New Baby on the Way - Chandler,OK

V.,

If I had to do it all over again, I wouldn't say much to the older children about their new sibling. There's no way you can prepare a 3-yo for now much their life is going to change. I like what the Amish do. They don't even tell their children that the mother is pregnant. She just appears one morning at breakfast with a new sibling and that's that. My own great uncle was asked if he wanted to visit the cousins and when he got back, lo and behold, there was baby girl! He was five or so and not one thing had been said to him. This was in 1910 but I still love the story.

K.

At 3, I would simply tell her that babies start out very tiny inside their mommy's body, and have to grow a long time inside her before they are big enough to be born. Tell her that right now it's smaller than a bean, so it has a lot of growing to do. As your pregnancy advances and signs become visible, you can point out to her along the way how the baby is growing, let her know about how big it is, etc. That way, she will stay excited about the idea, and feel like she is part of the whole process of getting a baby brother or sister, and will feel a connection to it by the time it's born.

Congratulations! I always told the kids "God made a special place inside my tummy for the baby to grow" andt hat seemed like enough information. There are tons of books at your local library in the childrens section. When I had a child care center and took the required classes for my CDA we had to have a resource file on hand to pass our final. In one file thers was a list for parents that I could pull out and give them the names of appropriate books for just about any reason. How to explain to kids why some classmate might have 2 dads or 2 moms, where babies came from, why skin is different colors or people talk differently, etc...it was something I hadn't thought about but your local resource librarian should be able to pull up a list for you from their computer.

I would keep it very very simple, and even then she probably wont get it until your stomach is bigger. I have just said the baby is in mommy's tummy. And when they ask why I just say that is where they grow and get strong before they can come out. That usually pacified my 3 year old with my last pregnancy. Then once you get the belly it is pretty exciting for them. However, just beware once you have the baby you might still get baby comments. The day my kids came to visit me after I had #3 both asked me why I was still having another baby and pointed at my tummy. And everytime they caught me getting into the shower they asked why I had another baby in my tummy, for probably 4 weeks. :) Congratulations and good luck!

Just keep telling her that the baby is in momies tummy. Let her see other moms to be, there are books out there that shows mom pg. you could get. As you get bigger with child she will see, and let her feel your tummy. Tell her all babys start out very very tiny and grow. God Bless. B. A.

We just had our second, and our 3 year-old is doing great! I went to our local bookstore (Booksamillion) and bought 2 books for his level. He loved both and we read them over and over through the pregnancy. One was by Cole and I think it was called "I'm a Big Brother" or something like it. I think the other was called Our New Baby. You can probably find some other ideas and lots of parent reviews on amazon.com. Have fun!!!

I would just tell her it is in your tummy and the doctor is going to take the baby out.

I also wanted to let you know of a FREE Jewish Moms group. Its great for new moms. There is an infant playgroup where new moms come and get to know one another and are able to ask theri peers questions and get support from each other..there are a lot of other fun events as well and its all FREE www.JewishMomsGroup.com

Good Luck and Mazel Tov on you new baby!
H.

Remember KISS? Keep it simple and age appropriate. There's no need to explain pregnancy to a 3 year old when you are only 8 weeks pregnant. In fact, it is only a recent phenomenon for a woman to announce pregnancy to anyone at 8 weeks. Women waited until they were showing before talking about it outside the family. I know it sounds old-fashioned but it was because so many things can happen in that first trimester and it saved explanations.

It sounds like you have only asked if she would LIKE a little brother or sister. For her to get excited about it is normal. Now, I would back off and simply re-direct her when she asks where it is. She's 3 years old. As you begin to show, she's going to start asking questions about your expanding tummy. Remember that 9 months is forever in her life. Giving her too much information too young will definitely confuse her. In 9 months, she will be closer to 4 and will be able to accept more explanations and will understand the wait a little better.

As she asks questions about your expanding waistline, answer with age appropriate questions. When my son was about that age, I found a book written by children for children called "How Mary Has Kittens" that really helped. However, even that was intended for 5-6 year olds. I only read a page or two at a time to my son to ease him into the concept.

By waiting, you have a chance to figure out how to answer the usual questions: how did it get in there, does it have teeth, how does it eat, what does it eat, etc.

Good responses, and congratulations! I wanted to add a couple of things.

When I was pregnant with my son, I took my young daughters to an older sibling class offered free at the hospital I was delivering him at. They got to tour the room, and the staff explained things like, "when a baby comes out, it is naked and doesn't have any clothes or toys like you do, so that's why people give mommy presents for the new baby." They brought dolls and were taught how to change the doll's diapers.

Also, no matter how much you prepare her - expect her to be surprised when the baby actually arrives. No matter how much she kisses your tummy, talks to the baby, reads to the baby, etc, it will have been in your tummy for so long, that even though you've told her it will come out, it's going to be a bit unexpected for her at that age when it actually comes out. It's always cute seeing how the older sibling reacts to a new baby, even though it's expected!

V.,
First of all, Congrats on your pregnacy! I'm 20 weeks pregnate right now with my second, and my baby boy is turning 3 next month. At this point in your pregnacy, I probably wouldn't say too much, because you don't want to overload and confuse your 3 year old. I would wait until you are further along in the pregnacy and starting to get the nursery ready for the new baby to say too much about it, because 9 months is an eternity when you're that small, and no 3 year old really has a good concept of time anyways. As far as the questions about 'where is the baby' and 'how did it get there' just give enough information for her to understand, like 'the baby is very tiny and has to grow in mommy's tummy for a long time.' I know it sounds cheesy, but it makes more sense than totally trying to explain the birds and the bees to a three year old, who won't understand 98% of what you're trying to say. Give her just enough information to satisfy the answer and keep it simple, that's the best advice I can give you. I hope this helps!
S.

V., little one's of that age really don't need much explanation. Just tell her the baby is in mommy's tummy...when you start showing she'll catch on better. Once the baby starts moving then she can feel and catch on a little further.....I found that you only need to give them what they can handle based on their age. Just keep telling her the babies in mommy's belly and eventually she'll catch on as much as she needs to. Have fun...R

Hey V.,

I am laughing at your question as we went through this with our 2 yr old waiting on the arrival of our new baby. In hindsight, I'm glad we told her early. She benefited from learning so much and now has better patience for things.

What I did: I played baby dolls with her. We watched a good bit of baby story, adoption story, special delivery and deliver me. I would point out the doctors, the mommy with the big belly and the daddy. Then later as my due date neared we would discuss the umbilical cord, that babies are covered in white stuff. That some mommy's can't have a baby and so another mommy shares her baby in regards to adopting. I kept it simple,adding some information every so often. Nearer to delivery, I" pointed out the monitors, the wires all over the mommys, etc.

But to field that constant inquiry you are asking about... I would just say "God is still growing the baby in mommy's belly." And if she became more curious or frustrated, I would tell her if the baby came before due or finished growing, she would be too small and sick.

I also took her to my doctor appts. I would tell her we were going to see the baby on the special t.v. Or that we were going to listen to the baby's heartbeat and measure my belly. My doctor's office is attached to the hospital I was to be delivering at. So I would take my toddler for lunch with me in the hospital and explain that mommy would be staying in the hospital for a few days when the baby was ready.

To keep to my theme, as my due date neared, I would tell her an extra bedtime story. The story was about her baby sister being born. Initially it included mommy going to hospital, the baby being born and her seeing her sister. Then I added in how she would spend the night with her aunt when mommy went to the hospital.

All the easy prep work did wonders. My 2 1/2 yr old was like a pro. She would tell people "that God wasn't finished growing the baby" and all about "the UN-Bill-cull cord" and even that "the baby comes out your girly spot."

I know you are early in pregnancy, congrats on the soon to be second blessing. Many prayers that everything go as planned. And what a double blessing to share the early news with your little one, both for educating and for including her. It should make the transition and addition more pleasant.

Best Wishes,
-MB

I went through this last year with my daughter, who was 3 also. I explained to her that the baby was in mommys tummy. And that he was growing everyday. And as my tummy got bigger she would ask, if she could see or play with him. I would just tell her that he was still too small and he needed more time to grow.
It worked at fine. And now that brother is 8 months old, they love each other so much!
Good luck!

When I was pregnant with my second, my son was only 2. I blew up 2 pictures of myself when I was 8 months pregnant with him. Then, I cut out a picture of him as a newborn and cut out the tummy on one of my pictures. I made like a "lift the flap" with my pregnant tummy so he could see the baby underneath. Also got a few books about waiting for baby, etc. Good luck!