My son turned 5 in March and we are still dealing with frequent tantrums and crying. One minute he will be fine and the next he will have a meltdown. The meltdown can be about the smallest little things like his napkin falling on the floor!! I am at my whits end and I don't know what to do to get him to gain control. Am I expecting too much? Is this typical 5 year old behavior?
I want to thank everyone for their responses. I ended up sitting down with my son to have a "discussion" on his behavior. I explained that his tantrums are totally unaccepatble and he will be punished each time he has one. We agreed that is he has a tantrum before rest time, he must lay down in his bed and rest instead of playing quietly in his room. If he looses control after rest time, he has to go to bed 30 minutes early. I can't believe how much this has worked!!! He has only had 2 tantrums in the last week. Let's hope the trend continues. I hope everyone else with kids that upset easily can find a solution too=) Thanks again.
Hello T.. I still go through this with my 8y/o daughter at times. She has hers the most often when she didn't get enough sleep. She will wake up have "temper tantrums" about little things. She also had them really bad until recently when she stopped getting her way from people. Up until that time she would throw one and get her way. When she stopped being "rewarded" for the tantrum they slowed down tremondously. Best of Luck!
Could be lots of things (as always - it's never easy playing detective!)... but here are a few ideas:
1) too little sleep
2) developmental phase
3) undiagnosed food allergy or intolerance (any signs of eczema/rough patches on his skin? bowel issues? circles under his eyes?)
To do a little more research and see if your son's behavior suggests too little sleep or food allergy issues, check out these books (usually available at the local library):
Kurcinka's book "Sleepless in America"
Dr. Rapp MD's book "Is This Your Child" (food allergies?)
Ames' book "Your 5 Year Old" (developmental phase?)
http://www.nncc.org/Child.Dev/ages.stages.5y.html
Hope this helps!
I am going through the same thing and I have no clue either. Can someome give me an answer too!!!!!
Well, your son is 8 now. I came to this question because my daughter is 3 1/2, and I was wondering. Reading some responses, I feel the answer is sleep. Also, to have a good mood toward their anger or sadness. They are still developing cognitively and their reaction is very superficial. How do I know it is superficial. Because children will change very quickly their emotion. Also, common sense we can see if it is not serious.
They will learn subcousiously and be influenced by our reactions toward them. We should not get angry with their anger, rather we should be light, and if possible cheerful, happy, curious and focus on something else, as their anger issue is not necessary anyway, and we want it to go away. They will feel freer and easier to move on from their anger if we act with cheerfulness toward them, letting them feel good about life, instead of judged badly.
Another technique is structure. Give them choice. They will learn from choice in deep ways. If they want to behave badly, they must do something. This is like time out. But I get concerned that time out teaches negative reactions to being alone. Being alone can be a positive experience, which is really what we want them to have. We want them to have some time alone to clear their head, but how to teach this positively? So I avoid time out, and ask something else. Or just talk about something else anyway, since I really don’t want to give attention to their badness.
If possible I keep it simple, like ask them to pick up the napkin they dropped. But that really isn’t the issue, is it? So I rather talk or do something else, and try to focus on the simple possible root causes, like sleep, food reaction, room or body temperature, environment, need to get outside.
We now have 3 boys. Our 5 year old has always been a bit more sensitive than his little brothers, but his recent (last 6 months or so) behavior changes toward us all has made parenting extremely challenging. He won't be quiet in "time-out"; he coughs, burps, farts at/on people; he cries when he drops a piece of paper like it's the end of the world; this morning took 2 hours to eat his breakfast (a child size plastic bowl of cereal and no more than 8 oz of chocolate milk, both per his request!); etc. You get the idea. We are beside ourselves! We cannot imagine how it will be getting him off to school in the fall with this behavior. We have already made him go without eating the rest of his breakfast/lunch/dinner for the day (does not seem to care, even with no snacks), have gone out of our way to make behavioral treatments seemingly the same between he and his 2 year old brother (separating them rather than "blaming" one or the other), and everything else we can possibly think of, all to no avail. We have decided it is: an age thing, a personality thing, or something we are doing. Since we haven't been able to figure out which (or which combination) we are flailing in a sea of behavioral misery at our house. A support group for this would be great!!!
My 5yr old son does the same thing!!!!! I know how you feel nothing can get through to them when they're like that. I think it is typical at there age it seems to happen more when he's tired. I just let him have his minute and then explain to him that Mommy has no idea why he's crying & he needs to relax & use his words. It does get better and it seems like it's over night. I did explain to him very simply that when people are screaming and crying that usually that means they are hurt really bad or maybe even bleeding like if he was playing outside and scrapped his knee it's ok to cry like that, but when he's ball rolled away from him that's not a good reaction. I do feel if you talk to them useing simply words but in a young adult way not babish they do grasp it. They are only 5! I always hear your so patient with him it takes alot of DEEP breaths lol...
Hey T., I have a 3 yr neice. She can have tantrums too. I think it just might be the age. Alot of times when my neice has them it is beacause she is crabby.
I hope this helps.
My children our grown, and past their young ages, but you still remember how things were. Alot of times the meltdown for little things is because they didn't get enough sleep the nite before or they still need naps, you can judge for yourself as the mother if this is the case. Sometimes boys need more sleep, and naps longer, I believe because they have more energy, and our more active then girls as a rule. My son is now sixteen, but when he was little was very active. I learned early on that if he stayed up past 8:30 he gained this new burst of energy, and wouldn't settle down or go to sleep easily, so I faithfully made his bedtime 8:00, no matter where we were at or what we were doing he was bathed, and in his bed on time. Both my kids had a set bedtime, and sometimes its not easy, but this is how they had a better day, and weren't crabby, or overly sensitive to things for no apparent reason. As far as tanttrums mine never really did this, but from watching others, and reading about parenting( their's alot of good books with ideas) I learned that this is how they get their way, and control of you, and you have to let then know early on that it's unacceptable, and find a punishment that bothers him, and stick to it! My son's was time out, and it taught him to control himself, if he tried to get up it was longer, they catch on. Good luck, I hope my experiences helped you some. Their's no manual to being a good parent, and raising children, just your instinct and feelings of if what you've choosen is working. If not try another way until he understands, kids now a days are very smart, I have a 51/2 yr. old grand-daughter and she has a strong personality, and trys to be in control too, but I just don't let her, and she knows how I am with certain things!
Well, I will start by saying I don't have any answers, but there is something to be said about comfort in numbers. My son will be 5 in June and my daughter will be 2 in a few weeks. My son does the EXACT same thing, although I don't think it's "normal" at this age.
I am also at my whits end, so if you get any good advice please pass it along. Keep your head up and know that a good day (or minute) is just around the corner! : )
T. and Marisol,
My son is exactly the same age. Reading your question actually made me feel better because I was starting to think it was just my son and that I somehow failed as a mom!! We should start a support group!!
H.
Hi T., I have been a pediatric nurse for 27 years. I know a "little" about behavior in children... I also have 3 children of my own ages 21,18 and 14.I can tell you that above all things, the best advice is to LOVE you children no matter what and don't pay any attention to what "we" the public has to tell you... Go with your "gut" instinct about disciplining your children and do what you feel is right.Please don't have too many expectations from your children. Structure is great for children. They need it and crave it. It helps keep them grounded.I noticed you made a statement about a "napkin". Loosen up a little... teach him etiquette later in life... JUST LOVE HIM NO MATTER WHAT...
