Help on How to Handle a New Mom, Who Is Trying to Nurse Baby

sounds like acid reflux or food sensitivity. keep upright as much as possible for at least 30 min. after feeding. tell her to check out dr. sears books or website and to wear in a sling as much as possible. she may need to do an elimination diet (dr. sears tells how, or look it up).
so sorry to hear it. tell her to go to a la leche league meeting. very helpful!

I have 3 kids and all are breast feed. With 2 and 3, they got fussy during fedding and came off the breast without eating much at one time. You could tell that they were hungry because they returned quickly just to pull away and start crying again. With the second, I stopped eat / drinking anything that was dairy or eggs. Now that included everything with milk or eggs in them. After a week, he went back to eating normally. I nursed him for a year and kept up the diet. With the third, I have been off of milk, eggs, wheat, strawberries, peanut butter, and tomatoes. We have know that he isn't allergic to all of these but has had a sensitivity to all of these. Now after 10 1/2 months on this diet, I am starting to add things back and he is doing great! Sometimes babies tummy are sensitive to foods. They just are not ready for them yet.
Dealing with your grand daughter, she needs love and support. She sees that there is a problem and feels like she if helpless. This is her child and she is suppose to be handling everything and she seems very sensitive able people saying anything. She might not want your help yet. But might find help from a friend. She sounds like me but she will eventually see that you do have more answers that she ever thought that you would have! Good luck and enjoy that new baby!

Hi B.,
My 8 month old daughter is breastfed and I remember (vaguely!) those early weeks being like that. I fed my daughter every 2 to 3 hours and held her constantly. That phase is pretty tough, but it does pass. From what I've read and heard from other moms, that is pretty normal. Give the new mom as much support as you can because she is pretty sleep deprived right now! A sling or pouch might be a good tool for holding the baby and having hands free. That worked very well for my family. Good luck, and congratulations on your joyous event!

Hi Brenda - If mom is getting upset with suggestions, you might want to tell her about my company Babble Soft - www.babblesoft.com. Our web and mobile software helps new parents keep up with breastfeeding, pumping, bottle feeding, etc. She can use our free trial to see if she can find patterns or track experimenting with different techniques and keep notes.

A.
blog: www.entrepreMusings.com

B.,
Some babies will use the breast as a pacifier. As long as he is gaining weight, growing, peeing, and pooping the baby is getting enough to eat. Sounds like he just likes to use your granddaughters breasts as pacifiers. She gets upset because it is a very touchy subject with new moms and the shear number of times she should have to feed him should decrease about 6 weeks. I have a 7 month old and I recall that I felt like between nursing and pumping I never got a break. If you are still concerned, ask her to bring this up at her next pediatrician appointment at 6 weeks. Just make sure the baby is still growing, gaining weight, and doing his daily business right now.

Hi B.,
Although you have good intentions, if she does not welcome your suggestions then I really think the best thing to do is keep them to yourself. You had your children and got to make decisions for them, and now that is her right with her child. Unless her child is in danger, just let her handle it. Constant unwelcome advice will only create tension between the two of you.

Hi B.,

I have an 18 month old little girl. It's so hard to tell and truly nursing can be so difficult. He could be allergic and need soy or rice milk, it could be that he's not getting enough, or any number of problems. It took my little girl several months to really get the hang of nursing, and it became a wonderful experience for us both. She nursed until she was 10 months old. We used a nipple shield, supplemental devices, everything...The best thing though, was one of the most wonderful lactation experts ever. Within one short visit, Iris drank 8 ounces, and we had an ongoing support system. Her name is Cheryl Heymans and she's at Special Addition Nursing Boutique ###-###-#### on N. Lamar caddy cornered from the Central Market near 35th Street.

I believe it was around $125 and she was a constant source of good advice and support, calling every 2 weeks to check in on our daughter and how she was doing and offer advice on eating and sleeping until she was around 6 months old or so.

I can hands down recommend this.

Hope this helps,

M.

It sounds like she is doing a great job nursing. I have a breast fed 3 month old and that sounds just how my little one was. The crying will subside, it sounds like he is a little gassy. As for wanting to be held, accommodate him, he will only be this small for a short time. I personally hold my babes about 22 hours a day, we are co-sleepers as well. Enjoy him.

I had a hard time nursing too. I had so many people telling me to do so many things, that I just rejected all advice. So tired, guilty and beaten up over being unable to help my baby.

The best thing I did as a nursing mother was to get a good lactation nurse to help me. I actually never met her in person, she would coach me over the phone and help me with all my questions (I lived in the Dallas area at the time). They can come out to your house as well. I don't know how to find one except possibly ask her pediatrician or hospital who they recommend. Nursing was NOT easy for me and I was not ready for how hard it would be. The nurse helped me through so much. Sounds like she needs some professional help and reassurance from a third party. I'd stay away from nursing "groups" for advice and stick with a good patient nurse who is qualified. Possibly you can do some research and then give her the information as she is probably so overwhelmed as it is. You're a good Grandma!!! :)

My nurse never charged me. She rented pumps and sold all kinds of nursing items so that is how I was able to pay her back.

He sounds perfectly normal. I nursed 2 babies and both of them got hungry every 2 hours and sometimes a little less. Mother' milk is good for them and easy to digest so it's natural that they are hungry often. I really enjoyed nursing so I didn't mind the every two hour thing but it got annoying at night when I was trying to sleep. The thing that helped me the most was just bringing my babies into bed with me. I played around and found some comfy laying-down positions and it got to where all I had to do was latch them on and go right back to sleep. :)
Tell her to hang in there! Sounds like she's doing a great job!

~M.

Hi there! Nursing every two hours at 4 weeks old is totally normal in my experience with my 2 babies!

This situation sounds just like my first born -- I found that he had colic for awhile and what I eat really made a difference. Foods to avoid - onions, garlic, cauliflower, chocolate. I don't know if the baby is spitting up alot or what. But my son would be fussy and want to nurse all the time - yet would spit it all up because he wasn't really hungry just wanted to suck - Also, some babies need the extra soothing that holding and sucking brings. It's only been 4 weeks - it will all get more routine as they both adjust. The mom and baby will be fine -- just learn all you can and WHEN the time is right - she will ask you a question and you will be able to give her an informed answer - but until then I know it is hard - but sometimes unsolicited advise is taken as criticism and I know that is not what you want to have happen. Introduce her to this website! Good luck and congrats.

Breastfed babies, like the other moms said, usually do eat every two hour at first. The mama's milk just digests faster. Not all babies take a passifier. My guy prefered my finger (which was a little inconvenient for a while) and then ultimately was a thumb-sucker.

I am always more open to suggestions from my mom or mother-in-law if there seems to be friendly advice without any guilt or judgment attached.

As far as a crying goes: Try to find a dvd or video called "the happiest baby on the block". The nurses showed my husband and I the video while I was still in the hospital after delivering my son. It has some great tips for soothing a crying baby including the 5 s's. Sucking, Shusshing, Shaking gently (to simulate movement in utero) and Swaddling (I can't remember the fifth). It was a really big help to us. Good Luck. And congratulations.

Hi B.,

I have a 4 1/2 month old little boy who I breasfed until about 2 weeks ago. Know that babies digestive systems take awhile to mature and especially in those first three months of life, babies tummies can hurt them quite a bit trying to process the milk. The mom might want to avoid milk and see if that that helps.

Now here is the real secret, let the mom know about mylicon drops (or off brand Infant Gas relief drops) These are a godsend and you can use them up to 12 times a day. Not at all harmful to the baby - they can even be given to babies in the Neonatal Intensive Unit.

However, when you offer the mom advice be supportive and suggest it in a way that is not telling her what to do. We certainly are sleep deprived. But more so I found that I lacked confidence in my ability to be a mom(especially if this is her first) so you want people telling you what you are doing great and not what you are doing wrong or what you notice wrong about the baby or the babies schedule. Good Luck! YOu are sweet to be so concerned.

Baby could be experiencing reflux and confusing the discomfort from the reflux as hunger, making him/her eat too much and in turn causing more reflux. The fact that s/he likes to be upright in order to sleep is a clue of some sort of discomfort being present when in a laying down position, which is the case with reflux and with other conditions (ear infections for example will often cause babies to hurt more when in a laying down position). I would advise her to check with a pediatrician who knows about reflux (some don't) to see if this is a possible issue for her baby. Baby should not need to eat more than every 3 hours unless he's not eating a full meal when he does eat and, if he DOES have reflux, he may well be regulating it himself by eating smaller meals more often (full meals can exacerbate reflux responses more than "snacking" type meals). One piece of advice the doctor would likely give if baby IS experiencing reflux is to continue to feed small meals more often rather than the more common thing to do with NON-reflux babies, which is to help them stretch out the time between feedings and eat full meals. Depending on how bad the reflux is in babies, doctors recommend everything from a little rice cereal with formula, to medication, to sleeping in upright postions, to keeping upright for at least 15 minutes after eating.....etc.....there are as many remedies as there are doctors and babies and each needs a combo of things usually.

Good luck!
L.

It's totally normal for a breastfed newborn to want to eat every couple of hours--breastmilk is so easy for babies to digest that it doesn't "last" as long as formula would in their tummies. So, no worries there! As for the crying, I recommend the book "The Happiest Baby on the Block" by Dr. Harvey Karp. It saved our lives during our daughter's first year, and gives great advice on helping soothe baby EVERY time. As for giving advice gently...that's the hard part. Even though you are a loving grandma who just wants to help, it probably feels to her that you are criticizing her mothering skills. Make sure you tell her how proud you are of her for breastfeeding and for all the good things she is doing, and maybe ask if you can offer some advice. Then she can make the decision whether she's in the mood to hear it and you won't have to worry about conflicts. Good luck and congratulations on being a great grandma. Wow!

Hi B.,

It's not unusual for a new baby to nurse every 2 hours, or even every one hour. My daughter nursed whenever she wanted to, sometimes that was every 30 minutes even, and the dr. said it's all ok.

My suggestion: Let mom and baby work it out between them, they'll figure out what to do.

That's wonderful that you are supporting her in her decision to breastfeed! Knowing it's the absolute best food for your grandchild, it's worth making sure all is well.

It's perfectly normal for a BF'd infant to need to eat every 2 hours. The milk digest quickly, so important to nurse when the baby is hungry. It's difficult to judge exactly how much milk the baby is getting per feeding, but you can be reassured the baby is getting enough if you have good output (8 or more wet diapers per day and at least one BM) and the baby nurses until satisfied at each feeding, which could be anywhere fro 15-45 minutes per feeding. The baby should seem content after a feeding. Also, if the baby is gaining weight well, then no need to worry!

You can help mom by soothing the baby between feedings, helping her recognize the true signs of hunger versus just needing to be held/comforted. We need to remember every time a baby cries doesn't mean they are hungry. However babies do need to suck to relieve stress, and if the baby doesn't take a pacifier, then mom is fitting that bill.

If you both are still concerned, contact a lactation consultant, either at the hospital where she delivered, or independantly... or la leche is a great resource too and it's free. Her pediatrition should be able to reassure all of you that the baby is gaining weight well and there's no need to worry!

Congrats on your new little one!

Shelley Scotka
Certified Childbirth and Breastfeeding Educator
Certified Birth Doula

My daughter had acid reflux until she was about a year old and then she out grew it. Her behavior was very much like what you describe. Big girl, hungry, fussy when you lay her down.
I would have her checked out by a pediatrician.
About giveing suggestions - I would say something like "I was talking to this woman and her baby was hungry all the time and fussy when she laid her down, she ended up taking her to her doctor and found out it was acid reflux. That poor baby, it must have been so painful. Thank goodness she went and checked it out."
Then you arent telling her what to do, you are merely telling a story about someone else.
Good luck, new moms can be so sensitive.
T.

hi there!
god bless you for loving those little ones so much!

breastmilk digests in about 15 minutes, so it's completely normal that BF babies are hungry often. also, if the mom is switching sides and not emptying each side fully, the baby may not be getting the "hind milk" which is the later milk. the foremilk is clearish bluish white and is low fat. the hind milk is much whiter, creamier and is high in fat. if the baby gets the hindmilk, he will be satisfied for longer. the little ones need the fats and the fats that come thru breastmilk are great for the baby.

take care! love on them...

:)
CB
blessed to be mom of 8

B.
Congratulations on getting a new grandson!
A breastfed baby rarely takes more than 3oz in a feeding - pretty much all their little bellies can hold. Also breast milk digests in about 90min, so eating every 90min-2hrs is right on. As the baby gets older these feedings will naturally space out. Giving a pacifier or bottle too early can cause nipple confusion.
As for the crying...some babies cry more than others. If he likes being held, then purchasing a baby carrier (ring sling, pouch) would be a good idea. Studies have shown that newborns who are held close to an adult (mom especially) can better regulate their body temperatures and their heart rates are more regular. If he likes being upright, perhaps he is a bit gassy. Many moms find that around 16wks, the baby learns to suck more effectively and won't swallow as much air (creating the gas problem).
As for how to handle mom...you've probably heard this before, but avoid "I" and "you" statements. "Something's wrong with him. I don't think you should have to nurse him every 90min."
Maybe instead
"I've heard/read that some moms have found xyz to be helpful..." and leave it at that. If she shows interest, great, continue the explanation. If not, then oh well...

There is an explicit understanding in our family between the adults that any advice given is just so the mom&dad have as much information to choose from as possible. Whatever mom and dad choose is final and the other adults in the family respect those decisions and abide by them as well (ex: no spanking).

I hope this helps - and if anything I wrote needs more clarification, please don't hesitate to email me.

K., mama to
Catherine, 4y
Samuel, 15m