Teenager Daughter and Cell Phone

I suggest you take the phone away from her and get her one of the prepaid phones and let her know that she only is allowed to have x amount depoisted on her phone each month.

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Hi K.,
Personally I don't believe in children having cell phones. In your case you purchased a cell phone for your child due to her activities after school. I feel that 10:00 is still too late for putting it up. It needs to be turned off during homework time, dinner time, and then at the 10:00 time you had stated. Remember, honey, you are the parent. Take control of the situation. If your child does not understand for now, that's o.k. She will eventually. Tell her to let her friends know that she has a limit on her phone. Another idea would be to buy her a phone with a limited amount of time on it each month. After she uses her time, then she will have to wait till the next month. I am sorry that you and your family are having to deal with this situation. My prayers are with you.

C. B.

K.,
I think that your resolution is more than reasonable! Kids that age are in constant turmoil about something... it's just the nature of the age. They want what they want when they want it, and if they don't get it, "lifes not FAIR". Kids need 9 to 10 hours of sleep a night to function properly. I don't know what time your kids have to get up in the morning, but my guess is, being up past 10 or 11 at night does not get them that necessary rest. I completely agree with banning the phone from the dinner table. We don't even answer our landline at dinnertime. (We are able to hear the answering machine pick up, so if there is an emergency we can respond).
I say dock all cellphones, even yours at 9pm. Turn them off, and start the recharging process. If this seems to 'devastate' her, then give her the option of losing it altogether -- her choice. The docking at 9pm won't seem so bad in comparison to not having it at all. She may need to be made aware that this is not a punishment, but simply a courteous way of life. All of you docking your phones will example this to her.
We lived for years without cellphones. We had to wait until we got home to make phone calls and we survived. I think you're doing the right thing. Limits are necessary, and we as parents must be the ones to set them. Someday....yes...SOMEDAY she'll see your reasoning.
Carry on!!!!

YOu did the right thing in taking it away. When and if you decide to give it back you should lay down some ground rules along w/ consequences for breaking them.
I am totally against cell phones for children and I have a ton to say about your current dilemma, but I will try to restrain myself :)
Personally I see no reason for my child to have a cell phone. I drive my child to and from events and she can use a pay phone if she needs to reach me. I mean what did they do before cell phones. We set a pick up time and we show up. If they need to stay later then we wait. Kids these days have way too much stuff as it is and to me cell phones are unnecessary. If and when our daughter "needs" one then she will borrow one of ours and then hand it over when she gets home.
Yes, Your daughter has gone above and beyond abusing her phone privilidges. She may not give you any trouble now and she may be a good student, but continuing down this path may cause her to slip up and will only lead to more trouble for sure. You are right, she is obsessed. I would also be concerned about her computer habits. You might want to check them as well, especially once her phone priviledges are limited. She will most certainly resort to instant messaging and chat rooms.
I dont get it w/ kids these days, are they that bored. I mean when I was a kid I would come home from scool and hang out and play w/ the kids in my neighborhood and not talk to or see my school friends until the next day. Now a days its way different. My daughter comes home proceeds to call her 2 friends back and forth all evening long if we'd let her. We have to put a time limit on it and at some point put the phone up. I dont see what the need for constant contact is. NOt to mention it really gets in the middle of family funtioning. You will find there is way less adult/child communication now a days w/ the computer and cell phones and video games. We are losing touch w/ our kids.
When she gets the phone back I would only give it to her when she "needs" it. LIke for a school function. But no way would I let her carry it to school or just have it for fun (texting...) Can she not use the house phone afer school and on weekends? Why is it that she has access to this phone 24/7? Good luck, I hope she learns some rules and boundaries w/ this phone. It just reminds me once again how I will stick to my guns and not allow my child to have a cell phone. We told her when she gets a job and can pay for one is when she can have one.

Teenagers...oh what fun. Everyone has given you such good advice. You need to stick with your rule about the phones being out of the room by 10 p.m. If you want to be a little lax with her, then Fri & Sat days are unlimited and don't worry about it on those 2 nights. And if she breaks the rules, pops off at the mouth, or sasses you, then take the phone away. You have to be the parent and you HAVE TO BE CONSISTENT!! That is the key...what ever you decided, stick with it. Remember if you do take it away, there are plenty of kids that get through the day without cell phones that have a busy schedule...you will make it through this.

TAKE IT AWAY. It's that simple. You are the parent; she isn't. Doesn't matter if she is "a good student" and "never give us trouble." She appears to be abusing the priveledge of having a cell phone. And she needs to understand that there are consequences to her actions.

She will whine, fuss, cry, complain, say she's dying, claim that you're mean and awful.... so what? You want to set boundaries, so set them and mean it! This will be painful, but do it. You are not being unreasonable; you are being a parent.

More than the cell phone I'd have a problem that my daughter felt it was OK to scream at me. Uh uh, no way is that acceptable. When she can calm down - alone, in her room, then we can have a reasonable discussion about the rules and use of the cell phone. She thinks she's old and responsible enough to manage a cell phone, then she's old enough to have a civilised conversation about it - or at least start learning how to. My dad always said to me when I started to get too loud when my parents wouldn't let me do something, "Instead of raising your voice, reinforce your argument." This way you 2 can negotiate on the phone and if she breaks any of what is worked out, then you calmly take the phone away and when she starts to yell, you calmly tell her, "we discussed this before, you're a smart girl and knew the rules and chose to break them anyways. Well there are consequences to those actions."

Your daughter is throwing a teenager tantrum because she wants her way, and the longer you allow her to behave that way, the longer she'll think it's OK to stay up all hours of the night texting friends. Think about that scenario in 3 years when she's 16 and moved beyond cell phone mania to boys, drinking, partying, etc.. and still screaming at you. Nip that behavior in the bud FIRST and then lay down the rules and stick to them.

Good luck and kudos to you for being a parent who is on top of that!

I'm a long way from that problem, sister, but I say stay strong. I agree completely that your rule was reasonable.

Keep in mind
1. She is 13 and is in prime flipout age; and
2. Is there something going on with the new baby that she doesn't like? Just a thought.

What about a much simplier phone such as Jitterbug? That would give you and her the peace of mind that goes along with a cell phone but would limit the ways she can use it.

I have had the same issue with my 16 year old son. Texting during school, late at night, while he was supposed to be doing homework, etc. He is also a good student and has never given me any trouble, however, the amount of time spent texting was interfering with all areas of his life. I finally took the phone away for a week to allow him to readjust his priorities. Things went well for a few weeks after that and then we fell back into the same pattern. I took the phone again for a week and that seemed to do the trick. He is now more responsible about phone usage and appropriate times to use it because he knows I will take the phone if he doesn't follow the rules.

K., I think your thinking is right in that you might want to consider taking it away temporarily. I feel that if she does not respect your rules for the cell phone, she MAY feel that she can challenge you on other issues as well. It is incredibly hard to be tough on them, but in the long run, I feel that they respect you more with boundries. It is a tough position to be in, b/c she is a good student and otherwise a great kid, but I really believe she has to remember that you are the one that sets the rules.. tough love is tough.. A little about me, I have 4 children, 3 girls ages 23, 13 and 11 and a boy age 14.

Hello K., In my experience with my daughter, boundries were discussed and agreements were put into place. I also reminded her who paid for the product and service. At that time and place it was an earned privilege, subject to change with poor choices or behavior. I practiced not taking all the "drama" personally. I felt she was growing up and needed space to create, and make mistakes, (which everyone does), let it be a learning experience. Learn creative and non invasive ways to monitor all that concern you. Children grow up very quickly in today's society, information is at everyones beck and call...this is good, and sometimes not so comfortable, pick your battles wisely, and dont forget to say I love you!!

I think that you did the right thing. We also do not allow phones at the table. In fact, I know parents who take the phone at bedtime and charge it in their room so the kid can't sneak up and use it. Turn it OFF while not in use to avoid hearing incoming calls.

While you can't control the other kids, you can tell your children no calling after x hour and they can either tell their friends the rule or you will. Most kids would like to avoid having their parents "talk to" their friends so they'll relay the rule.

I'd tell her that these are the rules for the phone. If she wants the *privilidge* of having a cell phone, she will follow them. If she chooses not to follow them, she loses the privilidge. Her choice. Kids think phones are a given, and (like so many other things) they are not.

I also think kids are too attached to their electronics (especially being online or using a phone/cell phone) and they need an adult to enforce healthy limits. Texting can be addictive.

I will have to say I have no advice but I read your responses to see what others have to say. I will be facing the same issues before I know it. My dad was very strict and had no use for a phone at all except for emergencies. My phone limit at 13 was ONE 15 MINUTE call a day LOL........ I was glad to read of other more reasonable options for today's kids. I tend to be too strict (according to my husband). I just refuse to be as strict as my dad. Good luck you have received some great advice.

With so many kids having cell phones these days, and acting like you're slicing open an artery if you take them away, I feel for you! Your daughter's a good student now, but how long will she remain one if she's spending this much time talking and texting? I'd take away both girls' current phones and replace them, as someone else rightly noted in another response, with pre-paid phones that carry very limited amounts of talk time. And no texting, period, unless you're willing to police her texting (and do you really want to do that?). I think no calls after 10 is generous of you -- I might say no calls from friends incoming unless it's to arrange a joint pickup after an activity etc., with maybe one "chatting" call a day of a limited time, and all with the clear boundary that when she's burned up her minutes, they're gone, and you're not going to be talked or yelled into putting on extras. Phones for kids this age (in my opinion) are a privilege, not a right, and from what you describe, both girls have gotten used to abusing the privilege. Phones should be for safety, for contacting and being contacted by parents, not for continuous social interaction. Her friends want to talk? Arrange to get together in person. Everyone's too busy with activites to get together during the week? Plan a weekend event with friends and, at this age, appropriate parental supervision. Kids seem to be forgetting how to arrange to be together face-to-face, and forgetting that they do not actually have to be in constant, 24-7 contact with the world via electronic devices. Good luck and let us know what happens.

Get rid of her cell phone. We didn't have cell phones growing up. If she is on the phone that much tell her to go and visist with her friend and actually talk to them in person. It is hard being the parent but seriously would you have been allowed to talk on the phone that much as a teenager?

L. S.

Hi K.,

Congrats on the new baby! I agree that your daughter still needs boundaries. When I was 14 I decided that I was going to push every boundary that was given to me. I was a good student, keeping an honor roll average even though I was sneaking out & partying when my parents were asleep. My step father at the time set more boundaries than my mom did, and I hated him at the time. But, when I got a little older, 16 ish, I loved him so much! I realized that he set those boundaries for a reason, because he loved me. All children are that way. They look for boundaries, and will try to cross, but they will also love the boundary setter because they know they love them. One of my brothers grew up to hate our mom because she didn't show love to him. Showing your daughter boundaries show her love, so keep your head up. It will pass. If anything, try to turn off her phone & keep it with you in a safe place when you do not want her to have it. Explain to her that she will get it back if she is good. She will be very upset at first, but like any person, will get used to only having the phone at certain times, and will become common practice. When she shows that she can handle the phone maturely, then you can give her free reign. I don't know if my advice is good, but it's all I have. Good luck & God bless!

Follow your heart. I would not take it away completely, but I would set some guidelines. I would consider taking away text messaging if she does not stay within the guidelines that are set. I also strongly recommends looking threw her text messages, with her right there. Just ask to see her phone. I have done this with my 13 year old and I was surprised to find 1 text from a little girl in her class that was completely inappropriate for a little girl. It was one of those chain messages. I was happy to see my daughter did not forward it & I explained to her why it was inappropriate and I ask if this is the type of girl her friend was. I also decided this is not a girl my daughter will be hanging out with. They have to have guidelines & by looking through her phone you will also find out if she is texting in school. Good Luck!

Just get her one of those phones you program that get only calls from numbers YOU approve. Yours, your home, work, etc. and can only make calls to those numbers.
Or you can give her a window where she can text and talk all she wants. (Like after peak time) so from 7-9pm and thats all.
Remember, u are the parent so it might not seem fair, but it is what is right for your family - and that is what matters.
(or tell her since she has so much time to talk and text that she has time to pick up more chores around the house) :) Good luck!

I agree with you. If she is that addicted, then the phone needs to be taken away. My sister did that with my niece and stood her ground. After the initial shock (and crying and screaming), my niece agreed that she would be more reasonable with usage. When my sister gave her phone privileges back (with the caveat of one slip from the rules the phone would be taken away for good), my niece has been following the rules ever since.

Take it from her. End of story. Tell her they could cause brain tumors. Give it to her on the weekends and tell her to use the house phone between 6:00 and 8:00 during the week.

I don't have teenagers...so maybe my post wont mean anything! But I wanted to say yay that the phone texting is what the problem is with your teenages!! I couldn't help but to smile while reading this post (although I'm sure in your shoes, it drives you crazy...and I'm sure I will be dealing with it all in the future), but it was nice to hear that an issue with a teen was such an innocent one.
And while I'm typing.. I suppose I'll try and add my two cents! I am assuming that you pay for the phone and bills...you need to remind her of this. Maybe having a family "meeting" would be good, (you and hubby come up with what you want said prior), to go over some new rules. List the rules for the phone usage with your daughter, maybe even writing them down. I don't think your rules are unreasonable, but in a teens eyes, when texting and conversing with her friends feels like her entire life, it seems absoultely undreasonable! Let her know what the consequences will be if she goes against your phone rules, or throws fits about your phone rules (screaming and whatnot). Maybe for a bit of incentive (if your willing) for her to follow the rules with a better attitude, if she does so without screaming or fits, without having to be told for a month...you will buy her some sort of a cell phone accessory? Just an idea!! But like I said, I have a 3 and 5 year old...so my ideas might not be age appropriate? Good luck! And don't forget to be glad that your daughter is and excellent student and dedicated to school activities, and that the cell phone issue is what you need help with!!
K.

LOL @ "she is addicted to it we believe". My son is only one, but personally...I think you did the right thing. I think you did what most great parents would do in your shoes. Thinking back, I think many girls her age are obsessed with their social life, a phone being an extension of that. I was constantly on the phone at her age. And my parents didn't get it. As an adult, I flip out if my phone rings past 10pm though lol. I just think you did EXACTLY the right thing. And she'll eventually grow up.

I think you are being very reasonable not to have her texting or calling after 10 p.m. I was always taught that 9 p.m. was the cut off! Leaving the cell phone downstairs seems good. Maybe if the charger is down there, it can be plugged in at 10?
I wouldn't take it away for good, but you might also think about having repercussions for screaming/crying/fighting about the rules. I have a "I've said it two times; there will be consequences if you ask/bother me about it again" policy.
My 13-year-old LOVES to text, so she has to pay if she goes over the number of texts our phone plan allots, which is a pretty big number (1500 per month? I'm not sure). She doesn't mind. She also loves to sleep -- she has to get up early and she really drags if she doesn't get enough sleep, so she sets her own night-time boundaries.
Good luck!

I think what you're doing is a very good idea. Just keep going with it. You're right. Kids need boundaried, no matter what. I think she will calm down. And don't forget, she is a teenager. There's a lot going on with growing up. They do grow out of it. Unfortunately, it does take a few years.

I only have small children right now, so I don't have any advice, but I just want to say that it sounds like you are being a good parent. Children need reasonable boundaries, and you are setting those. Keep up the good work.

I think what you did was just fine. I also think her reaction is typical of her age, but you are the parent and you are in charge. Tell her if the phone continues to be a problem, then she will only have it at the times that she needs it, like when she is at her after-school activities, and the rest of the time you will have it. I bet giving it up at 10 will be a better choice for her. And when you take it, turn it off. Then there will be no issues if its ringing and she can't answer it. Her friends will learn that after 10, they are going to voice mail.

I don't have any advice, just support. GOOD FOR YOU! More battles like this are just around the corner - staying out late, boys, driving. Putting down your foot now will help you later. Good luck.

Hi K. ~

Block texting on her phone - No need for it! (Save yourself some money!) Keep her phone in your room at night. If someone calls, answer it and tell them there are no calls allowed after 10:00. Thank You. Period.

When she gets home - no phone use until homework is done.

Occasionally check out the record of her calls on her phone -to who, from who, when and how long. You pay for the phone, it's your right to see how it's being used.

She'll put up a fuss, but will eventually get used to it. She's just trying to get you to give in. DON'T! Having a phone is a priviledge, not a right. Her main focus needs to be on her studies, not idle chit chatting 24/7.

Same rules with the computer!

Hang Tough - Stay Strong! ~ K.

Don't forget you pay the bill. For my family, denying the cell phone is one really good consequence for misbehavior. I would take away the cell phones for a while. The problem is not really how much they use them. Today, that is the new average. The problem is that they are not respecting your decisions about their use. Being without a phone for several days will make quite an impression. When my son gives us a hard time he has to hand over his phone the minute he walks in the door and can have it back after chores, homework and dinner. I have found this effective. If he is on track with all things then he can keep it. When he texts late at night (they all do it) I take his phone to bed with me and hide it in my room. Just remember to turn it off or the buzzing will drive you crazy all night!

I also have a daughter, age 13 who wants a cell phone. I refuse to buy her one because they only cause trouble. I have let her use mine and she is under the cover also texting, etc. I found out that she is talking and texting boys, not girls. Be careful as to whom these girls are communicating with. She is not allowed to use my cell phone at night after 9:30 pm.

Good Luck.........

That's easy. Who's the parent you or your daughter? Take the phone away. I have a problem with parents reasoning with their children or afraid that their children will get mad because they can't have their way. It's a fine line between being the parent and wanting to be your child's friend. Why give your child that kind of power. If she (they)doesn't abid by the rules that was given then take the phone away until she can take responsibility. Ask my 17 year old daughter who has her phone and she will tell you her mother. I pay that bill. I don't give my girls that kind of power. It's understood who the parents in our home and yes we love our children.

I have a 15 year old who was doing the same thing. First and foremost, they should know that if they try to "cheat" on the after 10 deal -- you can always look at the bill and see when the calls and texts were coming in and going out so they WILL get caught! I would just easily explain that the rule is the rule and that if they can't live with the rule, they don't get a phone AT ALL!! End of story - no screaming, crying or whatever involved! That is just straight manipulation! After a couple of times of my daughter trying to negotiate the phone back after 10 pm., she realized it wasn't going to happen and shut up about it. The one thing I told her to do -- and she has done -- is to tell her friends not to call or text at those times as she would face the consequences of a phone ringing at that time of night! AFter a couple of times of that, she enforced the time restraint with her friends as well - and I have spoken to her friends directly. You have young children in your home and it is not fair to your family to be disturbed at 11 p.m. because Bobby is breaking up with Susie the next day at school! NO WAY! Don't allow it! Just be firm and once they know it just will not change - no matter how good they are -- they will just let it go and be grateful that they have the phone at all -- which they did survive without just a short time ago! I'm surprised at how many people said they wouldn't take it away. WHY??? A child should never be allowed to manipulate a parent like that. If you don't show her who is boss now, it will always be a battle. I didn't have cell phones and IMing and Myspace when I was a teen, but there were other things and the one thing I am always grateful for is that my parents held me accountable for all of my negative actions. I am a better person for it today. You don't do your children any favors by giving them whatever they want. The real world doesn't do it so you shouldn't either.

I have no advice for you because I haven't been in your shoes - yet. However, as a high school teacher I have to say Thank You! Thank you for putting boundaries on your child(ren). We have a school rule that prohibits the use of a cell phone during school hours and I still end up confiscating 2-3 a week. Students see no problem with texting during class and get very upset when they are taken away. =) Hold strong, your kiddo will adjust!

You are not alone!!!! Im going through the sam e situation with my 15yr old daughter. I told her last week that she is acting as if she is addicted to that cell phone!!! She is not allowed to take it to school unless she has an after scholl activity. She cant have or make calls after 10. Just recently I have been feeling she is receiving or making texs after 10 and been wondering should I confiscate it after 10 and keep it with me till the next day! After all...I am the one paying the bill!!! I am praying on this situation because I see a change in her attitude since she has had this phone!! Pray for your daughter!!! We can't stoppraying for these controling and rebelling spirits!!!

You yourself stated that you got the cell phone in order to stay in touch after/during after school activities... you didn't buy this phone so your daughter could be socializing 24/7. My initial reaction was "Take the phone away!" but I actually think she will see this as your being completely unreasonable (even though you are the one paying the bills, 13 year olds aren't always the most logical beings :) 'I would tell her that you would like to have a talk. Respectfully explain your concerns/problems with her cell phone use and then wait to see if she has any suggestions. If she is involved in setting the boundaries and consequences she will be more likely to follow them. She will also feel like you have treated her like a grown up,and really listened to her side of the story which is terribly important to teenagers. If she comes up with suggestions that are unreasonable or you don't approve of, let her know, but in a calm way. This way you will be teaching her how to resolve conflict in a positive, non-confrontational way. A great book for how to deal with teenagers is : "How to talk so teens will listen, and listen so teens will talk" (one of the authors is Adele Faber, I can't remember the other)
An example of a conversation opener might be:
I'd like to talk to you about your cell phone. It seems like it is very important to you to be connected to your friends. (wait for a response)
I understand that you really enjoy using your cell phones, but I have a few concerns. Can we sit down and figure out a plan together for how this can work for everyone in the family?
By speaking to her this way you aren't being permissive, you have to agree to the boundaries, but you've involved her in the creation of the boundaries instead of demanding she behaves a certain way. You're still in charge, but she will come away feeling better about both herself, and you.
Hope this helps!
B.

K., if you don't set the boundaries now, you may regret it later. 13 years old with a cell phone...my Lord..what ever happened to just going to the office or a nearby phone to call mom or dad. Allowing her to use the phone 'til 10:00pm is very generous. Before my sons moved into their own place, I would question anyone that called my house for them past 9:00pm and I would kindly tell them that if they couldn't hold a conversation with them at school; after school or before 9:00pm, then they would have to wait until the next day or just don't talk to them at all. Even though your daughter flipped out...stand your ground cause in the end, she's going to do it your way anyway cause she's going to want to use the cell phone again. She may be doing well in school, but she also has to do even better at home!! In other words..."put down the phone".

I too have a thirteen year old daughter and have experienced many screaming tantrums over the "rules". I would definitely have to say this stage of parenting has been the most challenging. Parents are trying to keep boundaries and children are pushing against them. Here's what we have done with the cell phone issues. First, her cell phone is a pre-paid cell phone so she is limited on her number of minutes and if she would like more minutes then she does chores or saves up money to buy more. She only gets 100 minutes a month from us. She has definitely argued with us over this boundary - stating all her friends have more minutes and I simply say it's up to her to pay for more (which she rarely does). She has been asking for texting but we haven't given in to that yet. I'm hesitant to start a new habit especially after hearing about teens driving and texting, even though she is only 13. She hasn't pushed this too much so we have been able to hold out without too much arguing. As for the phone calls past 10pm we have taken the phone from her at night. She didn't like this as well but we have stayed firm. We also make sure her lights are out at 10:30. She does have a tv in her room and she can watch this past 10:30 but she must be in bed. She will usually fall asleep by 11:30/12 and I'll turn off the tv. I am up late at night so this works for us. She used to stay up with the light on and try on clothes, listen to the radio, do homework etc... sometimes even taking her shower at midnight. We just started the lights out at 10:30 rule again. We stopped because it was too much effort to enforce and she argued that she gets up in the morning and gets good grades so she should be able to stay up as late as she wants. I have been reading how important sleep is so we have started enforcing this again. Her consequense for arguing or throwing a tantrum is usually computer time taken away. This has been effective as the computer is the way she communicates with most of her friends. Hope this helps!

As long as you have a phone in the house, there is absolutely no reason your children should need to use a cell phone to communicate when they are at home. I would suggest a rule that when she walks in the door, the cell phone is handed over. If her friends want to contact her, they call the house. Cut texting out of your plan and if she uses it, she pays.

Its pretty simple-take it away from her and see what happens. Figure out communication a differnet way- find out where she is going/etc and call to check up

If you are paying the bills for the cell phones and gave them to your daughters for one purpose-reaching them after school- then you have every right to instill rules for usage!!!
This will prepare them for the rules later in life including when they start driving your car. When they have children they can make the rules for them. Your girls will pass on the rules to other friends who maybe don't have caring parents such as you. You are doing the right thing! Should they get jobs and are able to pay for their own phones later on, they will have learned good phone manners by their upbringing.

Sounds like she's addicted to me! I would do just what you've done and say no phone after 10pm. If you find that she is still giving you trouble, remind her that it is so she can get ahold of you after school and take it when she gets home. And if you have a land line, remind her that she can use that phone to call her friends. Since YOU are paying for the bill, put your foot down!

As good as children can act, too much privacy and sneaking can turn into things that are harmful in one way or another to our kids. Thirteen is young for a cell phone (no matter how many other kids have one) ... so boundries would be a truly good thing for your entire family. If your daughter does not want to live by the rules you set for the cell phone and texting, then it might be time to take it away. And we very rarely receive calls at our home past 9 p.m. or call other families at that time -- so 10 p.m. is especially reasonable for a 13 year old. Best of luck to you with this stage of life.

K., you are not alone. I think all teenagers are going through this. My advice is to take the phones from them at 10 and if they have phones in their rooms, take them also. I told my teen agaers that they would have them taken permanently if I catch them after their desiginated times. Arund 10 o'clock on school nights, I hold out my hand and I don't have to say a word. They put the phones in my hand. They don't like it, but I don't care. I have rules. They get them back when I leave for work in the morning. We remove the house phones from their rooms at night and they are returned in the morning. There is a lot of protest and mumbling but they give us the phones. The first time we did it, I thought there was ging to be a war. There was arguing yelling crying but we didn't care. We just threatened to take everything permamently and that solved that.

the cell phone thing is alarming. i'm amazed at how many parents i talk to who have kids who are really round the bend with this. and the bills!
for me this is a non-negotiable. cell phones are a useful tool for emergencies, but no one needs to have their friends at a second's notice 24/7. i'm glad i dodged the bullet on this (neither of my teenagers has made it an issue) so i guess it's easy for me to say, but i'd either go no or very limited texting unless the child has the resources to pay for the overage, and absolutely no texting during family or sleep time. if they don't adhere, no phone (or a pre-paid no-text one.)
there are times to be flexible and times to be adamant. stand your ground!
khairete
S.

You are Mom and she is daughter. You make the rules and she lives by them or suffers the consequences. Period.

We are required to teach our children correct behavior. Addiction is addiction no matter what we are addicted to. When I was a smoker, my reaction was quite similar when I was told I could not smoke. As a parent, we must help our children when they aren't able to help themselves. Don't let the guilt we sometimes feel as parents (especially when our child is a "good" child/student/friend) override what you know is best for the child.

Our children want and need us to mean what we say and say what we mean. And especially to follow through with everything.

God Bless,
N. =)

Hi K., I could have almost written this myself! We have 4 girls - 14, 12, 4 and 11 weeks old - almost the same spread as you. We held out until our oldest turned 14 then we got her a cell phone. The 12 year old still does not have one. We had MANY issues trying to figure out what was the best way to handle the cell phone. My daughter spent a good portion of the first few months of having her phone with no phone because we took it away when she wasn't following the rules. These are our rules now: she has until 9:30pm to use the phone on weeknights and it gets charged in my room overnight. No phones at meal time, no texting during school hours. My daughter knows that I check the bill and if I see that she breaks the rules then she will lose the phone. Also, the additional cost for unlimited texting is deducted from her allowance. All I can say is good luck. These teenage years are difficult, and adding a newborn to the mix doesn't make it much easier! When is your baby due?

there are phones that only allow you to call a certain number of people and if the phone is only for calling home like you stated then a phone with only 5 or so contacts woule be perfect. however, if you want to stay with your current plan or dont want to have to fuss over a new phone then turn off your unlimited texting. my parents told me i could text as long as i paid for it but after a couple of months of outrageous texting bills they shut it off all together. contact your service provider to see about this because when mine was shut off, i couln't even recieve texts which meant there was absolutely no bill. as for the no calls after 10, you are being extremely reasonable; my mom said no calls after 9 period. not even on weekends. dont let her guilt you into it there is absolute no reason why a 13 yr old should be txting and calling people past 10. good luck =)

First of all, BE THE PARENT, we're not here to be "friends"...yet. That comes Much, much later. You're paying for the phone, therefore, it belongs to you. It's purpose is to keep YOU in contact with YOUR CHILD. When your child arrives home, retrieve the phone and give it back the next morning. Don't say "leave it downstairs", they're likely to go downstairs and get it, when they know you've drifted of to "la-la" land. Were you NEVER disobedient as a child?? I sure as heck was, and I think that my parents were too,at some point. Nothing your kids do or Try to do, isn't something you, yourself, hasn't Tried or Done!! You "OWN" the cell phones, you Pay for them, they serve there purpose during the course of the day, don't Allow your children to Abuse the Priveledge and Abuse you at the same time. If they don't "like" your "laying down the law" too bad...get a job and pay for your own phone. Let me ask you this, how did you manage with your parents Long before the cell phone?? Responsibility, accountability.Instill those values in your kids now so that when they grow older, they'll "get" and appreciate you more for passing it on!!

Hi K.,
Boy do I know how you feel!!! I also have a 13 yr old daughter that oversteps boundries with the cell phone. She has been caught talking & texting till 1 a.m We finally had to take her phone away every night. Her friends continued to call & text for a few nights (I would either answer the phone or text them back identifing myself) Finally after about a week or so the after hour calling stopped. You need to stick to your guns, tell her that her choices are either give up the phone after 10pm or lose it for good. My girls (ages 13 & 11) now know that I am serious. My 13 yr old had hers taken away for a week for talking back & she learned her lesson. Good luck.

I feel your pain. I have an 11 1/2 yr old & we got her a cell phone for the same reasons you've stated. We did not, however, get her unlimited texting because we felt an 11 yr. old should not need such a luxury. Initially, this went well, but for the past 2 months, she went over her texting limit by thousands. Needless to say, we were slammed with 2 large cell phone bills. We absolutely refuse to cave & provide unlimited texting so our solution was that she will be provided the phone only when it is needed (ie - at school). If she's home or only at a friend's house, the phone is in our possession. She's not happy about the situation but she needs to learn self control and feel the consequences of her actions. It's been a few weeks since we took control of the phone & her amount of texting has significantly improved. We still, however, have the problem of her friends continuously texting her and those alone send her over her texting limit. My husband & I haven't figured out how to address this one yet, but we're working on it.

Hi K.,

As you stated, your daughter is addicted to her cell phone.

I would suggest that you go to your nearest Mediation Center and have a family mediation.

Next I suggest that you go to some parenting classes. They have them at the mediation center. or

www.kidspriorityone.org

www.chkd.org/hrpen

www.dl.odu/101s

Another Resource is learning about restorative practices.

www.IIRP.org

Children need to learn how to be held accountable for their behaviors. Your daughter's behavior is inappropriate and how you learn to how her accountable is a task. You will be able to learn skills to deal with this, don't worry.

Good luck. D.