Grandma's Fingers in Baby's Mouth

I wouldn't worry about Granny's fingers in the baby's mouth. My kid put her own feet in her mouth, shoes and all.

I think I would say that even though she's still little, you don't want her thinking it's ok to chew on people, because when she's one and has teeth, she may think it's ok to bite people.

well, there are two approaches. the first (and my favorite) would be to relax a little. this is a generational thing to some degree. i know my parents and back never thought twice about giving a mouthy baby a clean finger to gnaw upon. is your MIL an unsanitary person? unless i saw her neglect post-bathroom handwashing, or doing something like gardening or handling meat or cleaning the litter box without a subsequent handwash, i wouldn't give this a second thought.
i think the current world has tipped over too far into keeping everything sanitized. 6 month olds mouth EVERYTHING. granny's finger is not likely to make her sick.
but there's something to be said for learning how to say 'please don't' to relatives and friends in a friendly fashion. if you absolutely can't abide this doting granny's actions, well, speak up. nicely.
'emma june, little minnie sure is mouthy these days! we've got plenty of frozen teethers for her, just grab one if you find she's trying to nom your face off, would you? we're trying to get her through this phase with as few germs as possible.'
if that sails right by her you could get your husband involved. but you'll be starting to verge on creating a Family Thing.
if you've got a 'bunch' of teething rings and sophies, and you're not constantly rotating them through decontamination procedures, they're probably not any more sanitary than granny's fingers, KWIM?
khairete
S.

Looking at your last answer about taking her out in public I think the issue lies with you, not your mother in law. If you haven't noticed your husband is alive, your mother in law actually knows how to raise kids and keep them alive, ya know?

I am assuming since your baby is six months they are crawling around or at least trying? What do you think is on her hands? Don't you think she is putting her own hands in her mouth? I highly doubt your mother in law is crawling around on the floor. I also doubt she is putting her hands in the baby's mouth while having a cold, or after she goes to the bathroom without washing her hands.....

So what does the baby's cold have to do with anything? Please for the safety of your child stop trying to keep her in a bubble. Kids that are not sterilized tend to get sick less.

Geez. My answer went away. I notice mom's saying gross. Did you really never put fingers in a baby's mouth to sooth them? Perhaps grandma is overdoing the fingers in the mouth. If so, talk with her about when it's appropriate now. If you want her to never put her fingers in baby's mouth, that's appropriate.

And germs are not a valid reason to keep fingers out of mouth. She should be washing her hands often and especially when she first comes over. The germs on her fingers are in your house already.

Studies have shown that when babies are protected from germs they are more likely to get sick. Their immune system needs to be exposed to germs to build up immunity. I've seen, perhaps 100 or more babies living in squalor. They are frequently sick less than babies who are not exposed.

So I would say to grandma, "you may be right when you say it's safe to do this. However, I'm concerned and want you to stop." Ask her how the two of you could work to make this happen."I'm a grandma four times over. When my daughter said you can't do this, I felt that she was questioning my ability to parent. When she acknowledged that even tho we did things differently I still knew more than she about parenting. I felt good when she asked me for advice. I'm suggesting that the way you've told her may be the problem.
remember that you're building a new relationship with her as grandma. Start talking with her as a friend. When you say do not do this it comes across as a challenge and feels like you're saying she doesn't know anything.

Instead of saying do not put your fingers in baby's mouth, start by acknowledging that she does know more about parenting than you do. Talk about how she might be right about this being OK but you have a no finger policy. Ask her to honor your decision. Do not say anything or act like that sounds like, I'm the mom and you have to do as I say. Instead ask for her help in making this happen. When we ask people to be a part of the process they usually go along because they are part of it.

We put or pinky finger in the babies mouth to use as a pacifer. The nurse showed how to do that. I would'not say the pediatrician said to not do it. He may not say that or he will tell you it's up to you. Another reason to not mention the pediatrician is that you do want to establish yourself as the authority for your baby.

I suggest that if you can relax and not be defensive while talking with her as a friend she is more likely to accept your decisions. Take every chance you can to tell her, not necessarily with words, that she is a good mother. I also suggest showing her by example other ways to play with her. Perhaps give baby a toy before grandma picks her up. After you've had this friendly conversation and her fingers are in baby's mouth, hand her a teethinG toy without saying anything. Treat her as a friend.

The first years with my first grandaughter were difficult. We had to learn how to talk with each other in a non-threatening way. My daught was just 20. She lacked confidence and frequently was defensive. I learned to say, "what do you think of this?" I suggest using that approach with your MIL might be helpful.

I think a lot of these questions (about how to stop someone from doing something that bothers you) are really about not being able to say 'no' to people.

This is your child. If a stranger came up to your baby and stuck their fingers in her mouth - what would you do? Right?

There's an art to being tactful and respectful but being firm. I think a lot of us moms have a hard time with this.

I think it just takes practice. I would say "I don't mean to offend you, but I would prefer she used her teething ring please Grandma ... I just don't want her to get into the habit of sucking on fingers". Just be honest - but say it in a way that says you don't want to offend her or hurt her feelings.

Funny - our pediatrician popped her pinkie into our baby's mouth when she started to cry while being examined. I didn't have a soother on me and she showed me this trick. I don't think it's the end of the world, most people probably wash their hands more often than toys etc. get washed, know what I mean?

But still ... it's your baby and your comfort level.

Good luck :)

If you prefer her to not allow the baby to chew in people (babies often do this, that part is not unusual), you can just say, "We do not want the baby to use people for chew toys. Here is her giraffe toy."

It's not about whether or not the baby herself puts things in her mouth. It was "cute" when my 6 mo. old wanted to eat the cat, too, but we couldn't allow it. I would ask everyone who cares for your DD to use a teething toy instead of themselves. Frankly, little teeth HURT.

If you must be more firm, then go ahead and say, "I know you think it's cute, but I don't. Please respect me as DD's mother and use a chew toy." Or have her son talk to her, if he won't throw you under the bus.

My mother could.not.wait to feed the grandbabies weird food. I told her no, my 4 mo. old could not have pickles. She was momentarily disappointed but got over it. Your MIL can get past it, too. She doesn't need to "understand" to respect your choice.

Your baby is about to be mobile and will put the most gosh awful things you can imagine into her mouth. You will loose control the the germs here very shortly. My suggestion is that you let this one go.

The next thing you know, your mobile baby will be eating pill bugs from the lawn and bending over to suck up mop water out the the divot in the Costco floor. You are about 8 weeks away from loosing control of the germs. Consider this a test of your sanity.

I would only be concerned if Grandma had unsanitary bathroom hygiene habits. Otherwise, if she's relatively clean, washes her hands after using the bathroom or cleaning around the house / yard....Grandma's fingers are as clean as your other toys I imagine.

And don't blame the cold on Grandma's fingers either. You little 6 month old can grab any nasty thing off the floor around her and pop it into her mouth. And my kids used to slobber and wrap their whole mouth around my nose too, sort of surprised me with baby #1. This did not surprise me with baby #3. I knew by then that everything goes into their mouths. The worse was my baby finding chewed up, stepped on, black gooey gum at the airport that she popped right into her mouth and she didn't get a cold from that experience.

My almost 7th month old puts everything and anything in her mouth. She chews on my fingers occasionally. I think it depends on the hygenic practices of your MIL and to what extent it bothers you that she does this. My parent's dog picks up sofie and gives it to my daughter. While I am not thrilled it is not putting my daughter in danger. I am also thankful I can trust my parenst with my children. They do not do things the same way my husband and I do things but my children are safe and well taken care of. My parents listen to my husband and I but when they are watching their grandchildren they do what works best for them whether they are watching them for a couple hours or overnight.

Tell her your pediatrician said, "it is never a good idea to let your baby suck on your fingers because of the potential for bacteria and viruses to be spread." Maybe if it comes from a doctor she will listen.

If you have told her already that you would like her to stop, hen you need to say it now. And of course you can mention as Erica does about a doc saying not good.

When our son was teething EVERYTHING went into his mouth - whether I liked it or not.
I was sitting with him on the floor looking through mail while he was rolling over and playing with a few toys when he chomped on my big toe.
He seemed to enjoy chewing on my chin at every opportunity too.
It's tough when they have itchy gums.
Just tell MIL your daughter is majorly teething right now and you are trying to make sure she chomps on things that are appropriate, sterilized and washable and noses just don't sanitize that well.
If you see her letting this happen again, let MIL handle the other kids and you take charge of your teether until she's past this stage.

Try not to feel bad - this stage is just hair raising.
I've heard of kids chomping on dog biscuits and caterpillars - driving their Moms into panic - I'm serious when I say they put EVERYTHING in their mouths when they are teething.

Well, moms have done that for years. Grandmas have done that for years. I mean, your husband is alive and well, and I'm quite sure it's a habit she had when he was a baby. Certainly you can say something. Might go over like a lead balloon. But it's your kid and you get to set the rules.

And in terms of teaching your baby not to bite people, good luck with that one. Teething babies aren't developmentally at a place where they can discern what can or cannot go in their mouths (which is why you can't buy anything without a warning label on it any more). So they will bite on anything within reach.

Yeah, it's gross. It's probably best to tell her the pediatrician said to stop - but ask the doc first (or the nurses) for good wording, and be prepared that she will say she knows better because she did this with your husband and he's fine.

I don't know if she will listen to your husband - it's always best if the grandparent's own child take her on, but if she's a "women know best" sort of person, she may discount him because he's, you know, just a guy.

The last thing you can do is pick the child up from her arms and either keep the baby or say, "I'll hold her while you go wash. There's lots of soap by the sink." She'll protest, and you can just be firm and say, "I have asked you to stop. Please respect me. She's getting sick from this transfer of germs. I know you love her. Do you want her to be miserable?" But be prepared that this may not go well and you will be the bad guy. But sometimes when you take the child away and show Grandma that you mean business, she'll come around.

Your daughter is past the 3/4 month window where her immune system is the weakest. Being exposed to germs is important. That's how they build up their immunities. So really, this is a good thing.

If she hasn't already, your daughter is about to start putting things in her mouth. I mean everything is sight. When our oldest was little, we had cats and kept their food in the kitchen. I'm very happy to say he only ate the cat food one time before I moved it to a location that he couldn't get to, but it does remind me of just how many things he put in his mouth during that phase. Thank goodness the kitty litter was never in the kitchen :-) But having it there kind of grosses me out anyway.

I know it's tough because you're thinking of your little one have a cold (or worse) at such a young age. As tough as it would be on her (and you), this is ultimately a good thing. Parents who have kids in daycare and have to deal with all the daycare crud can at least have hope that their children will not miss too many days of kindergarten. Our 6 year old is in kindergarten right now and was in daycare. I'm pretty sure he only missed 2 days this year! That's pretty good!!

Germs are a part of life. It's healthier for you (mentally & emotionally) if you just accept that. Do what you can - wash hands, remove really yucky things from her - but do try to relax. If something really grosses you out, just repeat your mantra, "It's making her stronger. It's building her immune system. This is a good thing."

She's going to be fine :-)

Well, this is not her baby. It's your baby. You have a right to say to her, "Mom, I don't like it that you are putting your fingers in my baby's mouth. I don't like it that you're putting your nose in my baby's mouth. I'm asking you to stop doing it. You are stressing me out and this is just too much for me."

I will be a grandmother one day. I will do what my daughter-in-law asks when it comes to this stuff. My own mother did what I wanted even though it was different from what she did with us. I appreciated my mom SO much. She didn't give me unsolicited advice - she would tell me that maybe I'd like to check with my ped about such-and-such. I learned that I could ask my mom a baby question, she'd answer, but never expect me to go by it. She knew it was important for me to develop a trusting relationship with my pediatrician.

You had better stand up to your mother-in-law now and create boundaries that YOU can live with, or you'll be fighting this uphill battle for a long time to come. I have a feeling that your husband won't be listened to, so YOU do it.

Oh I know the child will survive, but gotta say, that would gross me out. Therefore, I would say, the pediatrician recommends that we not put our fingers (or noses into the child's mouth) now, this isn't a lie because what DO the doctor's say when it's cold season.. don't put your fingers into your mouth or eyes because that can spread more germs. I get it, we live in a world of germs, but why purposely add to that..Oh and your husband can gently relay the message..

You need to say something yourself first. Your Mother-in-law will most likely think one of the following (if you have your husband take care of it without speaking to her first yourself): 1) your husband is the final decision maker for the baby; which might give her leeway to turn exert influence/pressure on him when she disagrees, 2) you aren't willing or close enough for you to feel comfortable to approach her directly - who wants to hear that someone is unhappy with you/your actions from a third-party? My feelings would be hurt that you thought you couldn't talk to me directly, 3) you're getting your husband to do your dirty work for you. I know it's his mom, but if you have a semi-decent relationship with your mother-in-law, you should be able to express to her that you don't like her actions. If she blows you off, have your husband reiterate the point.

My mother-in-law was great, but my father-in-law didn't know any better until I pointed out that the standards had changed or the particular risks for it and then he was okay with avoiding it.