I have a girl age 9 I have always seen her as a sweet little girl who hasn't ever got into trouble! That is until the last year or so. First off I had found a stash of things that were not hers. Some was from me, some other family members, and some from a close friend of mines house (she also has a daughter the same age and a boy two years older). We went and gave the items back, she apoligized, I put her in coulseling... I really haven't seen any more of that. I now have her texting the little girl her age at her house and calling her very bad names! I have taken her things away as a punishment. Now I am scared what is next. My perfect little girl who was just super sweet is turning into a monster!
The only thing I can say is both of the other kids have hurt her feeling also as she has hurt theirs I don't see any type of harm being done to her.
I must say wow to so many taking time to answer me. We do have a counceling appt. this week and hope to have a new view after that! I have taken the I Pod away she was texting with and she now knows that she is not aloud to have this for a while! When she gets it back there will not be a texting app. on it! She has actually always been very imature for her age and behind many in her class. I almost think she is trying very hard to fit in and grow up quicker.
I have talked with the councelor and she has told me my daughter does not fear me at all she is getting pleanty of love and attention. So I have to make a very big leap and not be as nice and sweet as usual. I need to be tougher on her and rreally show her who is boss. She has just become very manupulative! So she is controling us, we still see her as this sweet little cute girl and its very hard to treat her so adult but for her sake I must!
There are no perfect little girls and few monsters. But something is up. 9 is young to be calling her a tween. Family counseling is in order before there are worse things going on.
What does her counselor say? I would be back there now.
I have to wonder if she has had some trauma she hasn't told you about.
So the girl with the older sibling, is he a good guy?
Hmmm, that is strange. The tween years (9-12) can certainly be challenging. Usually there are more attitude and temper changes, her stealing and suddenly be hurtful to others definitely signals more than normal growing pain stuff.
I would be interested in what she told her counselor. Counseling is certainly in order, and I hope that continues. I would urge you to do two things besides that. Make sure to be on the lookout for good behavior as well as bad. Reinforcing the nice and good things she does will help her feel that you are on her side and that she is loved. Make sure to listen more than you speak. Try to spend a lot of quality time with her and she will hopefully open up to you. Ok, that may have been three things.
Good luck, and let us know what the counselor said, that should give you huge clues.
Hi A.,
It sounds like your daughter could use a bit more discipline and supervision. The counseling is good, but you also need to show her that you're involved and aware of what she's doing.
What is the reason for her having a cell phone at 9? Are you dropping her off at sports practices or games alone so she would need to be able to call you? Is she getting off the school bus and going home to an empty house? I would hope not at 9, but you never know.... If she has no practical need for having a cell phone, I would take it away permanently. Most 9 yr olds are not mature enough to handling texting and everything that comes with smart phones.
But getting back to what I said at the beginning, you need to show her by your words and actions that you care about her, are involved in her life, and value her as a person. Spend one-on-one time with her, and keep communication open. Do it now before the teen years hit.
Best wishes!
She's acting out for a reason. Try family counseling or just flat out ask her if someone has touched her or hurt her in any way. Perhaps someone let her watch movies she wasn't supposed to see at age 9. There could be a number of things for her to turn to such extreme behavior.
This sounds like my god daughter. She started taking things from her family members without premission, bringing other classmates' stuff home and just being mean. Turns out, she was trying to fit in with a "cliche" at school. Her mom tried counseling, but didn't feel it was working, so she stopped. Bad idea, because now this poor child is continuing with this outrageous behavior. She's not EVER allowed on the internet, can never have a cell phone and has no privileges. It's a tough life for her and her parents.
As for your daughter, there is a reason that she is acting out and you should ask her and have her counselor address the situation.
Your daughter is not yet a tween so I wonder if part of the problem is that you're treating her as if she was older. She is a little girl and should be parented as such. She doesn't need any teen-like privileges or influence in her life. Supervision and rules are necessary.
She is too young and immature to have a cell phone with a text option. If she needs a phone to contact you, switch to a basic model that does calls only, and keep it put away except when she needs to have it on her person. Given her behaviors, I suggest that you don't do drop offs unless there is other adult supervision, and that she not be allowed to wander freely with friends.
