Any Advice to Potty Train a 3 Year Old

Updated on February 15, 2008
M.G. asks from Orlando, FL
14 answers

Okay, so my daughter will be turning 3 in a month and we are still not potty trained. We have gone pee pee on the potty a few times but it has never been because she has asked. I ask her if she wants to go to the potty and she always refuses and fights it by running off. And her pooping in her diaper is really starting to bother her. She will take her diaper off and sometimes I end up with poop everywhere. I know when she is going poop and ask her if she wants to go potty and she says no. I take her to the potty and she doesn't do anything.

I am sure I probably shouldn't be asking a 3 year old anything and just take her. But I don't know. It seems to me she is ready but maybe not. What do ya'll think?

M.

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H.W.

answers from Jacksonville on

You might check out http://www.thepottytrainer.com/. We followed this program with our son just before he turned two and it worked very well. THe basic idea is throw away the diapers, don't use trining diapers like pull ups as it confuses them, set a timer for avery 20 minutes and when it goes off get really excited and yell, "POTTY TIME, YEA!!!" If she goes pee pee she gets to put a sticker on a chart if she goes Poop, she gets to put two on the chart. It is all very exciting. :-) THe first day my son had about 8 accidents. (My husband insisted that he was not ready) The second day he had about 3 and the third he had none. He has had a few in the year since but not many except when his brother was born! We used a night time diaper for naps and bed time for about a month but he wasn't using it so we just got rid of them too. GOOD LUCK!!!

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T.F.

answers from Tallahassee on

When we potty trained our kids (now 17, 18, and 21), we used the same method. First, they were all old enough to understand the concept, around 2.5 yrs. old. We took them to the store and had them pick out the panties they wanted to wear.(it is important that they choose) We made a 'big deal' about this, and showed off the underwear to them, even letting them try it on, etc. Then we said, 'now, we don't want to get (whatever is on the panties, as my kids picked 'Mickey Mouse') Mickey wet, he wouldn't like that, so we are going to wait until you are ready to wear them....so after one week of no accidents you may put on these SPECIAL (making a BIG DEAL) underwear!!!' You've got to make it a really big deal!! Then place a calendar somewhere so they can see it, and put a sticker on each day that they DO NOT have an accident, making a big deal about it, and showing the underwear, etc. For us, it was important not to allow them to wear the underwear and just have accidents.
I will say that all 3 of the kids were trained in 7 days, not one accident even at night! Thus, I pass this along to others. Hope it works...

Oh, and another suggestion is with a CLOSE FRIEND, allow them to see them use the potty (no I don't condone watching people in the bathroom, but a cousin, or close friend, one time isn't going to hurt them), with NO DIAPERS. They usually will question, or at least say, 'no look at Alex, she is a big girl...' and you say, 'but you and Alex are the same age, isn't it neat she wears big girl pants.'(don't say it to make her feel guilty, but encourage her to 'try it'.) If the child doesn't WANT to use the potty, this may help her to understand that her friends are doing it, giving her some confidence; but if she is not ready, this probably won't effect her...

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S.S.

answers from Jacksonville on

Hi M.,

I do remember the frustrating circumstances like you are going through all too well. I had two boys, and one of them I thought was going to go to Kindergarten wearing Pull-Ups! We could never figure out why he would pee in the toilet, but he just would NOT go poop. I had an excellent nurse explain to me that some children have a "fear of letting go" and unfortunately, this is seen with the poop issue. I am not sure what the statistic is for girls, but with boys, it was estimated that 1 in 4 boys had this trouble. We finally discovered his weakness...money! Everytime he went poop in the toilet, he got paid. I know this is bribery and some child psychologist would not find it appropriate, but it worked and he wore underwear without accidents before his 5th birthday. It just takes a lot of patience and finding the right motivation.

My 2nd son was faster and easier to potty train, so hopefully your 2nd child will be the same.

Good Luck!

S. S.

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J.B.

answers from Orlando on

I would suggest throwing out those diapers. Buy some "big girl" uderwear and make a big fuss over how grown up and special she is now that she has underwear. Diapers are her crutch now and if you get rid of them cold turkey, she will be forced to seek out the potty becuse she won't like wet mushy underwear! Give that a few days - but you have to let her wet and soil the undies and feel how yucky it is, that should motivate her to go on the potty. It worked for me!

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K.P.

answers from Orlando on

A doctor once told my girlfriend to give her son fish oil daily and that he would be potty trained in two weeks. Sounds nuts, but it worked. I already give my 2y/o fish oil everyday and she loves pooping and peeing on the potty. Fish oil should be taken regardless of potty training, but I thought I would offer the advice. :)

Another tip from our Urologist. Do not force potty training. They do need to tell you when they want to go and should not be taken on a schedule. Kids will push and push and this is not good for them.

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D.M.

answers from Orlando on

My daughter is turning 4 in April, so I have been through it recently. I remember fighting with her about it and getting upset with her if she had an accident in her clothes. But, ultimately, when she decided that she had enough of the accidents and did not want diapers (of course with a lot of praise when she did use the potty and encouragement, keeping positive) she basically did it on her own. I felt like you, that if she was 3, she needed to be potty trained. It's really right around the corner that she will want it too!!

Hang in there!!
D.

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S.T.

answers from Jacksonville on

My daughter would argue with me that pull ups were not diapers. So I took her shopping so she could even pick out her own panties and tried to show her the difference between the two and how the pull up looked more like the diaper than the panties. This didn't really work until my friends daughter was over and found her pull ups and come running out to the living room in front of everyone saying Shelby wears diapers..and I said she sure does. That was all it took she wouldn't put the pull up on for bed again....

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L.P.

answers from Gainesville on

My son was 3.5 before he ever went on the potty. It was really beginning to concern me because most of his peers were at least trying to go on the potty, but he would avoid it at all costs, even crying when we would suggest it. He was doing everything else really early, and so I was worried. One day, I just asked him why he wouldn't even sit on the potty to try? He replied that he was afraid he would fall in! Yes, even on the small potty we had purchased. My husband and I had never thought about the possibility of a fear. We acknowledged it, talked about it, and 2 days later he was using the (big) toilet all on his own, no help needed at all. Since, he has had only 2 accidents since he trained himself. Chances are, your daughter knows exactly what do to and when to do it....maybe just talking about why she doesn't want to will give her a little reassurance.

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M.B.

answers from Jacksonville on

I dreaded potty training since the day my son was born, and to my surprise they understand a lot better than you would think. I completely underestimated my son. I actually decided one day that I was not going to put diapers on him anymore. We went and threw them all away together making it a lot of fun for him. I put underwear on him and took him to the bathroom every 20 minutes. If he went, he got 3 m&m's and if he didn't go, he got praise also. If he went in his underwear he did NOT like the feeling at all. So he was basically potty trained in 3-4 days. That includes through naptime and night time as well. Just explain that she is going to be a big girl now and NO MORE diapers. You can never turn back either, or they will have control!!! Good luck to you!!

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R.L.

answers from Jacksonville on

I am going through the same thing. My daughter turned 3 two weeks ago. What I have been doing - and what seems to be working is only having her wear the thick training pants. If she has pull-ups on - it doesn't work. She doesn't like the soaked cotton feel.
Additionally, I use a timer. I set it for every 30 minutes (to start) and when the timer goes off, she has to sit on the potty and try. If she goes potty, she's rewarded with one m&m. If she goes poop, she gets two m&m's. The poop has definitely been more of a challenge. I am getting more familiar with the signs of when she has to go and the times of day she usually goes and I'll have her sit on her toilet for as long as 30 minutes. If she doesn't go, I keep a close eye on her and watch for "that look".
I honestly at times still don't think she's totally ready to be trained but I'm trying my hardest!
Hope that helps and good luck!

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M.M.

answers from Daytona Beach on

so potty train sooner then others. i never forced my daughter to potty train and she was by age 2 she will when she is ready.maybe if you take her in there when you go and let her set down on the potty when you do might help. we had a pee pee dance. you could try that.but she will when she is ready.

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J.S.

answers from Jacksonville on

Hey M., I was fortunate enough to stay at home with my two oldest children(1 boy and 1 girl) until they were 4 and 6. I started potty training on their two-year birthdays and was completely done one week later with both of them. Here is the trick that worked for me. Since I was able to stay home and didn't have to run anyone to school, I devoted a whole week to potty training. I set the stove timer for every 10 minutes and put them on the potty every single time it went off...at first I was skeptical, but they really start using it the first day. Once I noticed that they were able to wait longer I would set it for 15 minutes, 30 minutes, and so on as the week went by. At night, I would set my alarm clock for every 2 hours. I never ever bought the pull-ups training pants since I personally believe that they are no different then a diaper. Once I started with the timer, I threw the diapers out and only put panties/underwear on them. I really think the key is consistancy and no diapers at all! I know this sounds like so many interruptions, but instead of taking months to train them it takes only a week or so. Hopefully this may work for you. If you have to leave the house only put her in panties and just try to be patient...she won't go to Kindergarten peeing in her pants, I promise. I have a 14 month old and I am not looking forward to the potty training already! Good luck!

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K.S.

answers from Jacksonville on

I went through that with both of my kids. I just took them to the bathroom about every hour or so. I made it a game who could go potty first me or them. They liked racing into the bathroom to get on first. you can ask her if she has to go but most of the time it is a no. Going poop is usually the most difficult for them to get. It takes longer. I picked up much poop of floors in my home as well.

I also gave rewards for no accident days. Something reasonable they really wanted. Getting to pick out their own underwear or a book. On sesamestreet.org there is a little clip with Elmo potty training let her watch that. My kids loved it.

good luck,
K.

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L.F.

answers from Orlando on

I know how frustrated I got with my daughter so I finally let her be. She knew where the potty was, she knew what a dirty diaper felt like, she could dress herself, verbally communicate, etc. I put her in pull ups but had her panties in her drawer. I never talked to her about it and one day she woke up and said "I want to put panties on". She did it and has never turned back. If your child is as independant as some of the other girls I know, it may just need to be on her terms. BTW, she was 2 weeks from turning 3years when this happened :-)

Good luck,
L.

(7year old daughter/4 year old son)

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