My MIL is a lovely person, but she always tries to kiss my kids on the mouth. she also always tries to kiss me on the mouth, but I always politely turn my head, I have been brought up that you only kiss your husband on the mouth, and I tell my son not to let anyone kiss him on the mouth.
Things came to a head this week when my MIL had a cold sore and she shared her drink with my 2 yo daughter and tried to kiss my son on the mouth. My husband who has converted to my way of thinking (after a lifetime of being kissed on the mouth ) said " Mom if you have a fever blister don't share your drink or kiss the kids please", well she got upset and said " you don't want me to kiss my grandkids?", he said no, just not on the mouth, and not anywhere if you have a fever blister, and don't share your drinks when you have one please - well MIL and FIL took offense and said they would have to check this with thier Dr as they have always kissed each other on the mouth when MIL has a fever blister, and FIL has never had one!!!!!!! arghhhh
anyway I think kissing your kids and other people on the mouth is BLEUGH!!!, but what do other people do, I think its a great way to spread germs, and we can show affection nicely by kissing cheeks !
I kiss my 7 and 9yr old girls on the mouth, but not my 12yr old boy anymore (he's way too cool for that). Just a quick peck in the morning right before they get on the bus. But never when I have a cold sore (which I get when I'm totally stressed out and my immune system is down, maybe once every couple of years). When I have a cold sore, I almost put myself in quarantine. Nobody kisses me, share my drinks, etc. I've been told my whole life that they're contagious. Other than that, I have no problem with kissing on the mouth, cheeks, forehead, tip of nose, chin, top of head, etc. Those little cutie-pies are so kissable and they grow out of it so quickly, I'll take every opportunity to kiss my kids! I would NEVER kiss my MIL on the mouth, however, or even my own parents, or any other adult other than my husband. That WOULD be BLEUGH!
It is so funny to me to see another side to this. I am totally opposite, I kiss my kids on the lips. My inlaws absolutely do not nor does my husband and I think they are so strange for avoiding it. I am glad to get to read other peoples point of view, it has really helped me to understand.
I tend to kiss my step sons on the cheek, forehead or top of their head - but not on the mouth - my daughter however, is a very affectionate child and prefers to kiss those close to her on their lips.... however, this is only immediate family and NOT EVER when someone involved has a fever blister.....
Keep in mind my daughter isnt even 6 yet and up until recently it has always been JUST me and her and my parents in her life... but when it comes to her friends, cousins, teachers, and even her bio-daddys family - we tend to keep it a kiss on the cheek or a hug - and even that is only if she is comfortable with it.
I am with you - fever blisters YIKES
Passing Germs - YUK
sharing drinks - ahhhh - Im torn here - I think it depends who and when and why.... but again - not with just anyone!
I guess I'm in the minority. My mom's side of the family are all mouth kissers. Aunts, uncles, cousins..I never thought anything of it. It's just a quick peck, not like we're making out or anything.
My dad's side of the family aren't kissers at all, just huggers. Nothing wrong with that either.
I kiss my kids on the mouth.
But GROSS on mouth kissing with a cold sore. I get them and when I do, I don't kiss anybody anywhere. I won't even kiss my kids on the cheek. I even have a special thing of Carmex I use ONLY when I have a cold sore.
Part of me says that you may just have to deal with it (when she doesn't have a cold sore), but the other part of me says that if it bothers you she shouldn't do it. I highly doubt that she's going to change, to be honest. I would just keep instructing your children to offer her their cheeks for kissing instead of their lips. And if she has a cold sore and refuses to stop kissing or sharing drinks, don't go over there until it's gone.
The fact that your FIL has never had a cold sore simply means that he: A. has natural immunity through exposure to the herpes simplex 1 virus and will never get cold sores and is not a carrier of the virus, B. he is a carrier of the virus and may still have an outbreak at some time or C. he is a carrier of the virus and will never show physical symptoms. I am a FREAK about cold sores and my in laws are mouth kissers as well. When I brought up my concerns about whether or not they get cold sores when my oldest was born they thought I was crazy for even being concerned about such a thing. I still never got a straight answer out of them whether anyone in the family gets them or not. Thankfully I am much more comfortable with them now and if they had a cold sore and kissed my kids they KNOW I would flip out. The herpes virus is highly transmittable and can be passed through saliva even when there are no lesions present although transmission with an active blister is much easier. Not to freak you out but just so you know, if your mil is drink sharing. That being said, there is a good chance your husband has been exposed to the herpes virus already if his mil has always gotten cold sores, and you and your kids may already have passive immunity... some people are directly exposed and never get sores... others are exposed once and get sores constantly. Something like 80 percent of the population has been exposed to the herpes virus. You could request a titer from your dr. to see your carrier status, if you are a freak like me but most people don't take it that far. LOL.
First, lighten up...there's nothing wrong with kissing a friend or relative on the lips. But if you're really that grossed out, keep turning your head and let your kids make their own decision.
However, in the event that one of the kissers has a cold sore, I agree. In fact, when a baby is involved, you can give the save deadly germs by mouth that a mother with an active herpes legion can give during vaginal birth. And that is BAD BAD BAD. People don't realize you can also have herpes infections on your hands and can pass it along by touch. Any time you have an open sore on your body, be it vagina, lip, or finger, you should keep it covered or not touch people. MIL should follow this rule. Get a not from your pediatrician if you have to. Keeping the peace is not worth your kid's life-long health and if she gives them a cold sore now, they will have them forever.
I personally think kissing little kids on the mouth is fine, but your MIL needs to respect your wishes. You have a right to have your own kissing rules in your own house. And I definitely think she should be more sensitive when she has a cold sore.
Your MIL is another example of a self-centered, defensive person. Man I'm sick of them.
Personally I kiss both my boys on the mouth, I even still kiss my parents on the month. That is just what my family does. I see your point about the fever blister issue and I would of done the same thing.
my hubby and I kiss our daughter on the mouth, she is 3. I am sure when she gets older that will stop. I DO NOT like it when friends or other family members try this, I think it's weird. My family always kissed on the cheeks growing up too. I think it is down right disgusting that your MIL would kiss your kids on the mouth and/or share a drink with them when she has a cold sore. That is unacceptable! Just because your FIL hasn't had any cold sores pop up doesn't mean that your kids won't get one! We taught our daughter that when people other than mommy and daddy try to kiss her on the lips that she can say "no no, my cheek" which she does so they oblige.
***Edit to add, LOL DC "baby kisses" I know the little suckers won't let go lol my baby liked my chin and I always had a hickey on my chin when she was little***
ugh that's disgusting, I mean, how can she not see how this bothers you? she has a fever blister for God's sakes.
I kiss my two girls in the lips but never EVER other children or adults except my husband, not even my nieces or nephews. I just give my girls a peck , and I am starting to "wean" (lol) my oldest from pecks on the lips since I think she is getting too old for them. But if I ever have a fever blister I never kiss them, not even in the cheek, I think it's contagious.
I can't believe you MIL doesn't see your point, I wouldn't allow anyone to kiss my children on the lips either, I'm siding with you and hubby on this one.
I think moms kissing babies and small children on the mouth for a little while is okay. I know it is germy, but I have always kissed my son and he is very healthy. I figure I breastfed him, snuggled him, slept with him, a kiss isn't going to share many more germs than all the other close time. And since he is little it doesn't gross me out. But I don't like other people to kiss him besides me and hubby. And no kisses for anyone while sick or with mouth sores- gross!
Adults kissing- completely gross. I would be really bothered if my in-laws tried to mouth kiss me. That is for spouses only. Partly because with marriage, you have had a chance to learn how the other kisses and how you both want to be kissed. There is nothing worse than a sloppy kiss to me where you miss your mark or something. With hubby, you learn how to not do that. With mother in law, who knows what kind of kiss you are gonna get. The few mouth kisses that people have surprised me with were not pleasant at all.
you are well within your rights to dislike this, and to insist that no one kisses your kids on the mouth, especially if they have fever blisters. but please try to stop yourself from your BLEUGH reaction to your poor in-laws, who simply express themselves differently. my family kisses on the mouth, we don't think it's gross. your harsh reaction to your poor loving in-laws has probably caused them considerable pain. i would take the time to apologize to them for making them feel so uncomfortable and explain your position when everyone is calm.
I'm with you on this. I totally think it's gross to kiss someone other than your significant other on the mouth. It really grosses me out and I grew up in a house where it was normal to kiss on the mouth. And if your MIL has a fever blister NO WAY. Just because your FIL has never gotten one does not mean he isn't a carrier and just not showing symptoms. I would try to calmly sit down with them and tell them why you don't want this to happen and maybe have some documented research to back you up that shows how easy it is to pass along fever blisters to someone else. And then throw in how you don't think it's appropiate for the in-laws to kiss the grandkids on the lips when you guys don't even do it. Kind of weird. They can show their affection by kissing on the cheeks and giving them hugs. Good luck!
Wow, what an interesting question. I had never thought about this as an issue? Everyone I see, when children are involved, always kiss them on the lips?! My hubs and myself kiss our 10 y/o on the lips, my mom and dad kiss my 10 y/o on the lips. My in-laws do not! I was raised in a very kissy, huggy, affectionate household. My brothers and I still kiss each other on the lips and they are 30 and 34. NEVER EVER with a cold sore though!
I TOTALLLLLLLLLLLYYYYY agree with you!!!!!!! I do NOT like anyone kissing my 3 year old son on the lips except for my husband and I.... My MIL does it and tries doing it to me and I turn my head also... I know some families that's very normal but I wasn't raised that way.....
I've "tried" saying in front of my friend (that does it also) " I don't like Banyan (my son) kissing anyone on the lips because it spreads to many germs and I don't want my son getting sick"... She doesn't get it either and continues to kiss him on the lips... i've tried to tell my son to not kiss anyone except for mommy and daddy on the lips but my MIL and friend go for the lips, so he does also....
It's very frustrating, I agree.....
My mom gets a fever blister on her lips once in awhile and she will NOT kiss him because that is contagious... It's herpes simplex 1.. Your FIL has just gotten lucky... Not everyone has the virus that just lays dormant in our bodies... I know a lot about this because my son has Herpes Simplex 1 in his eye... It's the SAME thing as a fever blister, he just gets his in his eye... So that's why I'm even more annoyed about people kissing him because I don't want it to come on his mouth....
Sorry I couldn't be anymore help, just wanted you to know your not alone!
We are mouth kissers as well, at least my side of the family. I don't see anything wrong with it and maybe it's a cultural thing (I am not from the US)?
I think it's not a big deal though, if you don't like it. I personally wouldn't be offended if someone told me they don't like it - however it's not like we're going around kissing strangers, only the closest family members.
However, if I had a fever blister, I wouldn't even kiss my own husband or daughter, as to not share the virus....
I say to each their own... and if you don't want anyone to kiss your kids on the mouth just teach them to politely turn their head, just like you do. Chances are they don't mind, but if it's a big issue for you... better to address it than let it build up inside until you have a huge fallout.
I am prone to cold sores and I NEVER kiss anyone when I have one. They are a form of herpes and are VERY contagious. I had one when I was pg with my middle son and he gets them as well.
You are wise to not let MIL kiss the kids when she has a flare up, but a little neurotic the rest of the time. It is not a big deal. My boys kiss me on the lips and question me when I turn my head or something. They know that you are supposed to kiss someone on the lips for it to be meaningful. A kiss anywhere else is just not the same to them. We have not told them this, it is just the way the think.
MIL should not be offended, however. I don't get that one. Showing affection is quite personal and we all have our little quirks. I think you can come to some sort of an agreement that she can kiss the kids on the lips except when she is having a flare up.
Oh man, you're one of those germ freaks!!! I understand the fever blister, I'd not kiss anyone if I had one either. For my family, we've ALWAYS been affectionate with kisses and hugs. I still get a kiss on the lips from my grandpa. But, my husband grew up the total opposite and his mom is the biggest germ freak. So, his parents look extremely uncomfortable when they're saying goodbye to my kids because my kids have always given kisses because that's what we do around here. My mother in law also will make my daughter rewash her hands if she touches the door handle to a public restroom on her way out! I mean, come on, germs aren't that bad.....so, I would just chalk it up to you are like my mother in law, with not wanting to share germs ever, and your mother in law is like my whole family, we love kisses!!!
I didn't let people kiss my children in the mouth. I didn't care if they didn't like it. My youngest daughter's father and I had an awful disagreement about it because she wouldn't let him kiss her in the mouth. I had told all my children to not let anyone do that. When they are old enough to decide who they want to kiss they can but not until then.
Not sure why the inlaws would get so bent out of shape about it but the child's well being should be most important IMNSHO.
This made me think about what we do. I think we hug each other more than kiss. But if my kids do to kiss me, they always kiss me on the cheeks. And when I kiss them good night, I kiss each of their cheeks, forehead, chin then nose. We are rarely sick and that's probably why! I don't think we ever kiss on the lips! Well, my husband and I do, but not the kids. Interesting to see your replies!
its gotta be a tradition or culture thing. I never grew up with it but I've seen it. First time I did, I was weird-ed out, but when I kept on seeing it in different places I just got used to it. I don't kiss my daughter on the mouth but her daddy's side of the family does. eh. its just a peck and I HIGHLY doubt the intentions are bad. ( they are wonderful people).
cold sore, fever blister, forget about it. no mouth to mouth contact period. Better safe than sorry.
I couldn't agree with you more. There is a time and place for everything and kissing a child on the mouth is just not good (my personal opinion). As a mother you have every right what goes on with your children. It is awesome that your husband backed you up.
I'm a kisser when I greet friends/family, but I do the cheek to cheek and air kiss thing. To me kissing on the mouth is intimate so it is really strange to me that people kiss others who aren't their spouses on the mouth.
We kiss our son on the mouth, but that was because it was the only way to get him to learn how to kiss. Now that he knows how to kiss we are starting to have him kiss us on our cheek.
I always tell my son to "blow kisses" to people. He is 2 so people think it is cute and it helps to avoid the whole mouth kissing issue.
personally, I do not like to kiss people on their mouths, unless they are my husband and kids. Just think about the high levels of germs people harbor in their mouth!, much more if they are sick. Sorry, but I just do not like to share germs for free. On the other hand, your IL should respect your position in this regard. If they do not like it, so be it!
I too, think that kissing on the mouth depends on how you were raised and if you are comfortable. I was raised that kissing family members on the mouth was acceptable - my husband was not. In my family - we all kiss on the mouth and now my husband kisses my family members on the mouth as well. Our 10 month old son is just learning to kiss - and he always goes straight for the mouth. Now - in my husbands family - it is just his mother. I do not kiss her on the mouth, and she doesn't even kiss her own son on the mouth. When our son tries to kiss my MIL - she turns her head from him and only kisses him back on the top of the head. To me - that is weird. But I guess to each his own.
As for the fever blister - EWWWWW. I get them as well, and during an outbreak - I don't kiss my husband or my son. Previous posters are right - it is a form of herpes and can be transmitted through contact.
I agree with you. I was also raised that you didn't kiss on the mouth unless it was your spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend. A kiss on the cheek showed affection for anyone else. And, you never kiss anyone on the mouth (or eat or drink after them) if you have any sort of illness. Some people have natural immunity to cold sores which is probably why your FIL hasn't had one but your kids probably don't. Your Dr. will probably back you up on this and checking with him/her might carry more weight with your in-laws.
We are kissers in our family. Now that my kids are older, 21 and 17 we kiss mostly on the cheek. My son (17) will still sometimes kiss me on the lips. Its a quick peck and I love that my son still wants to show affection to his old mom. But mostly we kiss on the cheek. Big huggers too! Actually, we are an affectionate family. I believe it is important for my kids to see me and my husband (their dad) show affection to each other. After 24 years of marriage, that man is still the hottest, sexiest man I have ever seen. Never with a cold sore. That's just nasty! yuck!!
i have a vivid memory of the day i stopped kissing my mom on the mouth and she was so very offended. i remember not understanding what the problem was and feeling uncomfortable that i would have to continue to kiss her on the mouth even if i didnt want to. but she got over it and it went to straight cheek kissing from there but even to this day i have a problem showing affection because of moments like that. i hope your MIL understands that kissing on the mouth may be ok for babies but cant go on forever and i hope she doesnt make your child feel that their love is measured on that type of affection.
i dont see anything particularly wrong with kissing your children on the lips but i do think its a parent child thing and i still have to remind my mother and stepfather not to kiss my children on the lips. especially my stepfather who smokes and that just totally grosses me out. as far as cold sores go, she should definitely not be kissing with one on her lip and should have enough knowledge at her age about how contagious they are. i did laugh a little when i saw her response. i love when people blow right past the point and get angry over something that wasnt even said!! of course you can kiss your grandchildren, just not when you have herpes lip!!!! :)... good luck with that.
I think it is just a way that we are raised. I am italian and I was raised that way. I never thought anything was strange until I was a teen and one of my friends went to a family reunion and was freaked out by seeing everyone kiss on the mouth. To me it was normal. We are all raised differently, and it is not wrong, just different. I think as long as you address it as gentle as possible, then they will respect your wishes. Since it is your M-I-L, you may want to let your husband address to have the least hurt feelings. Just think about this, at least you know your in-laws adore your kids. Some simply do not want to be bothered, or are annoyed by them or much, much worse. But bottom line is that you are both the parents, and it is your call. They may not understand it, or like it, but generally, grandparents respect the parents wishes.
Kissing on the mouth between family members is fine by me. We occasionally did this with our mom, and I have no strong feelings about it one way or another. It is strictly a personal preference/family/culture thing. You feel one way, lots of others argree, lots disagree. Fine.
BUT, the fever blister thing is a whole other issue. No one should kiss anyone while they have one. This is herpes! You're absolutely right to stop that.
I definitely think kissing on the mouth should be reserved for husbands and wives. My husband's grandma used to do that, but I always turned so she would get me on the cheek instead. I kiss my kids on the cheek and don't find it appropriate to kiss them on the lips. I agree with you!
Well First of all, Fever blisters or cold sores, whatever you want to call them, is just a polite word for herpes. There are different forms of it and yes it is very contagious. For the sake of your children, make sure she doesn't kiss them.
As for kissing on the mouth, my mother kissed me on the mouth and I kiss my daughter on the mouth, but my MIL doesn't try to kiss me on the mouth and doesn't try to kiss my daughter on the mouth. However, I do not kiss my father on the mouth and I don't really think my husband should kiss our daughter on the mouth. I think it should be between mother and children until they grow to a point that its uncomfortable. Every person is different though and should make their own rules for their family. If the mother says no kissing on the mouth, then that to me is the final rule.
In our home we kiss on the cheek and when our children kiss others, they kiss on the cheek as well. I don't think you are crazy at all. We don't share drinks, eat after each other or share chapstick.
You are the mother and your wishes should be followed.
The kissing on the mouth thing is whatever you are comfortable with. I was brought up to only kiss my husband, but lots of people are comfortable kissing everyone. This is personal preference and you get to pick what the preference is, not MIL or FIL. The fever blister is an absolute no way. It is highly contagious regardless of your MIL/FIL experience. Let them check with their dr. I would intervene - stepping inbetween, removing cups, whatever is needed. Once you get a fever blister, you have it for life and it recurs. They're gross and embarrassing. Absolutely do not let your MIL saddle your kids with that problem.
I think its all personal preference and how you were raised. I'm not comfortable with kissing on the mouth except with my husband and sometimes my kids, but I usually kiss the tops of their heads or cheeks. I wouldn't be bothered if my MIL wanted to kiss my kids on the mouth as long as they're comfortable, which they would be if they were used to it. A lot of my in-laws give me a peck on the mouth which used to bother me, but now I think its nothing and I realize they are just very affectionate people. Now it just gets awkward when you don't know what to expect, a peck on the mouth, the cheek, or just a hug, always embarassing when you go for a kiss and they go for a hug!
Your MIL shouldn't kiss anyone or share drinks or food if she has a cold sore, ever. They are contagious, and gross, and I think this is common sense. Look it up online, print it out, and give it to her to prove it. Just because your FIL never got one doesn't mean no one else ever will.
As prior post said its a personal choice! I personally kiss both my little girls on lips, cheeks, forehead and hands. Up until a couple months ago my husband kissed our 20 month old on her lips bc thats where she kisses! We are really affecionate hugs and kisses ALL the time. We didnt have any of that growing up. Niether of our families do the whole kissing thing (my mom kisses on the cheek) but thats it! Also there is no way I would allow anyone with a cold sore to kiss my children during a break out! I even get a little scared to let my BIL and FIL hold my oldest bc she kisses all the time (when they have break outs) and I dont want my kids to get it.
The good part is they want to ask their Dr. You KNOW he's not going to say it's OK to kiss someone with a sore on your mouth. Other than that, you are so lucky if this is the only problem that you have with your in-laws! Pick your battles-- this one may not seem so important down the road.
I come from a "kissing" family as well but it's usually a peck on the cheek. Sometimes you get that awkward moment when you think the other person is going left and they end up going right and the kiss ends up on the lips - which is somewhat funny when that happens.
HOWEVER, under no circumstances should a person with a cold sore/fever blister be kissing others. Some folks have different "breakouts". While some get a bump that comes and goes in a matter of days others may get one that takes weeks to clear. I am not a germ-o-phobe but do wash my hands routinely and am a genuinely clean person - but I still ended up with a cold sore. My breakout usually happens when I get run-down and stressed. What I go through I would not wish on even an enemy. My lip swells to the point that it sticks out further than my nose. It is painful at times and generally looks gross to the point that I cannot go out in public. I have received some very strange looks when I've had to go out. After the sore heals, I am left with a discoloration on my skin akin to a scar that takes months to clear.
I do not try to kiss anyone while I am going through this - and neither should you MIL. If their Dr. is worth his/her degree they will be properly informed. If not, seek out information on one of the several websites with reference material on the subject and have your hubby present it in a very nice/polite way.
I am so glad to see this question! I thought I was the weird one because I always turn my head when someone tries to kiss me. I don't have a problem with kisses on the cheeks or forehead, just the mouth. Even when my kids (ages 7 and 10) try to give me a kiss on the mouth, I turn away and make sure my cheek is definitely kissed and give them big hugs so they don't notice that I turned my head. I love getting kissed by my kids, just only on the cheek! My family is a hugging family and I love that, but PLEASE keep the mouth kisses away!
My problem is the slobber factor. A lot of people lick their lips just before they kiss you and their lips are all wet! Yuck! The only time I put up with "wet" kisses from anyone is when a baby gives a "baby kiss", you know the one where they open their mouth and try to suck your cheek off of your face? :) That's the only one because the baby usually isn't more that 5 or 6 months old and doesn't know better but wants to show affection.
The lip kissing thing is entirely personal and a product of individual upbringing. It doesn't make one thing better or worse than another. If you want your kids to avoid it...then you have to teach them avoidance tactics.
However, the fever blister thing is a whole different ball of wax. Regular germs don't bother me so much--there are so many ways for us to get infected with something. It would be interesting to know if the actually "ask their doctor". Your FIL may just be lucky like me. Despite having family members that are plagued and an ex-husband that looked like he had the plague...I've never had one. My ex- and I would kiss...we were newlyweds...lol...and we had "waited".
If you want to be sweet to your MIL, you might buy her some L-Lysine supplement. There is a lot of evidence to support that outbreaks are often a result of an imbalance between arginine and lysine amino acids. Nuts, lentils, chocolate, gelatin, and caffeine are high in arginine/enhance arginine in the system.
Some high lysine foods:
Cold sores and fever blisters are painful, but they are also contagious. If she weren't having an active outbreak...I'd say to just let it go. You lose more than you gain by picking this battle.