Foods for 5 Month Old, and an Overbearing Grandparent

I have the same problem with my HUSBAND!! Ok so not as young but we have a very big family and my daughter was given her first lick of icing at 5 months by one of her aunts. I was really upset! She was Breastfeed and Expressed brest milk baby 100%. I then saw her try to give her another bite and I picked her up and started to talk to other people and so she was not able to put it in her mouth. It was very passive agressive but it worked. I also just started to say no thank you and when I got comments I would just smile and say nothing. Now when people try and give her something (10 months old now) that I do not want her to have I give them a bag of cherrios that I carry around. The only person that I have not been able to control is my husband but I can give him dirty looks and he stops. Good luck with this and eventhought it is really hard it will get better.

Oh my goodness, do I know how you feel ! I was fiercely protective about all things relating to my baby. I got many comments from my in-laws and finally shut them down by stating calmly BUT FIRMLY "you had your chance to raise your children. THIS IS MY TURN WITH MY CHILDREN. I know you'll understand and respect my decisions because I know you want to spend time with S" That ended that. Remain firm and know that we have more info now than they did "back in my day"...Now have a big laugh and write this stuff in the baby book. My best.

My local hospital does a class for grandparents on "becoming grand" or something like that. What my mom and MIL both got from it was to check with us before doing things and to defer to us for all choices. It seemed to help my MIL and mom both. You might check if your local hospital does something similar.

If you really do want to start solids now, then you might try taking something that you're okay with your son having next time you see you MIL. Sweet potato might be good for her since it's nutritious, but it a grown-up food. Banana could be a good option too. They're both great for new eaters!

And I don't think you're being overprotective or unreasonable as some responders have suggested. I didn't start any solids for my oldest, who's 27 months, until after she was 6 months and we are still very deliberate about what she eats and doesn't eat. A finger full of anything creamy wouldn't fly! Nor does anything with added sugar. Do what you feel is right for your son even if it's an unpopular decision.

How about a simple, polite, straight-forward, no-apologies, no-pussyfooting statement, like, "Grams, I know you did things differently when you raised your children. And I want you to respect our wishes on how we raise our child. No arguments, please."

Try this in front of a mirror. Say it calmly, without a tinge of anger, sarcasm, or apology in your voice. Believe that it is the most natural request in the world, because it is. You might be surprised how powerful and light it makes you feel. Then say it to her just like that.

If she starts to argue, repeat the last part. Don't be tempted to explain, argue, or beg; you'll only weaken your authority. You and your husband should agree to hold firm before the issue comes up again, and if he doesn't have it in him to challenge his grandmother's habits in this way, he should at least agree to nod to you if she looks to him for support.

If she resorts to attitude or other emotional tactics, just be pleasant and direct the conversation elsewhere, just as you would if your child were behaving in an immature way. The only way she can get to you is if you believe her will outweighs your (and your son's) legitimate needs.

You'll probably need to repeat from time to time. The woman has had a lifetime to live with her beliefs and habits, and she's simply not likely to change overnight.

You can do this.

Hi J.,.
gosh.. I feel different on this topic. it's always hard to tell 'the whole story' from what can logically be put in the post..

However, have you considered you might be a bit overprotective?
now - please don't get me wrong - I really do agree with all the suggestions you have received.

It's just that once you have a few more kiddo's you might appreciate grandma holding and taking care of your little one while you have a chance to visit with other adults. Cream and whip cream and just a lick or two of a candy don't seem too offensive.

with that said.. serious allergy offenders such as strawberries, peanuts, choc,. etc.. which definitely need to wait and be added one-by-one.

so instead of refusing to let grandma enjoy some time with your little one.. perhaps you could set some boundaries to which you both can agree on.

maybe make up a list of items you will be adding to your baby's diet and give grandma a chance to 'be the first' one to try it.. You could actually print it out and use it to talk about the 'boudaries'/suggestions for her.
& then You bring items to the next event knowing you will give it to grandma to feed baby. for example; the first time you try oatmeal cereal,. or some of the 1st foods groupings,or the teether biscuits ...

I know I had a list of which foods I was going to try first and had them in the house way before baby was ready.. :) it was such an exciting time.

All the best.
-marg.

p.s. I too had a husband who wanted our babies to try everything ALL the time ;)

Aargh.
So sorry for you!
It's wild; our parents/grandparents sometimes see our parenting choices as affirmation or rejection of the things they did.
I'd find a nice line to repeat to her about how things seem to change so much from generation to generation. That you get lots of advice from your pediatrician/nurse/whomever.
Laugh if you can when she says obnoxious things; agree with her! Say, yea, I know it! - my mom tells me she never even had me in a car seat, and now it's the law! I'm sure my daughter will do things differently from me, too . . .
If she doesn't back off, or does things behind your back, you'll have to get really firm and let her know that you and your husband expect her to respect your parenting choices. That you really need her support and want her to be around, but don't want to have to justify your own choices.
Hang in there.

Just a couple of points since I see no problem with what she is doing but I am in the minority here. Why then all the book on "Old School Remedies" if the old ways were so terrible. Then to kind of explain Julia F's response of obesity and diabetes it is because manufacturer's changed the way they make processed food (and there is a ton more of it now then even 20 years ago) to appease people ie: no animal fat for the hindus, no trans fat for everyone else, and food is actually unhealthier then it was in their day. So tell you GrandMIL that society ruined all of the formulas and food is less safe today then it was in their day and that is why babies can only have breastmilk. Preservatives are killing us. What does she see you eat, those things she wants to feed your kid? Because that alll ends up in the breastmilk too.

I hear ya!! I got the same thing. My daughter is now 16months and I feel more confortable if she gets the occational junk from relatives. But when she was small it almost sent me to panic. My in laws are from a different culture and have many babies around at all times, drinking soda in their bottles and licking oreos at 5 months. I recieved plenty of teasing, eye rolling and critisism...still do. But I just shrug it off and don't try to explain to them why because that gets nowhere. Its like a tug of war as to who is right. Do what you think is best for your baby, don't worry about offending others to acheive that, and smile and nod. Good Luck.

Ugh... Totally frustrating! Good for you and your hubby, though! I never had problems with my own parents, they fully respected my wishes (even if they thought it was silly, they'd never tell me!), but I had similar issues with my husband's family. What always seemed to go over pretty well with the older generations was saying that we didn't want to give our daughter sweet tasting foods because she'd like those tastes and not want veggies and healthy foods. It's very logical and doesn't make it sound like you know better and are doing better for your baby than she did for hers. Hope it helps!

Good luck!

Stand your ground!! If she doesnt like it, thats to bad. Yo are doing whats best for your baby. So much more is knowm about food ellergies and what not these days than there was when grandma was a mom, she doesnt always know better. Just keep in mind you are doing what is best and if she doesnt like it, to bad.

i didn't read all of the advice but i didn't see one that suggested that you have your husband confront your MIL. it will go over way better and it will take out the 'bitchiness' that your MIL may have interpreted if you had told her yourself. i had the exact same problem that you did but once my husband explained that we're doing it our way, my MIL backed off. it was obvious that she didn't agree but she shut up. my mom was better about not inserting her opinion but i could tell she thought some of the things we did were weird. i.e. cutting up grapes so my baby wouldn't choke.

the eye-rolling is really disrespectful. i'd have your husband ask her to knock that off too but if she keeps doing it, you'll have to point it out to her yourself that she's being really rude.

good luck and don't compromise on doing what you feel is right for your baby!

I wouldn't let my kids eat any solids until they were about 6 months old either and when it was time, it was only nutrious stuff. There's only so much room in his tummy and it's important that good stuff gets in, not "extras." Plus you don't want to set them up for prefering those "extras." So I'm totally in support of what you're doing and I don't think anyone has the right to call you overprotective; you're just being a great mom.
On how to handle your grandma-in-law, I would simply state to her that it's too bad that more studies weren't available in her day. Diabetes, allergies, etc. are so much more prevelent now and that you're doing your part to protect your son from developing any preventable health problems.

Honestly, there's no way to explain it. My M-I-L, whom I still adore, constantly tells me I feed my kids too much bread, and then when we come to visit she buys five or six loaves of bread and does all she can to try and pack it into all of us. I finally discovered that what really freaks her out isn't "bread," it's that we are mostly vegetarian (we do eat fish), and deep down she's worried that our kids are missing out on steak, etc.

Nothing you say will get her to stop rolling her eyes, and she will always firmly believe that you are being dorky and overprotective. I would suggest just taking the eye-rolls, not explaining anything. Just say no. Think of her as a child herself (and goodness knows you're going to get plenty of eye-rolling from your kid once he gets older!), and don't bother trying to convince her. Just make it very clear that YOU are in charge, that no matter how things "used to be," they aren't that way in your family NOW, and that is what matters. As long as she is willing to stop the hand going into the baby's mouth, you'll still be fine. just don't be afraid to make it clear who is boss.

You can still have a great relationship with her. I do with my M-I-L. But I finally had to sit down with her and tell her to stop the food talk, that it ticked me off and she needed to just back off. And you know what she said? "But you do everything else right? What am I supposed to boss you around about?"

This is a minor thing--and it means grandma loves you and thinks you're doing fine. If this is all she can come up with roll her eyes about, you are doing very well indeed! Keep up the great work!

Hi J.,

I just wanted to say I'm fully in support of you and your decisions, as well as your right to make those decisions. I'm so surprised that people are saying you should relax. That's your baby and his health! And it's your kid to raise. As for it not being harmful to let him have one finger of cream, as someone who was severely allergic to dairy when I was little, it can be. It probably wouldn't be if it's just once, but then it sets a precedent that it's ok to ignore your boundaries, so it likely wouldn't be just once. I like the suggestion of saying, "you had your chance to raise your kids, and this is my chance to raise mine." At any rate, good for you for posing this question, and I wish you much luck.

Best,
L.

As frustrating as it can be, you need to stay strong and keep saying "NO" to your grandma in law. She probably means well, but it is YOUR decision, and it's the right decision, to breastfeed only, and start rice cereal only. YOur baby is on the right track with what he should be eating. My baby is also 5 months now. I don't give him anything else, just breast milk and starting with rice cereal. YOUR baby's health is more important than what Grandma is feeling or thinking. Simple as that. Be strong and just say NO.

Oh me oh my - welcome to my world. It drove me CRAZY! To the point where I didn't want to visit with them.

Here is the deal - each and every time you say NO to your mother in law doing it her way - you are telling her loud and clear "Your way is wrong, you raised your child wrong, you don't know what you are doing." AND you are probably right. We've come a long way from giving children rum for a soar tooth, honey for a cough...lots of things HAVE changed, but our elders don't see it that way, they just see it as you vs. them in the child rearing department.

You need to repress your anger, vent else where otherwise your relationship could splinter with your in laws and with your husband who now has to defend both of you. NOT a fun place to be for a man. You may be right, but that is ALL you are going to be, with a grumpy in law and a grumpy husband.

Keep saying no, politely, explain again about teeth, digestive stuff and all. Remain polite when she rolls her eyes at you. Then throw her a good line.

I know things have changed with raising babies and in life and thank goodness because now I have a dish washer and a washing machine and amazing baby gagets - woooooh, I don't know how you used to do it. Hand washing cloth diapers - YUCK! We've got it made these days with our baby gear and clean ways. Not to mention tons of useful, educational material on the internet. Can you believe that less then 30 years ago there weren't car seats for babies, oh my goodness. And so many babies died from giving them honey.

And and and and and - you list could go on for years. Life has changed and we need to change with it. BUT, don't let that cause you to have a strained relationship. Your baby will grow, but if you let this fester your relationship with your in-law will not. Keep it nice, keep it clean, try NOT to get personal.

Positively glad there has been change - I wouldn't be alive without it.

M.

Little about me:SAHM to a wonderful 6 year old, married to her daddy for 16 years. Had open heart surgery 3 years ago. MY IN LAWS WHERE THE ONLY ONES TO HELP DURING MY SURGERY.

She should not be feeding your child anything you don't want him to eat but since when is whipped cream junk food?
You sound like a new mom who is a little over protective( as we all are). Maybe you could come to a compromise with her and let her feed him something you approve of.
Those old school grandmas are hard to deal with. What is the old saying "you cant teach an old dog new tricks"...lol
I hope you work it out.

It may be coming across to her like you think you are smarter than her, and think she was a bad parent. Play the roll of overprotective parent. Just simply say that your doctor says he can't have anything but milk and cereal until he is 6 months. Or whatever. Blaming it on the doctor will be less offensive to her. If she still comments on how it was in her day, just state that medical advances have come a long way since then, and research has shown that feeding babies solid food too early can damage their digestive system causing allergies. She cannot deny that we have an incredible amount of allergies in our population! If it starts to get out of hand, just say that you want to do what is best for your little guy, and your policy is better safe than sorry.

Honestly, that much cream, whipped cream, even peppermint, - not gonna hurt your babe. Except in the extremely rare case of a true allergy (unlikely to be to milk), an finger full of anything really isn't going to be a big deal. So, first off, i'd suggest you relax.

I had grand plans of introducing all organics, etc. etc., and my daughters first swallowed adult food was a thin-mint cookie. *shrug* She's fine. The truth is, she is going to eat some junk when being 'spoiled' by her aunts and grandparents, and it didn't stop with the first bite - its going to keep happening whenever our daughter isn't eating with us alone. Life is easier if we accept those occasional treats for what they are.

All that said, the best advice i've read goes along the lines of 'I know that doctors used to recommend feeding like you did your kids, but our doctor, right now, has recommended that we stick to this approach because recent research has shown that it is safer to wait to introduce some of those other foods.' If she queries further say something like 'Most kids really do just great with your approach, but because allergies are on the rise, doctors are modifying the rules to meet the new realities.'

I like the advice because a) it recognizes that she did the best she could with her kids instead of implying that she was negligent with them, and b) it means your doctor is responsible for the decision, not you, so its not worth arguing with you.

Good luck. Its not easy to compromise without families on these things.

Since its your hubbys mom, I'd say its his job to sit down with her and have a talk about respecting you as parents of this baby. I don't know if that will help, but its always a good idea to lay down the expectations.

Second, since she may not listen, this is a great chance to practice being firm without being overwhelmed by people who won't listen to you. (Yes, it's only a few months away..) Simply look at her and say, "No, he cannot have that" and ignore the comments and eye rolls and smile because you ARE the mom and she can't take that away or override you.

Also, I'd try to set things up so that she isn't close enough to the baby when she has food to offer it to him without you being able to see.

I felt the same way about food when my girls were little. I'm glad I was careful, because one of my daughters was allergic! To bananas of all things!! No one we've ever heard of was allergic to bananas and it was the first fruit we gave her (after doing the cereals for awhile and then vegetables for a bit). If we'd been giving her whatever all the time, it would have been harder to make the connection.

That being said, however, if she does get something in your baby's mouth when you're not watching once or twice, he likely will be fine. It's not great for him, but I've heard stories of all sorts of things.. My husband's grandma tells me that when she had her first child, she caught her husband giving the baby a chocolate bar - letting her suck on it at one WEEK old. She was horrified, but Aunt Kissy is a great-grandmother now.

Keep going how you are, but try to be firm but calm with grandma and don't worry if something gets by you. Good job!!

I haven't read the other comments yet so this may be a repeat. I just wanted to say you are not alone. I think it is a common frustration for moms right now and really probably always. I remember with my first my MIL tried to first give our 7 month old guacamole and then Pepsi when we went out to dinner with her. I about went through the roof. I couldn't understand how anyone let alone a mother would think those were okay foods to feed a baby. My mom also did the whipped cream and chocolate sauce on numerous occasions. I just stood my ground and blamed a lot of it on the doctors. Ex: "well the doctors say with all the children showing up with allergies and other different symptoms at such an earlier age that it is better to hold off on such and such foods for a longer period of time. They are hoping more research will be done so they can figure it out but for now it is better for us to be safe than sorry. We would really hate for little one here to develop an allergy to dairy when it could have been prevented by maybe waiting to introduce those foods until he/she is older. I know it is different than what you are used to but we really just want to keep our little one safe/healthy. I know it's kind of a pain but, we have to do what's best right??" I got a lot of flack but when I laid blame on the doctors it took some of the you were wrong mom and I am right feelings away and seemed to ease the situation. I still had to have a very watchful eye because it seems like they are always trying to sneak them something. Good luck!

I agree with you, she is your baby. This Grandma seems overbearing and rude to think it is okay to keep trying.

I personally would tell her that yes back in her day babies had everything, but now there are so many preservatives in foods that the best thing for your baby is breast milk and baby cereal, she can't digest people food at this point, even a little taste.

My nephew was given baby cereal at a month and ended up having digestive problems. That's why we listen to our pediatritions as to when they are ready for solid food.

Good luck and don't feel quilty for continuing to tell her no!

I would avoid situations that involve food and your grandma in law until your baby is at least one year old (or more).

I suppose this will be really hard, as most gatherings will involve foods.

With my son I avoided both candy and ice cream (even the ice cream truck) until he was 4 with help from my very health conscious mom.

I think you will be able to do this. It sounds like you have a lot of support with from your husband.

Dr. Sears has a nice way of handling this, which is something along the lines of: there's been a great deal of research in the last 10-15 years that has made new information available to us so that we can make continually better decisions for our health (a big thing they're relating the early food introduction to is these insanely reactive food allergies. Also it's obviously more comfortable for the baby as their digestive system develops). Also you might want to mention that the oldest and best evidence that exclusive breastmilk is important is the fact that our species has survived for so long with it. It's only in the last 70 years or so that we thought to mess with that. And between you and I, your mother in law probably has no idea what was done for her when she was a baby.
Best wishes!

We had similar problems with my mom when we had our first son. The little guy's first taste of "real" food was cream cheese frosting at about 5 months. The only things that really helped were to make it wbout us, not about her, and to explain that different is not necessarily better. She might be thinking that by doing things differently yourselves, you're implying that she did something wrong. We said that yes, we might be overprotective, but it made us feel better to follow current recommendations and we hoped that she would respect that. I did have to also remind myself to relax. Certain things are unacceptable for babies (hard candy) but a tiny taste of whipped cream probably won't do any harm. Good luck!

Hang in there and stick to your guns! I got some grief for my feeding choices also.

"I know that may be okay, but I'm not comfortable with it. You got to do what you wanted with your kids. Now I get to do what I want with mine. Not having sugar won't hurt him." ;)

Grandma likely wants to feel loved and needed and important. It's great that you are spending time with her! Maybe when she starts saying "In my day we gave them ...", ask what else they did "in her day". I'm sure she has some great stories! You can take them for just that: stories.

Also, I would tell people that I needed to closely monitor exactly what went into my baby so if he had an allergic reaction, I knew what it might be. My kids have various food allergies -- some detected at 3 weeks old through elimination diet on my part, others only after allergy testing at age 4.

Good for you! You are doing a great job!

Just my 2 cents... when she states: "Its a wonder any adults are alive right now, cause in my day we gave babies tastes of everything." You can come back to her (politely, of course) "and just look at the rate of obesity and diabetes in adults."

We go through the same stuff all the time. Imagine my horror when I had to firmly say no to someone trying to give my son peanut butter. All I tell people is that research says that the reason there are so many food allergies and such is because foods were introduced at the wrong time. If that doesn't work then I use the "because I'm the mom" remark. At the end of the day, it's your decision because you are the parents. It's not going to get easier. We had to set up some "rules" and talk about how because we are BRaeden's parents, we decide what he eats, not anyone else.

Tell her that your pediatrician has said no table food, only breast milk or rice cereal until a certain age. Make up the age. People usually respond to the dr. said such and such. I would also tell her if she would like she could call your pediatrician and talk to them. My pediatrician said she would field phone calls if neccessary.

It sounds like she might spend alot of time with you. My suggestion is maybe offer to let her come with you to the 5 or 6 month well baby check and have the doctor mention the new rules for food and babies. She can feel special by getting to go to the appointment with you and she might learn something too.

Good luck I know it is frustrating

How frustrating for you. I always feel like I have to be respectful to my elders, but it just leaves me feeling disrespected in return. She needs to respect your wishes for your child. But good luck getting her to understand. My fathe-in-law once gave my baby soda!!! He would never do that with my sister-in-laws kids! We had a few words and he is must more understanding of my feelings (doesnt mean he doesnt sneak things behind my back, but at least he doesnt flaunt it in front of me). My Grandmother in law once asked at breakfast if my daughter could have eggs (she was 9 months at the time), I told her yes, a little...she then proceeded (before I realize what was happening) to give her a bite of RAW egg yolk! HELLO: maybe I needed to be more specific! Anyway, I am sorry that you are having to deal with this grandma wanting to sugar up your baby, all you can do is continue to politely decline. :) Blame it on yourself being overprotective if you have too... Best of luck to you!

wow, i got really angry just reading your post so i don't know how you are keeping it together. 5 months is a bit early for any foods as i don't recommend to my patients to introduce solids until 6 months, and then avoid dairy, meat, wheat, soy etc until 10-14 months. perhaps you should say something like this to grandma "I know you want him to get to enjoy lots of foods, and when he is older he can, but our doctor recommends blah blah blah..." Then you could add something about how we are one of the most unhealthy nations in the world, mostly because of the foods we eat. "Her day" has lead to heart disease, diabetes, cancer and you want a future for your sweet baby that is free from these illnesses.
If that doesn't work I would stop spending time with her. your baby should be surrounded by people who nurture him and have his best interest in mind.

as an aside, you should check out the book "Feeding the Whole Family" you can get it at the library or powells and it is amazing!! it will help you establish healthy eating habits for your sweet son right from the get-go, and help the whole families nutrition as well!!

HI-
I think this happens all the time and everyone has had to deal with it. I love how Jeannette put it. Blame it on the doctor and that times are different. And your husband needs to do it as it is his grandma.
I know it is so hard to ignore the eye rolls and the comments. I had so many of them just from my mother in law. But just remember, you are the mom and you are doing what is right.
I one time just looked at my MIL and told her this is my turn to be a mom and when I needed advice, I would ask. She finally got the point.
Good luck and try not to get frustrated.

Go with the "he is our son" approach. She is never going to believe that the junk is bad for him as she turned out all right! She can think whatever she wants, but you are the parents and you make the decisions as to what is best for your son.

One response I've heard is to say, very tongue-in-cheek:
"You had your chance to screw up your children your way, now it's my turn!"

It's also been suggested to "blame your doctor". Tell her that the Ped said it's not okay to give him anything except breast milk. That takes the burden off both you and your husband.

I agree with the other posts. Lovingly have your husband tell her that studies today show that babies don't need anything other than breastmilk until at least 6 months, and if she doesn't want to do what you think is best, then she doesn't have to see the baby. (grandparents change their ways, when that priviledge is taken away). (Have him do it, since it's his parent, and will likely be taken better)

Hello J.!

OH MY! Firstly, your husband should take Grandma to the side and let her know he knows she is showing her kind of love for BABY. However, in this case, it would so be appreciated if she did not give baby anything that she does not check first. Babies have the right to have the best start. If he tells Grandma that the reason for this is allergies. Babies need to be given same things in constancy , and changing from Mother's milk to rice milk is the first new adjustment.

If he doesn't do it; maybe you could say something like...Hey Grandma! I love you no matter what and I need to ask a great favor of you. I know you love baby so much and want to give treats. The reason we don't like you to do that is: (state the above). Dr's orders. After one year old , or whenever, the extra little treats will be fine.

How's that?

Best!
J. in Port Townsend. I am a Grandma . I would not ever give a new baby anything but the constancy ordered and certainly would not have appreciated anyone giving my babies things they very possibly are not ready for.

I would like to say that I like all the advice on how to gently remind grandma it's your choice...and wanted to add that I would not consider taking away the privilege of her seeing the grand baby over this. That is just plain mean when things really can be resolved with communication. Be empathetic to how she raised her child, as it was her choice/options back then. Maybe you could start a conversation about the difference in what was done back then vs now, but in between times that she tries to feed the baby so there can be calm dialogue about it rather than a huge emotional tug on both sides. Good luck:)

She needs to respect yout boundries, end of story.

Unfortunately, I don't have a lot of advice for you other than to stick to your guns. I have the same issue with my MIL and she can be very pushy when it comes to what she thinks I should do with my child. I ignore what I can and choose my battles. If it comes right down to it, my child is more important than not making her mad or hurting her feelings. Unpleasant, but I'll live. I'd be interested to see what other people say here...I could use the advice myself! Good luck.

Sounds like you've gotten some pretty good advice so far. I use the "my husband and I are the parents and we decide (with my son's doctor) what is best for him and when." Since it is you're husband's grandma maybe he could step in more, if he hasn't already. Or try getting your mother- or father-in-law to help out. If all else fails, limit the time your grandmother-in-law spends with your son.
Although it doesn't make it any easier to deal with, generational diffences are common. My father tried to take my (at the time) 2yo son for a drive without a car seat. Even when I explained that it was against the law he still acted as if I was overreacting.
Also, I know that it gets very hard to keep your cool in these situations but you're likely to gain more respect if you do.

Good luck!!!!