When Is an Appropriate Age to Discuss the "Birds and the Bees"?

Updated on January 27, 2009
J.B. asks from Kansas City, MO
5 answers

Me and my bestfriend have been friends forever and had kids at the same age. We have been discussing when an appropriate age is to discuss sex and reproduction. It seems as if they are so young yet kids are growing up faster, even hitting puberty at a younger age.He is only nine but my friend's school does the puberty video in the 4th grade and I remember something in the 5th grade. I don't see how you can explain puberty (atleast not to a girl) without explaining reproduction. And I know we knew by the time we made it to middle school regardless of whether my mother had the talk by then or not. I don't remember how old I was and she never had the conversation with her mom. Has anyone recently had this conversation and how old was your child? What made you decide to do it when you did?

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M.B.

answers from St. Louis on

NEVER! No Im kidding. I would say puberty is a good age. You really cant explain puberty without reproduction. If you said you knew about it before middle school, maybe thats a good time to talk about it with her so she doesnt get a bunch of false info from her friends. Personally I had two older sisters and thats how I figured it out. But there were a lot of things left out that I was on my own to figure out. In my opinion 9 is a little young, but if you think shes curious you might need to tell her some things! Good luck and let us know how it goes! Im going to be there before I know it!

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L.B.

answers from St. Louis on

I never had an age that I was going to give the talk. Over the years they would ask questions and I would give them appropriate answers. Be careful not to give too much information. And try not to look to surprised or ghastly when something wild comes out of their mouth.

When my stepdaughter was 8 years old she told me she knew what sex was. When I finally got her to tell me she said "it's where the boy licks you down there". I was shocked. She didn't know anything else but someone told her that. So you just never know.

That reminds me of a joke that goes along with this subject:

Johnny comes running into his grandma's kitchen and says "Grandma - what do you call it when two people sleep in the same room on top of each other." Well Grandma not wanting to lie and thinking she should just be honest says "that's called sexual intercourse honey.". "ok, thanks." Johnny says as he runs outside to continue playing. A little while later Johnny comes in and angrily says "Grandma that is not what it's called - it's called BUNK BEDS and Tommy's mom wants to see you!"

Moral: Don't give too much. Just a little will go a long way. And then if they need more info they will ask. As long as your giving them the right info they won't rely just on their friends.

God Bless,
L.

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L.S.

answers from Wichita on

J.,

I would say now would be as good a time as any. I was a single mom up until 4 1/2 years ago. I got remarried when my daughter was 6. I had my son a little over 2 1/2 years ago, and she never asked, "Where do babies come from?" We just had small chats with her, on occasion, about sex and reproduction. We figured she was wanting to know, just too reserved to ask.

Since then, as she got older, we had more in-depth conversations. I'd rather be the one telling her than her friends at school that don't know squat.

We decided to tell her in intervals so she can take time to understand things a little bit at a time.

I've always told her that if she has questions about ANYTHING that she can come to me without fear of being ridiculed or belittled.

So I hope I've answered your question. This is kind of a difficult subject to bring up. Little boys need to have a, "Man to Man" conversation with them as well.

Good luck and God bless, ls

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L.B.

answers from St. Joseph on

Well I can say I remember the first school lecture in 5th grade. The Monsigner showed a video of an abortion and the cafeteria served chili that day...once the class clown declared it "baby brains" it went all down hill...

But frankly, I think any age is a good time to start...I mean certainly your 9 & 6 yr old asked how you got the 2 yr old in your belly? There are some basics that come with that and I think that through the years you just keep adding to it. Although here is something to consider...if you wait until puberty is it too late?

My son came home from Kindergarten after a DARE program teaching them how to say no to drugs! They didn't even know what drugs were! I was flabbergasted! It was like they just decided to educate my son on drugs and didn't even bother to tell me about it! He was trying to tell me no to his Motrin when he had a fever because it was a drug!

So with that in mind, perhaps a little information can go a long way and eventually they will come and ask for more? I can certainly say my mother never had the conversation with me and I grew up in the 80s/90s and she was an RN! I'd say if the kids are being exposed to it in TV or the movies then they are certainly getting and education and need to be further informed about it. Hands on training is certainly NOT the way you want your kids to learn about it.

I will say that I have heard locally of a girl age 11 getting pregnant.

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L.B.

answers from St. Louis on

Last year, when my son was 7, my sister-in-law got pregnant. My son, always the thinker, was very curious about the whole thing.
I was so nervous to have "the talk" with him that when he asked me "how did the baby get in her tummy?" I'll be honest, I don't think I handled it well at first. Granted, he asked me this in the middle of a very busy grocery store, and I really didn't want to discuss it amongst strangers!
I told him we would talk about it later, when Daddy got home.
My son is very stubborn, and when it slipped my mind later, he reminded me....again, and again!
Eventually he started the conversation on his own, telling me what he thinks is going on in his aunt's tummy. He said "well I think the baby started out as something tiny, like a seed. And then, I'm not sure how it started, but it started to grow. But what I'm not sure about is how it's going to come out. The belly button is not a real hole, so Trevor can't be right about that. All I can think is that girls have different "parts" than boys do, and maybe their hole that the pee comes out is bigger to let the baby out."
Needless to say, my eyes were as big as saucers! Not only had my child been thinking about this for a while, but he was talking to his friends about it. So we had a long talk. I didn't go into great detail, but I did fill in gaps, and explain that if he had any more questions to come to me, NOT to other 7 year olds.
You would be amazed at how much a child can reason out on their own. I think it was the right time to talk about it with my child because it was the right circumstances, but each child is different. If they are giving you any clues, though I would recommend talking to them, rather than like me and putting it off just to find out he's talking to someone else!

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