4 Year Old Son Urinating in Pants

I think that maybe if you talk with him about it and see if anything is bothering him, what he is feeling or thinking at the time that he goes in his pants, it might give you some insight. I wouldn't punish him or take things away from him but maybe offer an award for the day for not going in his pants. And then maybe a bigger award for the week if he happens to stay dry. I have a nervous, anxious son that's 5 and know that awards work better than punishment.

Good Luck!

My son is three, so I have NOT dealt with this personally, but I just wanted to reinforce that finding encouragement for him is SO much better than punishment. First I would call your Pediatrician and see if he needs to be seen...if he has a UTI it is painful and they can do the test right in the office if he comes in with a full bladder. Rule out something physical first. Have you tried taking him to the bathroom hourly to help him keep his bladder empty? Doing that and setting up a reward system seems like it would do more harm than taking things away. And I bet a few days of success would do wonders for his self esteem. This next one will seem off the wall, but in business it's a proven technique to evaluate one component of an action and it will get the person thinking about things in a non-threatening manner and often bring GREAT changes. The example where I learned this in a workshop was tossing a ball to me, who pretty much cannot catch. They asked me ONLY to evaluate the catch (I think it was a 1-10 scale) and you know what, I was busy assigning a number to it and started catching the dang ball because my mind was focused on catching. So perhaps your son could work on not letting all the pee out of his bladder and rating how much it was on a scale. He might shock both of you and start just dribbling, which would help with the embarrassment problem if he could get to a bathroom and change quietly instead of a big ordeal. But he might move right past that to dry. Whatever you do, my parents taught parenting courses and they strongly advocate a 180 degree change when something isn't working. So find something different, weather it's a trip for ice cream for staying dry a morning, buying new underwear with his favorite character on it, getting a doll and having him potty train the doll (teaching is a really powerful tool), a one-day retraining session with a party at the end (Teri Crane has a one-day training book that I like), whatever you can think of. Good luck. I really hate to see kids damaged by society when they are KIDS.

Oh gosh M., I feel for you and your son. I don't have experience with this but I have a 3 1/2 yr old and I would probably go back to a pull up in public situations as a backup. When at home I would leave in undies. I would worry about the insecurity issue also. I hope you get some advice from someone who has been there. I don't think discipline is the right response in his case.

Good Luck,
B.

My son was also completely potty trained even at night, and then our second child was born. Yep, he backslid at age 4, although mostly only when he was sleeping. So we have gone back to pull-ups for bed. It was definately stress related, he stopped wetting at naps after a few months. And now a year later, he is mostly dry most nights, but every so often, not.

Then he started having to pee all the time, like 4 times in an hour, so back to the doctor. The long and the short of it was nothing wrong, but worth checking.

I also know people with a son who got a strange kidney issue, that with treatment also resolved.

Definately check with pediatrician. Do make the doctor do a UA to rule out bladder infection, UTI, diabeties etc. My son loved peeing in the cup!!

Do not shame him, or punish him, when my son has growth spurts it's worse. At his age, he is not doing on purpose. I would talk to him, and put him in pull-ups if he is comfortable with that. And see if it stress.

The other possibility is that he is getting a long enough attention span, that he doesn't want to stop playing so he waits to long. If you think this is the case, you may just have to start a timer,reminder routine (kindly) to help him through this phase.

Is your son fully peeing or simply letting some leak out? My almost 5 year old has also been trained since he was 3 but always wears pull-ups at night (heavy sleeper, dry maybe 2 nights a week). For a year he's been waiting until the last minute to use a bathroom and "leaking" into his underpants and pants during the day - never a bladderfull of pee. It's almost daily and very frustrating, and he doesn't seem to care. He rarely does it at daycare, probably because of the close proximity to the bathroom (at our house he has to go up or downstairs). On wet days he gets no books at bedtime and usually a shower (with hair washing which he dislikes). On dry days he gets lots of praise and a star on his chart which he can build up for a trip to the toystore, etc. When he does it alot, we threaten to put him back in pullups which he will not accept. I notice he does it more often on days when he is overtired, but it doesn't seem related to nerves or stress in his case. My only hope is to stop this behavior by kindergarten this fall!!

M.,

I would recommend chiropractic care. It works wonders with problems like these. Simply put it greatly reduces stress on the nervous system. For more info you can to my website www.ighchiro.com or www.icpa4kids.org . I wish you the best.

Dr. T.

I'm not trying to be an alarmist or anything but does diabetes run in your family? Is he having any other different symptoms? My nephew starting urinating in his pants at 6 years old and he seemed to have no control - his doctor tested him and it turned out he has diabetes. Just something to talk to your doctor about. If he/she blows it off again I would definitely get a second opinion, even it is isn't something serious, your doctor should be able to give you more guidance. Hope it all turns out well!!!

Punishment? Yeah, that sounds like a really good idea, because the poor child doesn't already feel bad enough. The first post is very good. Go back to the doctor. Also, is there anything your son enjoys that he is good at, such as art or sports? Get him involved in something that would increase his confidence. And for your sanity and his, let him wear pull-ups. Give him a rest from feeling insecure about that.

I would definitely check with the doctor to rule out anything physical first. I read in a parenting magazine that unlike girls, a UTI for boys might not be painful, so that might be a place to start. If it's not a physical cause, I defitely agree with a previous poster that punishment will not work, and I am not a big believer in rewards for expected behavior(bribes). But positive encouragement is great, and checking frequently. My son is four, and he likes to wait until the last minute, and sometimes he pees before he can get his pants down. So we always have him try before we leave the house, when we get someplace, if it's been a couple hours. It's hard to remember to keep asking him, because he's been potty trained for almost a year, but I know when he does have an accident, he feels bad abut it. Good luck!

M. -- You said you work full-time so I assume he's in day care; have you talked extensively with your day care provider about his exact problems with urination at day care? Does he also wet himself there with the same regularity or does it occur mostly when he's with his family? This kind of information could help you uncover what stresses him. Any changes at day care recently?

Your pediatrician should NOT be dismissive now, and if he or she is, change doctors, since the problem is growing. Do consider diabetes even if it's not in your family. Does he ask for drinks a lot? Constantly thirsty or having headaches? If so those are other signs of diabetes and he should be tested.

Putting him in pull-ups full-time is possible, I guess, but consider carefully whether that would be a relief for him or a further embarrassment signaling to him that you consider him a baby again. It would mean less mess and maybe help him feel more relaxed but could also give him the message it's now OK to go ahead and urinate whenever, wherever. If it's a physical problem he truly cannot control, pull-ups would be a temporary help to you all, but if it's stress, pull-ups also may extend the problem. Talk to your pediatrician about this issue as well. Again, if your doctor dismisses this, you need a new one who will listen and help you deal with your son's stress, not just his physical well-being.