Curbing Aggressive Behavior Toward Baby Sister

I's J E L O U S Y!!!!! I went through the same with my brother. He was the favorite. He died when he was seven and I have suffered regret all my life for being mean to him. I'm 72 yeard old now and still can't forgive myself.

I'd like to beg all moththers to please try to love each child equally, yes, we have favorites, I found out...but we MUST be aware that most children will suffer to see mom and dad constantly playing and being very affectionate with new baby. New babies are adorable. But not to be aware of the evil-jelousy it causes some of us can really hurt a child that simply cannot reason as an adult and understand all this. If each child feels loved, they will all be buddies forever. That's what I saw in other families. It's not too late Bonnie. All the best, D.

B.,
I have three children. My three year old middle child boy has been acting the same way with his baby sister. He has been hitting, pushing his baby sister. He tells me to bring her back to the hospital sometimes. I find it helps to give the older child more attention. Do not be afraid to baby your older one a little bit. Extra attention, hugs and kisses. He loves it when I baby him. He still acts out with his sister, but it is getting better. Tell your older one how special she is all of the time. Tell her that she is your first baby and how special that is. Sometimes I put my baby in her crib just to spend time with my three year old. Make sure you always tell your older child how much the baby loves her. I always say "Look how the baby is looking at you. She loves you so much!" . Good luck to you with this. I know it is hard because I am going through the same thing. I also went through this with my first son when my middle child was born. I think it is totally normal. I hope I could be of some help.
S.

HI B.;

My son is 23 months and I bought him two baby dolls. I believe that little boys should be taught how to nurture at a young age; plus, I want him to get used to the fact that he may have a sibling at a later time.

He loves babies; however, I noticed how aggressive he is with the baby dolls. He hits and drops things on them. I thank goodness that these are not real children. This is very normal behavior; one I hope that he gets over; I know it's a jealousy thing as he doesn't like when my husband and I give each other kisses or a back massage. He does this with close friends of ours too.

The key is too give the older child as much attention as possible. Not sure what my mother did with one of my brothers but I do believe it affects them when they are adults. Some children are tougher than others and some are not.

I liked what one of the other mothers wrote about saying how much their sibling loves them. Tell them that their sibling wants to spend so much time with them and be like them.

B.,
Being a mom of 4 I can suggest:
Try spending more alone time with your older child. Individual time for you and your 3 1/2 y.o. She needs you to show her that you still love her. Make a certain day of the week special for just you and her to go on a 'date'.
Also, a good friend told me once "The newborn won't remember but the toddler will". I have used that advice often. If I have to put the baby down to help my 2 y.o. I will. Even if the baby cries a bit, thats OK. My 2 y.o. will remember me saying "Mommy can't help you right now, the baby is eating/awake ect.." She might become resentful and act out. I have noticed since I have been living by that saying, my 2y.o. acts out less and is much nicer to me and the baby.
Good luck!

I can't offer any help but just to let you know I have the same problem with my 21 month old against his 4 month old brother, he also hits him, bites him, grabs and pinches him, throws balls at him, and pushes trains on his head (poor fella!!), I don't know how he survives it... it is usually worse when I spend alot of time carrying the baby, so I let him hold him while he's sitting down for a minute and he is so gentle and calm with him, I just think he feels left out and wants to be involved even though I involve him with everything.. I also put my 4 month old in the crib and we play on the floor in the baby's room.. he really loves his little brother but just doesn't understand why he can't do things and he does not know his own strength.. Hope it gets better soon I'm sure they will be the best of friends when they are older..

Good Luck

B., have you thought that your 3 1/2 is seeking attention? my suggestion is to spend real quality time with the oldest and at the same time try talking to her about her sister still being a baby and the baby needs gentle touch and model the behavior and praise her when she treats the sister in the appropriate manner.