Baby Mamma Drama

This may sound somewhat harsh but have you ever thought about suing for Grandparents rights? It will be a pain because you have to sue all three women but I know the grand children are worth it.
Good Luck!

I would seek the advice of an attorney, not necessarily to threaten them but to see if you do have any rights.

Does each mother have to know the other children would be there?? If they don't ask, don't tell them.

maybe just set down, one on one with the mothers, explain to them that you know your son hasn't always made the right choices in life but that you want to be there for the kids & to help love them. maybe offer to watch the kids for an hour or so here & there so each of the mothers can do her thing (shopping, nap, stuff like that) and it'd also give you time to bond with the kids. if the mothers know you're not actually against them, if they know you're wanting to be there for the kids, maybe they'll cooperate with yall more. good luck!*hug*

From my experience with my own mother-in-law who is quite out spoked about what I should do with my children, I give you this advise. Take what the women are willing to give joyfully. When they find that you are flexable they will begin to stop being so stubborn. Right now it is quite possible they are keeping you from what you want, simply because they can. If you take the children, love them like you want to, and respect their mothers, I seem to beleive that they will begin to be more flexalbe with you. Be thankful that they are letting you see the children at all, seeing how the situation with your son seems a little hurtful for each of them.

I know if my mother in law would give me the respect as the children's mother, I would be much more willing to work with what see would like.

I'm sorry I don't have any concrete advice for you. I would like to congratulate you on your efforts of being a wonderful grandma to your grandchildren. All I can say is keep trying to stay involved with all of them. You aren't picking favorites - you are trying to include all of them. Pray that the mamas see this and see the blessings of involved grandparents.

J. I am glad I have not had to walk in your shoes. Before our son and his wife married she was wonderful. She made sure we had one day a week with the kids regardless of whether or not they were getting along.
The sad thing is we grandparents really have no rights in the eyes of the courts to see our grands. So be glad you see them at all. I do agree it would be nice to not have to deal with the drama but I see no end to that for the present until someone grows up a bit.

Look at it this way, even if they were from one Mamma you would still have to work with her and nurture a relationship with her too. I would suggest building a good relationship with the mothers and being thankful for any time you are able to see the little ones, and continue to build a great relationship with them. You are their grandparents and you deserve all the time in the world with them, but speaking from my own experience you do not know what has transpired between the parents.

J.:

Let me get this straight you haven't seen your grandkids and the morality in this situation is driving you crazy. First and foremost, take it to the throne of Grace, know what I mean? Are you active in a church? What type of situations are they in - safe because if you can establish evidence against them, I cannot imagine the courts wouldn't give the "relatives" adoption rights if there was any indication that you were actively seeking the kids. Get your case together and get to an attorneys office. If you have no case- don't push the relatives and the kids it will cause so much more grief in thier lives. It sounds like they have been through enough! If your heart is in the right place I am sure that you can work out some kind of visit with the relatives to see the kids (be prepared for them to participate in the visit as well). There is no reason if your heart is "right" that you cant help out and show that you care without causing grief for everyone. Make sure that all involved know that you are actively seeking the solution. May God bless your endeavors,

M. G.

i know this is really harsh to say but.... screw those baby mama's! take their butts to court! you have rights as the gransparents and you will be awarded visitation for specific days cause you can request certain holidays and certain times, the BM's just don't want their kids to be around the others cause they are stuck in the baby mama immaturaty

Gosh, what a made for TNT drama! I love the way you are so sure of your love for the children, it is beautiful. Since you are a Christian I will say, this is better in Gods hands then in any of ours. So many miracles can happen here. Are you a student in A Course of Miracles? If you aren't then I would like to suggest the book, as well as Marianne Williamson is teaching it on line/free on Oprah.com. I only say this because I feel the pain of this for you and wish for you to be able to move through this in peace. And for your son as well, he must feel terrible. After all he keeps falling into the same trap over and over. He probably feels betrayed by love, my heart goes out to him. As a Mom of grown children also I know it is difficult when they are unsure of their connection with God and the power of all that can bring. You are all, including the Mothers of these children in my prayers. I wish there were a phrase a quick something I could really do to help make a difference. But all I can say is I believe in the power of God, thy strength is my strength and this to has a loving solution. Allow yourself to be lead. Sometimes that includes firm action with attorneys, loving our own children differently, taking care of ourself etc....

peace. S.

Hi J.~
I think it is wonderful that you want to be part of the grandchildren's lives. It is a hard situation because you have to develope a good relationship with the mothers in order for them to trust and feel comfortable with you. I put myself in the mothers' shoes, and I wonder what I would do. I would have to understand that your love for the grandchildren is 100% genuine, and that they are not going to be used as a 'tool' in any way. I would need support from you as a grandparent - not monatary - support in the way I am choosing to raise the children, and the values and principles I am trying to teach them. I would need to be sure you would not undermine me or toss aside my hard work while the children were with you. All of this is dependent on a good relation ship and honesty. I would also be very interested in what's going on with the half sibblings and how they are being raised. Just as I want my children to make good choice for friends, I would apply the same ideals to the half sibblings. If they are a bad influence, I wouldn't want to expose my children, regardless if they are particially related.
I think you should take whatever time with the children you can, and try to plan days for everyone to be together outside of the holidays, so there are less excuses and less stress. This way, you may be able to identify any problems/issues, and address them. Remember that your son did not create an ideal situation here, so chances are you are not going to find your role as a grandparent easy or ideal. Work with it the best you can, and remember that you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. You may be the grandparents to the children, but in essence you are also a mother-in-law figure to those mothers, and if they don't like how things are going, they can turn their backs because your son is not married to them. I think the key to your situation is developing a supportive relationship with the mothers. God bless you for love and persistence. The grandchildren will grow up and understand the big picture some day :)

J. N,
My name is R. and I have a 24 year old daughter who has a 3 year old. My daughter has always been drama just by herself and it is very stressfull on me. I am married for 18 years and I also have a 12 and 16 year old. My husband helped me raise my daughter even though not her biological dad. He has been in our lives since she was 2. To keep stress down in our family I only see them about once a month. I invinte them both to stay most of the day with the whole family. By the end of the day I have had enough to last me for 30 days. I really love my granddaughter and my daughter and I really miss not seeing my little one, but I work full time and we have a full life - I just do not need the drama.

my question is, is he still dating one of them
my only suggestion to you is that you talk to all the moms at one time, just you and them and ask them why you can not see them together and explain why it works best for you. I am sure if you talk to them and say "this is not about you (moms) or my son, but about me and my grandchildren I hope they will understand. also, please tell them that if for no other reason they need to know each other so they will not end up dating when they are older
hope this helps
R.

I know my mom just gets plain exhausted when having all of her grandkids at here house. But, especially in the summer, she tries to have they spend a night or two with them individually. Plus, since she babysits for my niece and nephew, it evens out the time they have with their grandparents. Maybe plan a special weekend with each one where you can do something they enjoy. It sounds like you are a blessing to each one, so I'm glad you are working hard to be a part of their lives.

Blessings to you!

You have RIGHTS! And you can fight for them. Just like parents can, grandparents also can get their rights to see their grandchildren when they like. That way you won't have to deal with all the stress or MAMA DRAMA!! LOL..Talk to your local Department for Families and Children Social Services. Let them know that you see your grandchildren but very little and would like to know how you can get to see them more and that you'd like them to get to know each other as well, and bring that up to the mothers of your grandchildren, due to the fact they ARE BROTHERS & SISTERS! They shouldn't be strangers, just because they can't get along or like each other well enough, not to make it h*** o* the kids, due to the fact that they are related through their father. Good Luck and Best wishes, my prayers are with you & your grandchildren.

For most families, the immediate members want to spend time together. Since my family is spread by distance and no one wants to rush on the holidays, we now set up times during the year that are not near holidays or special events. Set up family events in June, August, and October.

I wish I could say things will change. The only solution I can give is pray. Make arrangements to see each of the children once a month. Children don't care if they get all of their birthday presents on their birthday. By having the opportunity to celebrate their special days with special people at different times it makes them feel more important. We had to have our holidays spread out over different days most of our lives because of distances. Pick out different days to celebrate the holidays with different people or have an open house at home and let them come if they want. If they don't come they don't come. Don't let your feelings be hurt. Go to concerts, sports activities, etc with the different children once a month or twice a month for each group or child. You can always send a card, call the child, whatever to stay an active and real part of their lives without making yourself and your husband crazy.
I will pray for all of you.
You aren't responsible for your son's behavior, only he can control his actions. I will definitely be praying for him.
P. R

Hi J..

I have a friend in a similar situation. He has 3 kids by two different women (a daughter and twin boys). He has good relationships with both women, who both drop off the kids on the same day. He then usually visits with his family weekly. The mothers also developed a great relationship with his family, which took time. So now his family also babysits often.

Does your son have days where he has visits from all his children? Could you work something out through your son? Maybe you could develop your own relationships with the mothers? My son was a very unexpected surprise. My boyfriend's parents had a really hard time with it, and an even harder time accepting me, especially his mother. She constantly complains to my boyfriend about not seeing her grandson enough. My boyfriend tries to get over there once a week, but he's lazy sometimes and just blows her off.

I do not get along with his mother. She has never made an effort to get to know me, accept me, or befriend me. If she had, she'd be seeing her grandson a lot more. I would have no problem taking my son over there myself if she respected and talked to me. Maybe the mothers just need to hear from you?

I know it is hard to get all grandchildren together during the holidays because of families have plans for holidays. If it is impossible for you to visit all of your grandchildren at once during holidays, why don't you plan for spring or summer vacation? I am one of three women that my ex had hurt us. I have two sons by my ex. He also has two other sons from two other mothers. It is hard to get all boys together during holidays because my sons and I visit my parents during holidays as much as we can since we live out of the state. I don't know about other two mothers' reasons. I do let my ex's parents visiting my boys. My boys visit them during spring break, Christmas vacation (after Christmas), and summer. My boys really enjoy spending time with their half brothers. Maybe an idea for you, you can plan to have a week off during summer, you can try to talk to those women to let your grandchildren staying with you for a week. So, you can plan to do something with them that it will be a great memory for them. Or you can try for weekends. You can try to show your caring to those women and consider them still being part of your family, and hope they will open up to your suggestions. Explain to them that you are a grandmother and would like to get know your grandchildren better. Also, you can ask those women what activities your grandchildren are involved such as sports, you can go and watch them playing. Hope it helps you with some ideas.

Yes I have a suggestion and I'm sure that you won't want to hear it but here it is. You will have to let them be or those women are going to drive you crazy. The reason that I am saying this is because I have gone through the same thing. I decided to just not deal in that way. I feel that once the children gets older they will find a way to us. I will not let those silly women rule my life. Those women all knows that they are hurting you and you shouldn't give anyone the chance to do that.

If I were in your situation, I would set aside one day per month or if that's too much, maybe one day a month during the even numbered months. On that day, I would have the same time set each time, and have it be a day when ALL the kids come and spend the day with grandma and grandpa. I would give up on the trying to spend holidays all together, and instead just celebrate all the birthdays/holidays on the one day a month that you see them all together. It would be something the kids would always have to look forward to, and also be something that's already set, so you wouldn't have to go through all the headaches it takes to try and get 4 people's schedules worked out. You could say something like "on the 3rd Saturday of each month (or the even numbered months), let's have all the kids come over for Grandma and Grandpa day at noon". I'm all about making things as easy as possible, but still being effective, so this is the type of thing I tend to do when trying to schedule certain regular activities, but for me it's more like "poker night".....BUT, it would work perfectly in MANY situations!!

There is nothing I would love more than to have my sons grandmother call him, and want to see him. Unfortunately, she relies on her son to bring my son to her. We live 1500 miles away from my ex and his famiy (he left the town we lived in first, and didn't even tell me he was moving!) My ex-husband doesn't pay child support, so we don't send my son to him, but he is welcome to come here to see him, which he has done 2x in the past 6 months...but gma hasn't said word one to him in over a year and a half.

I think you are a wonderful person for caring about seeing your grandkids. Please keep it up any way you can, your grandkids will appreciate it when they realize how much you cared/tried.

You have a lot of good advice here. I would first start with having a sit down with the woman and explain your situtation, maybe ehh gahds all three together. Unite them in that your son is NOT you and that you support them, Then if that does not work talk to the lawyer, when presented in court you will have shown that you are cooperative and tried to solve it on your own.

I think it is wonderful that you want to spend time with your grandchildren. My mother in law hasn't seen or talked to our kids in about 3 months (by her choice not ours). I think that the mothers of your grandkids are being very inmature. You should talk to their father to see if he will get them all at once and bring them to your house. He is their dad and has every right to them as their moms do. He should have the decision to let them all come to your house. Let him know that he is their dad and has a say in this. The mothers can't keep them from their dad. See how far you can get with your son, maybe he can work something out with them. God bless you!

J.,

YOu may want to get an attorney for grandparent rights. I know here where i live they have been may grandparents going through the same thing (one set is very close to us) and they have taken the mothers to court for grandparent rights. You have a right to see them just as their father has a right to see them. Maybe if you just give them the thought having to go to court they will see what is wrong and start letting you see your grandchildren like you want. You sometimes people change once they hear the words judge and court. It's at least worth looking into. Good luck!

In the state of Ohio if your son was not married to these women you have the right to file grandparents rights against them. That way you can set up regular visitation and you should be able to get them all at the same time. That could be costly since you will have to have an attorney but you would also have court orders specifiying your visitation.

Best of Luck to you.

J., You may have to go to court for grandparent rights if these moms are unco-operative. Sounds to me like they are jealous of one another and don't want their child seeing another mother. Does that make sense?? Have you tried to talk to all of them together? Invite them for lunch and explain your wishes to them.
Pray for them and be patient yourself,
R.

Just remember to keep the best interest of your grandchildren at heart, without judgement or self-serving. They'll magically absorb it, understand and remember that when they're older. And it will mean the world to them.

I'm sorry for your situation first of all. I am guessing that there are a lot of bad feelings between your son and all the mother's. My guess is that they connect you with him and that's why they don't want him to see "the other womans" child. Sounds like there is a lot more story here than we know. Emotions are a tough one to overcome. What is your relationship like with the moms? I think if they know that you disapprove of the way your son has done things they might be able to work something out with you, although it will probably take time. When hurt feelings or anger is involved it takes a while to come around. Do they feel like they were cheated on by your son with each new child's mom? If so, thats probably another reason why they don't want the kids together. "her son is not my son's brother" type thinking. Anger and jealousy. Maybe put it to them not so much that they are siblings but that they are all your grandchildren and you desperately want to spend time with them. Good luck.

i know some one who is goning throught the same thing i think u should pray and ask god to touch there hurst to the matter and to heal the hurt because there hurt and thats why there acting this way and also sit down with them and try to get them to see the kids needs before there own and let them know that u r willing to work with them to make them feel ok with every thing i would know my dad has 12 kids between 5 women and i know in love all of them i love haveing a big family ony one baby mama acts fun so it not to bad but he only has two thats not grown lefti hope all truns out well stay blessed