Help! How Do I Get My Little One to Sleep in HER Bed Again!!

Updated on August 23, 2007
J.B. asks from Buford, GA
9 answers

Hi Moms! I have a beautiful 18 month old daughter who had GREAT sleep patterns up until 2 months ago. She and I left her father and moved to another state, where our schedules COMPLETELY changed. Aside from the time difference she spent a lot more time in the car in traffic and was at the babysitter longer due to it taking me longer in traffic to pick her up after work. It was she and I against the world and I felt terrible for not getting to spend enough time with her, so I made the BIG mistake of letting her sleep with me at night. Her father and I have now reconciled and we are back living with him as a family. However, she will not sleep in her own bed. I have tried to let her cry it out...10 minutes, then snuggle, then lay down again, 10 more minutes of crying, etc. But she has cried so much that she is hoarse. So we have given in and let her sleep with us. I really want her to be able to sleep thru the night again in her own bed like she has in the past... Any suggestions???

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R.

answers from St. Louis on

Hi J. B. I used the reward system with my daughter. She likes stickers so I made a calendar chart and every night that she sleeps on her own she gets a sticker. Also, make a very big deal about it ie: "You're such a big girl!" "Mommy and Daddy are so proud of you!" Then after she gets a number of stickers in a rown (for her age 5 would probably work best)get a bigger reward (but not too big). Dollar store toys work great! Also, if she likes videos (Dora, Backyardigans, etc.) let her watch a video in her room until she falls asleep. Good luck! Unfortunately nothing quite equals the comfort of snuggling up to mom.

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R.

answers from Columbia on

When you say " have tried to let her cry it out...10 minutes, then snuggle, then lay down again, 10 more minutes of crying, etc." are you laying her down while she's still awake or when she's asleep?

I had this problem with my son and what I did was let him fall asleep with me in my bed, then after he was asleep (10-15 minutes later) I would transfer him to his bed. He sleeps straight through the night so I didn't have to deal with him waking up in the middle of the night and freaking out that he was in his crib. But when he woke in the mornings, he would freak out and scream. Eventually, about 2-3 weeks later, he got used to the idea that his crib was his sleeping spot.

I once heard that the secret to teaching a baby a new trick is to stick with whatever method you choose so that the child has stability and a familiar pattern.

Good luck!

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J.O.

answers from Springfield on

Ok I can help. My sister just went thru this. Try sitting with her and rocking her to where she is almost asleep. Or try sitting by her bed till she falls asleep moving farther away every couple of nights till you are gone. Or If all else fails do what she did buy a full size bed or convert hers if you can. Go to bed with her till she falls asleep say 20 min then leave the room dont worry about her falling off the bed because you will have all sides protected with bed rails. Good luck with all!!!

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C.P.

answers from Peoria on

You have to be strict and consistent. My son Still cries for about 15 min before he will go to sleep. I know it is very hard to listen to her cry, but the only resolution is to put her to bed at the same time every night and let her cry it out. Read her a book give kisses and step outside for some fresh air. Don't feel guilty it is what's best for her. (whatever you do do NOT allow her to continue sleeping with you! It will leave her with insecurities and sleeplessness for the rest of her life.)

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M.W.

answers from St. Louis on

Hi,
My son did the same thing but he was a lot younger and from what I know an older child will have the determination to take things to the "max". At any rate, I used the Ferber method. It is a little controversial but it works. You do let them "cry it out" but you start slowly and work your way up. You put them in their room and let them cry say 5 minutes then you check on them. You can rub their back and comfort them but you are not allowed to pick them up and if they get out of bed you just put them back in it. Then you let them cry for 10 minutes and return and comfort them the same way, then 15 minutes, 20 minutes, etc. My son slept with me from birth to around 4 months old when I had to do this method if I ever wanted to sleep and even at 4 months old he went to 30 minutes and was hoarse before he finally fell asleep. Plus, it took several nights in a row of this but it worked. Eventually, he knew he was not going to get back in our bed. You might look into Ferber online for more info. I hope this helps. Good luck.

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K.P.

answers from Springfield on

J., please meet your strong willed little girl. I have a two and half year old little girl who is very strong willed and they want to battle with you. They want to know who is in charge! May I suggest Dr. James Dobson's, Strong Willed Child, it covers the younger years all the way to adolesence. I have received great advice from not only him, but other parents in the book who have been there. Search the Family Christian Bookstore or Barnes and Noble. I have noticed it helps if you let them know what is going to take place that evening,the schedule so to speak. (We are going to eat dinner, take a bath, read some books, and then it is bedtime.) Stay strong and follow what you say. Also remember that you are the parent and she is the child. We can't always be our child's friend.

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C.Y.

answers from St. Louis on

Keep trying...just remember 2 months is not much time at all...a great deal of change in a short period of time...she is probably just feeling a little insecure right now...patience...everyone has a different adjustment period...try making her a bed in your room and then maybe in a week or two put her in her room and sit next to her bed until she falls asleep...each night sit closer and closer to the door...she is still very young maybe give her something special to sleep with that has your smell...surrender your pillow or a soft/silky nightshirt...congratulations on your reconciliation with her daddy...good luck!

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D.G.

answers from Springfield on

I feel your pain! Our son is 5 years old, the last of 4 children and he still does not sleep in his own bed. He has said if he had bunk beds he would sleep by himself, so we are having the bunk beds delivered tomorrow. My husband and I have decided that we will be consistent and he will sleep in his bed. I'm sure it will take two weeks or longer of the crying and so on before he stayes in his bed all night. It's hard if they go through change like what you mentioned so just give it sometime and she will hopefully get back into the old routine. I am wishing us both luck!
Have a great day!
D.
www.Debs.ceofamilies.com

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S.M.

answers from St. Louis on

Something that worked well for my now 5 year old was to make him a "special" bed right next to my side of the bed, in our room. That way he was close enough to know that I was right there but not rolling over him. This worked pretty good until he had a nightmare, then he came back in our bed. My husband actually fixed it when he would "accidently" roll half-way over our son (just to annoy). He finally got tired of it after the third or fourth night and stormed out of our bed saying that he was going to sleep somewhere that he did not get run over all night. He in turn went into his bed and has been there ever since. He probably wouldn't sleep in our bed with us in it if we bribed him. When we go camping and share our small tent he insists that he sleep perpindicular to us so he won't get bumped by us. Good luck and stick to whatever decision you 2 decide.

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