So...I am potty training my son who is 22 months old. He's shown signs of readiness, is familiar with the potty, and has a decent vocabulary.
We are in day 3. On day one, we did no pants. He had one accident and had a bunch of drama surrounding his poop in the potty. I had to hold him close while he cried. I think he was scared, but he did go and we celebrated.
Yesterday, we did cloth trainers. He had one wet accident and refused to poop in the potty. He waited until he was in a diaper at bedtime.
Today I put him in underwear because I wanted him to be able to better feel when he was wet. He had an accident this morning, and was slightly upset. When I put him on the potty, he pooped, much to my surprise. He had three accidents this afternoon. For the last 2, as soon as he wet himself, he went into what my hubby and I call "Stage 3 Meltdown." He was sobbing and screaming and nothing I said seemed to calm him. I took him in the bathroom to change his pants and it was about 5 minutes before he calmed down. It happend again about 2 hours later(he'd had several succesful trips to the potty in the meantime).
I don't understand what is going on. I have NEVER gotten upset when he's had an accident. I just say "You had an accident. Remember pee pee goes in the potty. Next time tell Mommy that you have to pee pee." He is a "good baby."
He listens well, and he's never been what people call difficult.
I have been using M&M's as an incentive for the potty. He gets one for peeing and two for pooping.
Why is he getting SO upset when he wets himself? I can't tell if it's because he thinks I'm going to be upset, if he just doesn't like being wet, or because he knows he won't get an M&M unless he pees in the toilet.
Any idea or suggestions?
He is definately not ready...He isn't even two...what's the rush? Let it go for a while, and try again in a few months. One son was trained before two...one was five and a half. They just have to be ready...and nothing in the world can change that...believe me...we tried!!!
Too much too soon.
He's not ready.
Because he is feeling overwhelmed with this new responsibility.
He is a child that is used to being able to do things the first time and then always be able to do it after that..
He is feeling everything at once.. Stress, shame, frustration and nervous.
He wants to succeed everyt ime. He does not want to disappoint you because YOU re so excited when he does it correctly. HE is freaked out,.,
He is not even 2, so also his verbal skills are not matching up with his feelings yet..
I suggest you not be so excited when he is successful and to actually explain that it is ok if he has accidents. That you are not mad. That you JUST want him to try..
Also you and your husband need to model making mistakes and how to respond. Support each other. If you drop a cup, react verbally,
"Uh oh, I dropped my cup. I need help cleaning up."
"Oops, I forgot to by apples at the grocery store, oh well, I will eat and orange instead.. "
"Oh dear, you had an accident, ok, lets get you changes."
"Wow, you made it to the potty, I bet you feel better."
I never rewarded our daughter when she was successful at anything that was just expected behaviors.
I always just told her to do her best..
If it did not turn out well, I would ask her "did you do your best?"
If she said "yes", I told her, "well that is all that I ask". If she said "no", I asked, "what do think you will do next time?" Or "how can you do it differently next time?" " Do you need help?" "How can I help you?"
"I like that at least you tried."
Just pick one for each event..
It is still early in the training.. it could take weeks..
I am sending you strength
My son did this exact same thing. It baffled me because I never made him feel bad AT ALL when he would have accidents.
I finally figured out that he was just had high standards for himself. My son is seven now and still has a hard time with what he considers "failing" at anything.
Keep on reassuring him that he's doing just fine. I would always say "I know you'll make it next time! Let's go read a story or play a game". It took awhile, but he is starting to realize that trying something and not having it turn out *exactly* the way he thought he should do it, is NOT a failure.
My son is my compliant child too and I think he was afraid of disappointing me. After a lot of positive reinforcement, he realized that he already made me happy! :)
You're doing a good job!!!
He sounds like he is not totally ready yet but whether you meant to or not, he's feeling some pressure to "perform" and getting upset when he "fails". Let him know that accidents are okay, reassure him that accidents happen (which has become one of my 3 year old DD's favorite phrases - "accidents happen!") and it's fine. Maybe back off for a little while and try again in a few months?
You are moving too fast with him and he is overwhelmed. Of course he cries when he doesn't succeed, he wants to please you. Slow down. Even if he is ready, the "crash course" is designed for OLDER children. Early start potty training (18-24 months) usually suggests training for a specific period each day, and leaving it at that. Then, once the child is going about 90% of the time, you can introduce trainers. I wouldn't pull back, but just lesson the pressure for him, however that might be. I like the suggestion below of less praise. In fact, remove all rewards. Just make it about learning a new skill.
My daughter was in trainers at 18 months, fully night and day trained at 22 months. I am a big believer in potty learning, especially at a young age. But I also think it's best to do it with little to no pressure. So I'd back off for a few days, and then start up again, but in a much slower manner. Give him naked time every day, but keep him in cloth trainers --they work just as well as undies! In fact, find him some undies he really wants to wear and make them a reward for being accident free --but don't even dangle this carrot in his fact until he is feeling comfortable with the whole thing. In fact, don't say anything about them. Just buy them and let him see them. He will eventually say "I want those." When he does, tell him when he can have them. (My daughter wouldn't poop in the toilet, so she got to wear her Elmo's if she put her poop in the potty.)
And expect lots of accidents. 2 year olds get easily distracted and just don't always make it to the toilet in time. Lots of pee on the bathroom room. Such is the life of 2 year olds.
Sounds normal. He's probably proud of himself when he goes potty and gets upset when he misses his signal to go. Praise him when he does and keep doing what you're doing when he doesn't. I'd say he's doing excellent for day 3 -- keep it up! Good for you for training him early. Sounds like he's ready, willing, and able. There isn't a need to wait until they're 3 or older like others will say. I'll be starting my third right after Christmas, and he's 22 months. Our grandmothers would probably have had their boys trained already!
Stop the training and go back to diapers for a while. Especially for a boy, 22 months is quite young. Talk about how you will do that again when he's a "big boy"... it will make him want to be one. It really has to be acceptable for him or you have a long fight ahead! This is a huge step for him and if he's crying, stop! I've potty trained my four kids- girls are easiest. My sons were 2.5 (simple two-day process) and over 3 for my ADHD son (months of torture for all of us!)
With my son we started slowly by letting him have naked time at home. He did great when he was naked - always made it to the potty - and we would do diapers when we were out. About 2 months ago we started putting him in underwear at home (rather than being completely bottomless) and he had a couple accidents but it didn't take L. for him to figure out that he didn't like that feeling. A week before Thanksgiving we decided to go for it. We put him in underwear and haven't looked back. He had a couple accidents and needed a lot of reminding at first. We just make sure to take extra clothes when we go anywhere and a plastic bag for soiled clothes.
Oh, and we did rewards in the beginning. He got m&ms for pee and a hot wheels car for poop. We stopped doing the rewards about 2 wks ago and he's been fine.
My son definitely gets upset when he has an accident and I think its a good thing because it means he understands that he shouldn't pee in his pants. We don't discipline him, we just say that next time he needs to try to get to the potty faster.
I think he's getting upset because it's such a *big* change for him -- you've been expecting from the first time you knew you were pregnant, that your baby would be in diapers for a while and then start using the potty. He didn't know that. All of his life, he's been using diapers, and now his poop and pee aren't going in diapers any more, but just... falling on the floor... or going in the potty. If you look at it from that perspective, it makes more sense that he would be upset. [Yeah, my older son was upset when he had an accident while potty-training, even though I never got mad at him for it. And I'm pretty sure this was his reasoning.]
take a break. hes still REALLY young give him a few months and try again
