Mom Wanting to Adopt a Baby

Updated on March 17, 2008
C.A. asks from Vallejo, CA
22 answers

Looking to add to our family I lost a baby three years ago told I was done by the doctors I have a seven year old little girl. Would like to know if anyone has adopted before if so a little thoughts on it would be helpful Thank you CC

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So What Happened?

Still fixing the house getting ready. I wanted to thankyou everyone for all your wonderful help and comments I cryed. I still think about the baby I lost three years ago. It was the hardest thing I have ever been through. Bless you Luv and Light CC

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M.H.

answers from San Francisco on

Hi C.,

First, I want to wish you the best of luck with adoption. Second, I would love to find out what responses you get since I am also looking into adopting.

Again, good luck...and thanks.

--M. H.

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N.L.

answers from Fresno on

Hi C.,

I haven't adopted any children, but I have a couple of friends who have. I see adoption as a very, very blessed option. One of my friends said it can take a long time and be expensive, but well worth it. She would do it again in a heartbeat.

I just wanted to let you know of this program I heard of a while back on an Oprah show. She was talking to a woman who started a rescue program for 'unwanted' babies and finding families that wanted to adopt to place the babies with. The program is called Project Cuddle (www.projectcuddle.org). This may be something you could look into.

God Bless.

N.

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C.B.

answers from Salinas on

C.,

My husband and I were unable to have children of our own so we looked into all forms of adoption. The one that we choose was called fost/adopt. It is an amazing experience and we love our babies. We adopted twins 4 month old babies. Some of the benefits are that it only cost us $800 and we were reembersed and thier medical is paid for until they are 18 years old, we never had to fly to another country they were right here and the adoption agency still provides counciling for us at ever new stage that we have questions. The agency that we used was the Hand in Hand Foundation ###-###-####. They provide training for us and really took great care of us so that we could take care of and love our babies. We are now freinds with a lot of other families that have done this program and we are all loving and deeply fulfilled by our choice to adopt.

If you have any further questions please feel free to contact me directly [email protected]____.com.

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A.K.

answers from San Francisco on

two of my good friends were adopted. They say that the most important thing is to be honest with them (ie. let them know from the beginning that they were adopted.) My friend Megan said that her family would have a special dinner every year called their completness dinner. That would honor the day their family became complete (the day she was adopted.) It was very low key (no presents) so that their two older biological children would not get jelous.

I'm afraid that's all the advice I can give other than include your little girl in the process so she feels like this is a family event.

Good luck and congratulations on your growing family.

1 mom found this helpful
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L.B.

answers from Chico on

Hi C.,

I am the mother of two adopted children. Our kids were teenagers when we adopted them. My daughter was 14 and from Russia. My son 15, is from Kazakhstan. We chose teenagers because they are more appropriate for our age.

The process of adopting (i.e. paperwork, physicals, counseling, education seminars, anticipation, etc) is a roller coster ride of highs and lows emotionally.

NOTHING can compare to the feeling when your child finally becomes yours. EVERYTHING my husband and I went through and endured just to meet our children was worth it. There is no doubt in our minds God meant these children to be ours, and us to be their parents.

There are many things to consider about adopting. Foreign adoption verses domestic adoption. How to choose an adoption agency for the type of adoption you choose. The cost of adopting. The time it takes to adopt.

You obviously have the love in your heart for more children. I would be happy to share our experiences with you in more detail. If you would like you can email me at; [email protected]____.com. I will give you my phone number and we can talk.

Sincerely,
L.

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P.B.

answers from Sacramento on

We have 2 girls we adopted through a faciliator in Grass Valley called Lifetime adoption - its not cheap, so it really depends on your budget - and it takes about 2 to 3 yrs (depending on how open you are with what you are willing to take or also if you have kids already you usually end up waiting longer,etc..lots of factors). Also you can adopt through Placer Kids (if in the Placer county area) which is through social services - it cost less but you do have to take classes,etc..to be certified as a foster parent first, but the cost is less. The children through them will not be newborn for most part and apparently they have alot more boys available then girls. So there are a couple options for you. I am at [email protected]____.com if you want anymore adoption info or questions,etc..we have 2 wonderful girls (our oldest is 6 and our youngest is 7mos who we got at birth) - we waited a long time but they are so meant to be ours! Good luck!

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C.E.

answers from San Francisco on

I am currently in the process of adopting my 2 grandaughters the girls were removed by CPS and I became there foster partent now like I said I am adopting. So maybe that is something you could look into becoming a foster partent. Just one idea. Good luck!! I know there is a wonderful child out there for you.

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T.L.

answers from Sacramento on

My husband and I have adopted two children (a boy and a girl) through two different avenues. We adopted our son (2 1/2 yrs. old now) through a private agency, this was an open adoption. It was an amazing experience and I would really recommend it if you have the money (it is about $15,000). We went through the Independent Adoption Center in the bay area. If you are looking for a newborn this is the best route.

We are in the process of adopting our daughter through foster care. It is definitely different than private adoption but there are many benefits to it also.

As you can see, I have a lot of information and opinions on both types of adoption. I am happy to help with any information that you need. Please let me know if I can help. Good Luck! T.

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R.L.

answers from San Francisco on

Hi C.,
I adopted a little boy as a single parent with 4 biological children already in my home. I didn't really mean to... here's how it happened. I was a foster parent, and after 10 foster placements (under 5 years old at my request), 10-week old "Joey" came to me. He was shy and would not make eye contact and malnourished. Me and the kids fell in love. 6 months later, when it was time for him to move to an adoptive home (his status changed), I couldn't part with him. We had a family meeting, and it was a unamomous vote. From there I had to go through the steps and classes and paperwork to qualify to be an adoptive home (I had originally ONLY taken the steps to be a FOSTER home, thinking that would deter an ADOPTION weekness). Anyway, after about a year, he was MINE! Legal name change and all.
Facts about foster-to-adopt (California at least). Night classes to get certified. First Aid/CPR required. You can choose the ages of children you want in your home. You get first option to adopt if a foster child gets available for adoption. Foster children who are adopted by their foster parents are eligible for lifetime medical insurance, and receive child support until the age of 18! Last, but not least, the county pays for ALL your adoption fees!!
So, you do a good deed, help a displaced child, and they pay YOU. It's the best win-win I've ever heard of!!!

If you have any questions, I'd be glad to go into more detail.
Best of luck.
R., [email protected]____.com

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L.C.

answers from Sacramento on

Hi C.. I've adopted 5 kids and our sixth one will be finalized next month. My kids are all out of foster care, four of which came to us as babies (birth to 6 months old). The positives for going the fost/adopt route is that it is free, you are subsidized even after the child is adopted and there is not that long of a wait. On the down side, for most people, is that most the kids are considered special needs.

I know from friends' experiences with adopting from overseas you are taking a risk. Many of these kids have spent their lives in orphanges with substandard care. The medical history is not always complete or accurate so it is suspect if the children were prenataly exposed to drugs and alcohol. Many of the kids look great and seem very affectionate only for the parents to get the child home and find they have severe attachment disorders. I have three friends that either have disrupted an adoption or are in the process of it because of the child having such severe emotional problems the family cannot give the child what they need. Because the child is not from the USA, there is no subsidy so these families have to pay for all of this special care out of pocket. They are having to turn the kids over to the system not because they want to, but because they financially cannot give the kids what they need (institutional care at no less than $6,000 a month). I know there are a lot of overseas adoptions that are very successful each year so this is just my experience.

I don't have a lot of experience with private adoption. I don't know if this is still true or not but when we were originally looking at adoption over 11 years ago, we were told that with private adoption the biological parents have six months to change their mind. That always scared me that it could get to 5 1/2 months and they want their baby back.

Just my experiences.

L.

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H.P.

answers from Redding on

Hello,

I think adoption is a wonderful way to go. My husband and i adopted a baby girl 14 months ago and could'nt love her more than if I had given birth to her!

The adoption was an independant one, meaning that we did not go through an agency. We were approached by the birth mother and things started from there. We were not even looking to adopt, I had only had one miscariage, and we have another daughter who is five now.

If you are intersted in adoption I recommend getting the book "Adoption for Dummies"...I know it sounds weird, but there is so much information in there! I read it and it was very helpful, it will tell you pretty much step by step what to do and what to expect. There are several types of adoptions and each is discussed in the book.

Our adoption is final now and I would have to say it definately has been worth every tear, penny, worry, and moments of anger.

Good luck, and I hope to hear how things go for you and your family!

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A.B.

answers from Bakersfield on

It's a few days since your note, but I wanted to keep encouraging you to check into adoption. I had two awesome birth daughters, and then a very bad infection. God opened up our home eight years later to three separate adoptions over three years. Now our sons are 13, 12, and 10, and we are so blessed to have them call us Mom and Dad. Our loss was not through a pregnancy, but through a failed private adoption, so we recommend using a well-known agency or the child services in your county. One of our adoptions was through a private Christian agency, Bethany Christian Services, and two were through our Child Services in our county. Lots of paperwork, lots of meetings and training as foster parents, lots of prayer, but three amazing guys I am so very thankful for. I cam't imagine life without my "men". I pray God will guide you and your family as you look into adoption. I also believe the little one you lost is safely in God's arms waiting to meet you one day. Hope all goes well, A.

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K.L.

answers from San Francisco on

Hi C.,

We are in the process of adopting a baby from Guatemala right now, and also have a 10 year old biological child. One resource we found very helpful was RESOLVE - it's a national organization with local groups and resources. Through them, we met with other parents thinking about adoption, for an intro evening led by an adoptive mom in our area. We also attended RESOLVE's larger adoption symposium in San Francisco (held twice a year), which was a good way to find out about all types of adoption options. The local group (northern CA) is now called Open Path. Check them out at http://www.resolvenc.org/

The agency we chose to facilitate our international adoption was For This Child, out of Texas. http://www.forthischild.org/
They specialize in Guatemala adoptions and now Kazakhstan (in-process adoptions from Guatemala are continuing, but there is a hold on new adoptions from Guatemala due to political & adoption law changes). For This Child is very professional and careful - they had us re-do some of our paperwork before submitting our dossier to help the process go a little more smoothly (one doctor's signature was not legible, the first notary we used had a commission that expired too soon and these documents would have been kicked out by the Guatemala court). Be sure to research the agency you go with as it will save you time and heartache. RESOLVE can be helpful in this area, as can checking online adoption forums - people will share who they've had a good experience using. Best of luck to you on your adoption journey!

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M.B.

answers from Sacramento on

Hi C.,
My son was almost 4 years old when we lost his younger brother at birth. I, too, was told that a future pregnancy would be far too risky (I had a uterine rupture that was left in me unrepaired --not exactly a fit place to grow another child after it healed on its own). We looked into surrogacy and adoption and decided on adoption, international adoption specifically. We joined some support groups, Resolve and Hand-in-Hand (as well as an infant loss group the first year, then worked for the loss group the following year). We didn't want to adopt right away, wanted to wait a few to several years, same as you. We thought that when our son was 7 we'd start the process and have completed adoption by the time he was 8. We were just linked up with a Chinese adoption organization when our son was diagnosed with his father's genetic condition and was manifesting signs of it already (we'd been told years earlier that the condition did not 'click on' until puberty and manifestations did not show up until late puberty to early 20's... and that medical science would have worked something out in that time frame making it okay for a biological child to inherit the condition w/o worry of ending up w/ problems like my husband). Anyway, 'they' were not quite on the mark and we put our adoption plans on hold, did not move forward and chose to wait until our son's medical situation moved past the big hurdle the condition was heading toward. Our son ended up moving slowly where he appeared to moving swiftly at first, so we had to rethink our plans --did we want to put them on hold indefinitely, move ahead now, drop them entirely? It was a very hard choice, but as time moved us along, we became so comfortable, content, and happy as our threesome, that we ended up choosing to let go of adoption all together because we no longer wantedt to add to our family. I think our son was about 9 by that time, maybe 9&1/2. I think we'd have been very happy had we ended up adopting, but honestly we're very happy having not, so it worked out for us and I think it would have either way.
I hope that you face no health issues in your family at all and enjoy adding a child to your family (through adoption) --unless you end up not adopting, then I hope that you enjoy that as well.
If you are at all interested in international adoption, I'd look into Hand-in-Hand. I think they must still be around --they were a wonderful group and would have get togethers often (for families as well as parental support). International is more costly, and I couldn't tell you why our hearts took us that direction, but we were just led that way when we sought to have another child. If you are led another way, I'm sure you'll find plenty of support from others, too. I personally think adoption is almost more beautiful and amazing than pregnancy and birth, so close that they're tied for that 'most beautiful' spot in my book, equally joyful and miraculous.
I wish you the best!!
M. B

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P.C.

answers from San Francisco on

My husband and I are in the process of getting licensed for foster care and adoption through our county (Santa Clara), and I have to say that for the most part, the trainings and the services offered have been excellent. My understanding is that there are some children (maybe not so many infants) in foster care whose parents rights will be terminated once an adoptive family is found. I've also talked to several foster moms who care for infants, and it seems like many of them (way more than the stats show) end up being available for adoption. So I guess the big questions you should consider are 1)if you're up for taking an older-than-infant child who needs a permanent home or 2) if you're willing to take an infant who may or may not become available for adoption. I encourage you to think about both questions - there are soooo many kids in the system who need wonderful homes! And the county really does offer quite a bit of support, even after the kids are adopted - a monthly financial stipend, support groups, classes on discipline and bonding, etc. Anyway, if you're interested in going the local adoption route, call 408-299-KIDS (if you're in Santa Clara county - if you're in another county, you'll have to look on the county website for the #)and ask about their next PRIDE class orientation (a 10-week class required for all folks thinking about fostering/adopting through the county). Or feel free to email me about any questions you have :) - I was a foster baby and was adopted 37 years ago by a wonderful family and so **love** to see folks considering adoption!

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R.Y.

answers from San Francisco on

We adopted our son through an agency 8 years ago - locally/open adoption. His birthparents relinquished their rights shortly after birth (birthmom the week after, birthdad about a month or two after. The only reason it took longer for birthdad was scheduling/holidays). They did not have 6 months to change their minds - at least with an agency adoption. I've heard it's not quite the same for a private (lawyer) adoption. Once they signed the papers it was irrevocable (unless fraud or coercion could be later proven).

I would like to recommend another website where I got lots of advice and support while I was waiting to adopt: fertilethoughts.com It has different forums on adoption (all types) as well as parenting and infertility. They have different levels of membership but you can join for free to read and post.

There is a lot of information on the internet - sometimes too much! I would recommend going to the library and getting some books on the different types of adoption and visiting agencies. They often have open houses to explain their process.

We have an open adoption and in our case we started out with birthmom visits about every 3 months. Then she moved out of the area so we've seen her only a couple times since then. We have have more contact with her parent. We enjoy the visits with our son's birthfamily and think it's very important for him to know where he came from. We've never met our son's birthdad but we write to him and he writes to us. We hope to meet one day. There's no such thing as a typical open adoption - some have more contact than this and some have less or even none. When we first learned about open adoption, it was the "scary" part - but it has turned out to be great. Our son's birthmom just wants to know that she made the right decision and hearing from us confirms it.

We've always talked about adoption with our son and so far it's no big deal - just the way things are.

Mostly, though, we are just parents and kid! I could write for days about the process and experience (good and bad) but my computer is running out of charge. Feel free to email me privately to hear more or ask specific questions. Good luck!

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J.L.

answers from San Francisco on

I adopted my girl at birth and it was a wonderful experience from beginning to end. Once I was able to get over the fact that I was not going to produce a child, the rest was easy. From the time I contacted the adoption agency to when I had my baby in my arms was, ironically, about nine months. We chose to adopt domestically, rather than internationally, because I wanted a new born and it was actually cheaper than traveling and having both of us not working while out of the country. We used Adopt International and they were great. What you discover when adopting is that your child is really your child regardless of the fact that she came to you from the birth mother's womb. The magic is that the birth mother, at least ours, was convinced that this was the destiny of this baby. Adoption is magic. Good luck. J.

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S.M.

answers from San Francisco on

Adoption is wonderful. We adopted a baby though open adoption. We went through Little Angel Adoptions in the Sacramento area. We signed up in November, were matched in Feb and had Ryan in July. We were there for his birth. My husband cut the cord. We are in contact with his birth family. We are supposed to see them about three times a year but once a year is about what we do. It has been an awesome experience. In fact three of our friends have adopted with the same agency and had a baby in about six months to eight months. All stories are different. Some have contact with birth families, some have none. WE have a well adjusted, beautiful baby boy who we love. We have a sixteen year old daughter who loves her baby brother to no end. Please feel free to contact me if you would like. Our birthmother is also open to speaking to people wanting to adopt. Good Luck S.

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S.A.

answers from Sacramento on

We adopted two beautiful children from an orphanage in Ukraine when they were a year and a half old. While there have been some issues helping them make up for the early deprivation, we wouldn't trade it for the world. We tried for 10 years to have our own and I kept having miscarriages. We looked into domestic adoption, but felt that there were hundreds of families competing for every child and that every one of them would definitely get a home. We also were concerned about the number of failed domestic adoptions and the heartbreak prospective parents felt when the birth mother changed her mind. We were also concerned about the birth mother remaining in the child's life, since open adoption is the most common way today.

We decided adopting children that might never get a home was where our hearts were. It was heartbreaking to leave the hundreds of beautiful children behind that we saw, but we at least brought home two to give them a good life. There is so much poverty in the former Soviet Union countries that there are literally thousands of orphans there. Should you decide to consider this, please don't hesitate to contact me.

S.

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L.S.

answers from Redding on

We adopted our only daughter. We've had her since she was a newborn and the adoption was final just before her first birthday - she is nine years old now. In our case, we were related to the birthmother's side of the family and they sought us out to adopt the baby. Even though we didn't go through an agency, the state still had to be involved, so we had to go through all the typical hoops and red tape in addition to paying a fee. They have a set time frame in which they work that no amount of sweet talk will speed up. Once you accept this, then the process is worth it. Everything you are required to do pays off once you hold that child in your arms. The icing on the cake is when you go to court and hear the judge say: "The state of California now recognises you as the child's natural born parents!"

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E.H.

answers from Bakersfield on

Hi, my name is E.. I have adopted 4 wonderful children. My husband and I are both school teachers and saw how many kids needed good homes, so we decided to go through the county and foster care to adopt. It is a hard process, but worth it if you are willing to take the time. The pro's of going this route is that there is no cost, the kids come from the surrounding area. The cons are that there is the time period when it is not certain if they can be adopted, the waiting game can be hard and it is even harder if you do lose them back to their bio parents. There are lots of people who can help with directing you to the easiest path. If you specify that you want to adopt, there is the possibility of getting kids who are already free for adoption and therefore the process is much quicker. I adopted twins who are now 5 - the finalization took 20 months. I also adopted their little sister (2 1/2 now) and her process only took 10 months. My little boy (almost 2) was finished in 15 months and he was the one we were worried about not getting, so there is always hope. Let me know if you have any questions or if you choose this path I can try to offer advice. Good luck

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K.L.

answers from San Francisco on

We adopted our 2 year son through IAC (Independent Adoption Center), their main office is in Pleasant Hill and it has been a wonderful experience. He was placed with us at 3 weeks by his birthmother who had taken him home from the hospital, but realized she just couldn't do it since she was only 16 and had very little support from family and none from birthfather. It was wonderful meeting our son's bm and though we want a relationship with her now, she has not been in contact. We hope this changes when she gets older, but if not, luckily we have pictures and some information for our son. I feel it is a child's right to know their birthfamily history, especially as they get older and become more curious. Our agency has been doing open adoptions for 25 years and the research does not show that kids get "confused" by knowing their birthparents and their parents.

A bm does NOT have 6 months to change her mind as I've had many people ask me. Each state has a different revocation period after bm signs termination of parental rights. For example, California bms can choose it to be effective in 24 hours (that's what our bm did), 30 days, or upon birthfather's termination rights signed. In Virginia where we used to live, the bm has 10 days to revoke.

Good luck with your decision. It's been an amazing experience for us and really brought us back to life and happiness after suffering 7 miscarriages and you don't even want to know how much money:-).

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