PE Teachers Behavior Towards My DD

Stay calm. Set up a meeting. Hear his side of the story. Then, go from there.
Something to consider: As a child who very rarely got into trouble at school, I was completely mortified the handful of times I did. I remember that I would see things as worse than they really were because I was not used to another adult besides my parents having to discipline me.

Remember that 99 percent of teachers really love their jobs and the kids. This could be a bad apple, just like at any other job. But don't go up to school yelling and accusing. You will be taken much more seriously by the teacher and/or principal if you are calm, concerned, and respectful.

Best wishes

My advice is to take the issue to the principal. No teacher should EVER treat a child like that. When my child was in 6th grade, I was waiting outside of his principal's office to get approval for a family trip. The principal was talking with a teacher, very calmly and nicely reprimanding her for mistreating a child. I heard him say in a very kind voice, "It doesn't matter what the child did, you are the adult in the situation, and you should never lose sight of that fact that we are entrusted with these children's lives. Each child is entitled to always feel safe and cared for." I was really impressed with the principal, because he did not accept any excuses, yet he was kind to the teacher. I agree with him. EVERY CHILD IS ENTITLED TO FEEL SAFE AND CARED FOR AT SCHOOL. You being calm and serene while addressing the situation keeps the principal and teacher from feeling that you are out to crucify them. I would hate for any other child to have to feel the way the teacher made your daughter feel. Tell the principal that's how you feel- you don't want the teacher punished, just want the behavior to stop.

C.,

I've never been as compelled to respond as I was to your request for advice. I'm infuriated that a teacher would do that to an 8 year old child. That man is a bully. Sorry, but if my son came home and told me a teacher (or anyone) hurt him, you'd better believe I would not waste time writing to anyone, or sending emails, or requesting a conference. I'd confront that individual immediately and demand to know why he/she felt it was necessary to humiliate and hurt my child.

You say PE teachers are supposed to act tough. None of mine ever did. I've seen coaches act tough. Keep in mind though, there is a difference in being tough and being mean.

Now I'm not saying go up there and stand toe to toe to this man, but don't waste time in confronting him. Everyday that goes by is another day you allow him to humiliate or hurt another child, if not your own again.

If it were me, I'd go to the school office and have him called in. Then there infront of other personnel, I'd confront him and make him aware that he has no business EVER putting his hands on my child again. Be calm and polite, not confrontational, but be firm. After confronting him I would ask for a conference with the principal.

Don't worry what the school personnel are going to say about you. Or that you'll be classified as "one of those moms". Instead you should proud to be "one of those moms" that stands up for her child.

You should say something to the principal. Make an appointment and meet with him/her. Calmly bring up your daughter's description of the incident, and get the principal to agree that such behavior is not appropriate from an adult to a child (and surely the principal can agree to that!). Acknowledge that your daughter's hurt feelings may have led her to exaggerate the incident, but point out, again, calmly, that given your niece's experiences with that same teacher, you are inclined to believe your daughter.

I hated PE in elementary school because of teachers like that. It wasn't until I was in college that I finally learned to like sports. (I loved intramurals and was actually on a championship team!) I learned that I loved exercising and running and playing sports, running relays, etc., but maybe I would have loved those things earlier in junior high or high school had a couple of mean teachers not put me off of any form of PE back in elementary school. Not all of my PE teachers were mean, but the two who were (Coach Astin, I'm looking at you!) absolutely made me hate PE.

I'd speak to both the teacher AND the principal - there is no excuse for this. And they already know that you aren't 'that kind of mom' since this is her second year and nothing like that has ever happened before - so don't be afraid to express your concerns in a controlled and calm manner.

If I were you, I would be very very calm. Children's accounts are not always the way that it happenned. I would make an appointment with the teacher only after evaluating the situation calmly and seeing that it needs addressing. You can tell your daughter to listen when instructions are given and that if it happens again, then I will talk To the teacher. Do not escalate things until they really need escalating. you do not want your child singled out. It might not be good for her in the future.
Do not let anyone tell you to fight a war which is not necessary or which you will not win. Be diplomatic. Your daughter is in the hands of these people for about 7 hours everyday. you need to keep it a peaceful place for her. Asking people for apologies to your daughter for one incident which you do not really know what happenned might just unravel it for her.

Your first priority is your DD not worrying about how the educators in your DD's school feel about you. As an educator and now administrator, you have every right to report your DD's incident. The first step is to set up a meeting with the principal. Let her deal with her idiot teacher - it's her job! Most importantly, let your DD know she did nothing wrong.

Dear C.:

My advice, from having been in the PTA and seeing the chain of command at schools, is to first schedule a conference with the PE teacher. I think this goes beyond just sending an e-mail, I would want a face-to-face.

Then after your conference give it a few days to a week and see if the situation has resolved. If nothing changes, then it's time to go up the chain of command and schedule a conference with the principal and the teacher. If this does not resolve the situation, you keep going up the chain of command, this time with administration for the school district. Public schools run like the military, they are all about chain of command. If you try to skip a level they will direct you down to the level you skipped.

I found being involved with the PTA I got to know the principal and the teachers and was well-known at the school, which helped my child. Good teachers like the involvement and support; poor teachers know you have the principal's ear and will do a better job around your child.

Don't worry about being "one of those moms." The schools need MORE moms and dads that are involved.

L. F., married to my best friend for 22 years, mom to an almost 14-year-old daughter

Girlfriend, there is no way I would spend even another second worrying about what the school staff and other parents think about you! And I wouldn't send any emails either. If I were you I would have myself an appointment to meet with the principal in person today! There is no way I would let a teacher, especially a male teacher, grab my daughter's arm, hurt her and yell in her face without serious discussion with the principal and possibly someone at the district level. And if they didn't take me seriously and right the wrong, I would rip my kid out of that school so fast and take them somewhere they will be better respected. Unless you have an unruly, out of control and dagerous child, there is no reason for a teacher to ever grab your child hard enough to hurt them. Don't ignore this. I can tell that you are very upset about it, and I want you to know that you are rightfully upset. Be brave. You can do it. You have plenty of moms here that support you in this situation. Just remember that we teach our kids to respect their bodies and that other people (whether their friends or adults) should also respect their bodies, if you let this pass, you are losing a really great teachable moment to demonstrate to your daughter that it is not right for others to hit, kick, grab, push or anything similar. I would insist that the PE teacher apologize to my child before I could move past the incident.

I would confront the teacher to determine what happened.

You need to go talk to that P.E. teacher. And start asking around if this is an ongoing thing with this person. It has probably happened before and noone is saying anything. A second grader is nothing to be yelling at especially if she is trying to follow directions. If he is in any way condescending to you or begins to treat your daughter other than appropriate take it up with the principal. Give the coacch a chance to rectify the problem.

I'm an elementary music teacher, so those PE teachers are my team mates and often good friends - and none of the ones I've ever worked with have humiliated or been physical with children like that. Absolutely unacceptable and not at all par for the course. There's the always the chance that the story got exaggerated (as a teacher we've all been on the receiving end of that), but maybe not. I'd go with that angle in talking to the teacher - and I'd say talk directly to the teacher first. Maybe share with him what your daughter said, and that you're trying to make sure she told you exactly what happened. So then it's hard to say where to go next. Chances are he won't do it again - to your kid. And he'll either realize he made a mistake, or he will indeed brand you as "one of those parents", because that's just how he is. If you continue to feel uncomfortable, I would talk to the principal. My gut says the guy needs some guidance and needs to change how he interacts with all of the students, not just your daughter. Good luck!

I would set up a conference with the teacher.