22 answers

Advice on Texting

Hello All!!!

Thank you for taking the time to read this. My boyfriend has a 15 year old son who is only with us every other weekend. We currently provide his phone for him. In the last month he has racked up 9,000+ texts. Most of them occuring after midnight.

He does have an odd sleep schedule, which I'm guessing is normal for summer time.

I have a problem with the fact that he has that many texts. Not to mention, after we talked to him about this, he sent & received 1,000 texts in a week.

Is this normal for a teenager? Should there be concern?

Any advice that can be given would be appreciated!!!!!

Thank you for helping!!!!

What can I do next?

Featured Answers

I think the problem is the time he's texting. Once school starts, his phone may need to be confiscated at a certain time if he's not getting regular sleep.

3 moms found this helpful

Normal..sadly I think it is...most texts run just a few words and they can add up quick. healthy and appropriate NO...I personally HATE texting and the whole process but that is just me. I don't thin any teen needs to have this option

2 moms found this helpful

More Answers

sorry - it might be "normal" but it is NOT acceptable!!!

I would take the phone away from him after 10PM...there is no reason on God's green earth for ANYONE to text anyone after midnight. PERIOD.

I would also tell him that he has to start paying for his text plan....even if you have unlimited - 1K texts in one week is, in my opinion, outrageous....my man friend's daughter (he's a man and a friend) his daughter racked up 10K texts in two weeks - she's an honors student, etc. but he and his wife said ENOUGH!!! And told her that she needed to "back off the texts or lose it."

My son's phone does not have text..I blocked it..told him when he wants to pay for it himself - great - if not - too bad.

I would love to read those texts to be honest...I know they are private - but man oh man - it must've been an EMERGENCY (not!) to text that much!!! I may be in the minority here - haven't read other responses - but no fricking way!!!

6 moms found this helpful

Sadly, for a 15 y.o. 10,000 texts is about average in my friends circles. We all have rules about phone calls and texts after certain hours. It is later in the summer and the weekend. If the rules are broken, the phone is taken away. When phone time is over, the phone is turned off, because you can't keep calls or texts from coming in. If grades are not up to par, the phone goes. It's all about being the bad guy sometimes, a.k.a. a parent.

4 moms found this helpful

Totally normal and even low for my 18 year old daughter. We have a family plan for $20 and I don't worry about it. I don't care if she texts after midnight, she doesn't have to get up in the morning and perform cardiac surgery. She's a great kid, works hard and is an honors student. Like T.F. said....she'd not out drinking or partying.

4 moms found this helpful

Sounds normal for a teenager. Every text is like one or two sentences in a phone conversation, it's just that texting for teens and some of us adults has replaced phone calls. If it is causing outrageous phone bills than I'd get a phone plan with unlimited text. I know it's strange to see that high of a number, but I know a lot of people that text instead of call most of the time because it is more convenient. If you don't want him texting after midnight you could take the phone at a certain hour at night. Unless you take texting completely off his phone (and it still is capable of text on most phones, it'll just charge you per text at that point) you can't control how many texts he receives/sends.

3 moms found this helpful

I think the problem is the time he's texting. Once school starts, his phone may need to be confiscated at a certain time if he's not getting regular sleep.

3 moms found this helpful

Every family has their own rules, etc so no one can tell you what is right or wrong for your family.

We are texters in my family of 3. It's nothing for my 16 yr old to have over 12,000 text and mine runs upwards of 8000.

Keep in mind.... Even if you reply with one word... It counts as a text!

I know when I was a teen, I had a private phone line and I was talking on that phone all the time. It wasn't cordless so I was in my room too. My mom nagged me forever but I turned out just fine. I worked 3 jobs, honors student, paid cash for a new car ( not used) and managed to keep an academic scholarship all 4 yrs of college.

M daughter's text are not all after midnight but I'd much rather her be texting than sneaking out, drinking, doing drugs or worse. She is an honors/AP student and if her grades were to plummet... Then I'd re-evaluate

3 moms found this helpful

I can't speak to the times of day he is doing it, but I don't THINK that the numbers are all that out of line. My brother told me about the number his teenage daughter racks up one time. Sounded about like that. Remember, that texts are counting incoming AND outgoing... so that 1,000 is really probably closer to 500 outgoing. That's 100 outgoing a day or so.. right? I know if I get into a "conversation" with someone texting, we can shoot through 4 or 5 exchanges...(so 8-10 texts in and out going) in just a couple of minutes. I don't text much either. For a teen, who might be texting to multiple people at a time... geesh.. they could EASILY hit 100 in an hour or two.
So, is it a lot? Yes, for adults. But I don't think it is that unusual for teens (assuming they have unlimited texting on their phone plan).

3 moms found this helpful

Wow. I never even reach my allotted 250 texts most months. And my 10 year old old uses it to text a friend of hers on occasion because the friend often uses up all of her minutes calling her dad. 9K + is insane. I don't care if it's "normal." It's only normal if it's allowed to continue without initiating some forced self-control on the kid. If the texts are not covered under the cell phone plan then the phone will have to be taken away at certain times, or taken away as soon as he's hit his limit for the month. That means you and his father will have to keep track of his usage closely, and if I'm not mistaken you can easily check usage in real time by calling the phone company any time or checking on the phone itself.

Texting is a privilege, not a right. So perhaps your boyfriend ought to put a plan into place that means his son needs to earn the right to text each week and how often he's allowed to use the phone.

3 moms found this helpful

You know how hind sight is 20/20? Well, take it from me and my hind sight - All adults involved should agree on the shut off time of a phone (9 or 10 is reasonable) - and that phone goes to PARENTS room. While yes, I think his texting is the norm nowadays, I don't think teens have a sense of boundaries, either for themselves or their friends. If there is ONE thing I could encourage parents of teens to do - it is to take that phone during the night time hours. Also, random checks of the texts are in order.

2 moms found this helpful

Yes, it's normal.

Get a family texting plan. It's expensive, but way cheaper than going over.

2 moms found this helpful

A text counts even it is only one word.. So yes, it can bee that long.. Remember when you were a teen and talked on the phone with your friends? How many words did you say and how many sentences were said back and forth.. Text has taken the place of actual phone calls for this age group.

I have known my husband since we were 13. We each had "Childrens phone lines in our homes, we would spend HOURS on the phone.. Thank goodness we were not charged for each sentence.. Yikes..

2 moms found this helpful

Normal..sadly I think it is...most texts run just a few words and they can add up quick. healthy and appropriate NO...I personally HATE texting and the whole process but that is just me. I don't thin any teen needs to have this option

2 moms found this helpful

I have a 13 yr old niece who regularly texts me after 10 pm, even as late as midnight. Her mom is a piece of work so I allow her to contact me, even if it's late. I've noticed she likes to have whole, long conversations via text, rather than talk on the phone. I think that might be the norm for this generation of teens. Remember when we used to talk on the phone FOREVER with our friends? I think teens are just as chatty now, only all of the chatting occurs via text. You might want to make a rule about shutting the phone off after a certain time though, at least after school starts anyway.

2 moms found this helpful

Normal. My daughter ( at that age) got over 13000 one month. We decided to take away ALL forms of communication devices for a block of time each day - such as from 5 until 9. This, we felt, would allow time for chores and homework w/o being connected and distracted. Once my daughter turned 16 and started working and driving, the amount of texts dropped. Her world opened up and different things became more important and she became more active w/less down time. Good Luck

1 mom found this helpful

Who is he texting? What are his grades like during the school year? That's what you should know about. If he's texting after midnight during the school year, that needs to change.

D.

1 mom found this helpful

Totally normal. I have found that it is the easiest way for me to get information out of my son too. Straight question, straight answer. I do, though, for those of you who will say it hinders a face to face relationship, make sure we spend no tech time together too!

1 mom found this helpful

This is common, but not normal or okay behavior. I would not allow him to have a phone if he cannon obey the rules on texting. I'd set boundaries on number of texts/week and hours of the day sent/received. He might need to give you his phone at bedtime or loose it all together if he can't control himself or his friends.

Best wishes!

1 mom found this helpful

I do about 4,000 a month and I am in my 30s so I can see a teen doing that many easily. If the issue is when they are taking place, have a place in your room (or somewhere) where he checks his phone into for the night. Or set a block from like midnight to 6am.

1 mom found this helpful

Well I would see if your boyfriend and his mom can come to an agreement on the cell phone when he is at her house and yours as to when it needs to be shut off and such for the night. I say with summer 11pm but during the school year 9pm it needs to be shut off and in mom/dads room for the night. I am curious as to what we are going to do when our daughter starts the cell phone fad i know it will be off and in our room in a place she doesnt know about at a set time during the school year but that is years away

1 mom found this helpful

If you're paying for it, check the account and see what you're paying for. If you both feel it's excessive, adjust the plan. Sonny is getting a freebie and ought to show some respect and responsibility with it. At some point in time he'll have to learn how to pay for things himself and it'll be a difficult wake up call when all of a sudden he can't control his habits to fit his budget.
Discuss it with him if you feel a need to cut him back. And for these reasons. Night time is for sleeping and kids these days don't understand that. School's coming up and they'd better get into better habits of sleep now before it starts. Being unwise about their sleeping can lead to sleeping in class and/or taking substances to stay awake. Instead of being smart about it and sleeping when they should.
Good luck.

OMG that is very few texts for a teenager or young adult in this day and age. My son who is 20 when he was that age was texting well over 2000 a week. I had to put unlimited text on my phones for that reason. They tend not to talk on the phone but text.

Normal. As long as he is keeping up with his responsibilities I would not try to change this behavior -- except when school starts and he needs to be sleeping at night if he is with you on school nights. However if he is not doing chores, etc. I would revoke texting privileges. You can actually have the phone company block texting altogether so it is impossible to text (unless he has a smart phone, then you're screwed). We revoked my teenage son's texting privileges forever when we caught him texting from the car. He now has a plain old (not smart) phone that can only make and receive calls!

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