Behavior Chart Ideas?

There is a show on television call Super Nanny. it is on ABC channel 7 out of Chicago, 17 out of Rockford and 12 out of Milwaukee. I think it is on Mondays but could be Tuesday. They have some great ideas on that show for using charts. You can also go to www.supernanny.com and they have all the information that is on the show on that website plus many more ideas. i find the information very well laid out.

Good Luck

DLTK Kids has make your own charts-- we use them for cleaning up. Unfortunately I don't have suggestions to help with the mouth and tantrums because we are dealing with the "I hate you. You're mean. I wish you were dead." responses to timeouts for our 5 year old daughter. Interestingly, she's the youngest, too. I'm convinced that she is just super tuned in and just really knows what the "hot buttons" are. I'll be watching your post for good ideas for us to use as well. Kids....gotta love 'em cause you can't set 'em out with the trash! Seriously, good luck!!!!

Hi V.,

It seems like maybe you're focusing too much on stopping the behavior you don't want rather than helping him develop the behaviors you would like to see.

The best place to start is assigning positive intentions to your son- in the same way you hope people cut you some slack when you wish you'd behaved better in a situation and knew better but still said or did something you wish you hadn't. Children are the same way except sometimes they really don't know better and/or the appropriate behavior and skills are still very new and developing in them and it doesn't come as naturally. Stopping behavior and following with punishment are reactive and focus on the behavior rather than the cause of or need behind the behavior. Try being more proactive so you can set him up for success whenever possible. Be present and identify what comes before the hitting (or whatever) and step in and help with an alternative, more appropriate behavior. Talk about difficult situations and problem-solve with him outside the heat of the moment, maybe even practice/role-play with him.

Also, make it your job to be the one who is the opener of doors for him, who is on his side and tries to help him find a way to meet his needs and wants whenever you possibly can. Find a "yes" even in your "no's." When he really feels that you are his ally instead of his adversary, the power struggles and tantrums will subside.

Alfie Kohn has 2 wonderful books I highly recommend: Unconditional Parenting and Punished by Rewards.

Hi V.,
Here is my oppinion, first of all take a big breath because you are in for a ride.Sounds like he is second born...and a boy. So...let me tell you about my experience. My second born truly has to be the center of attention. He will be 7 in a week. I have had issues with him for years. I love him...everyone outside my home adores him. They say he is a really "great" kid. Even the lunch ladies, bus drivers,and teachers at school. Many usually have a tough time with the kids. They have gone out of their way to tell me thathe is so great. And my response...my kid??? I have tried stickers and rewards and yes it works, but he will do the most minute thing to get them...I kissed my sister, I get a sticker...that is if you give for particular behaviors. If is a day sticker, I found he had trouble making it through the day without getting into some sort of trouble, and then he would always lose it and then I hated it. Why bother if he never gets it. I also found that there were days that it worked and days he did not care. I have found many issues effect his behavior including how hungry he is. Even when he was younger, he seemed to get so out of control shortly before the dinner hour. And it was always while I was trying to make dinner.So it became a screaming match even with me...How can I make dinner if you are screaming at me. I would put him in T.O. and he would run out a million times...anyway see if there is a patterned time to his misbehavior. It might be related to hunger. If spanking is used as a form of discipline and call me a bad mommy I have used it before...I see that my son is more aggressive at times because of it. So I use it as a last resort...and I mean very last...How about more catch him being good. I find even myself...that I can get so busy, I only give him attention when he is misbehaving. So that is what he does to get the attention. The sticker system in a way is a reminder to us to catch the kids doing the behavior. But honestly, I feel as though it needs to be immediate. IF we wait until night time to say oh yeah I think you followed the rules today..it is probably way to late. He needed the earlier positive reinforcement. So no matter what treats or tricks you pull, make sure you spend a lot of time focusing on the positive things he does. And try to ignore the negative. Trust me I am still learning and forget a lot. If he is feeling up, you will feel up too. I always have in the back of my mind and all moms do...am I handling it the right way...yes they should be disciplined for some behaviors...but perhaps the yuckiness will go away if he is feeling good.Make sense? I love writing to others because it makes me re evaluate what I do at home. I do find the more tired I am the less patience and ability I have to be positive. I am going to work on that. Smile and hang in there. We are all trying to get it straight. And with the fact that people like my son when I thoroughly admit there are days I do not, I must be doing something right.And sometimes I need a reminding of that too.

The key is to be consistent. Time outs need to be in the same place in the house each time (like a time out chair or mat). A time out is not necessarily used as a punishment but as a means stop them from doing a behavior. So you have to work on one behavior or two at a time. If it is hitting and saying hurtful things then every time he does you put him in the time out. You use the amount of minutes as his age, so he would be in for four minutes. You say you hit and now you will have a time out. You put him in the chair and keep putting him into it until he stays in the chair. Let him cry that's okay. don't talk to him at all during this process of returning him back into the chair. Just keep doing it. It may take an hour, but you don't give in you have to win. Once he sits by himself, then you start the timer. After his time is up you tell him it's not okay to hit it hurts and that he has to say sorry to you or to whomever he hurt. Then you tell him you love him and hug him and start fresh. If you are out in public you choose a bench and do the same thing or you leave the public situation.

I don't know how your child is on going to bed early but, my daughter who is 5 1/2 started acting up within the last month also. She was always a very good girl, but started talking back, and just not listening. We tried time outs and they really didn't work, even though she doesn't like them. What I have found to work in the last week or so is every time she talks back or just doesn't listen, she goes to bed 10 minutes earlier. That seems to have been working because I will tell her something and tell her if I have to tell her again, we go to bed 10 minutes earlier and she listens quite well. Now every day, she asks if she gets to stay up until her regular bedtime. You might want to try that if he doesn't like bedtime to be earlier, hopefully it will work for you also.

Dear V.,

I would make my own reward chart. I would go online and look for clip art for a picture of a hand and one of a mouth. I would get a poster board and then make two rows. One for hitting (hands) Have a total of seven hands and seven mouths. if you can I would laminate them. Then get velcro and put the days of the week on the board and put one hand and one mought under each day. If he hits or says "hates us" take away the object that represents what he did wrong. for every day that he has both hand a mouth left he gets a reward. Good luck.
B.

I agree with and want to recommend focus on the positive. Life is so busy that when I get extra preoccupied with cleaning, etc, my kids get rowdier.

With my six year old daughter we have a marble system. We focused on "catching" her doing good things and awarding her a marble. She saves up for something (first was Chuck E Cheese, next Webkinz), so we gave the marbles an amount and worked towards that. You may consider smaller rewards at first, so they come quickly.

Unfortunately I have found that focusing on the positive does not stop all of the negative (although it helps). If time outs don't work, I recommend discovering his "currency". Let him know that if he hits his sister, his favorite toy will go into time out. If he's misusing a toy, it goes in time out, etc. Putting toys in time out has worked so well for me.

Best of luck!

S.

Hi V.!
I too have a 4 1/2 year old (5 in mid November) - so I feel your pain (we also have an almost 2 year old). We've had a sticker chart that we have used pretty consistently along with 1-2-3 Magic (and when 1-2-3 magic doesn't work, he has to stand with his nose on the wall . . .when I first heard about this, I thought it sounded mean, but wow . . .he hates it and he does his 4 minutes at the wall when he can't sit in his chair/on his bed for the 4 min time out).

Here are the things that are on this week . . .
I will . . .
follow the rules (and this is after long talks about what the "rules" are)
Act like a big boy (because we have times where he doens't act his age)
Be nice to my brother and my friends
Not negotiate (because it seemed like *everything* was a negotiation for a while)
Not throw tantrums
Not screw around at nap time (he still takes a nap a couple of times a week and if he doesn't sleep then he must lay in his bed with some toys and play quietly).

Others we have had on there (for esteem boosting/easy ones) is brush teeth every day, make bed, help mom/dad with chores - these could be as easy as helping set the table or putting clean clothes back in his drawers.

We switch it up every couple of weeks and add things that we know he needs to work on.

If he gets "x" number of stickers then he can get something special (new coloring book, etc). Involve him on what he thinks he needs to work on and what he might want to earn at the end of the week. Sometimes that positive reinforcement goes a long way, sometimes not. These kids keep us on our toes, don't they?

I hope this helps.
B.

Hi V.

I'm a licensed home daycare provider and what works wonders for my daycare kids is the "behavior board". It looks like a stop light, I made it out of construction paper (yellow, red, green) each child has a clothes pin with their name on it (pink for girls, etc.). First I let the children tell me what was considered "unacceptable behavior" and they brainstormed and came up with a list which i posted on a board. Those became the "class rules" which we review every morning before curriculum starts. Everyone starts out on green, after 4 warnings they have to move their clothes pin to yellow, after 4 more warnings it goes to red, after that they get a "naughty note" sent home for mom or dad to sign and 2 naughty notes in one week means they can't participate in "fun friday" activities which could be: pool party, movietime w/popcorn, free afternoon play time, etc.

I even made one for my own kids and it works wonders. They realize they have to "earn" the funtime.

Good luck
B. H.
Lil' Miracles Children's Center

Hi there,
We too have had a sticker chart for behavior issues in our house. It works wonders! We have the rules of the house on the left side and at the end of the day we sit down and go over the day and she puts a good sticker (she gets to pick out the stickers at the store.. barbie, my little pony, etc.) or a bad sticker (bought some unhappy face stickers) next to that rule.
Our rules are anything from go to bed when told to no splashing in the bathtub (we had half the water on the floor before the chart) to no touching your sisters without asking (now she'll ask if she can hug her even... before the chart she thought it was ok to pick up a 2 month old baby!!) to the general no hitting no biting no talking back.
When we started, we explained each rule thoroughly and told her what it meant and made sure she understood.
At the end of the week, she gets prizes for how many stickers she has. We have very small prizes like an extra hour of computer time so that she really does get something every week even if she wasn't the greatest... to large prizes like going to the zoo, chuck e cheese, indoor water parks, getting her nails done etc. She can save up the small prizes for a large prize (like teaching them to save money).
Make sure the prizes are something that you wouldn't normally do.. like if you go to the zoo often, that shouldn't be a prize. If you allow tv/computer time a lot, that shouldn't be a prize. We have a pool in our backyard and are in it all the time, so going to the pool isn't a prize in our house.
You have to be consistent with doing the chart (we stopped for about a month since I thought she was "cured"...big mistake!!) and with the prizes... if she picks the zoo, even if I don't want to go to the zoo, we go to the zoo.
Good luck... I'm sure you will see an improvement. My daughter hates putting those unhappy stickers on her chart!!

Hey there-

Oh my gosh!! I read your question and felt some relief. I am going through the same thing with my only born 4 1/2.(jan. turns 5). This is what I discovered.
I am a teacher at an elementary school working with learning disabled children. Although ours may not be LD, same rules and ideas work all the same. I decided to bring more "work" home one day when I just couldn't take the back talk, and negative behavior anymore.
It is about focusing on current positive behavior and catching them in the act. I created a "Treasure chest" that holds many misc. items costing no more than $5.00. It has stickers, small toys (i get on clearence), I even open packages to break them up to get more items. (ie. a package of stickers has 2 sheets, I have two sheets instead of one package)This goes a long way if on a budget.
The rule goes, if i see a good behavior (total random) you get a tresure. It can be bathroom without asking him to go, or it can be picking up toys without asking, getting ready for bed by himself, etc. This helps him to know that it is expected all the time and he never knows when mommy will see. If it is two, three, four times in a day he makes the trip to the chest, then great!! He gets so excited to show everyone what he got. I will not lie however, sometimes not at all. No punishment typically, I just introduce another object into the chest and say try harder tomorrow,we always have tomorrow to make better decisions. We look at the treasure and discuss how they can get it. This also teaches patience and self awareness. Best thing to do is show them your actions. It is imitation they know best. We discuss options of handling the situation better for next time. Instead of doing "x" maybe we should try (and then give him what the right behavior is) He feels sad and angry, but the next day he jumps out of bed and does his best and tells me so. "hey mommy, remember last time I acted like "this" I am not going to do that again. I never made it to the treasure. What can I do to go to the chest" Wow!! I couldn't believe it.
As others stated before, it does depend on the day and the day previous. If my son had a long day before then he is cranky the next and that just happens. If close to meal time and he is hungry he does act up too.
I hope this helps as it does work for my son and I. It works well with the children at school so well. At school we have also tried using tokens. This allows to hold on to more for bigger treasure. If they gather 5 tokens(poker pieces) then a tresure hunting they will go. That works well with the older kids.
All my best in this thing we call life. If you come across something that works please share..

Let me know if you try this and if it works, very interested to see how other moms take this idea and modify it.

E.