Kindergartener Showing Behavior Changes

Sometimes kids can have difficulty expressing themselves or even identify when something is wrong. If you're seeing behavior changes and you've identified that you think her behavior is showing that something is wrong, then you should trust that. Instead of asking general questions like "is something wrong?" you might ask more directed questions like, "tell me about your teacher? Is she nice? Is she funny? Are you making new friends? Tell me about the other kids in your class" etc. When I talk to my daughter I usually say things like, "you know, when I started kindergarten, I found it a little scary because I didn't really know anybody and I had to make new friends. But making new friends can be really fun..." See if she can relate to some things like that.

It may be that she is just having difficulty adjusting to being away from home especially if you have other kids in your home from your day care. She may feel like she doesn't fit in anymore. You may need to give special attention to her for a while so that she doesn't feel like she's left out. Maybe you could give her a special job to do when she gets home that makes her feel more included in the day care.

I'm sure her teacher can give you some more insight. I would
make sure to have an open line of communication with the teacher. If they know you're concerned, they should pay special attention. Good luck. :)

We had this problem with our son in first grade. We learned his teacher was belittling him and picking on him during class from the parent of another child who was volunteer reader in the class a couple of times. We really fought with the school to get him moved to another class and they refused. My poor child developed post traumatic stress disorder! Unfortunately at that age they think it’s their fault if an adult or other child treats them badly. It is difficult for the child to assimilate that treatment into understandable terms. Try having her teach her dolly like the teacher does. You will sometimes see the classroom behaviors mirrored in play and it can be an eye opener.

My son is now in fifth grade and he is just starting to really blossom and develop good self esteem. My recommendation is to monitor the class. You can ask permission to sit in or have a trusted friend or grandparent do this without saying why. Or simply request your daughter be moved to another class and really push the issue. I wish I had pulled my son out of the public school for that year when they wouldn’t move him to a different class. It would have saved him a lot of misery and self esteem issues. Later I had other teachers at the school mention they were appalled at how he was treated by that teacher and I wonder why no one did anything. Since then he has had wonderful teachers who have made a big difference for him and the abusive teacher moved to a different school. Unfortunately some other child is probably going through what my son did!

I must admit, my first thought when I read this was the same as Amelia, so please do try to ask her if anyone has done something that made her feel uncomfortable. Assure her that you're there to keep her safe, and if anyone makes her uncomfortable, she should tell you right away and she would NEVER get in trouble for it.

As another possibility, my daughter wet her pants on one of the first days of Kindergarten. When I asked her why she didn't go to the bathroom, she said it was because she didn't want to flush the toilet-- she is scared of those strong toilets they have in public restrooms because they are so loud. So I told her how to cover her ears and flush with her foot and we haven't had an issue since then. Of course, that wouldn't really explain the behavior changes, but it may be a combination of things. (perhaps her friend is being picked on at his school and has started to bully her?)

My heart goes out to you-- I have a Kindergartener and I know that sometimes it is so hard to figure out what is on their minds.

It could definitely be just the result of going to school--is it a full day kindergarten? That is a hard transition. And, not to be an alarmist, but I would just check to be positive that she is not being molested by anyone. Any behavior change, especially one with increased potty accidents, should be checked on.