Birth Order Adoption

Updated on March 06, 2008
S.Z. asks from Midland, TX
9 answers

Recently a possiblitly for my husband and I to adopt again has come up. Possibly a little boy that turned 3 in Feb. and his little sister that was born in Dec. I would love to adopt these kids, but also at the same time I worry about the child I allready have. She will be 3 on the 21st and I wonder how she would adjust to getting an older sibling. I know it is an adjustment for any sibling I just worry about the fact of having one older.Any ideas or advice would be appreciated.

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So What Happened?

Well it fell through. The kids Aunt decided she would adopt them. I'm sad, but atleast I know that they will be loved.

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answers from San Antonio on

Adopted children are sometimes a little behind developmentally so you child and the adopted one will get along just fine, like partners or playmates. Congrats on the growing family!

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answers from Austin on

Adopting a sibling older than your child is one of the many factors to consider. My advice is to talk with the adoption counselor or social worker on the case. I do not mean to be negative but to be realistic. One would assume that 3 year old and a baby siblings available for adoption have been in some sort of abusive situation or they wouldn't be available for adoption. Be careful and don't discount the emotional irrevocable damage done to the 3 year old. Be well prepared and have resources to rely on in the event you need them. Love and a new environment won't erase a past nor genetics. You and your husband will want to approach this with your eyes wide open and asses your own personal needs and expectations.

As it relates to your child, a new older sibling (or any sibling) is going to take her out of the spotlight. Yes, she'll adjust. Just know that it will be difficult for all of you to work through any baggage an older child may bring into your home. One concern is the possibility of an attachment disorder.

I adopted two children (not siblings). One was almost 18 mos. when I got her and later I adopted a baby when she was 6 months old. I love children and wanted someone to call me "mommy." I had needs and yearnings to love and nurture. If someone had given me the advice I gave you, I would NOT have listened believing with a loving environment everything would work out.

Hopefully you're wiser than me and will consider the impact children with special needs will have on your family and then weigh the cost. If you're needs and desires are to give a child a home, love and a better life no matter what you may receive in return then may God bless you immensley because every child needs a loving home.

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answers from Houston on

I think it is beautiful that you are considering adopting kids. I can not think of the biggest compliment I can give you.

For any kid having brothers and sisters is difficult and need adjustments and it will take time, patience and love.

I would recommend to talk to a pshycologist just to get advice on how to handle it, they usually know the best way to easy the changes in kids lifes.

I hope that everything goes well with you and your growing family. People like you give me hope that there is still love, compassion and goodness all around us.



answers from Houston on

I think it's great you're adopting! I don't think that there will be any issues other than normal sibling stuff. It's tough at any age to get a sibling. All of a sudden you have to share!

Play it up to your daughter. She'll probably be very excited about getting someone her own age to play with every day. It might ease the transition. And even though he's older, she still knows the rules of the house better than he does, so she could be a big helper for him to "learn the ropes"!

Good luck in your adoption, I hope everything goes smoothly!



answers from Longview on

S., I am certainly not an expert, especially when it comes to adoption. However, the fact that you are concerned about how she will feel (especially if you vocalize this to her) will I believe play a huge part in how well she receives the idea. I would talk to her & say "You know how we talked about inviting a new brother & sister into our family?... Well, how would you like having an big brother or a brother who is the same age as you? This way, if she is not comfortable with the idea, she can express that to you & tell you why. Then, if the reason is silly, it can be talked through until she embraces the idea. I feel the key thing is to let her be a part of the decision making process with you & your husband (after all it does affect her too)and you may find out that your concerns are not even valid... she may love the idea immediately. If you & your husband are believer's, pray about it as a family with her. The Lord will give you wisdom what to do if you ask. =)



answers from San Antonio on

I cannot offer any sound advice, just that children that age are usually resiliant, and I think it is wonderful how you are willing to adopt children that need a home. He doesn't seem that much older, so it would be more like she will be getting a play-mate. I'm sure the sharing adjustment will be huge, but in time I'm sure it will work itself out.

Good luck with whatever you decide, and I commend you for your willingness to adopt.



answers from Houston on

What ever you decide to do, be honest with your daughter from the start. Tell her that she will be getting a new brother who is older and let her ask questions. Try to explain as much as you can in her terms so she will be more accepting. My brother and I were both adopted, and the fact that my parents were honest with us from day 1 was huge. We had friends who were also adopted, and a lot of them did not handle it well when they realized that they had not been told the truth. You can justify it how you want, but to a child they see it as "mommy & daddy lied to me since I was born". I hope everything goes good for you. I know that there are books to help explain adoption (kinda like the ones to explain when mommy is pg).



answers from Odessa on

Although getting a sibling at any age is tough your little one will probably adjust better at this age than if she was older because at her age it will be like getting a new friend. I have been in your daughter's place, but I was much older when my parents adopted. I had been the baby of the family for 12 years when they adopted a little girl. At first I was very jealous, but now her and I are closer than ever because we spent so much time together growing up.



answers from Houston on

Dear S., You sound like you and your husband have lots of love to go around. Your daughter is very lucky. Even if there are a few bumps now, I know you'll work it out, and all your kids will see what amazing parents they have. God bless your growing family !
(proud mom of 2 sweet, smart kids we adopted at birth)

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