Fussy Baby - Monroe,MI

I would ask the pediatrician if she might have acid reflux. My baby never spit up but had it. When they are upright the reflux doesn't come up nearly as much, when laying down it comes up their throat a lot and then back down (so they don't have to throw up out of their mouth for acid reflux). If you are absolutly certain she does not have acid reflux or anything else wrong then the only way to break it that I know of is to leave her there and tell her, "mommy is here, mommy will get you in a bit, mommy has to do ______" and talk and explain to her what you are doing, etc. If she is so upset she isn't listening, don't worry about it. Talk quieter and it might peak her interest. But I wouldn't do this unless you are certain she isn't dealing with something like acid reflux (my baby was and acted the SAME way, once he got medicine he stopped).

FWIW, I don't think it's possible to spoil small babies. Some babies just need to be held; some babies fuss a lot, others don't - it's just a matter of personality.

My interpretation of a baby who stops crying when you pick them up is that they wanted to be held, you gave them what they wanted, and so they didn't need to keep crying to tell you they're unhappy.

Have you tried wearing her in a sling while you do other things? That gets her held, and you free to do whatever else you're doing.

Get used to her hyperventilating. She'll wear herself out from crying and conk out eventually. Not pass out, she'll just fall asleep.
If you know she's playing you, don't play into it. But for a 4 month old, who has no sense of deception and reason yet, it's just a physical thing.

Your letter really upset me, M.. I can see you are very frustrated right now, but, as someone who's had a lot of training in mother-infant relationships, it is impossible for her to be "playing you". Babies cry for many reasons and need to be held a lot of the time, especially in the first 9-12 months. This is a deep and genuine need, though it's certainly taxing and inconvenient for parents. That's just how it is. Letting a baby cry it out is terrifying for them and makes them feel quite abandoned and desperate, as you've witnessed. She absolutely cannot understand feelings or what your frustrations are. She's totally clueless to them. Her world is her physical needs and the love of her mama - that's all. Simple and urgent! I don't know if you're breast or bottle feeding. If breast, nurse her on demand to get your milk supply up. If bottle, you might talk to your pediatrician about what formula you're using. Please take her needs very seriously. She's totally counting on you. Put yourself in her shoes (or booties) and imagine what it's like for her.

Hang in there, M..

Hi. Please know that a four month old is not "playing" you. There are so many things in our world that can be uncomfortable for a small baby, overstimulating, and overwhelming. She is too young to be deliberatly manipulating you, she just needs your love and attention. A child that young is not spoiled by being held. Your physical touch helps her grow and thrive and cope with our big scary world. Her nervous system is still "raw" and going through enormous changes now. Your touch obviously completely changes how she feels. There comes a time, especially when you are trying to establish sleep routines, when babies need to be laid down in their own crib and allowed to cry and learn to self comfort, but this doesn't sound like you're talking about sleep time. Give her the love and touch that she needs and she will be more able to comfort herself as she grows.

She's not playing you. She's four months old. Her desire is to be held by someone she trusts and someone who cares for her every need (including being held). As she gets older it will change but she'll still like to be held a lot. She's learning so many new things everyday it can get overwhelming and she wants you to be her mama. You had a baby, it's hard and demanding but before you know it these moments of holding her will be gone and she'll be saying, "put me down so I can walk", and be squirming out of your hugs. Enjoy it now. And take one day at a time and don't think it will stay the same forever. When you look back on it you'll think it went so fast. My son's almost 2 and I had a very hard time adjusting to motherhood. I was very lazy and obviuosly selfish because I thought it was soooo hard. Once I got past what I wanted it became about the baby and it got fun or at least easier:) You only have one shot at today so hold your little girl tight and let her know you love her. Have a great day M.!

she is not spoiled she is a baby.. the only thing she knows is her momma.. she feels safe and seceure when you hold her and is scared and uncomfortable when you put her down.

this is normal behavior for small babies.. she will naturally start to want to be held less as she gets older and is able to do more .. once she can get down on the floor and play with her toys she will want to do that.

you can get a sling or a snuggly baby carrier to carry her around and then you have your hands free to do things..

you can sit down on the floor with her and her toys and she can start to learn to play..

she should start to be able to sit in a exersaucer pretty soon and most babies like that..

she is not playing one on you as she is just a baby. she doesnt know how to play games.. she wants to be held.

Have you brought this up with the doctor or has it just started? Babies tend to cry. They cry to indicate there is something wrong or they need comfort. That is how they communicate right now. If she is not hungry or in need of a diaper change, then there could be an underlying issue.
She could be colicky or gassy - If you are nursing, have a log of your diet as some foods cross into your milk. If you are formula feeding, she could have an allergy to something in the formula. My husbands' co-worker had a serious issue with their adopted baby that had a really bad allergy to many formula's - so you may want to check this out as it is becoming more of an issue these days.

If it were me, I would be checking in with the pediatrician as it really sounds like there is something upsetting her.

Take a breath and relax - I am positive that if you are upset over her crying, that is not helping it either. It sounds like you are frustrated, too ~ and I can't blame you - but I feel four months is way too early to label a baby as spoiled. It really sounds like something is wrong or upsetting the baby to me.

ADDED: From reading your other posts about your daughter, I am betting she does have an allergy to something in the formula, or may suffer from chronic colic due to the formula. It would be worth checking with the ped to see what is happening in her tiny system.

My 4 month old cries whenever I leave the room. I imagine that coupled with a baby who prefers to be held (some do) would warrant this type of behavior. I would buy a comfortable baby carrier, like the Ergo or Baby Bjorn or a baby wrap, like the Moby so that you can be hands free and baby will be happy. My baby cries when I first put him in his carrier, and then calms right down when I start moving and/or give him a pacifier.

Some babies' temperaments are a little more social than others - my brother was like this when he was a baby and it drove my mom crazy. I wouldn't say that you are spoiling your baby, you are just giving her the attention that her personality demands.

Oh M.! Your little sweetie is too young to "play you". She just wants her mom. Some babies need more snuggling than others. You might try swaddling her...wrapping her up snuggly in a blanket to help her feel more secure. You also might get a front carrier so she is with you and you can keep her close and hands free. My first was the same way. I had a "Snuggly" front carrier. It was the only place she was happy until she was about 5 months. Get all the snuggles you can now...she will be grown before you know it.

M., What wonderful advice you've gotten. Sounds like you have a normal baby that wants to be close to her mommy. That is a good sign of a healthy well bonded baby. If you need a break, maybe a friend or family member can hang out with your baby so you can take a nap, or a nice long bath.
You are your baby's true love right now, and she doesn't want to be away for one second. Enjoy it while it lasts becasue it is true what they say; they really do "grow up so fast".
I agree, you really should try to find a good sling, or wrap, or mei tei.

She is not playing you. She is an infant. She is reliant on you for everything, and her cry is the only way to alert you that she needs something. At this age, a need to be held is, YES, a need. I know it's hard when you're dealing with it 24/7 but think of it from her perspective. Maybe get a baby carrier or sling.

You cannot "spoil" a child under a year old.

Hello there - I know baby's can be very demanding - I've got three children - but you really need to stop thinking your very tiny baby is spoiled. There is no such thing in such a small child. She just loves to be held by you - normal. To get your hands free, how about borrowing a sling of some type so you can get things done. Also, do you have any interesting toys that hang over a seat that she can hit. Give her lots of different textured toys to hold in her hands and chew on. It will get easier as it gets older, but you sound like you are getting angry - and she is not playing you, she just loves you. - Alison

Hi M.,

I remember feeling just like you when my little one was about that age. I found out that it isn't that the baby is spoiled, it's that the baby actually has an intense need to be with you. Babies need to be held and fed a lot! I was surprised by how much. Using a baby sling helped to free my hands and let me get stuff done. By putting her in that for a lot of the day, she will gladly take some times of laying on a blanket etc. Plus, if you get down on the ground with her she might be willing to do it for a bit longer. Don't worry, she'll out grow it.

A 4 month old CAN NOT be spoiled!! She sounds like she is very normal and just wants to be close to Mommy. So, Hold her when she cries... something may be bothering her and "mommy" makes her feel better / soothing.
Please don't let her cry it out for bedtime either.... Do the research on it, its cruel
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/19237/a_factbase...
Good Luck

You cannot spoil a 4 month old baby. You need to respond when they cry until at least 6 months. If you want to be able to do more, try getting a sling or carrier.

They say you can't spoil a baby. By holding her you are giving her a sense of security so when she is bigger she can do things on her own and feel confident. I don't think your doing anything wrong. But try when you put her down talking to her, very calm but as you would if you had a 5 year old. or when you put her down put her down where there is a TV on or music so she is distracted. I have a 6 month old who at certain times just wants to be held, she cries if I put her down. It is really just comforting to them, it is a sense of security. Good luck!!!

4 month olds arn't wired like that... They are not manipulative by nature. Personally I feel that a baby doesn't start thinking about "If I do this mommy will do this and I will get what I want" until at least 15 - 18 months... Then you have to be firm and stick to your guns. But by then they know about cause and effect. Both positive and negative.

If there is nothing medically or physically wrong with her then it is probibly just a personality thing. We would refer to it as "being a nosey baby" She is interested in what is going on around her.

Use a baby carrier to give her the up and around feeling and the closeness to you that she needs. (I recommend the Ergo carriers) As she gets older then get down on the floor with her and play or let her play with you sitting right beside her.

When your a "people" person its not fun being laid down and left alone to amuse yourself... :-)

M.; yes this can be very frustrating, however, our babies need human interaction, their cries mean they need something, usually to be held is all they may need, our children when their needs are met, dont cry so often, even babies that are held too much want to be left alone it goes both ways, its ok to give your child what it needs, when it needs it, we are made in such a way to give our body what it needs when it needs it, we need chocolate , we go get it, we need a hot bath, we get it, we need a hug , we find one, i say its ok to hold your child, soon they wont want you to hold them at all, and then pretty soon , they grow up and all you have is a memory of them, and maybe a phone call or a visit, enjoy your child when they are young, its ok to have them in the cuddly phase, they will outgrow it soon, i learned to clean my house with them, and that was before they invented the cool wraps that allow your baby to hang near your body, i would invest in some of these, have a good day and its ok to spoil your child according to its needs, especially at 4 months, now if they were 4 a totally different story, ahahah have a great day , keep up the good mom work, D. s

M.,

At four months old, a child can't "play" anyone! The human brain doesn't have the ability at 4 months old to engage in that level of thought. You cannot possibly spoil her at this age...this is the most important time in her life to form her abilities to bond with you, most importantly, and with others. You will not spoil her!! As she gets older, she'll begin to develop the ability to be separated from you for longer periods of time. This is a very normal stage for her to be going through, and she will grow out of it.

Babies can be overwhelming to care for sometimes, and it's difficult for anyone to keep up with their changing needs. If you are a reader, you might consider going to your local library to check out books on child development. If you're more a hands-on person, check with your pediatrician or the local health agencies on the availability of parenting classes. These are great resources to help you feel as though you are not alone, and to better understand the stages that your baby is going through. I've heard women say so many times that they are "natural" mothers...but there's nothing "natural" about having your life completely change and becoming responsible for another life. It's something that people have to learn...it's a HUGE change!

Meanwhile, take a breath, and accept the fact that your life is no longer yours alone, and that you will not be able to accomplish all of the things you were used to doing before your daughter came into your life. If you have a choice between holding your daughter and getting the dishes done...the dishes can wait!

It's ok.... she's only 4months old. Try carrying her around in a baby carrier. My daughter was like that and she is now 2 1/2 and is totally great, loves playing by her self etc... I would not worry about it... enjoy it while it lasts

A 4 month old canNOT be spoiled and is not capable of manipulating you. She is just beginning to play with, practice, experience reciprocity and interaction, and if being held helps her to self-regulate and she KNOWS that being held helps her to feel comforted and self-regulate, then you are HELPING her by picking her up by responding to her communication, her pleas for help.

Hi there! I'm sorry to hear you have a fussy baby! My first baby was the same way, I remember how frustrating and upsetting it was! I first made sure that there was nothing medically wrong, and then I tried to be patient! Typically babies start to outgrow the fussiness. PLEASE don't think that your baby is manipulating you! A baby as young as yours cannot go through that kind of thought process yet. If a baby under 6 months cries to be held, hold it! Good luck!

I would echo what everyone else said and recommend getting a carrier or a sling. If you decide to get one, there are tons out there on the market, and I currently have or have owned a lot of them. For little babies, I would recommend a Maya Wrap or Zolowear ring sling. But since your baby is now 4 months old, she'll be getting a bit heavy and using the ring slings for long periods of time will put quite a bit of strain on your back and shoulders. I would recommend an Ergobaby carrier. The reason is you'll get a lot longer use out of it. You can carry your baby on the front or the back (or the hip, but I've never tried it that way), and the best part is it distributes their weight across your hips which is a more natural place for you to carry the weight. It doesn't put any strain on your back and shoulders at all. And if you are feeling strain on your back and shoulders, you just adjust a couple of the straps and you're all set. I could carry my baby in the Ergobaby all day with no problems, when I could only use the ring slings and Babybjorn for a couple of hours before wanting relief. I've even carried my 4-year-old in it for short time periods!

Good luck.