What to Get a 9 Year Old Who Never Plays with Anything

Hi K.,

I am an Usborne Book consultant and have several things that might perk his interests. I can show him what I have so that he can make a wish list, that way, you do not need to buy unless he has already told you he likes it.

I have a little of everything! Activity books, puzzel books, jigsaw books, books with activity materials included, special interests and just regular fun reading. They are all for differnt ages and capabilities. I have over 1,300 books to choose from and 75% are less than $10 :o)

You can preview my online catalog:
www.ubah.com/w2474

I am in Overland Park. Please let me know what ever I can do to help!
S.

____@____.com

audiobooks like Peter and the starcatchers or Charlie Bone or Andrew Clement Frindle or something the first Harry Potter on audio. Since he isn't reading he may enjoy listening to the stories?

I hope you find the right gift.

L. C.

Have you considered a kitten or something to that effect. Must be something that you don't mind caring for over the week. Maybe start with a goldfish.

What about a coupon book to go do something that involves spending quality time with you both since have him for such limited times? Indoor swimming pool, ice skating, horse back riding, indoor gymnastics place, Deanna Rose, Shawnee Mission Park, KC Zoo, play catch with dad outside, build a snowman, just a few ideas off top of my head. Doesn't have to be to expensive. Also, maybe go to the dollar store, or party wharehouse and get some inexpensive things, like the face with the magnetic dust on it that you can move around with the magnetic pen. Slinky. Sticky hands. That way you haven't invested a lot if he doesn't like them.
One last piece of advice, try not to take it too personally if he doesn't like the gifts. I know it's hard, I have a nephew who is 14 and the last few years he has been somewhat of a little (expletive) when receiving gifts. I remember being that age and embarrassing myself, or hurting my mom's feelings when I didn't like a gift. Even the best kids, can be stinkers during all the craziness of the holidays. I think as women we put so much of our hearts into giving gifts, that it hurts when someone doesn't go bonkers over it. Men are like, oh, well, too bad, he didn't like it (at least that's the way my dad and husband are.) Good luck and you are so thoughtful to be concerned about making it a nice experience for him!

Is it possible he has Asperger's Syndrome which is part of the autism family. Go to your local library or look it up online, there is a great deal of information. Then go from there, they have many suggestions that may help you. Asperger's kids are different and have to be talked to differently and treated in a different way, it is a tricky tightrope. Whether his mom sees it or not, he needs to be tested. Kids, especially boys, with undiagnosed needs have a much higher chance of withdrawling and attempting suicide. If things are hard for him at home, imagine at school. Normally they have a special interest, like my son is obsessed with chemistry and the human body at age 6. What 6 year old ask for a skeleton for Christmas? Research and find his niche in life.

Good luck,
D.

I dont know his likes and dislikes but I might have a suggestion. If he is putting together puzzles, he has an artistic quizzative side to him. Quiet kids tend to have a little more going on inside than may be obvious.

If he has not shown a disinterest in art, then I would make him an art set. That means I would not buy one that is premade a designed for only one form. For example he may not like drawing but find that he loves to use the die cuts for scrap booking and make his own designs from paper. He may not like one type of art but use the materials for something else.

If you watch the Michaels adds they will have tons of sales between now and then, they will also have the 40% off coupons almost every week. Buy him colored pencils, paper, scrap booking paper and die cuts. Try paints and brushes, different types of papers, and clay. Add some t-shirts and iron ons. Kids like this tend to not play but create. Their minds are going all of the time they just dont share. sometimes the art is a way to share the things they are thinking about. It is not age defined, and allows him to use it on his level.

I had a child that said he hated art, he hated coloring books and hated drawing. If you gave him paper, scissors, paste, and other items he would go to town creating.

I hope this helps.

I have so many friends struggling with this....but without testing and observation we really don't know what his issues are...

So my first thought is...don't get him things he does alone, get things to do together. If that Brain Age game is something you or your husband can play with him, go for it!

Other board games maybe, he will be less likely to thing it's a "little kids" game if the entire family is involved!

Good Luck!

I do not have time to read what everyone else has suggested as I need to get going on work, but I wanted to share my idea, even if someone else might have suggested it.

What about taking him shopping (even if it is just window) several times to help with picking out gifts for others his age and see what he goes for.) Or even get a Salvation Tree angel that is a boy that is his age too and tell him he gets to pick what he wants to get for that child. Most of us usually give gifts that we would like ourselves.... So then as you are shopping for this gift you can see what catches his attention.

I do wish you well with your endauvers!

have a 10 year old niece with some autism. She plays with toys occasionally but usually likes to destroy them more than anything. Things she likes most is watching tv, playing video games on her DS or on the computer. Basically anything visual she can learn well from and gets agitated when her younger sister is excited about learning and reads well.
Maybe you could get him some learning movies and keep at your house and can watch them together with his younger siblings and make him feel he is helping them more than it being for himself.
Video games are good for hand eye coordination and stimulating his mind.
Money is always good too or have a shopping date and take him shopping with you by himself so it is special for him. He would probably enjoy that especially if its for him and make sure you explain to him that he has a limited amount up front so you don't have a huge meltdown in the store. The key is explaining things up front and keep reminding him and make sure he understands what you are saying so there isn't any confusion.

How about a craft or model kit of some kind, or a simple science kit. A kind of project that would require him to do it together with one of you. This would give you a chance to play with him if he would do it. My son and I had fun with the Crayola crayon maker. He was about 9 or 10 at the time, the kit comes with crayons to melt and different shaped molds to make crazy crayons. Have you tried much art with him? Who knows, it could turn out to be an outlet for him. Good Luck!

My son is autism spectrum. He has the Wii, loves mario games. He also love Picmin which can be played on the Wii and on the game cube. Mostly he likes video games that you can still do well even if you can't understand how to play right away. Luigi's mansion. Oh an Wii fit which is kinda funny because I bought it for myself.

On board games there is electronic monopoloy. He changes the rules but still has fun. He also likes building sets like legos and knex (sp?)

This doesn't sound like Autism to me. You should have your husband sit down with his mom and discuss his concerns with her. He sounds like my son. My son is very intelligent. He has a memory that you wouldn't believe, but struggles with puzzles and repeating patterns. He can build any lego set, though. He was diagnosed a year ago with ADHD. Now, I will tell you that I refused to believe that he was hyper-active, because he was the quiet child, that was never disruptive. The psychiatrist said that they do not use the term, "ADD" anymore. Since there are so many overlapping tendencies of ADHD and ADD, they only use the term, "ADHD", now. There are many learning disabilities that can be associated with ADHD. Directions are extremely difficult for him. Now that he has been on medication and teachers are willing to help accomodate, he has been a different child. He is very successful in school, and you wouldn't even think that he has a problem.

I would just recommend that your husband talk to his mother and see what they can work out with getting him evaluated by a psychiatrist or psychologist. Good luck!

i had the same problem with my son when he was that age (he is now almost 13). We just got him a gift card to a craft place and he chose to get models (planes)....Sometimes boys are hard to find what interests them. Another thing we did for another year was took our son shopping and he picked out what he wanted and that was his x-mas gift (a afternoon out with just mom and dad)

What about board games. My 8 year old loves to play games. We have a game night several times, where we all play something together. Some of my son's favorites are: Operation, Clue, Battleship, and Rummikub. Perhaps if you started doing things together, it might draw him out of his room a bit??

My 14-year-old is a little like this - worse when she was younger. She rarely has any strong desires of her own and is the hardest to buy gifts for. My other 3 kids are usually pretty definite about what they want. She too is is behind in reading and has difficulty with directions. (Never thought she was autistic though...hm) Anyway, I've found that asking her what she wants is useless, she really doesn't know. But, if I take her shopping with me (for someone else's gifts) she will mess with things in the store. She may run across something she likes, pick it up and examine it. She's bright enough to know that I'm wondering what she wants, so if she's playing with something and seems really interested, should would turn to me and say I don't want this for Christmas. Usually, these excursions would cause us to end up in the stuffed animal aisle, where she would fall hopelessly in love with a little critter. Thus, she has hundreds of stuffed animals! As much as I hated buying more of the same, that's want brought a sparkle to her eye. So, it's worth a try taking your son to a toy store or Best Buy or some place where he may encounter something that interests him.

You said he likes Nintendo DS, they make a game called Brain age (I think that is the name) it has puzzles, trivia and other learning activities. You may want to see if they make one skill/age appropriate for him.Good Luck

Does he like to put things together or take things apart?

What about the K'nex toys. My son loves them.
My nephew who is 9 years old, who is has austism, loves k'nex. It's something he can build with just his mind and not feel "boxed" in by directions.

What about paining? The have the paint by number sheets. They have all age levels.

I do not know if you have a Michael's near you but I am sure you have at least some kind of craft/hobby store. My daughte is 8 and we have similar situation, she doesn't really "play" with anything. We have found she loves arts and crafts. Some kids just need a little more interaction to spur their imaginations. There are lots of craft projects out there that are unisex or even geared towards little boys. How about some games that are Gifts for the entire family to be played together? Or a chapter book that you can read together? I have seen some really neat sets at Toys R Us that are kind of like mini science projects, and also some sets to build things with called K'nex that my daughter loves.
It's tough sometimes, some kids will always be easier to buy for than others...but remember it is the thought that counts and not the amount spent...time spent with a child is far more precious. Get him in the kitchen with you and have him help you make a batch of Christmas cookies! Some of the best most famous chefs are men, the kitchen isn't just for little girls. Sounds like this little boy needs lots of love.
Good luck to you, your family will be in my prayers.
(I have a severly autistic niece and a niece with Asperger's and no matter where a child falls on the spectrum, they still have unique interests and personalities = ) )
B.

K.,

Just a couple more suggestions to add to all the other wonderful ones you've gotten:

When you go into Toy's R Us they have a stand that holds their current add. On the other side of the stand there is a booklet that is geared towards special needs children. It gives ideas for age appropriate toys and games for kiddos that may help you out a bit. I have looked in it for ideas for my son and have found some great ideas.

Another idea that your son may or may not take to is new bedding??? I'm not familiar with the Bakugan thing, but if it is something he is truly into and you think it would last a while, he would probably think it is very cool to have a neat, new bedspread at dad's house. My kids would think that's cool and give them something to look forward to when going to dad's. Something that expresses who he is and is truly his own. Or, maybe a framed poster or print of something he really likes. We tend to decorate our rooms and home to make us feel good. What about a new "feel good" for his room?? Year before last my mother-in-law got my children fleece blankets and pillows (Cinderella and Lightning McQueen). My kids love having those to pull out and cover up with on movie nights.

Another poster said an MP3 player. If he is into music, Wal-mart's add just had an iPod shuffle for $45 or $47 (Under $50). This would open a new world of how to download, where to store, and give him better computer skills. This also requires reading practice :) My 7yo daughter loves hers. You could add accessories like an iFlop so that it plays like a radio, not requiring headphones. You can usually get those on sale for about $10 if you look.

You stated that you are active in church. Would he like a cross necklace? The christian supply stores around town carry some very cool and "manly" crosses that he may enjoy... Or maybe one for his room???

Good luck to you! I know how stressful this can be!

Merry Christmas!! ~Chris

Hi K.,

I have 5 nephews. They all loved Legos when they were his age. I don't know if this may seem too "little kiddy" or not, but I remember my nephews who were all about the same age would build such intricate structures with these simple blocks. If you suspect he is autistic or developmentally challenged, this may be a good gift since it is such a simple gift and allows him to focus more on his imagination than trying to figure out rules on a game or buying a game for him that has a "right" or "wrong" way to play. I would suggest maybe getting him art supplies like a new easel, canvas, paintbrushes, and paint set or something along those lines. You can get something that you know won't cause him any frustration to use.

Maybe all he really needs though is to feel your acceptance and for you to spend more time with him. Is there an activity you enjoy doing that maybe you can teach him or incorporate doing with him like gardening or sewing? The best gift you can give him is your love and acceptance and your time with him. Have a great holiday season!

Does he like to do things solo or with others?? When he does play is it with passive things or things that require him to DO something like legos.Maybe something that you would do together...a board game might be a good choice.
I liked the idea that one of the other Mom's gave you of a coupon book of fun things that you all could do together...either with just him or with the entire family...you could keep the coupon book there at your house and let him "redeem" them when he comes to visit.

Ok, I have a friend who has a child that is about the same age and has alot of the same issues. One thing that he likes alot are legos, maybe that is something you could get him into as well. Also something else that might be good is model cars, that would be something you and your husband could work on him with and maybe form a better bond that way too!!!

I have a ten year old daughter who does have autism. One of her favorite things both at school and at home is the game "Perfection". It's great, it doesn't require batteries, and it's age appropriate.

Big hug to you.

A movie? I am sure he likes one of the new or old caracters out there....

you say he likes to go off and watch movies... maybe get him a portable dvd player. My nephew is 10 and he has one. Then some dvds.. find out what movies he wants.

Hi K.,
Has your step son ever been seen by a developmental pediatrician? If not I would start there. There might be an underlying issue to why he doesn't play with toys. I have a 9 y/o son with Autism and he doesn't play with "toys" either. The one thing he really likes is Leapster. Leap Frog has a new thing out called Tag. It is for reading. My son really likes to look at books (not sure if he knows how to read since he is non verbal). The coupon book another mom suggested is a great idea. I hope these suggestions help. I'm having the same problem deciding what to get my son.

K., I bet he would love to have his own personal DVD player, I know my kids like theirs. They can go in their rooms and watch them and feel like they have the newest electronic gadget. My kids also make tents with blankets and watch in there. That's another idea, you could get him one of those little tents for his room, I have seen them at Target. Good luck!!

I agree with a lot of the suggestions from the other moms; however, I had one more idea. How about a computer game or an mp3 player? The computer game could be a learning tool(Often a computer reading game comes with many levels so he could start where he is ready and then progress to the other levels). Check with your local computer store for titles that are age appropriate, but would also have various learning levels. The mp3 player would be great for him to just listen to music! Good luck!

K., I feel the love and frustration for your child. As far as toys, gifts, or other interests are concerned, try taking him to the toy store to see if he picks out something.

If you suspect autism, please consult with autism professionals and/or autism support groups. And although each autistic child may exhibit slightly different behaviors, there may be some common ground and assistance you can receive.

If your child is not exhibiting unhappiness, try to be content with his calm behavior. Some children are more calm and content than others.

Hi K. - I have many questions? What school district is he in? Is he getting any Special Services at school? There could be problems with comprehension and lack of interest in toys that could be related to many types of "disabilities". If he is not in Public School - perhaps he should be, in order to get the educational services he needs. Do you have a computer that he can use? I am a retired speech & language therapist specializing in autism. Please contact me privately and I will give you my phone number so we can talk more. Sincerely, G.

Have you heard of games by "ThinkFun"? They are mind challenging games that can be played by one or more players. I got "Rush Hour" for my cousin's son (10) and it was a HUGE hit! You can get them at Target, Barnes & Noble, Gold Minds....probably a lot of places, and there are a lot of different games from this company. Most say for 8 and older. I got the recommendation from an 11 year old boy!

I don't know if this will help, but what we've done with my son, who's almost 6, is to give him a catalog or two (ones that come in the mail, like "Toys R Us" or "Back to Basics Toys"(which is great, by the way) and let him leaf through them and circle things that he might like. Now, of course, we tell him that Santa can't bring him everything he wants, so we ask him to let Santa know which are his top few picks. That might spark some ideas for your stepson.

Or, maybe take him to Walmart's toy section and just see if there are things he likes...just a "looking" shopping trip. Also, there's a great toy store in Johnson County called
The Learning Tree and there's Zoom in Crown Center.

Also, what about building toys, like Legos or K'nex? An erector set? Something having to do with planets?
I think boys are hard to buy for sometimes, or maybe it's just that today's toys aren't engaging enough.

I really would suggest the Back to Basics Toys catalog (or www.backtobasicstoys.com)-- they have some really neat stuff, like the old Rock'em Sock'em Robots. But it just depends on what he likes, and I know it's hard to get that out of them sometimes. Good luck!

what does school say about his development? What are his grades like? If you share custody, then you do have rights regarding his academics. & what does his doctor say?

that said, how about if you sit down with him & the Sears/Penneys/ToysRus catalog and let him browse & choose what interests him. Most kids like making a Christmas Wish List!

One of the things that really surprised me was that the Ben Ten Watch/Movie were left untouched....that was a very popular series for his age group last year. Had he seen any of the episodes....is this a case of him being unable to embrace anything new & needing to stick with the familiar? When I read through your Request, what really jumped out were all of the little red flags about his behavior: not engaging, being behind in reading (which is almost unheard of with the No Child Left Behind policy), the solitariness, the inability to comprehend instructions.

Which then leads to: How does he respond to affection? Does he have playmates/school friends his age...& the freedom to embrace these childhood interactions which are so necessary to helping "round" out a child's life...a time to just play with friends??? & finally, does he play any sports or have any afterschool activities? Maybe if he could engage in something outside of the house, then you might see a change for the better! Ooops, one more ??...are any of your other children close to his age? Or is he flying solo for his age group? If he's with much younger/older kids, then that also could be part of the problem. I wish you peace & luck!

I don't have any gift suggestions, sorry, but I do have two other suggestions
1. Find an eye doctor who specializes in children with reading disorders. Believe it or not, many of the learning disabilities are not true learning disabilities at all, but a problem with the eyes tracking properly.
2. Seek competent couseling for him. I fear he sounds to possibly be depressed. Depression does not always sho itself as profound sadness, but more of a general lack of interest in anything. rather than intense emotion, it is a lack of emotion.

I wish you all the best.

Sorry, I don't have time to read your previous responses.
Here are a few ideas:

1-Video or computer games that are active like driving games or Guitar Hero
(to help with motor skills, and hand-eye coordination)

2-Music: CDs and player, iPod, or a musical instrument (if it is in the budget and IF he shows interest)

3-Building set: Legos, Knex, etc.

4-Art supplies (Maybe he'd like sculpting or painting.)

5-Sports equipment (basketball, maybe?) or a bike or scooter (and a helmet)

6- Go online to Toys R Us or Amazon and have him tell you which things he thinks are good.

Good luck.

PS Even though this may not be your step-son's condition...My neighbor's son (with Asperger's) liked video games, movies, riding a bike & scooter, & YuGiOh cards at that age.

I actually don't have any suggestions, but have a (somewhat) similar issue. My nephew is 10 and we joke that he will either be the next Bill Gates or the next Ted Bundy - he keeps to himself - doesn't like sports or playing outside - and pretty much only wants to be on the computer or playing video games. He has already had 3 laptops - yes THREE - that he has destroyed (mind you, he was trying to figure out how they work, not trying to break them), and that's all he asked for last year for Christmas and his birthday. I have no idea what to get him because whatever we do, it's wasted money since he never plays with it. My husband told him he better think of other things he'd like or else we just won't get him anything, but of course, I had to get him something to be fair. I've tried other science kits thinking that might be more up his alley, but no such luck. Anyway, I feel your pain with the gift giving. Good luck! Hopefully you'll get some good suggestions I can use, too. :)

I have an Aspergers son (on the autistic spectrum). These kids usually have one special interest or some might say obsession. My son's was usually matchbox cars. However, he loved building and creating things (blocks, train sets) Especially Legos. He still plays with Legos even at age 17, but his creations are quite awesome. He is now in the drafting and CADD class in high school and also in the Robotics class. These kids have very creative minds. It may take you awhile to find it, but it's there. Good luck.