Just Found Out I Have Cancer Any Advice

T., I am so sorry for your news and situation. You and your family are in my prayers. If you are in the SA area, please make sure you explore every treatment option available. You did not indicate what type of cancer you have, but take the time and the energy to research what treatments you are best suited for. Dr. Lon Smith, who I believe is still in the SA area, is an excellent physician, and the CTRC is lead in many clinical trials for cancer treatements.

If your ex-spouse refuses to cooperate and allow adequate time for you and your son, talk with legal aid at St. Mary's, if they cannot help you and you cannot afford an attorney, talk with Child Protective Services and the local SA Bar Association..ask for attornies that do pro bono work or at reduced fees for someone in your situation. If you are seeing a physician at the CTRC, ask to speak with one of their social workers. Call the San Antonio Cancer Society, the Red Hat Society, the Komen Foundation..and ask if there is anyone there who can help you in your situation. There is a network out there of women and men who are willing to help and give what guidance they can. Don't turn any help down....the fight ahead may seem long and arduous, but it is worth it. Your children are worth it. The last thing you want is for your son to learn of your illness when it is too late or your absence because of illness is noticed. Good luck, God Bless.

Hi my name is L. and well i think you should tell your son becuase if something is to happen atleast you told him and he would feel you were holding back information he is old enough to understand things. i know the feeling i have my 2 oldest my son lives with his dad and the girl lived with me, it is even to tell all news especially somthing like this.

I am so sorry to hear about your condition. My advise to you (what I would do) is contact my attorney to see if anything can be done to get the courts on your side so that more visitation can be given, with or without your ex-husbands approval. This is a serious matter that needs to be considered. Hope all goes well for you. If you do get another chance to see your son anytime soon, break the news gently...he may just request to your ex "that HE would like to see you more often", in which case lawyers may not be needed.
God bless.

If the diagnosis is termal then your son has a right to know. However, if it isn't, then you probably don't want him to stress out about it right now. My sister-in-law knew that her mother had cancer for years, but they didn't know it was terminal. She didn't get to see her mother before she died because she was living with her father and her mother didn't tell them she was dying until it was too late. She was 14. She has resented her mother for that ever since, and still has some serious issues with family because of it. But like I said, if it's not terminal, then there's no point in stressing him out. If you're religious, I would say to pray about it and leave it in God's hands.

Hello T..
I'm sorry to hear about your predicament.
You do have legal rights but it will cost very much to go to court. You can also go downtown or go online to find someone/lawyer who can help steer you in the right direction.

http://legal.respond.com/match/1700000047/78201/Visitatio...

In the mean time, video tape messages of yourself for your son. Make someone in charge of dispursing the videos/CDs at specific times in his life, such as Birthdays, graduations, etc. This would be something to do for your daughter as well, in the event that you can not. But don't give up. Stay positive! You just might "beat it"!! Just be prepared for anything! You take charge of the situation and outcome!!
Take Care, Be Strong and Stay Positive!!!
D.

I just joined this site. I dont think you should keep anything from your son. you should be tell your son. He will be the only one who can get through to his dad. He may be able to talk him in to letting him have some mom and me time. I dont hide anything from my children not even the scary or unpleasent things. Im adopted and my bio mother has always been in my life but she kept my fathers name and info from me until I was 24 yrs old and I think she is still not telling me the truth. Its sad t say but I have a small peice of me that hates her from not telling me. Please dont give your child a reason to have a "sour spot" in his heart for you. Hope things work out for you. and God Bless!

Hi!! Dont worry about the cancer you know my sister gave us the same news 4 years ago we were all devasted to hear this news because we didnt know how bad she really haded and late in feb. she had her surgery and had it taken care of . I thank God for hearing my prayers and taking care of her these past years and luckly her test have been ok. Hang on and be strong for your fam and kids..

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Since he lives with his father, I would keep his father posted about your condition, and let him tell your son when the time is right. However, you should try to visit as often as he will allow, or see if you can get court orders for visitation.

Hey T.,

I am sending you positive energy and praying for you.
I think you need to take a big deep breath.
I personally think that your family does deserve to know about your upcomming surgery. 12 years old is young, but in some cutures that would be considered a man. I think he would be hurt if you didn't let him know. I think that honesty is going to be the best thing. In times of trouble it is very important to bind together and support eachother.

Now is a time to look within and meditate. I am an avid beleiver that the mind is an extremely powerful tool. Positive thinking is going to be important factor. Believe in the Doctors, but believe in yourself. Peace be with you.

~R.

T.,
I am sooooo sorry that you are having to go through this. I think how you procede depends on what type of cancer you have and how the prognosis looks. A few years ago, I was diagnosed with Cervical Cancer. I was pregnant at the time, and my husband was overseas. I was told that IF I made it through that pregnancy, I would probably be infertile, because I would have waited too long to treat it. I did the surgical procedure and then rounds of chemo. I have had 2 years of clean Paps! WOHOO!! (on a side note, my daughter was born happy and healthy- they took her a little early so that I could get treatment, but other than that was fine, and I went on to have a son, 9 months ago!) Cancer is a big, scary word. I would hold off on telling to much to either of your children until you know better how things are going to go. If I can offer any other advise, please, let me know!!!

first of all i want to wish you the best of luck. you have a tough battle ahead. i hope you found it early. and yes i would tell your son that you have cancer. imagine how you would feel knowing that your mom had cancer and didnt tell you. my sister had a very aggressive cancer in her breasts. she has a daughter that was only 6 at the time. and she handled it ok. you just need to spend the time with them to teach them and help them research it so the know what to expect. lets pray you found it in time and everything will be ok but just in case its not wouldnt you want them to know ahead of time whats going to come? to be able to say "bye" many times over and over? but as i said i will pray that you caught it in time, cancer is like many other sicknesses. with treatment it is treatable. they can be your backbone. let them help you when you will so desperatley need it. hold hands together and walk this path.