Whining and Acting like a Baby at 3 1/2 - Salt Lake City,UT

I tell mine and always have dont use baby talk to me cause I wont listen. My daughter is 9 and tries it cause she thinks its cute or something.

He is still a baby, and normal behavior.

I disagree with the posters who say that he is still a baby. Yes, he is still a young child and yes, he is still learning to navigate his way around the world...but if you feel he is "acting like a baby" then you must know that he is totally capable of acting "like a big boy". You want him to act 3.5 yo ....not 2. That's okay!

That doesn't mean you have to respond in a harsh or negative way. But it is your job as his mom to teach him the behaviors you want to continue. You CAN do that in a loving and responsive manner.

By "talking him through what is wrong" and being "sympathetic" and understanding, you are reinforcing the negative behavior (whining and babytalk). He is getting attention from you and that is what he wants. If you don't mind the behavior, that is fine. If you want him to stop, you need to stop reinforcing him. I know you are not doing it on purpose, but if he gets what he wants the behavior he used to get it is reinforced.....whether it is babytalk or whining or tantrums or hitting or whatever.

You should check out Love and Logic - Parenting for the Early Years (0-6). Basically you need to tell him (in a loving way) that you know he is a big boy and you know he can talk like a big boy and let you know how he feels using big boy words. Tell him "I'm sorry but I can't hear you/understand you when you talk/act like a baby."

If he starts again, say something like "Boy, I think I hear something but I'm not sure. I hope Johnny is feeling okay. He must be okay because I know he would use his big boy words to talk with me."

This will often get kids to talk the "right" way immediately. When he does, say, "Oh, Johnny! I am so glad you are using your big boy words! Of course I will help you!" You are very excited and positive when you say this!

You need to do this everytime. Consistency is key.

I hope you check out Love and Logic. There are tons of other great ideas in there that are practical and easy to use! I've used it before - with my own son (now 4yo), with my kindergarten class, and with daycare children (infant-5yo). It is great! Good luck!

IMHO he *is* a baby! He's three. That's on the very beginning edge of his life. He has teens, twenties, thirities, and on and on. You almost could give his age in months yet.

He has learned some concrete skills and some language, but he has SO MUCH developing left to do. He can't make change for a dollar, can't explain a calendar, can't write a check, not to mention drive a car. These are all things that I can do without thinking but are beyond him. He's a preschooler - even the school system doesn't want them yet because they aren't ready to learn, don't have the attention span, and all the other things that go with it.

Emotional development is just as rudimentary as his mental and physical development. Just because you can't see it, it's the same level - hit and miss. Are his sentences complete? Is his diction perfect? Why should his abilties to sort and express his emotions be any farther along?? I'm an adult and I *still* get overwhelmed when I'm frustrated.

In a way, whining around you is a compliment. You are trusted wtih his inner feelings. They're not pleasant, but they are shown because he trusts you.

Talking through is absolutely the best thing you can be doing! You are teaching him how to process his feelings with thoughts and words. One day, far away, he will do that for himself. You now are helping him learn how to understand his emotions, identify his issues and then find a way to resolve them. This is so important for a parent to do.

If you would be harsher, what would you be doing? Would you just want him to act pleasant when something's bothering him? Wouldn't this be teaching him to surpress his emotions and isn't this a bad thing?

I see my role as a parent to get my kids to do the right things and that includes handling feelings. I walk them through doing the right thing. Then they are doing the right thing. This is WAY more beneficial than punishing. You are teaching him what to do. In other words, you are teaching him to fish and not taking away his boat because he didn't catch anything.

.... getting off my soapbox now.

My grandson experimented with this for a few months at about that age. I used the empathetic approach: "I hear that you want/need some _____, is that right?" If he said yes (which was most of the time), I'd either say, "then will you be so kind as to ask me for it in a nice voice?" or, "I understand; I'd really like to be able to give you ____, so let's have some after dinner, okay?" Always in a cheerful, upbeat voice of my own. It was usually very effective, and another whine might not happen for hours.

Being tougher would not leave him feeling his needs are any closer to being met, and would not give him any reason to practice using a nice voice. It would also dismiss the feelings and needs that are entirely valid from his point of view. This probably doesn't meet the visions you have of raising a happy, cuddly, playful child.

And if "getting tougher" means speaking in a mean or angry voice, then you would simply be doing a grownup version of what you're telling him not to do. How frustrating would that be?

This is a stage, and not totally is fault. He probably does it more when he's tired, hungry, or hasn't had enough exercise. He'll leave this stage soon. And enter another… ;-)

My 3 1/2 year old was whining constantly about everything and I never knew what I might say that would set her off on some whine-fest! it was driving me crazy and yet it really wasn't a time-out offense - and that didn't work anyway. So now, when she starts up I tall her that she can calm down and stop whining or I will take her to her room for some quiet time to calm down. I try to be a calm as possible, and I'm clear that it's not a punishment. I don't lock her in, I just close that door. She can call me when she has calmed down. I've been using this for whining and anger/temper tantrums (when she's unwilling/unable to use her words to tell me what she's feeling). After she's calmed down we try to talk calmly about what she's feeling/thinking. I was surprised when this worked. The other advantage is that it gives me time so that I don't loose my patience! Good luck.

Hi M.-

I am a mother of a son who just turned 4yrs old in July. He tends to act like a baby when he doesn't get his way, and I hate it!! I don't tolerate the baby talk from him at all, when he starts that I tell him to stop it! And I say it to him loud enough for him to know that I mean stop.

I agree with Liz s. I teach preschool and it is a stage most preschoolers seem to go through. It is a great thing to be smypathetic to your child, however, if he is better for other people, he is starting to train you sorry to say. I have seen this with many parents. I had a child who was the same age, was a perfect angel most of the time in class, however, when mom or dad came to pick them up immediatly they began to cry until the parents offered a candy bar or something, then she'd instantly stop. Kids are smart. Talking to him is great when he really is having a difficult situation, but where its just when you walk in the room, he needs to know it is not okay to do this everytime. She also has some great suggestions. You will need to find what is best to work with your child. Good luck! He will keep testing you for a while...

Yes age 3-4 tends to be a tricky age , worse than 2 IMO , just tell him that you don't listen to kids who talk like a baby , and then answer him when he stops , I have to do this with mine.

Very common at this age. Our four year old has been ultra whiny lately, too. I just say, "I don't want to listen to whining" and then leave the room. She's slowly learning that if she asks politely for something instead, she tends to get a more responsive mommy.