. Meet moms at church, the local library, parks... make sure you have some adult interaction.
I have made a game of saving money- what can I get on my buget? It kind of makes that a challenge. I have found now that I am home I have more time to cook from scratch, shop for bargains etc...
I always try and keep in mind that these are such small moments in time- the good abd the bad days. Yes, there are bad days! But overall I think I am doing what is best for the kiddos.
Give up on perfection- your house won't stay clean! I just pick a task and get that done for the day, and let the rest go!
Have some YOU time. Girls night out, join a book club, something!
Enjoy!!!!!!!

D.

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S.B.

answers from Seattle on

Hi, J.! Welcome to SAHM-ville! It has some absolutely wonderful, joyous and exciting moments....and then there are days where you will want to run away screaming back to work! Just know that you are not alone...we all have those days. And, then of course on that day, your husband will come home and ask why the house is so messy and tell you how easy you have it being able to stay home all day. Once he recovers from the beating you give him, leave HIM home alone with the kids for 15 hours and then see what he thinks!! LOL!!

Yes, find an outlet for yourself! Join a playgroup AND find something for you to do with out the kids! You will need a break, and you will need to remember who you are away from the kids! This will help you cope at home when the days seem like they will never end! I have a playgroup, I play bunko once a month with other women and I started doing Arbonne as an outlet for me to be me...and all of these things have helped me grow as a person and I have met some amazing new friends!

Shoot me an email if you want to chat, or get together with the kids for a playdate. I am in N. Ft. Worth/Keller area.

Talk to you soon!
S.
[email protected]____.com

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A.M.

answers from Dallas on

Congratulations on the blessing of being able to stay home with your kids! I've been home with my 3-yr-old since day one and I absolutely adore every moment!
I would recommend connecting with a moms group at a church nearby, like MOPS or something similar. Since you live in Ft. Worth - not sure what church is nearby....but feel free to google search it. Or if you see a church in your neighborhood -- call them or drop by to see if they have a MOMS group.
The MOMS Connection group at my church has been a lifesaver for me - mentally, emotionally, etc. I've been able to share my ups and downs with them; get reassurance that i'm not the only one that feels that way; and make new friends! This is a group that provides childcare for 2 hrs there at the church and in a large room near the childcare rooms; the moms gather to have breakfast, listen to a speaker on parenting/marriage issues; and then we have table discussion time to chat. It's been soooo wonderful to get advice from other moms and there are also Mentor Moms, older/wiser women, who sit at each table to offer their amazing advice.
Here's the MOPS website and they have a link to search for MOPS meetings in your area..... http://www.mops.org/
Congrats!

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S.R.

answers from Dallas on

Jenn,

I quit me corporate job 6 years ago to stay at home with my family. It is very scary this is a normal response, but it is also very rewarding. I am currently working out of my house to bring in some income. I have found a wonderful company that I can have the best of both worlds. If you are interested in doing something from home take a look at my website or please feel free to give me a call.

www.shannonryan.tohe.com
###-###-####

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L.W.

answers from Dallas on

I am new to this group too! Nice to meet you. Anyway, I am a stay at home mom and I love it. But, stay in contact with the working world (I did not) Enjoy every minute of staying home and join a baby and me class or some kind of mom group. It can be very lonely especially if your friends work. Have playdates for your older kids or take them to a MDO (love those!) The only big thing is sometimes your husband may resent you because you stay home with the kids and sometimes you may resent him because he has a life beyond your home. Work it out and have date nights and hang out with other couples! Have fun and enjoy your children's firsts!

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A.G.

answers from Dallas on

Hi, J.,

Being home with your children is so wonderful-- but can also feel lonely & isolating at times. I would highly recommend finding a group to belong to-- a few I can recommend to you are the Allen Early Childhood PTA or I am also in Mom2Mom at my church-- Stonebriar Community Church in Frisco. Both are great ways to connect with other moms. If you (or anyone else who happens to be reading this post) would like more information, email me privately and I would be glad to share more information.
Best of luck to you,
A.

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J.S.

answers from Houston on

Relish it. We are so lucky to be able to stay home and spend all that time with our kids. It gets boring and monotonous, but you'll be creative in finding things to do. Get on the internet and find all sorts of things to do with your kids. Sign up for GymKids or something like that. I've been at home for 5 years now, and I can't imagine going back into the workplace! Good luck!!

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M.S.

answers from Dallas on

I stayed at home with my 8 year old for the first two years which to me while they are babies you stay pretty busy with them and keeping house. I went back to work when he was 2 because he didn't need me as much and I was ready to go back to work. I work for 4 years until he started school so I could go back to school. So then between school and volunteer work at his school I kept busy until our daughter was born this past March. Now I stay pretty busy with my son's school. I would recommend since you have been used to being "busy" to work yourself a schedule that will keep you this way, but now you can include things you want to do. Maybe you haven't been able to cook big meals because of work so now you have the time to try the new recipes. If there are play groups that you would like to take your children to now you have time for that. I would find something that you can do with the kids that is something you enjoy and throw yourself into that. If you want to further your education this would be a good time because now most community colleges and universities have many classes you can take online so you can still be home with the kids and work towards something you want. Most importantly now that your life will revolve around the kids 24/7 don't forget to take breaks occasionally for "you" time. Even if the kids are now your full time job you still need a break. That is what I feel most guilty about because I feel since my husband is the bread winner I shouldn't bother him with watching the kids, but you don't want to burn yourself out because it is very rewarding having the opportunity to stay at home with your kids.

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