My Five-Year Old Daughter Is Acting like a Total Baby!!!!!!!!

My daughter has the worst emotional extremes, and can't seem to self soothe at all (she too is newly 5). So I completely understand. There are some things I've found help... and will feels things are going really well. Then we have a rough patch. They are getting shorter and fewer though. So I think we are on the right track. First, I really had to clamp down on her. I felt bad... but I learned if I stop it before it escalates, then it just doesn't. So once the fit starts, she is sent to her room or time out. That simple. You'll have to pick a consistent pattern and stick to it. Like everytime she fights me on something she is in time out. If she can't settle down after time out, but isn't fighting me anymore (the crying and wailing in upset) then she is in her bedroom for some "alone" time or "cool-off" time. She'll be in there until it stops. Sometimes its 10 minutes, sometimes an hour. But either way, she has to learn how to handle her emotions, and it also gets her away from whatever started it. It took a bit for her to figure out we weren't going to come and get her when she was screaming. And man did she scream! But it really is getting better now. I also have a no tolerance rule when it comes to throwing or slamming doors. Without any words, if something is thrown in her room, I go in and take it away. She has to earn it back. The doors, well, I give them one warning and the next time I take if off! She does NOT want that door off so that works great!

With tv, video or computer games I made something that worked like magic. Really. I bought the colord popsicle crafting sticks and assigned each kid a color (right now i have two I do this with). I wrote their name on the sticks so there is no "forgetting". Each stick has a time written on the end. Ours say 30 minutes. You can decide how many they get per day/week. I give them say 2 a day, and then one or two movie sticks (which are a new color neither of the kids have) which are for the week. So once they use their time, they can no longer watch or play. They can use that 30 minutes for tv, or computer or whatever... but when they are gone they are gone. And I have the kids move the stick out of the bucket, so they can see they are "spending" their time. It works so well! And if both are watching the same program on tv, they are both using their own time. It was really empowering for them to get to choose what they do with their time. You could assign time to different media (tv vs. computer) but mine seemed to like the learning games on the computer better anyway, so I just left it with whatever. You could decide on that! Oh, and I have 10 minutes sticks they can earn for good behavior. I never brib with earning one.. it ends up working against me when I bribe, but just knowing they can get one helps a lot!

Staying in bed is tough. Do you have a night light? That might help. And unless she is really scared, go in and give her a quick love. Tell her you love her and you are going back to bed. Then ignore her. It may take hours for the first bit... but she'll get it. Really she will.

I hope any of this helps. I really feel for you, because we are there too! If you have want any advice with anything in particular let me know.... it may have been something we were able to find a solution to! Or, if you just need to vent I'm here! I too am hoping this is something she outgrows. Ugh!

This has been said in some of the other responses, but you're rewarding the wrong behavior. Every time you let her "win" (for lack of a better word) you are teaching her that if she pitches a fit long enough she will get her way. You really have to clamp down and help her realize that 5 yr olds do not run the world. It will be hard. There will be much wailing and gnashing of teeth. But if you don't lovingly help her learn this now someone else will give her a harsher lesson in the future. There are lots of great suggestions from the other moms but the basis of them is that Mom and Dad are in charge. She will not always like you (and may even say she hates you) but respect and love are much more important. Believe in yourself and be strong. Good Luck!

T.

It sounds to me like you're going to have to increase YOUR stress in order to ultimately fix your situation. I know it causes you guys anxiety to have your child wailing and suffering when she's unhappy -- (and she really is unhappy) but that doesn't mean that you should always take her unhappiness and fix it. In order for people to grow and develop, they have to push themselves through some times of discomfort. To conquer fears -- to tackle problems... For example, when her show is turned off and someone else gets a turn and she subsequently cries about it, instead of letting her win (rewarding her, in a way, for her effort) by turning her show back on, tell her, "You don't have to watch television. There's so much more you can do! Why don't you play with your toys or read a book?" She doesn't get to control what your family has on the TV the entire time it's on, you know? But, prepare her -- like, "After this show, we're changing to what Daddy wants."

When "she cries and cries until we go get her", go in there and comfort her the first time and say, "Calm down. It's time to go to sleep now. Have sweet dreams. I love you" and leave. After a while, no comforting -- just the words. After another while, not even that. Kind of like Ferberizing? You could get a book on a method for getting her to go down on her own but your goal is to REDUCE your role in getting her to go to bed not have it increase.

She's isn't the one in charge -- or, rather, she shouldn't be. But giving in to her after she puts up enough of a fight tells her she actually is -- AND that she has to constantly battle to maintain that position. I'm sure initially, you will be facing a LOT of battle -- because she's learned that the battle is worth it because, ultimately, she wins. But kids feel MORE secure in homes where they have strong "In Charge" parents.

She will also feel more secure if she develops some self-confidence -- a sense of "I can do it -- I know because I've tackled other obstacles and done well." Give "I know you can!" talks about the bike and encourage her to try and help her to learn. Get her a nightlight or a flashlight for going potty in the middle of the night -- and teach her that she can spend the night in her own bed by making her do it -- and then praising her the next morning. "I'm so proud of you for staying in your bed all night! What a big girl! Would you like to have another big girl spend the night over?"

Encourage her with positive "I know you can"s and excited "I knew you could"s. I think the way to get what you want: a happy, healthy, stable, agreeable, obedient, social child -- is to stick to your guns.

Good luck! Parenting is hard! The ultimate goal is to help your child to become a great adult who loves herself and lives well. In a great way, parenting our children makes us develop into better people too -- pretty cool.

E.,
This is B. (deaffmommie). First off, I know how hard it is to let go. I have two myself that should be able to do things for themselves. LOL

One is 25 yrs old and the other is 13. so I have been a mom for a while.

with your 5 yr old, try this. Treat her as a baby. Babies take naps, Babies don't watch TV, they are too little. babies are fed, and burped, wear bibs. and diapers if you want to go that far.
babies stay in one place on a blanket or play pen. they have few toys and ONLY (baby) age appropriate. soft dolls, rattles, chew toys. maybe stacking cups. NOTHING Big girl about it.

Make being a BABY not fun.

I would ignore the whining or say, "Oh you poor BABY, no one is helping you right now. here is your toy" or what ever she can play with. Keep her close.

some other things you can do to award appropriate behavior is praise her. If she tries to ride the bike, be there with her and praise her effort. THAT is a scary big thing to do. It may have been her "dream" to have a bike, but sometimes dreams close up can be scary. I was 9 yrs old before I learned how to ride. My nephew taught my daughter how to ride. it was not something I could teach her to do. I tried, but my daughter was scared of getting hurt.

Have you thought about a sticker chart for bed time? If she stays in HER bed all night she gets a sticker. At the end of a week of staying in bed, she gets a treat. a BIG GIRL day with mom or dad.

you can add all sorts of things you want to improve on with a sticker chart. This worked well for my son.

I know this is hard and you want her to grow up, but trust me on this... they turn into TEENAGERS and all too soon will be grown.

Enjoy your 5 yr old, soon she will be married with kids herself.

HTH,
B.
deaffmommie

I responded earlier, then thought of something regarding the TV. Before she sits down to watch TV, set the time limit THEN. If you have a kitchen timer, you can set it for the time of the show. And when the time is almost up, let her know ("5 more minutes"... "2 more minutes".)
Make sure it's at a good stopping point, like the end of an episode. No one wants to be left hanging not knowing how the story is going to end. If your TV has recordings (DVR or Tivo), watch things that have been pre-recorded. That way when the show is over, the screen just turns blue - there's an obvious stopping point (rather than going on to the next show.) My kids are under the impression that that the only way TV works, so they never get the chance to mindlessly "veg" for hours (like our generation did).

----------------------------

I recently saw a quote that went "Toddlers have two speeds - slow and stop. If you push them, they go into reverse." I also have a five year old, and now he does seem to have more speeds, but I think of it like a stick shift car. If you try to go into a higher gear than the car has, it turns out to be reverse.

He's been doing some of the babyish behaviors, too, and I think it's because he wants some of the attention that his 2-year-old brother is getting. And he's been getting better, but he still frequently talks like a baby.

So sometimes I'll give him some special mom time, let him sit on my lap after he finishes dinner, read him special stories or something during his bath. I allow him some occasional indulgences here and there. (I would try to avoid getting into situations like the one you describe with the Noggin channel. I know you get so desperate that you just want the howling to stop, but no good can come of that situation.)

But I also make sure that the five year old sees some of the benefits of being five, being able to do things his little brother can't do. (Ice skating and rollerskating have been big deals lately.) I make sure to point out that his poor baby brother can't do those things, try and get a little brotherly sympathy going for the younger one.

Sounds like you have a similar situation as ours. I'd say try not to push too much, but provide opportunities where she *wants* to act like one of the big kids - where it's an advantage to act more mature. (We recently enrolled the five year old in an Aikido class where he is the youngest kid, and he has to be on his best behavior if he wants to do what the big kids are doing. We also waited until he had been begging us for months before joining - wanting something for a long time tends to help him stick to it.)

I'd put away the bike until she asks for it. Don't even bring up the subject. When she wants to try again, check out some tips for helping kids learn to ride a bike on the Internet. I think I read that one good way is to find a grassy hill, so that she can get the feel of the balance before having to worry about pushing herself using the pedals. (And grass to cushion the inevitable falls.) I haven't even gotten the bike yet, although he's got a scooter and a big wheel.

I'm not sure about the sleeping issue, although I'm sure it's a phase that will eventually work itself out.
Maybe a nightlight would help speed things along. If she's afraid of "monsters", some people have filled spray bottles with water and something that smells nice and call it "monster repellant" and let her go to bed with it. (Personally, my five year old usually sleeps in our bed, so I'm pretty indulgent on that front. But, hey - I get my sleep and it works for us.)

She's not the only five year old acting this way. And it will eventually pass. Good luck.