Daughter Won't Stay in Her Own Room

I would put up a gate or something in front of her room door. I did this with my daughter when she was doing this and it did work. I will also us it now if she is having issues with sleep and think she can just come back and forth to my room and hers. It works for us. I hated to do it at first, but soon realized it is what needed to happen. Good luck momma!

Let her stay. She is only little once. If the bed isn't big enough, get a bigger bed. Some people have what they call the family bed, so it is perfectly normal.

my youngest wanted to sleep with me until she was 6. And she would sneak in all the time.
Out of 5 kids I have seen kids that had to have their own bed, and kids that would not leave mine.
This is very normal.
You can try getting her a body pillow to cuddle with. Playing soft music while she is sleeping, or running a white noise machine.
I think your choice of choosing battles is GREAT! I have found that as they get older, I have chosen to argue about grades and curfew, but hair color is up to them. Sometimes I think that is the only way to stay sane.
hang in there

we had the little kids foam couches on each side of our bed for our 2 and it worked great, we had our bed and they were in the same room. When we moved houses the couches went in the trash and at the new place they decided to share a room and no longer need to be in with us.

Sleep with her. Since you're away all day at work, and I imagine when you're home you're tired and your attention is very divided, she is probably feeling somewhat insecure. She is telling you she needs you, and you welcoming her into your room/your bed will help her feel more secure and safe. She will "grow out of it" (probably within a year or so) and be ready to sleep alone when she is older, never fear. A cosleeping arrangement (like beds or mattresses on the floor pushed together) would probably work well. I would also really find out what is going on with her during the day while you're at work, she may be responding to some stress at her daycare or school. And is there anything at all you can do to work less (or not at all) and/or get more support so that you won't be so exhausted? It's really important to find ways to get your own needs met so that you can more easily meet your children's needs.

Make her sleep on your floor when she sneaks in. Have a blanket and pillow ready. If she is welcome in your room but made to sleep on the floor she might just stop worring about clinging on to you. You will also not need to walk anywhere to put her in bed. Hopefully she will choose that her bed is more comfortable than the floor.

Hi T.,

I also feel your pain. My son did this from the time he went into a bed, until he was around 8. At first, he would come in when I was still awake, and I would take him back to bed every time(had to do the whole monster ritual sometimes up to 3 times a night), but then, just when I thought I had it licked, he started waiting until I was asleep and coming in, and I'd find him in bed with us who knows how many hours down the road later. Most of the time I'd still take him back to bed, and sometimes my hubs would take him if it was a PT morning, but on weekends he'd manage to stay there most of the whole night alot of times. Like I said, he finally grew out of it--at 8.

My youngest is 9, and when she was small and was afraid, my hubs would let her come sleep with us, and it got to be a real problem, to the point where we might as well have been considered co-sleeping because she rarely(like once a month *maybe*) slept in her bed. This went on from age 3 until around age 7.

To this day at 9 years old, she still has nights where she wants to sleep with us, and if there's the rare storm, I can guaranTEE you she'll be in bed with us. She is a kicker, thrasher, and cover thrower offer, and makes sleeping miserable, and her dad hates it, but he's the one that started us down this road.

My only advice is like everyone else said, be consistent. I like what Amy did whe she had special nights her kids could sleep with her. My daughter had 2 Fridays up until school let out, and when it starts up again, I don't think we will continue it. She hasn't asked very often during summer break, so I think I'll just continue to gently refuse to let her until she stops asking. But having a special night she could depend on kept her from asking or trying other nights. Maybe with your daughter, you and her could pick out a calendar and mark the days when she will sleep with you, and give her a sticker on her calendar for every night she doesn't try and sleep with you when it's not her night. Then, she gets some sort of reward, until the special night becomes ingrained as the special occasion she can look forward to. When she's older, you can gradually work up to stopping it altogether.

Best of luck. I know how tiring it is.

K. W

I would suggest putting up a "baby" gate across her door with a latch she cannot open. That way, you're not closing and locking her door, but it is a way to prevent her from getting out. Obviously explain to her why you are doing it and again tell her that she has to stay in her room at night.

T., I feel your pain. My almost 6 yo is just growing out of this. We deal w/the same thing. While I agree that the consistency of putting him/her back in his/her bed is the best. How does one do that if they don't wake up when the child sneaks in w/o waking you? We've always had a clock in his room and encourage him to stay in his room until 7:00. (doesn't always work). We have learned that he doesn't need much sleep-not as much as mom. This is a problem. We allow a fair amount of stuff in his room for him to entertain himself until then. When he comes out early, I ask what he needs. If it is the potty, fine, otherwise I listen to the short story, and then lovingly send him to his room. If he puts up a fuss, we start the discipline process.
I hope you get your bed back soon. It is so hard to get good rest w/unexpected visitors taking over in the middle of the night.!!

Wow, I feel your pain. My boys are 7 and 5 and they still want to sleep with me. I let them whenever my BF goes out of town, but not when it would be 4 in the bed- 5 with the dog! I know it will stop sometime, and it's kind of cute for now, but it is hard. What I do is just let them know that once in a while it is OK, and those are our special nites- but not all the time, and never on school nites. Good luck.

When you feel her crawling into bed with you, why don't you just tell her you love her, you'll see her in the morning, and now she needs to go back to her own bed? I wouldn't get up and put her back in her own bed. (She's obviously able to climb into beds all by herself!) I'd have her do this herself - and if she made me get up and put her back in her own bed, she would lose privileges for the next day.

My oldest would have liked to sleep with me, but the only time he was allowed in Mama's bed was when he was sick. When he was four he was going through a bed wetting stage which was causing sleep deprivation all the way around. I made the decision to stop getting up in the middle of the night. Instead, I laid out clean pjs and made a "back-up bed" on the floor. Then I explained to my son that if he wet the bed, he should take off the wet jammies and snuggle into the back-up bed for the rest of the night. The first couple of nights he came in and woke me up, and I gently reminded him of what to do. Pretty soon, he was doing it without waking me up - and barely waking up himself. As his sleep got less disturbed at night, the bed wetting decreased until it completely ended.

Nobody gets a good night sleep when there is a four year old in the bed . . . not even the four year old! I agree with you about picking your battles, though. If I were you, I'd either make the decision to stop it or deal with it. No waffling!

One thing I had to do with my daughter when i moved her out of my bed was, I would get one of my shirts and put it on a pillow for her to sleep with that way she felt like she was sleeping with me. Yes it did take her some getting used to, but i told her "this way you know Mommy is with you in your dreams" she has been in her own bed since then.

T.,

The most important thing, whatever you do, is be consistent. There are several options that you can take, or combine.

1) put her back in her bed every time she sneaks in
2) let her sleep with you
3) give her her own sleeping bag on the floor in your room if she just needs to be close to you guys
4) try a nightlight/dimmer switch in her room
5) lock a door to prevent access (not the best idea)
6) scream and pull your hair out because you are sleep deprived and frustrated ;-)

My son is almost 5 and tried that for a while. There was a time for several months that he was trying to climb in bed with me what seemed like every hour. I consistently sent him back to his own bed and refused to let him sleep with my. The few exceptions were when he was feverish and wanted the comfort of Mommy, he woke up screaming from a nightmare, or it is/was close to time to get up anyway. Otherwise he got put back in bed every time.

Hope this helps,
Melissa

Oh honey I feel your pain. I have an almost 5 year old son who also wont stay in his bed. He comes in and climbs over me and then crawls between me and my husband. My husband usually puts him back in bed, because he gets woke up with elbows, or knees, or feet in his back..lol Just keep putting her back in bed, I dont have anything else that has worked for me. Dont give her naps during the day. I have noticed that if we dont give our son naps during the day and wear him out he actually sleeps all night long and doesnt join us. But when he does, we just put him back to bed.

We started locking our door at night, and it eliminated the intrusions.

Hi T. -

It is completely normal for your preschooler to still crave being near you at night. Sometimes kids go through phases where they need extra assurance that they're safe--especially when their dreams seem so real and imaginary fears begin. I would suggest that you try making a little bed on the floor next to your bed for a while as a transitional sleep area. That way she's still close to you, but not in your bed...You can try a sticker chart (every morning she is still in her bed, she gets a sticker on the chart) and even offer her a special reward for staying in her bed all night.

Hi T.

When my daughter moved from her crib to her bed, we had the same problem. We put a baby gate in her doorway, so she didn't feel totally locked out/in. We made sure she had books and a light in her room. In the morning we would open the gate and let her come in and snuggle with us until it was time to get up. Eventally she didn't need the gate. It worked well. I'm not sure if a 4 yr old would figure out how to open the gate, but it might be worth a try.

Good Luck
K.