Is My Child Spoiled???

Instead of laying her down in her crib, put her in a bouncy seat or a swing, so she is entertained and can see or play with something. She just may need some stimulation. Try talking to her before you pick her up, get her interested in something and then try walking away and then talk to her from wherever you are in the room.

No, she isn't spoiled, yet. She is probably in a phase right now where she wants to be held, which is fine. But she is also old enough to learn that mommy can't hold her every waking momment either. My friend has a 1yr old, and she never drew that line of when to hold her daughter and even at 11 months old, she would cry and cry till mommy picked her up. And as soon as she was mid air, she stopped crying. If mommy acted like she was going to put her down, the crying started. She would follow her around the house crawling and crying, then walking!! Finially she had to buy baby gates to keep her out of the kitchen when she was cooking because she was climbing up her legs!!

So, what I'm saying is that over time, it can become a bad habit if you don't establish the guidlines now. Don't think 5 months is too young to start learning it either. If you are in the middle of cooking dinner, tell her, "sweetie, mommy is cooking dinner so I can't hold you right now." and put her in her high chair or something that she can sit in with you in the kitchen or close by with a few toys. And if you have a few mins after dinner is done cooking, hold her or play with her in her chair. Repatition is the key here. It's how they learn something new and over time, she will understand that there is a time for being held and a time for not being held.

Good luck!
S.

Yeah she is... But it is not that bad.. I am a first mom too. My daughter is now 16 months and is extremely spoiled to pick ups... So i do not have the solution I do know how you feel. :)

Myresponse would have been different 4 years ago than it is now, two kids later. While I believe in holding babies a LOT--I own three slings--I've learned that the babies have to respect mommy's needs too.

With my first, I wouldn't even go to the bathroom because he would cry without me. Now, I've learned that taking 30 seconds or so to take care of my own body is loving to all of us.

Of course, hold your sweet lil' one as much as you can. But don't do so at the risk of taking care of yourself. If you are eating well, getting some rest and water, then it's baby's turn. If you need to change over the laundry and can't hold her for 1 minute, then set her on the floor next to you with some interesting toys and talk cheerfully to her, or sing to her. At first she may cry, but will probably settle down quickly.

I also think a flexible routine is very healthy. It helps the babe organize themselves and they feel more secure knowing what to expect next.

Above all, trust your instincts. Don't choose your mothering based on someone else's judgements of you. You can do it!

Of course not! You absolutely cannot spoil a baby that age. The whole idea of an infant "manipulating" an adult is illogical - it will be years before they have the ability to comprehend that other people have feelings, an obvious prerequisite for "manipulative" behavior.

Her greatest need is your loving arms and your touch - not only for the sense of security and to promote a healthy attachment, but also because holding and touching your infant is the single most important thing you can do to enhance their physical and brain development. Specifically, at the lowest biological level, touching your infant stimlulates the growth of the brain's dendrites, which is vitally important that first year. Furthermore, research has proven that premature infants who receive more cuddling and massages thrive measurably better, and infants born with various medical problems had better clinical outcomes after receiveing massage therapy. Lise Eliot, a neuroscientist, has written a book called "What's Going on in There?: How the Brain and Mind develop in the First Five Years of Life" and she has dedicated an entire chapter on "the Importance of Touch." When I saw her at a lecture, she emphasized that the more you can hold your child, the better. She disdained the use of bucket car seats as a portable Laz-E-boy, (when the child isn't riding in a car, you don't need the carseat). The more you can hold them, the better for they will be pasychologically, emotionally, neurologically, and physically.

Add to the touch the warmth of mom's body, her smell, the sound of her voice and her heartbeat, and her milk - it should be obvious that there is not better place for a baby than in her mother's arms. I understand you may need to go the bathroom or take a shower or whatever. But realize when you put her down that it for *you* - don't do it for her sake. If it were possible to hold a baby constantly, it might make us insane, but the baby would surely thrive. Find a good sling! www.kanagrookorner.com

Our culture holds infants less than anywhere else in the world, (except perhaps Britian), and part of the reason is the misguided notion that it is good for the babies, builds independence, helps them learn to entertain themselves and similar hogwash.

Consider for a moment, that a baby born today in Bali will be held *constantly* by his mother or another family member for the first 4-6 months of his life, at which time he will have a "ground-touching ceremony", that is, when his feet touch the ground for the first time. Nice life!

Interview with Lise Eliot on "Nurturing Brain Development":
http://www.dumex.com.sg/young_children/child_development/...

"Children Need Touch" - a Study from the Harvard Med School:
http://www.hno.harvard.edu/gazette/1998/04.09/ChildrenNee...

I remember this was one of the hardest things to do, but unless you train her (instead of her training you :0) you will both be miserable. Of course she wants to delay her nap or bedtime, but you've got to stay strong. She isn't "spoiled", but she will be if you let her call the shots. Make sure she isn't hungry or wet and she is safe. Give her a kiss and a sweet "nite nite" and walk away. And don't come back. (Thats the hard part!) It will take several times, but she will figure out that you mean business and it will be good groundwork for other situations. Hang in there. We've all had to do it (and the ones that couldn't, are still fighting.) Good luck!!

No, I don't believe you can spoil an infant. However, what she is is conditioned. She enjoys cuddling with you and if you do it alot, that's all she knows. YOu will have to ENDURE the crying to teach her that it's ok for her to be left alone while you do other things. GIve her toys and things to distract/occupy her and console her during the process but try to avoid picking her up EVERYTIME she cries so she can learn to self soothe. I have a 6 mo old and it's hard to let your baby cry but they soon learn.
Good luck and much patience to you

Every 1 will probably disagree with me, now I dont think she is spoiled but she is deff learning to manipulate you. If she is not in pain and not sick your baby needs to learn to sooth her self and entertain herself for a little bit. She will not think you dont love her or not trust you if you dont pick her up right away. If 1 year is the magic age do you think your child will suddenly start playing by herself or not screaming when you put her down once her 1st birthday has passed if you have catered to her every demand before then. Babies have a will to get their way. Im not saying you cant love your baby and hold her play with her, but you need to start giving her time to entertain herself, it's actually very good for her and her creativity she can learn who she is apart from you. She needs to learn it's ok to not be with you every second of the day. What I do with my 6 month old is take a time of the day when she is happy and well fed. I either put her in her jump a roo or on a blanket for tummy time. I have interesting toys in her reach some rattle like toys and some soft comforting ones. SHe is learning to play by herself and she is secure playing by herself knowing Im near. I can do things like start the laundry or dishwasher. She also goes down for naps around the same time each day I know I get a break then and she had a predictable day. If you dont have a loose scheduel set up mahbe you should try to set one up that way she could know ok I wake up and eat then I have tummy time by myself then morning nap, then wake and feed a walk you get the idea, it should be a little flexible. Good luck I have 2 little girls and they are a joy!

To me it sounds like you baby is spoiled. Spoiled isn't just bad milk but a child that gets what it wants when it reacts a certain way. You have taught her that when she cries she gets what she wants. Babies aren't stupid. They learn, and they can learn that crying will get them their way. You need to put her down with some toys but stay in the room and watch tv to the best of your ability over the crying. She will be ok. You don't want her to be this way when she is older you need to train her now. Yes I said train. You can train a baby in the way she is supposed to behave. It will take time a patience.

yes she is spoild what you can do if she has a walker or swing you can put her in so she can get use to not being held 24/7 i understand what your going through i had my first at 18yrs old with the help of my mother i was able to break my child out of it with the tips my mother gave....

I love all of the supportive comments here about holding your baby- what great advice! If you are looking for some additional confirmation to ideas like these I suggest getting The Baby Book by Dr.Sears or google "attachment parenting" and see what comes up. Infants do not manipulate, but it is important for them to have holding time and play time. I put my baby down when he is happy and encourage him to play with toys, swing, or bounce (depending on what room I'm in with him). If he begins to fuss and cry I pick him up and soothe him until he's ready to move onto another activity. And when he cannot be comforted, I wear him in a sling to get my work done that way. My favorite advice: trust your instincts and don't let anyone else bully you into a parenting style that you're not comfortable with.

I love to think about our ancestors and people living in other countries and how they handled this question and their babies. They knew that babies needed the warm comfort of their mothers, so they strapped them on their back, or held them in a sling close to their bodies, and either the mother or another person in their community kept the baby close all the time. I don't believe you can spoil your baby. At 5 months, your little one is still adjusting to life outside your womb. However, as a mother of twins, I know you can not hold your baby every minute of the day. We are not all as fortunate as some people in other countries who may have sisters, aunts, and other relatives to help manage the "load" of caretaking for a little one. It is important your baby learn to soothe herself, and I love the advice you received on putting her down when she is happy with some toys. She is just coming to the age when you can start to help her work on developing a little of her own self-soothing techniques. Also, I know you may have to let her cry for a minute or two why you go to the bathroom, cook a little dinner, etc. Strap her to you when you can, she will love it and so will you! It will create a close bond between you. Taking it a little at a time to help encourage her to soothe herself and she will come along, some babies learn this more quickly than others. See if there is a special blanket or toy that she likes, soon, she will be to the age she can form an "attachment" to an object such as this and it will help her soothe herself. Best of luck and enjoy her while she is little- even during the exhausting times! F.

Some babies need to be held more. My son, who is now 7, was so relaxed and would sit in the bouncy seat for hours. My daughter, who is 18 months now, was the complete opposite. She needed to be held alot too. I just strapped her onto me with my sling and we became one. Ha!! Seriously though, you cant train a baby to stop wanting to be held. Its just her personality. I just tried when she was happy to put her down in a bouncy or a swinging bassinet or on the floor on one of those floor mats and sometimes it works and sometimes it dont. Just be willing to strap her on if she needs it.
I remember reading an article when I felt bogged down with her and it said that most third world countries always strap their babies to them while they work,cook and clean and WE (being new age) tend to find ways to get them off of us. That sort of gave me the insight to enjoy the time with her more and I did and still do. Goodluck.

Pick her up! No, it's IMPOSSIBLE for a baby to be spoiled; she needs her mama. PLease don't listen to those who say that you can spoil an infant. Even as a toddler there will be many times that she just needs to be held and played with. Babies are not these self sufficient little machines that some of those books make them out to be; we ALL need human contact especially at this tender age. Have you thought about getting a sling to wear her in? If you want more info please let me know.

Love,
C.
www.LostRiverNaturals.com
Handcrafted Herbal Organics

It's impossible to spoil an infant. They don't have the capacity to be manipulative, so people who suggest that she's "pushing you around" or anything like that are dead wrong.

Pick her up! Hold her all you can. Crying is all she has to communicate, and to ignore her is to teach her that when she needs you, you won't come. That fosters clinginess, because she gets MORE upset when you put her down because she thinks you won't come back.

Let her trust you. Pick her up.

Nope, she's attached to you, and that is perfectly fine and normal. I "wore" my babies in carriers much of their first year, so I could actually get things done with my arms. By the time she's crawling and walking, you'll notice a pretty big change in how much she wants to be held and carried. Before you know it, she'll be off and running...and you'll miss the days when you could get a good snuggle in!

You really can't spoil a child that young- especially with love. Babies go through different developmental stages and it is perfectly normal for a 5mo old to want to be held by mom all the time. She is just starting to sit up and take in the world from a whole new perspective and she feels more safe and secure doing it from your arms. Enjoy it while it lasts- my 6 year old is now embarrassed to hug or kiss me in front of anyone.

You can't really spoil a child at this age...they really only know survival. I suggest a sling or carrier of some sort, then they are held and you can get things accomplished if you need to. My husband even vaccuumed with our daughter in a sling! Ours is now 2 and snauggle days are not as often. ENJOY! Soon they'll be running out to play with friends and be their independent self - and you'll want these days back to hold them!

Spoiled is when the milk turns bad and you have to throw it away. Indulged is probably a better word. I have learned that the words that we use determines our attitude towards our child. I don't think a 5 month old can be anything but a small person learning their way and their capabilities. If she can cry to get what she wants, then that is what she is learning. If you don't want it to happen then that is up to you. If dad doesn't want it to happen then it is up to him. See where I am going? Everyone can determine their own relationship with the baby, just try to always make sure it is a healthy one for both of you. I learned from my daughter as she grows, almost daily. I try to remember I was younger once and probably did the same things she does, or similiar.
Crying is one of the only ways she can communicate with you right now. So pick her up if she needs you to, talk with her gently and start explaining to her what your needs are. One day she will understand wait, and be patient.

I agree with everyone else. It is impossible to spoil a child that young. They don't know what being manipulative is at the age. What is used to do with my daughter is put her in carrier and that way I could still do things around the house and she was happy being next to me. We all won in the end:) Good Luck.

I agree with the other respondents. You can't spoil a five month old - pick her up and help her to build trust. You will be surprised how quickly she will grow out of this stage and you may actually miss it one day!

No, she is not spoiled. She is just wanting to see that you are there for her. When they are that young, you can't do anything to spoil them...just respond to her needs :)

First off you can not spoil a 5 month old, being spoiled is something we learn and not in the first year. I went through the same thing, and I was on my own at the time so I know how you feel. The thing that worked best for me was the sling, I just strapped her on my chest and did what I had to do. Hoped that helps, good luck.

Enjoy it why it lasts! Mine is 17 & about to move out

it is impossible to spoil an infant--hold her all you can!!! It won't be long before she won't want you to anymore....

momma
no your baby is not spoiled she is 5 months old and all this stuff is new. remember she was in your cozy womb for almost 40 wks

also my second child was the same way and nursed for hours. days at a time and i wanted my body back.
so her father took her and entertained her. I do not know if you are a single parent ask for help from you child's father or some one in your support group.

you are doing a great job and so hold that baby a five month old can not be spoiled and they grow through touch. ffor real
remember bear cubs stay up under their momma for a whole season.

momma L.

is this your first baby?

nope you can't spoil a child under a year old. She's just a baby , and pick her up. You can get a front carrier so your arms arent engaged, and put her front facing so she can see what you're doing and even explain what your doing she will love it.

I have four children....ages 12, 10, 6 and 15 months....and you cannot spoil a baby! If she wants to be held, and you can, just hold that precious angel. I have had babies that do well when you put them down and some need to be held. Try a Snugli or Sling so that you can get things done and have both hands. She will grow soon and be off and you cannot get this time back.

ok spoiled is when you leave milk out to long also when you buy a child things it does not need like every single toy they point at in Walmart. No you are not making a spoiled child she's a baby, pick her up or maybe even get a sling to carry her in. Trust me hold her now before her independent stages of being a toddler then her being 8 and too big to sit on your lap oh and of course when she's 13 and too cool to walk with you...hold her now.

I don't think you can spoil a five month old. You have a high maintenance baby, maybe. I did. She's a delightful five year old now, though. Never wanted to be put down, though, as a baby. Whew! Glad that's over!

It is not possible to spoil a five month old. If your baby wants to be picked up, by all means pick her up. She just needs to feel secure and all babies go through stages where they want to be held all the time. Don't worry. She will start working on her independence soon enough. By picking her up, you are helping to build her security and self esteem. You are also letting her know that you are there for her and she can rely on you. My son is 3 and somedays he say," Mama, will you sit with me". He also just wants to be held sometimes. It is completely normal and I would never recommend ignoring your babies needs. This stage won't last forever. Take in the love...