5 Yr Old Son's Behavior in School

Hi J.!

When you reward your little boy with a dollar please don't take it away. Allow the dollar bills to multiply. No matter what, if he gets on green, and you put a dollar in the bank, it is his reward and now belongs to him. This would be the same with any reward. Once it is earned do not take it away. If he is on green today, add the dollar, and if he is on yellow or red tomorrow, do not add a dollar. Right? At the end of the week you can smile and show him how happy you are that he earned one or more dollars. Say to him the more times you get on green, the more dollars you will have at the end of the week. You may even want to try goodie bags for an instant reward. Also a check off list is a good idea for all "desired behavior". Then a reward at the end of the week for the number of check-marks recieved. I don't like his teacher and I don't know her, but I would say she is feeding his negative behavior. Maybe she wants him to be a little robot. I worked in the school system for 15 years and observed excellent teachers and horrible teachers. Believe it or not, there are horrible teachers out there, as much as we hate to face it. They do exist. Parents aren't in the building all day to see the different teaching styles. You would be shocked. Just because they have a degree doesn't mean they love what they do, or they have the right mentality to handle a group of children every day. If you truly believe your child has any type of learning or behavior disorder, take him to a psychologist for an evaluation. The psychologist can give you tons of ideas of ways to handle different scenarios without resorting to medication. He is so young. He just needs his thinking turned around. He needs to be constantly praised by his family and teachers for any positive behavior, until eventually he will crave the positive attention and strive to please. The adults have to change the way they react to help turn him around. It takes consistancy. It doesn't work overnight. But with lots of hugs and praise, you would be surprised how a child can be transformed. Best of luck. L.

Hi J.!!
Well, just a quick note about me, I am a substitute teacher and a mother of 4 teenagers. Have you asked him if the other children act like him? Does he think that he's being funny? Ask him if it's hard for him to sit in his chair? He may be only 5, but these are questions HE can answer. See what he thinks the problem is. Maybe he is an attention seeker, be it good or bad, if so let him know that you would prefer the good behavior, he gets rewards for that, and he doesn't for the bad. He might like OR, cause he gets one on one attention, most children like OR because of that, and they feel special, it is really not reflected as BAD, which really it should be. Children shouldn't want to go, but some really like it, cause they get what they want. Doesn't make sense, but it is true. You can have him checked for ADHD, but it's still self control, instead of a medication making him a zombie ( if you know what I mean?) Sorry I keep rambling, but ask him, let him know that he is responsible for his actions, if he's in the negative(the money jar) maybe he needs to pick one of his favorite toys to give to you to make up the difference. Than again time out where there are no distraction whether it is facing backwards on the couch and that is all he can look at for 5minutes(use a timer) but no fidgeting, no moving, no talking or more time gets added on.He has to know he chooses his actions. Hope some of this helps. Good luck!!

Have you done a check-up on his sugar intake ( in cereal, juices, etc)? Also, is he getting enough sleep. My niece was having a terrible behavior problem and when she went for her check up it was discovered that her tonsils were enlarged. The Dr. took them out and there was almost an immediate change in her behavior....and her eating patterns. The Dr. said that her oxygen levels were off because of her tonsils and she did not sleep at a deep level and was tired and cranky all the time. Try these things and see what happens. Anything is worth a try, but is usually not enough sleep, home discipline (which I doubt) or sugar.

Hi, J.! I don't think you need to worry about your son’s behavior. I'm a kindergarten teacher as well, and these seem to be typical of young boys. Your son may need a few reminders every once in a while, but I don't think he should be punished for not reciting the alphabet with the rest of the class.
Maybe you should try a sticker chart at home. When he stays on green all day he can put a sticker on his chart. As soon as he has 5 stickers, he can pick a prize. A lot of times just having a visual chart to see helps. You could also suggest that the teacher have a sticker chart at school. When your son goes 30min-1hr with out any reminders or moving to yellow, he can put a sticker on his chart. When his school chart is full, he can be rewarded by the teacher. I have had a lot of success doing this. I think that focusing on positive behaviors helps a little better than focusing on negative behaviors.
Keep us posted on his progress!

Hi-

I would ask to observe him in the classroom setting. There may be something that the teacher is missing. Sometimes teachers and students just don't click...The kindergarten and first grade experience is so important and really these experiences will be what forms his opinion about learning and school. Something has to change. You could even have him put in another teachers class. He is too young to be diagnosed for ADHD. Just because he doesn't do exactly what the teacher says doesn't mean he is ADHD...it simply means he thinks for himself and isn't a little robot. I bet he will grow up to be a leader.

My daughter is 6 years old, and has some similar problems. Do not let anyone tell you your kid is ADHD!!! Don't get me wrong, there are some children who are, but not as many as they try to diagnose. Believe me, I have a friend whose son is ADHD and he screams, cusses, and throws things, then turns around and stares at the tv for a while. You son does NOT sound ADHD. My daughter is in the gifted class once a week, and I wish they'd let them stay there all week at this age because she does so much better in there. First of all, she's a talker, incessant talker. She's very friendly and also very oblivious to when the teacher is watching her. She gets bad colors ALL THE TIME and its ALWAYS for talking and getting up out of her seat when class is in session. She's bored! The teacher even told us that she doesn't agree with the system, but she has to follow what she's told to do. She's told me that I stress out too much over it, but that she HAS to send home the messages and send my daughter to other classrooms to finish her work because that's what the school says she has to do. My daughter likes to talk, and gets bored with the work so she stares off into space or else runs her mouth. I have also tried everything to stop it but nothing works. She's a space cadet and a friendly child, so what do you do? When she's with me, she behaves fine most of the time. Most people say she's extremely mature for her age. I think the structured environment of the classroom doesn't work for her mind, but I can't afford a Montessori-type school. I say let it be, as long as he isn't getting into fights or harming himself or others. It's really a shame that the system is the way it is, but all children are different and learn differently. Curriculum and school structure should start taking this into consideration. Just keep communication up with the teacher and let her know you are involved and concerned. The fact that he does fine in another room means that either he's bored, the structure is better, or his regular teacher isn't doing well at keeping things under control so that hes not over- or under-stimulated. Sorry I couldn't help more.