Getting a 16Mth Old to Stay Seated at Dinner

B.,

Try belting her to a small seat at her sisters table. If she is trying to be like sister then maybe that will help. Try asking sister if she can be belted also for a short time. Big sisters like to be able to teach little ones. If this does not do the trick, then you are just going to have to be tough. She will not starve if she misses a few meals. Just giver her her food at the table, if she walks away, pick it up. I had to use this method, it did not take long to get the message accross to the children.

You didn't say how old her sister is. I don't quite get why her sister has her own table if your goal is for dinner to be family time. We have a smaller kid table in the other room where they can have snacks and lunch, but at dinner time our whole family eats at the same table. If her big sister has a seperate table, how can you blame her to want to sit with her?? Have her sister join you at the dinner table (use a booster seat if she needs one?) and you can take the tray off of the high chair and push it right up to the table with everyone else. Also, I bought my toddler a plastic plate that has sections-- it takes him longer to eat now because he likes to move his food from section to section in between bites.

Hi B.
Well, one thing I would ask is what is she eating before dinner and when and how much. I would write down what she's eating and drinking, because apparently she's not really hungry. What you should do is if she doesn't sit still and want to eat, take it away and put it away and do not bring it back out. She will learn after two or more times that you mean business. She won't starve to death. Use common sense. But she will think that there are consequences to her actions, even at that age. But don't give in. Speak clearly that it's time for dinner, everyone sits down. And you as the mom should bring your other child away from the small table and put her up to your table and sit as a family. That will aleviate that problem of the baby wanting to sit with sister. Let me know how it works.
T.

Do you guys eat together. Children imitate what they see. Ifshe sees you seated and eating your dinner together, mom, dad, and big sis sitting eating, talking, laughing and enjoying one another's company. Maybe they could help you make a simple dessert; when everyone stays seatedand ate all their food the reward can be getting to taste the sweet treat that they helped you make.

My instincts tell me that your problem is your 3 yr old, not the 16 month old. Your 16 month is just following the example of your older child, who obviously is in charge of what happens at dinner. Get rid of the "little" table. Put your 3 yr old in a booster at the family table. If she "refuses" to use it, make her leave the table and go to her room. (no playing)... When she is ready to eat, she will come back to the table and sit where you have told her to sit. The end.
The younger one will learn from what she sees. So far, all she sees is her older sister having fun sitting at this cute little child's play table and getting away with "refusing" to do what you have told her (using a booster). Once you establish the rules with your 3 yr old, then work on the little one, if there is still a problem. Same rules for her. If she gets down from the chair (and she may want to)--- straight to her room, no playing, no dinner - until she sits where she has been told to and can follow the rules. You are the parent. Do not allow your children to dictate to you where they "will" sit and where they "won't" sit. You will be in for a very LONG and FRUSTRATING childhood with them if you don't straighten this out quickly. You don't need to behave angrily or upset with them. Just be matter of fact. "The new rules are: you sit here during dinner to eat. If you do not, you do not eat, you go sit on your bed in your room. " When they disobey (and they will at first to "test" you) Then you tell her, "Put your fork/spoon down and go sit on your bed". (no explanation no "discussion" - you warned her before the meal began). After 3 or 4 minutes. You may go ask if she wants to try again so she can join you for the remainder of the meal. If she doesn't stay seated or makes a scene over it, send her back to her room. She can stay there until the meal is over. Her food will get cold. Oh well. She can eat it cold it won't hurt her. Just do NOT give in. Even if she eats nothing!... missing one meal will not hurt her, and she will LEARN something IMPORTANT... MOM makes decisions, not me.... If I disobey they are consequences..... BIG JOB accomplished = life easier for Mom down the road on EVERY ISSUE THAT WILL COME UP.

All that said, why the big issue over the booster seat? My 3 yr old was able to sit on her knees and use good manners in all the other respects, so we got rid of the booster seat. She did fine without it. We just put an old towel over the seat of the chair. If it isn't necessary, don't make a big deal over it. The big deal with your 16 month old is that she wants to do what your 3 yr old is doing.

I have to agree with Victoria. Get rid of the small table! Everyone should be eating at the same table if the goal is a family dinner. Our 3 year old has been taught that he stays seated until everyone is finished or he's been excused. The little one is following the big sister's example and wants her way too. Time to reign in the dinnertime chaos! Everyone sits at the table with a booster (or whatever they need to reach the table). Make a big deal of it since they aren't going to neccisarily be happy about not getting their way anymore, get them some cute place mats and their own small silverware, let them help set the table. Good luck and congratulations on the new baby!

Wow-sounds likes she wants to be just like her sister!
You know, my son is almost 3 and he still sometimes won't stay in his seat.
Have you tried using a booster seat like this one:
http://www.amazon.com/Fisher-Price-Healthy-Care-Booster-S...

We've been using it for awhile now--the high chair was just taking up too much space in my small kitchen. When they are younger you can use the tray, much like a high chair, and as they grow you can remove it and just have them eat at the table (but you can strap them in like a high chair). It's also very portable.

My second son was a bear at dinner time. I just put his plate on the table and let him run back and forth to eat. It didn't take long for him to stay in his seat....copying big brother. We have so many stresses in our lives, I just had to pick & choose my battles. This one I chose not to fight, so I could enjoy MY DINNER. I wish you all the best.
C.
http://www.workathomeunited.com/C.

This is what has worked for us. My 4 year old eats at the table with us and so does the 2 year old. The two year old just recently does not want to sit in her booster seat. She wants to seat in a regular chair like all of us. So she does. She just stands in the chair or on her knees. You have to remember that a toddler can finish their meal in about 5-10 minutes and be done. She she may be eating all she wants and then just want sto go. mine are like that. let her and her sister eat at the big table with you.

Sounds to me like you are letting both the 16 month old and the three year old a bit too much freedom. My three year old has been sitting at the regular table with us for a while now and doesnt' have a problem. I also have a 20 month old who did the same thing. He wanted to sit at the regular table but would not stay seated. So, I took his plate away once he got up and after a few nights, he didn't get up until he was finished. A couple of rough nights, you may have, but it sure is nice to have the whole family sitting together for a meal. Good luck, and remember, you are the adult and you make the rules.

I have a 21 month old daugther and my advice is not to make a big deal out of this. You make the rules. The rule is that she sits down to eat. If she wants to get up - fine - make sure you tell her that she will be allowed to get up but that she will not get anything else to eat the rest of the night. She will learn very quickly what the rule is and what she needs to do if she is hungry and would like to eat. My daughter can also have a bit of a temper but she understands our rules and consquences and then it becomes habit. Now if someone even tries to give her something to eat while she is standing, like a small cookie or a bite of something, she will sit down on the ground right where she is at. We tell her that we aren't going to force her to eat or force her to sit - but if she wants to eat then she will sit. I do agree with other posters that the whole idea might go over better if you got a booster for your older child and everyone ate at the table together. If she refuses it - same consequence as the younger child. She will use it or she will not eat that meal. It may sound harsh but when you are dealing with toddlers - you have to be firm about the behaviors you expect.

One suggestion is to let your child scream in the chair while you eat. Annoying, but if you get her down everytime she screams, then she's just going to keep on doing it, because it gets her what she wants. Another suggestion is to feed your 16 month old before everyone else, then let her sit at her sister's table during dinner. That way if she's up and running around, at least she already ate. I'm assuming the screaming is because she wants to sit at her sister's table WITH her sister. Or maybe you could try using a booster at the adult table for the little one.

B. - please don't take this as harse as it may come across. Dinner time should be a special time for family but ignoring the problem with your 16 mo. old will only bring you more problems later. I can understand her desire to sit with her sister. The first time she gets up I would put her back in the seat and explain that she has to sit and eat. The 2nd time she gets up, put her back in the seat and explain that if she gets up again she will be removed from the table and not allowed to eat with the family. When she gets up for the 3rd time (and she will - it's a battle of wills at this point) take her chair and food away from the table and put them where she can not get them, take her to her room, explain that she is not allowed to come back to the table until everyone is done eating, leave her in her room (close the door if need be). She may come back out and that's not a battle I would fight right now that's why I don't say 'you have to stay in your room' just that they aren't allowed to come to the table and you've already fixed that problem by removing the chair and food. If she comes back fine - she can stand there until everyone else is finished. DO NOT BRING HER FOOD/CHAIR BACK UNTIL EVERYONE IS DONE, otherwise you aren't keeping your word. The next night, follow the same pattern. This teaches her that eating with the family is a priviledge and if she wants to have that priviledge she has to do as she is asked.

No one wants there child to go hungry but you know she won't be harmed by missing a few dinners - she will eat better at breakfast :)

You poor thing. I read your other one about your 3 year old with the bath too. I think they might be reacting to the impending baby and this is their way of acting out and getting the attention they think they are missing. If that's the case, then giving them Special Time every night, just 10 minutes (use a timer, announce the beginning and the end) where all of your attention is focused on the child and they get to do whatever THEY want for 10 minutes, can really go a long way to getting their needs met and it might help. If you have a partner get him to watch the other one for Daddy Special Time and then you switch. It might make your other battles much easier. Don't take away Special Time as a punishment either, but you can offer an extra Special Time as a reward.
For the bath: at 3 they get fearful of things, so it could be a fear of going down the drain or drowning or something like that. Put a "magic" block on the drain so she won't go down, or use "magic" bubbles that make her float, or something along those lines to reassure her. Perhaps use less water so she is less afraid. See if she will tell you why she hates the bath. If you have a handheld shower attachment you can use that if that makes it better. You could also change bath time so that it's not the last thing before bed. If she takes a bath without crying she gets five extra minutes of reading with Mommy before bedtime. Just an idea.
For your 16 month old: let her sit at her sister's table, but put her in a seat strapped to a kiddie chair. Tell her she gets to eat with her sister just like a big girl, but she has to stay put and eat like a big girl. If she throws a tantrum, just say "mama doesn't listen to tantrums" and ignore her. She's in the seat, so where is she going anyway? My 17 month old eats better when we all eat together and when she is eating what we are eating. She just wants to be more a part of what we do, and that isn't a bad thing, so I encourage it. Maybe your 16 month old just wants to be a big girl, so since that is a good thing, help her try to do it.
Good luck.

Hi B.,

My daughter used to scream until she got her way, too. That was our problem - every time a child "gets their way", they are going to remember the method that they used to get it - and then keep doing it. When my husband and I started ignoring (as hard as it was) her protests and stuck to what we stated, eventually, the screaming has stopped; it doesn't get her what she wants anymore! We had to learn to say what we expected then follow through with it - no matter what. It caused me to have to think more about what I'm going to say, too. A side benefit to this method has been that she now believes what we are saying to her. She doesn't second guess us and she knows that what we say will happen; she has come to obey much more quickly, too.

My thought is if your 16 month old does happen to walk around, then she should not be able to finish her food. Do you have "dinner-time" rules? I have found that a couple of simple rules helps set the expectations and make for predictability. One of our is "Keep your bum bum on the chair". When there is disobedience I simply say, "You have disobeyed a dinner-time rule. You have lost the privilege of dinner." She then has to do it the right way - sit down, but she cannot finish her dinner; she just stays there until we are all done. Either way, she has to sit. One way, it's with food, the other way is without food. Dinner time is much more peaceful now.

You may be struggling with your daughter needlessly: "It will take you over 30minutes to calm her down..." Usually, the only way for the parent to do the calming down is to appease them. I say, either correct her in whatever manner you chose and then leave her until she chooses to calm down or just ignore it until she's done and then correct her. She has to grow up learning to get control of herself or else she will always make a stink about everything and possibly become a great manipulator or someone that no one wants to be around.

Parenting is not easy and I don't have all the answers, but we are all making a great investment that we'll either pay for now or later!

Don't give up or give in! :)
C.