Toddler Has Developed a Habit of Running Away

Hello K., This behavior is typical for this age, but you can not allow it. Do you have a time out chair? Super Nanny has books on how to handle this technique. Every time she runs away, it should have a negitive effect toward her. She has found that she is getting attention for the behavior. If it doesn't backfire for her than she will keep doing it, because she enjoys the reaction she gets from you. She thinks "wow, I can control mom!". Try not to talk to her, look at her, just go get her and make her have time out in the thinking chair. When you have sat her in the chair, let her know without extra words that running away is not allowed and that she needs to think about minding mommy. After her 3 minutes, (one minute for each age of the child)and(with no acting up, otherwise it won't work) kneel down and ask her if she has "thought" about why she is in the thinking chair. (That's what my family called it.) When she has apologized then let her get up. When she finds that the behavior no longer has a pay off for her, she will stop doing it. Get this one under control before she starts doing it in parking lots. I read once that the toddler stage is just preparing the parent for the teen years. Both stages are defient, looking for independenc, and testing every thing and every body!! LOL. Good luck. S.

My son who is almost 2 1/2 does the same thing! He runs and hides whenever it is time to go anywhere, or do anything, but he also runs from me in parking lots! And of course he is laughing hysterically while he does it!!! I haven't figured out anyway to curb it other than in parking lots I hold his hand extra tight. I think it is probably just one of the many things that make up terrible twos...I will be checking back though to see if anyone has any ideas or suggestions.

One our friends started a "game" with my daughter when she learned how to walk, she would chase her. So my daughter would run around giggling... this spilled over to her running away from me in the house thinking it was time to play. Every time she did it I told her we don't run away from Mommy or Daddy. I the parking lot or stores we hold hands, every time she tried to get away I would tell her we have to stick together and hold hands.

Now at 3 1/2 she reaches for my hand as she gets out of the car knowing that we hold hands. I didn't yell at her, I didn't lose my temper, I was consistant and I never played the chasing game with her.

Hi my son does the some thing. He hasn't out grown it yet but what works for us is to not chase him when ever possible. This takes the fun out of the game. We say "Oh well I guess you must not want to..." and then we walk in the opposite direction. Usually at this point he is running back to us.

I hope this helps

Good luck and don't be afraid to cancel some plans if she decides to not listen. Hopefully she will learn quickly that running away means not getting to do what is fun.
K. SAHM of 3

K.,
1. Be glad this is only an at home misbehavior pattern.
2. It's time to get tough.

Remember it's you who have to maintain control. Petting her on the head won't work, as you said. You maintain consistency and by the hand lead her back to the table. Over and over again. Yes of course it's a pain in the butt. But like all parents, it's part of what we signed on for. We decided to have kids. There was no choice in behavioral traits.
SO! If she likes to go to the park, "We will go to the park as soon as you stay in your chair and eat" No good behavior, no pleasants wishes come true. Kath, there's positive reinforcement and negative reinforcement. Negative would be warnings, or not giving her the opportunity for the rest of the day to mend her ways for the park. Something like that. So if she runs when you get her brush out, tell her "fine, if you want to go out without your hair looking nice". If she runs when you go for her coat, "Okay, but the more you run off, the longer it takes to get to the park" and then promptly put it back and go about your business around the house. Or you could ultimately just let her know you aren't putting up with this brand of hooey, take her by the hand, close the bathroom door, brush her hair, and if you think ahead enough, have her coat in the bathroom and put it on there, lead her out the door to the car. You're in control. Set up the keys, coat, brush, purse, whatever right there in the bathroom, boom you have everything all in one place. When she starts behaving, make a big deal of it and she gets some sort of reward.
Good luck. And hang in there. She's only 3, and is discovering. Hey for that matter, if she's a runner, take her to the high school track and let her run. It could shape her future for the track team!

Dear K., When my children decided to do the same thing...they are now 21 and 24... we did time outs for the behavior at home and if they did it when we are the park, the next day they were grounded from the park. I told them that each time they ran from me when we went to the park the next day we weren't going to go. After a couple of times of not getting to go play at the park the behavior stopped.

Hi K.! My son is 3 and does the same thing! I know how irritating it is. I have another toddler too. So when one is running in one direction the other one is running in the opposite direction! ARRRGGHHH! My oldest comes running back though after I say for example... "time to get dressed..(he takes of running) OH wow that's a shame I guess i'll put your clothes away and you don't get to wear them today.. He's usually running back at this point saying "NO! My clothes on!" and then we have a little talk about running while we get dressed. This however has not stopped the running yet. I'm hoping he'll outgrow it. Let me know if you find something that works great

K.,

I know this may not be the most approved response, but my husband and I swatted our son when he started doing this same thing at 3 years old. Only one swat to his diapered behind, but usually it was enough. It is not only for safety, but also out of respect for others around him and for us, his parents.

We feel that parents who allow their children to run around stores and scream at the top of their lungs in restaurants or grocery stores without consequences are disrespectful of the other people around them. We never allowed our son to do either of these things. When he started screaming in the restaurant we took him outside for a timeout. If he continued he got a swat and taken home. No begging, no asking, pure consequences for his actions. This is how I was taught and learned how to treat others in the same way I would be treated.

We found that our son only needed the warning swat a couple of times when he was misbehaving and he learned the limits. When it was time to go from the McDonald's play place or the book store Thomas display, he would calmly walk over to us. No temper tantrum, no running, no whining.

He is a perfectly healthy 6 year-old now and loves running at the playground, school, and the back yard.

My husband and I have always been of the opinion that the parents know best. The children do not have the experience or the knowledge to be able to handle certain situations. Sometimes we need to firmly teach them right and wrong to keep them safe and respectful of other people.

Good luck with your daughter.

K.,

Have you read Love and Logic? I got it to use on my son who is 22 months. My friend uses it on her 21 month old and when I asked about it here many woman stated they use it and love it.

For your daughter not eating: Simple she does not get to eat. Say "that's sad "insert name" does not want to be a big girl and eat. Dinners over. It sounds harse but after a night of not eating I hear they get it quick.

Going to the park: So sad "insert name" must not want to go to the park.

The author also discusses using a "time out" (not called a time out) in conjunction.

I am not quoting it word for word. I highly recommend it based on the reviews from other moms. I checked it out of the library.

I hope this helps, even though it was not a great description of the actual procedure.

My daughter used to sneak out of the house without telling me and go visiting the neighbors. I had to install locks on my door that she could not reach. That broke her of the habit.
Good luck.
C.

Has she been diagnosed with Sensory Integration Disorder yet? If not, you may consider having her evaluated by an occupational therapist. My son drives me crazy with his quirky behavior, but knowing how to help him enjoy things has helped considerably.

My daughter is also 2 1/2 and has started doing this to me too especially at bedtime. She thinks its funny and laughs. I have started to take things away from her and that seems to do the trick. At bedtime, I tell her that if she doesn't come get dressed right now, that she will not get to read a book before bed. And that normally does it. If its during the day, I put her in time out and that usually works too. Good luck! I know how frustrating it is!

It's the terrible two's and trusting three's!!!! I had the same problem with my boys they do grow out of it. Try saying well im going to bed im tired and see if that works or im hungry let's eat.. It doesn't always work you just have to be patient.

I have a daughter that is going through the same thing with her boyfriends daughter and my 2 1/2 year started doing the same thing. My husband bought a deadlock and hook & eye latch for the doors. It eliminates their ability to at least run off outdoors. My little guy has been able to get out any door that does not have a lock for some time now. Makes for an interesting tim with them.
Good luck...

Your daughters behavior seems like a power struggle. Her running away is her way of taking the power. I would recommend nipping this quickly.

My daughter (now 14)was and still is very strong willed. She has always wanted to be in control and it has been a battle. I have tried many approaches and the one that worked the best for me was the approach Love & Logic authors recommend. I only wish I had practiced the Love & Logic approach when she was 2 & 3 years old. I didn't run accross it until she was 5 years old. If you haven't read the books or attended a Love & Logic, I would highly recommend them. They provide guidance on the best method to handle different situations. Likely Love & Logic authors would have suggested that when your daughter refused to come to the table after asking for her breakfast, that you should just let her go hungry. She won't starve missing one meal and likely won't do that again if she does get hungry.

Good Luck