Considering Adopting 2 Boys

Hi B.

I am a single mother of 3 girls -- all adopted from Eastern European countries. I love all my girls + would highly recommend adoption to anyone who has the desire to parent children. The oldest is 13, adopted at 5.5yo. The other 2 are now 6 + almost 4, adopted as babies.

I do have my challenges with my oldest, but most of the behaviors I am dealing with stem from orphanage survival habits (hoarding food + lying about it)...then of course, there are the "teen" challenges. We are in counseling at this time -- mostly due to her "teen" attitude. I'm sure it would improve as she matures, but want to stop in immediately due to potentialling influencing the younger children.

My youngest, unbeknownst to me at adoption time is actually a special needs child + in fact, we're head to a new series of specialists, specifically to test for cerebral palsy.

My middle daughter is high energy (a real daredevil), but the sweetest of girls...highly sensitive + cries quite easily.

So, would I do it all again with my challenges...you betcha! I know many with bio-children who have similar challenges...I don't know if you are religious, but I fully believe our good Lord meant me to be the mother of these 3 girls + I thank Him daily for this opportunity.

J.

I have not adopted children, but have thought about it as well. I think it's an awesome thing to bring a child into your home and raise them as your own. I saw an e-mail or blog or something one day and it was where they asked small children different questions, and one of them was about adoption and a little girls answer to the question was something like.. the only difference when you are adopted is that you grew in your mommy's heart and not her belly... All you have to do is search your heart and if those boys are in it, then you have your answer. Good luck and God bless!

I dont have any experience in this area, but Kudos to you for wanting to do this. I say go for it, how exciting.
Are you close to the boys already? I assume you are somewhat familiar with them. I would sit down w/ them and share w/ them that you would like them to come join your family and see how they feel about it. And it cant hurt to have some standby counseling options just in case the adjustment is difficult. I hope all goes well for you.

Adoption is a wonderful way to expand your family, and give love and structure to young lives. My husband and I have adopted 3 children. (we have no bio-children) There are issues. But the rewards far outway them. Discuss it with your 12 year old first. She is old enough to discuss the 'intrusion' into her world.(and at some point she will feel intruded upon...it's normal, it will probably happen at some point. Be sure to continue to give her the 'tween' love and attention she needs) You have 2 girls... trust me, boys are a different breed, and will have to be handled differently. Prepare for things to get broken, for rough housing to be a way of life and for the bathroom to forevermore be a place of missed toilets and water related 'incidents'. BUT, with that said, there is nothing like having my son look in my eyes and tell me "Mom, I love you". Be sure that the grandparents are willing to let you parent them, without telling you how. ( if they have custody, they will have to sign away their rights ) Adding little boys to your family will be a great thrill-ride, getting ready to happen! Begin your relationship with loving firmness. They will appreciate it even if they don't realize it. I will keep you in my prayers. Prayerfully make your decision.
"I was hungry and you fed me, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you took me in, naked and you clothed me, I was sick and you cared for me..." Matt. 25:35
I believe you will be blessed.

Hi B..
I would talk this over with both of your daughters. All family members should have a say. Have you mentioned the possibility to the boys?
If no, then what about having a trial run before you talk to them? Perhaps having the boys spend time/nights at your house perhaps a weekend. Maybe the grandparents could take a weekend trip and the kids stay with you? That would help you understand what accomidations will need to be made - where will they sleep, what their comfort level with your family is, what are their likes/dislikes, what things will need to be bought, is the car big enough.. and so on.
Just some thoughts. I hope it works out.
M.

First of all, I am not adopted, nor have I adopted kids. But I just wanted to say how great it is for you to want to share your love with others. My husband and I debated adopting before we conceived our kids, the docs told me I couldn't have kids, and we would like to adopt in th near future (3-5 years) It is so great that you are willing to share your home, love and each other with kids who need it.

Hi B.,

You are a very loving person to accept two children who are not your own flesh and blood. You are to be commended.

The first thing to consider is the ground work before the adoption process. Is everything clear for you to start the process without any interference from any other family members, friends, etc.

Secondly, you will be dealing with attachment issues.

Dr. Katherine had written some books on Child Development and dealing with traumatized children.

The name of the two books are: "When a Stranger Calls You Mom." The other book is: "Coming to Grips with Attachment."

She is the mother of 4 adopted children and is a Family Life Educator. Her e-mail address is: ____@____.com

You will have issues with the new children and then the other children will also react to this new situation.

It can be done. It will take education and a routine that is consistent for all parties to get their needs met.

I suggest you get an appointment book like Doctors have in their office so you can keep up with everything. You will need at least 5 columns, one for each of the children and one for you and your husband.

You will need child care if you are working outside of your house because you can not leave them with your other children.

It will work if you are an organized person. I believe you are if you are an accountant. Good luck. God Bless. D.