How Do You Handle Everything When Mom & Dad Are Both Sick?

Updated on March 14, 2012
C.R. asks from Olathe, KS
15 answers

We have three girls ages 11, 6, and 4, and my husband and I are both horribly sick with what seems to be a flu bug. My 4 year old has it as well. How do you take care of everything when both you and your husband are sick? My blessing is my 11 year old is pretty helpful, but it is not her responsibility to take care of her healthy sibling. I'm laying on the couch so I can be in the same area, but I have no strength to do anything but run to the bathroom when needed. Hubby has a fever and is in the same boat as me. Amazingly enough this is the first time this has ever happened to us. Usually we get it a couple days apart from eachother. What do you do?

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A.W.

answers from Kalamazoo on

you just relax and deal with it. If that means cereal for dinner than so be it!!!! When you feel better, treat the girls (especially the 11 yr old) to something special for being such good little team helpers :)

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J.G.

answers from Minneapolis on

We let everything go to hell and try to put it back together when we recover.

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L.O.

answers from Detroit on

survival mode.. you have to feed the children.. other than that.. let it go till you are better.. when I am sick and hubby is at work.. we jsut might stay in our jammies all day and watch tv..

I do not do laundry or dishes or much.. just feed the kids .. and let them watch tv.. usually I feel better the next day and then I gradually add chores til I am up to my normal routine.

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J.B.

answers from Boston on

You just do the bare minimum and don't worry about the rest. If you have a particularly hearty relative who can help out then great (I have a friend whose mom has an immune system made of steel who can help out her daughter and not get sick herself) but most of us shouldn't call on friends or family for hands on help in the event that they get sick too.

That said, perhaps call a local friend or relative to ask that they drop off dinner (at least for the older girls who are healthy) or help shuttle them to their activities. If you need someone to bring ginger ale, saltines, popsicles, Jell-O or pick up Tylenol etc then just ask a local mom friend. These are the kinds of things we're happy to do for each other, right? Other than that, relax your standards and let the older girls have pizza delivered for dinner, buy school lunch, have cereal for breakfast, etc. and treat everyone (especially the 11 year old) to something special when you're all feeling better.

Hope you're back on the mend soon!

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J.S.

answers from Jacksonville on

I agree with doing the bare minimum to get by. We have usually been lucky, like you, and get sick a few days apart.

However, last time when we both were ill, it meant that I was done being sick.
Seriously, the man was worthless.

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K.L.

answers from St. Louis on

Just recently I participated in a training program to learn to better understand the needs and capacities of kids in their early teens. One of the things we did was to re-examine the idea that they should not be expected to make meaningful contributions and shoulder responsibilities in their families and communities. We learned that people this age tend to be bored, critical, and rebellious largely because we have not guided them to understand and employ their own sense of purpose. That does not mean that we simply tell them what to do and expect them to perform as slaves. Rather, they are old enough to engage in conversation. Allow them to become part of the conversation so that they can perceive the needs and want to contribute voluntarily.

So, I would just suggest that you might want to rethink the assumption that it is not the responsibility of an 11 y/o to help out when parents are sick. Perhaps children develop a sense of entitlement because we believe they are entitled to a free ride until they are adults. What I have come to understand is that people that age want to be respected and will most often rise to an opportunity to earn that respect if we learn to approach them in a consultative manner rather than a demanding one. I've seen this in action and am highly impressed with the results for these kids that are most often viewed as going through a troublesome phase of life.

So, this is just a suggestion, but you might just try telling your 11 y/o that you are sick and need a substitute to take over some duties and ask her if she would like to try to contribute her service to her younger siblings. She may or may not feel up to it, but she might surprise you. Just let her know you are there if she has any questions and that she is not entirely on her own. The experience might be truly ennobling for her.

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R.K.

answers from Appleton on

Lots of chamomile tea and chicken soup. If you have a friend or relative near-by who can take the healthy kids for a couple of days--let them go. Also ask that person to pick up some soup and some easy foods for you. You can pay them back when they get there or in a few days. Get your rest and drink plenty of fluids and just let the flu run it's course. Hopefully everyone will be better in a couple of days.
As soon as you are feeling better start stratghtening up slowly, things will be back to normal soon.

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S.E.

answers from Philadelphia on

I love "Let everything go to hell"!! LOL! Just went through this. I was really really sick. I have asthma and just could not stop the coughing. Instant food and take out, house looked like a bomb hit it. I slept on the living room chair (could not breathe laying down) Kids got sick too then got well in staggered increments. You muddle. Some meals they got for themselves, may not have been the most nutritious but they lived. I bought Ensures for everyone to help bring us all back from death! Lol!! It sucks, and I am sorry. The odds are still good the kids will get it at some point..... Good luck!

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T.B.

answers from Miami on

This happened to me and my husband in January. He got sick with some intestinal bug and a day later, I came down with it. We have 4 children, 12, 9, 4 and 10 months. It was so hard so I feel so bad for you. All I could do was take care of the baby since I'm breastfeeding. I put an air mattress out in the living room so I could sleep with the other children watching TV and keep the baby with me to sleep nurse most of the time. My two oldest children helped by making sandwiches and it was a blessing that we had enough food in the fridge for leftovers for a couple of days and my husband luckily recovered from the infection much sooner than I did. I'd say call for help from friends and family if you get desperate but if your family is anything like mine, then you probably won't get much help. None of my family members helped us, despite me asking. They were all too busy. I hope you feel better soon, I know how hard this is.

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J.S.

answers from Hartford on

Well, actually if your 11 year old is responsible then I see nothing wrong with having her help out in taking care of her healthy sibling. She lives in the house and having expectations of her taking care of her family when needed aren't outrageous or cruel. When I'm sick enough to need to lay down, my girls help each other out and pamper me even though I'm taking care of the big stuff. It helps teach them life skills and a sense of family responsibility.

My husband doesn't usually get sick with much of anything. I'm the one that gets dreadfully ill and still has to take care of everyone. When my brother and his wife were so sick on Super Bowl weekend that they couldn't take care of their equally sick baby, and they had to go to the ER, I had my then 6 month (now 7 month) old niece from that Friday to Monday afternoon. That's how sick they were.

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M.L.

answers from Chicago on

Sorry to hear your family is sick!!! Well, this has happened to us - my husband and I both had an AWFULL bout with the stomach flu a couple of years ago and pretty much we were simply in 'survival mode'. We did what was necessary - made sure the kids were fed and clean and for the 24 hours this horrible illness tormented us we'd take hour shifts - one would lay on the couch while the other was in "parent mode"!!!!! When the illness passed I bleached all the hard surfaces and washed sheets/blankets/etc.!!!

It's so difficult when you're both ill - take care of yourself as much as possible to get over this!

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T.M.

answers from Tampa on

Do the best that I can do. A lot of household chores just go undone. The kids get really simple things to eat like PBJ and fruit cups etc... I have found that I tend to be the one to have to "suck it up" the most. I think that it is a man thing for sure.

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A.W.

answers from Chicago on

I agree with the other moms. My husband and I were both sick about a month ago with the stomach flu. It was brutal. My husband was sick first, me a day later, and my daughter two days after me. We dragged her mattress into our room and we just layed in bed until we could function again. But that 2 days before she got sick, my daughter lived on cereal and pizza that we had delivered because that's all I could do. She actually had a ball- until she got sick too. Unlimited Wii and Netflix and pizza? Dream come true for her. All I did was lay on the couch and watch her. We were too sick to do anything else. She was fine and your kids will be too. The 11 year old can help out and they'll be fine on convienent foods while you guys recover. Like the other moms said- do something special for the 11 year old when your better to show your appreciation for her helping out.
Good luck and feel better!

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L.N.

answers from New York on

i usually suck it up until everyone is well and then i crash. which reminds me of last year's flu that we all got. first the two kids, and iw as cooking chicken soup, rotating fever recusers (fever over 104 for both), water, gatorade, popsicles for about a week. i got sick on their 3rd day and so did hubby. i continued doing it until all of them got sick and then whether i was better or not i don't know, i just know when they all went to school/work i crashed. in the evening my husband offered to buy me 'a can of chicken soup.'
:)
i politely declined :)

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C.N.

answers from Kansas City on

All three of your girls are old enough to step-up a bit and help the family through this challenge. You would help take care of them while they are sick and you should expect the same.

While the oldest can help with real tasks like fixing food for the youngers or cleaning up the house, the youngers can assist too, by being on their best behavior, cleaning up their rooms, dressing themselves and brushing their teeth, even folding their laundry.

This is a real opportunity to help your girls learn what it really means to be a family (taking care of and supporting each other) and to teach them some basic self-survival skills.

And, what's the worst that can happen? So they eat cereal and PB&J for a few days...

Good luck and feel better!

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