Need Advice on Nephews Behavior... and Parents...

Everyone else gave you already great advice and I hope this works out. But in the end your daugher is the one that counts most and if that means that there will be very limited contact between the kids at least, if not the families, then that is safer in the long run. This was a horrible "game" and I would not leave her alone with her cousin again. There will be other families who are willing to appreciate your daughter and your family as they are and will be inclusive to everyone, though that may take time, but will be worth it in the long run.
All the best to you, your daugher and your husband as you work through this difficult situation.

There is already a issue going on all the way from the parents down. You need to just tell them what you saw and make sure your daughter isn't around this young boy by herself. You are the protector and she is the child. With her being a special needs child she can't see the whole picture and is probably very trusting that these kids wouldn't hurt her. This could escalate into a very dangerous situation as she grows older. It's you and your husbands job to protect her. If they don't like it then its there problem not yours.

That is awfut! I'm sorry, but that is NOT kids being kids and it's not okay!!! You need to say something to the parents and to your nephew. You may have to go out of your way, but if I were you I'd find some nice kids for your daughter to hang around...these are NOT nice kids. A good friend has a daughter who has Down's Syndrome and she is so sweet and innocent that she would allow someone to take advantage of her but I know she would also be very forthright in telling what happened not knowing it could get someone in trouble. You should ask her what kind of game they were playing and if she thought it was fun or not...I'm sure she'll tell you enough to at least put the pieces together for yourself.

that sounds like more than playing. Personally I wouldn't let her be unsupervised around them.

I'm so sorry you're facing this with your daughter. Love from family should be unconditional, and it is so sad that your girls is feeling left out. As far as not causing serious issues with your husband's family, I feel like you already have serious issues. Issues that need to be addressed. The ostracizing is unkind, and the weird "play" is alarming. Both should be talked about, and soon.
Let them know how your daughter is feeling day to day, and discuss the specifics of the tying up incident. Your job is to protect your daughter, and even though the discussion may uncomfortable, you must tackle it. Good luck to you.

Kristine, you are not over reacting. Your nephews behavior (and his parents) towards your daughter is absolutely unacceptable. Family or not, you need to surround yourself (and your daughter) with caring people. Make other friends in the neighborhood. I would suggest a private conversation with your brother. Let your brother know that his behavior and that of his family is disrespectful and abusive to you and your daughter, and that you would hope they could be mature enough to be more caring and accepting. If they cannot do that, it is beyond your control and pray for them to have a change of heart. Your number one priorty as a Mom is to protect your children. We had our inlaws visiting while I was going through chemotherapy to help us take care of our kids - found out Grandpa was being verbally, mentally, and somewhat physically abusive towards our kids behind our backs. They were asked to leave that night - family or not, no one treats my children or my family with abusive behavior. Your daughter is an amazing gift, make sure she knows that everyday!

You are NOT over reacting, in fact, you are not acting fast enough to protect your daughter from bullies like this. Just because she may be "different" than the boys doesn't mean she should be treated this way. Please explain to husband's family you are unhappy with the way they treat your family and especially your daughter. Kids can be so cruel, I know first hand. My sister has Williams Syndrome and my whole life I had to deal with people who don't know how to handle the situation with someone who is mentally challenged. Often people alienate me or my sister. I had a hard time having friends come to my house because they did not know how to react to my sister. However, things did change once I became an older teen, my friends seem to have accepted her more once they became older... I wish you luck and all the best for your beautiful daughter.

Hi Kristine, that really broke my heart to read that. I don't think you are over-reacting. I would definately speak to your brother and sister-in-law. Since, this is your husband's family maybe have your husband lead the conversation. Be careful on what you say to them, you don't want them getting defensive, because nothing will get resolved. Follow you instincts, and as much as it hurts you may just have to keep her away from them. Especially, if after you talk to the parents and you see no change or reinforcement/support from them. Good Luck! I'm very sorry you have to go through this in your own family.

Mother of 2 little girls!

wow my heart really goes out to you. I cannot imagine how you must feel. I really believe you need to talk to the parents and just express how you are feeling and defintely let them know about the situation in the room because that is not exceptable behavior for anyones children. Does your sister -n-law see these things? What does your husband say? maybe he could talk to his brother it would let you off the hook a little and maybe they dont even know what is going on. Let your husband stand up for your daughter, it must bother him also. It will work out but if your husband doesnt say anything it is up to you because if you dont stick up for your child who will. Also does your daughter have friends that can come over just to play with her. I would defintely keep an eye on her and the nephew and maybe try talking to the nephew maybe he doesnt understand why she is different and appeal to his sensitive side, how would he feel if no one wanted to play with him??? Good luck, I will say a prayer for you.

I agree with everyone else. You are not overreacting in any way!!!! You need to speak to your brother and sister in law first and make sure they are fully aware of the situation. Hopefully they will be shocked and horrified at their son's behavior. If they're not- then you know where the issue is beginning. You need to protect your daughter emotionally and physically and as heartbreaking as it is, you may have to keep your children away from your brother's . My family experienced a similar situation when I was a child and my male cousin inappropriately touched my younger sister. My aunt had the same reaction you're describing- that "they were only playing" My parents realized that their children had to be their first priority and we didn't see my aunt and cousin for a very long time. This is not the best case senerio- but it was was what HAD to be done for our safety. Good luck in dealing with this situation and remember that any decision a mother makes with her child's best interest at heart, is the RIGHT decision.

If your brother is not already aware of the situation, I would calmly (as much as possible) explain to him what you observed. Try not to bring too much emotion into it, but tell him how it made you feel. Don't blame the boys or accuse them of anything, but definitely clearly explain what you saw. Also explain that this makes you very uncomfortable and ask him how he thinks this could be avoided in the future. I think being clear and firm without getting overly emotional/accusatory will go a long way to finding a solution.

You are definitely not overreacting. I would be furious if anyone tied my kid up "playing" or not. I am shocked that the parents did not repremand their son right then since that is clearly NEVER appropraite play.

I would say that you and your husband need to talk to them without the kids. It makes me sad that they would allow their children to treat anyone that way let alone a family member with special needs.

I would also find new friends and playmates for your daughter so that maybe she is not so wrapped up in her cousins. This is a h*** o*e but it is ok to do whatever you need to do to make sure your daughter is safe and not worry about what the in laws will think. Good luck!

So hard to get the point across without causing her to be treated even more differenly by the other kids. If you target the kids and have them punished they will only be harder on her when they get the chance.
Try to find, or even create, a situation that would make one or all of them feel "different" or vulnerable. Get them to talk about how being different, or not as good at things, can be hard. Maybe a skit or a movie or even a kids movie.
They do not understand how she is made up, they only know they can control her and unfortunately it's funny to them. They need a way to recognize that her feelings get hurt just like theirs.
Try hypotheticals...like what if grandma, or a very young child in the family were to be treated that way. Make them feel important by letting them know that they are the ones who must protect her from harm, not to cause it.
Watch closely, and dont be afraid to speak up.
Good luck.