Toddler Won't Sit to Eat at the Table.

Well he is almost 2 after all.... so any expectation of him, has to be in line with his age-set. Otherwise, frustration will arise, for both Parent and child.

At this age, they do NOT have fully developed "impulse control" yet, nor the complete understanding of "why" they have to sit at the table for a period of time. Even 4-5-6 year old kids will and can squirm at a dinner table or at a restaurant. So KEEP this in mind, to keep things in perspective.

IF he tantrums, just go about and have your dinner anyway, with Hubby or just you. Try not to "convince" him "not" to yell.... meaning, he's going to yell anyway. But, make your stance and tell him "no yelling..." and don't get into a battle about it. For some kids, interacting in the tantrum, just makes them tantrum more and makes it worse.
A child WILL 'deflate' on their own, whether or not we are in the tussle or not.

Sure, guide him. But anything has to be age-appropriate. AND, habits like this (ie: knowing the purpose of dinner and sitting together, nicely)... is an "ability" that is attained over time.... THAT is the key.

Certainly, at 2 years old... they are not going to sit nicely like a 6 year old. 2 year old children have ants in their pants... and their attention spans are not prolonged either. Thus, just let him try his best... but don't expect "perfection" from him, or at least not yet. "Habits" like this take time.... to build-up. Like a rock collecting moss.

So, pick your battles. This is a time of "tantrums" as well... it was bound to happen. A great book is "Your 2 Year Old" which you can find at www.amazon.com It nicely explains what a 2 year old is like for the Parent. So they can understand them.

I would not "expect" him to sit at the table.... much less, quietly or like a statue. He can't. He's too young. He's probably also just too distracted by dinner time, or tired... or just that fact that BOTH his parents are home... together with him, is enough to make a child just too excited to sit still or eat. I know when my Hubby comes home from work, both my kids get SO SO active and loud and excited that their Daddy is home... and they will not sit still either. They have to get it out... all their emotions at the end of the day, of seeing Daddy home, of the night-time commencing etc. So, it's a real doozy for some kids.

Remember: age appropriate expectations, tantrums will happen, it will take time. I sincerely do not believe in punishments for things like this... he is just behaving as a child. But, GUIDE him in the ways of your 'rules.' Like anything... boundaries, and manners, and behavior takes time to attain. So, changes will not happen over night.

My son does not sit still either. My son is 2.5 years old. I really don't stress about it. I rather him be a child than have a big battle at dinner and then have to wrestle him and tie him to his seat, and have yelling. Not my cup of tea. But, there are nights when he IS great about it, and he does know that the dinner table is for sitting at.

All the best,
Susan

As the mother of three and having been through this three times, I suggest letting him eat at the table when he wants to. He is very young, so you might want to lower your expectations of what you think he should be doing. It won't be long before he is ready and sitting with you at the table, so don't worry! Letting up a bit will also allow you and your husband to have "peaceful" meals together! Doesn't that sound good?!

I never pushed this with any of my children at such a young age, but they all sit at the table nicely now. Battles bring stress, so choose them wisely!

Good luck!

Hi there. As the full time working mom of 3 it seems to me that you might have an unrealistic expectation of a 21 mo old. He may behave when there is just one adult because he is constantly being entertained and acknowledged. To expect him to sit properly on his own is not fair at this age. I understand that you and your husband work all day and want to spend time with your son, but this is not the way to do it. My suggestion is that he eats before, you put him to bed, and you and your husband eat together afterwards. If his bedtime is later let him play in the dining room as you eat, or sit at the table with toys etc to occupy him. I stronly suggest you avoid making food and food environments a control issue. Good luck.

My son has as similar issue come up when my Husband comes home from work. Transitioning from just being with me to having all three of us seems hard for him. We realized that he feels left out and REALLY wants to be included. It is easy for my husband and me to talk fast and catch up on our lives and leave no space for my son. So we have been consciously including him and letting him tell his "stories" too. Sometimes he just wants some silence and some eye contact. But usually it is just that he wants to feel like he is included in our conversation and connected to us. It is challenging sometimes for us to slow down to his speed sometimes but it is well worth it. Hope this helps.
-M.

Try giving him some toys (even drawing) for only when he is sitting at the table. Don't let him play with those toys otherwise...after a while, you can start to take it away when he is more used to sitting down at the table...

Hi J., use a high chair, to train him, have a booster seat ready at the table, so when he is behaving, let him try to sit at the table if he acts up, go back the high chair. Family dinners are sooooo important, you'll see why later, we always had the family table for dinner, and breakfast on the weekends, it plays a big part on how your kids turn out later. Mom of 3 grown kids. J.

Have you tried taking off the tray and scooting the high chair up to the table? Is the atmosphere at the table peaceful and pleasant? I have noticed that my daughter (2) ate much better at my sister's house, where they have more formal 'sit down" meals. Not that our house is not peaceful, it is just not such an established routine, I can barely get my husband to sit down before everyone else is finished eating. (things to do). If your house is that way, I would work on establishing a more peaceful routine, with your husband, before trying to get him to join it. I am working on having a more regular dinner time, and thinking about it more in advance, instead of so "on the run." Talk to an older woman (50's housewife) and ask how they did it. Good luck.

We have those Stokke high chairs, so they are really just chairs with straps. We tell our kids to sit until everyone is finished. If they refuse, then we tell them that they have a choice: they may sit by by free will or we can buckle them in. 99% of the time they choose to sit there. We do follow through and none of them like to be buckled.

does he sit in a highchair?. my daughter is 2 and will sit in her highchair and also at the table without one. when my daughter starts to act up durring meals i simply take her food and shes done. she gets nothing more. i know this seems harsh but it really works for her. when she starts to fuss i ask her are you done do we need to throw your food away? and she says no and continues to eat. also i do not fix more then one meal. what i fix for dinner is all i fix for dinner and i dont make substitues. my daughter is 2 and will eat just about anything you give her. she has skipped a meal here and there from refusing to eat. good luck!

Their must be a lot of the time that dinner is eaten with 1 or the other of you & not both. Put his plate at the table when both of you are their make him sit with you while your are eating. If he doesn't eat put his food away when you are done & don't let him eat later or 1 of you sit with him while he eats after you are finished. 1 or 2 times of going to bed with out supper if that is what he chooses to do won't hurt him. #2 when he starts throwing a tantrum walk out of the room or go on doing what ever you were doing like you aren't noticing his tantrum. But one the tantrum is over don't give in to him & give him what every he wanted that you didn't give him when he started throwing the tantrum. Because in both in cases if you give in to him then he will continue to throw fits when having to eat with both parents. And the tantrums will only get worse if you let him have or do what ever you told him he couldn't have prior to the tantrum.

J.,

This happend with my son too, and I asked EVERYONE for help on how to FIX it. And, the best advice I got was from my really good friend, who told me 'just don't stress about it and be creative'. I thought about it, and realized it was a battle I could either fight tooth and nail or find a creative solution. So, since my son is not really a big eater at dinner I decided to try a couple of suggestions on how to get him to sit at least and be a part of the dinner time.

*Don't make it about eating...make it about keeping Mommy and Daddy company
*Get a booster seat that puts him at eye level so he can see what's going on. When my son feels like he is a part of the action he's totally excited about dinner time.
*If he won't sit down, let it be. Have your dinner, have your conversation and don't antagonize him over it. When my son realizes he's missing out, he sits down with us.
*He picked out his booster
*For a time, he would only sit down at his activity table...so, I moved it into the dining room and he'd sit and eat there.
*Don't let him see you sweat! Kids sense tension and frustration and often their behavior is a direct result of feeling/sensing tension.

I'm not a super strict Mommy when it comes to eating and dinner...kids will eat if they are hungry, but I also don't believe eating/food should be linked with punishment. This kind of correlation can cause food issues and problems with diet in the future.

Just be patient, and have fun. My son and I talk about his day, what he did/experienced at preschool or what kinds of things he wants to do on our Adventure Days. Mealtime should be fun and about family, so just let it be and don't punish, force or try to train him to sit...he's a person and just learning about what is okay, what he can be in charge of and how to exert a little independence. Be consisten, be patient and be firm...but, don't forget to smile!!

Good Luck!

My daughter was 18 months old when she started having tantrums at the table. I can relate to your frustration. While I wanted to ignore it, it impacted the rest of the families meal time as well. I had been working with an occupational therapist and nutritionist regarding other issues with my daughter and based on their recommendations this is what I did:

-set a time for 10 minutes and required her to sit at the table until the time went off. We slowly increased the time.
-when she had a tantrum we moved her chair away from the table (about 6-8 feet away...kind of like a time out). We were fortunate because she was still in a chair that strapped her in so she couldn't get out.

My daughter realized quickly that she preferred sitting with the family at the table and the tantrum subsided within 2 days. We continued to use the timer, though, to help encourage more eating. Slowly we increased the time she had to sit at the table.

I hope this information helps. Hang in there. It will get better!

Hi J., I would just be consistent in having your son sit at the table as a family. Tell him, that's what families do. When he is behaving appropriately, be sure and include him in your conversation. Maybe he's acting up because you and your husband are talking over his head the whole time. If he misbehaves, remove him for a short period of time- but don't give a lot of attention to that behavior. He'll soon learn that "you catch more flies with sugar than you do with vinegar". That's an old expression, but it makes sense.

As far as learning how to tantrum from watching a little girl at the doc's office- I think it's more a coincidence. At 21 months, some of his behavior might be rocky from time to time, because he's testing out his autonomy and limits.

Hello J.,

I have the same problem with my son when we're having dinners at my in-laws. He is 2 1/2 right now. He won't sit still and my in-laws aren't helping either. They keep telling me that he is still too young to sit on the dinner table with us. So what I do it, when we having our own meal at home, I put him in his high chair along with his food on it, then push the high chair again the dinner table. At first, he doesn't want to sit still. He wanted me to chase him around the house and feed him. (that's what my in-laws does) So I keep telling him that whatever grandma does stay at grandma's, at home we have our dinner at dinner table. After a while, he gets the idea, but sometimes, he still doesn't want to sit still. I will just take him out, then tell him that he's done with dinner. Trust me after a while, he will get the idea of it. To me, as long as, he has his dinner at the dinner table then that's fine with me. It doesn't matter how much he eats, maybe too little to my concern, but he sat down and have a quiet, 20-30 minutes dinner with us at the table. That's good enough for me. Booster seat works great with my son too. I think you just have to consistent to tell him to have dinner at the table and let him realized that EVERYONE are doing the same thing. Not just him, but everyone, including mommy and daddy. Good Luck.

That's great that you are establishing an "we all dine together" policy. I think it's those small details that really make a family a close knit unit, I think. Anyway, your son is a bit young right now to have the attention span to dine with you as long as you may like. You may want to either limit the amount of time that he is required to dine with the family to 10 to 15 minutes or plan ahead of time to create a box of special, novel toys, books, crayons, etc., that he can play with only at the dinner table while you and your husband are finishing up your portion of the dinner. If you opt for the box of toys, make sure these are things that he really is interested in and that he doesn't have any similar toys that he can play with when it is not dinner time.

Other items that may keep his interested while at the dinner table and help with his fine motor development as well are:

Fill a ziploc bag or bags with ketchup and mustard and make sure that it is properly sealed. What he can do with this is take his finger(s) and move around the sealed condiments to make special designs or blend them around.

Take an empty egg carton and fill it up part way with cheerios which will encourage him to his his pincher grasp to pick up the cheerios out of each individual compartment.

You can find similar tabletop age appropriate learning experiments on www.ivillage.com, in the education section.

Good luck.