Toddlby and New Baby

My twins were 2.5 when my daughter was born six months ago. Whenever the baby napped, I made sure I sat with them and gave them special attention. She needs to feel like she's not left out, and one-on-one time is so important. The dishes and laundry can wait.

You need to carve out some time for her while your husband watches the baby. I feel that you made a mistake splitting up childcare duty the way you did. She feels like you like the baby better, and her behavior reflects that.

Spend some good time with her. Let your husband take care of the baby some. Show her pictures of when she was a little baby and you were taking care of her. She might even think the pictures are her sibling - tell her "This is you! See how we took care of you like we are taking care of little Charlie?" She very well might regress - it's normal.

If she has a tantrum, leave her alone. Walk away. If you give her an audience, she will just get worse. See if you can figure out her triggers, and try to mitigate them. Sit with her before she gets to the tantrum point and do something special, even if it's just drawing or coloring. You can do that while you feed the baby.

It will take time. You have to learn to split your time between your kids. You can do it - we all do.

Good luck!
Dawn

Hi there,
This was exactly the same scenario when my elder sister had second baby. Since sister did her graduation in child psychology, she knew how to handle the situation when just two of them she and husband had to deal with it without any family support. My sister's trick did work successfully. Here is what she had done. She gave importance to the elder kid while taking care of the new baby. For say when she needs to change the diaper of new baby, she asked her older son that lets change diaper of your baby brother. Whenever guests come in to see new baby they were focusing to this new baby and the older kid was feeling neglected so my sister told guests that do you know 'Asad' got his baby brother. 'Asad' loves his baby brother. 'Asad could you please introduce 'Sareem' to (our guests) Aunty ? Do you know 'Asad' is a big brother now and take care of 'Sareem' very well helps mommy in changing diaper. 'Asad' plays with 'Sareem' Right 'Asad'?
Just give the importance to your older baby in front of everybody and whenever you are busy with the new baby.
I am sure you will see the difference in your older kid.
Best Luck
K.

I agree with others that it will probably help to give her more one on one attention, and you've gotten good advice about that, so I won't add anymore. What I will add is that children are smart and when they sense that many things are changing they will try to see what else they can get away with. Suddenly there is this new person living at your house, grandma stayed over for a while, dad was home from work when he isn't usually, you've had lots of visitors, etc. The best thing you can do for her is to keep her routine as steady as possible. Eat at the same time, nap at the same time, maybe even go to the park or have an outing or walk at the same time each day. If she knows what to expect she will stop pushing boundaries so much. Structure is really important for a toddler, so even if the baby needs something, if it is time for her lunch, get that on the table first. She needs to know she can rely on you. I would also suggest getting a good baby carrier or sling so that you can meet his needs while still playing with her.

Get her involved in helping, it will make her feel special. Let her now how big of a special big girl helper she is, but that she is still your little baby too. When baby needs a diaper/bottle/burp cloth/onesie, ask her to bring it to you. When you are nursing/bottle feeding, she can sit by your lap and you can read her a story or just cuddle with her. She wants to feel like she is still number one and is having a hard time adjusting to sharing you.

My son was also a young 2 when my second child was born, so I know this age is tough, but you can do it, and they can grow up to be best of friends!

Dr. Sears is an expert in this field and he has excellent advice on sibling chivalry, tantrums and discipline for children this age:

general discipline and behavior shaping
http://askdrsears.com/topics/discipline-behavior

behavior issues/temper tantrums/sibling rivalry:
http://askdrsears.com/topics/discipline-behavior/botherso...

This will be short lived but may come back in spurts. I just had a baby in July and my son was just turning two. Since then, we've had plenty of mommy and son time -- taking him to lunch or to see the trains at the arboretum...little fun "dates" like that and he loves it! I always tell him the night before we do something so he can fall asleep and look forward to it. I was nursing my daughter so our outings were short and between feeding but he still loved any time he got with just me. It will also be nice for you to get out and have a little break from the new baby AND good for dad to be with the new baby and bond. In the beginning it's tough to break away from the baby -- I don't think you made a "mistake" there -- you need that time with a new baby but now you are probably healing and would like to get out with you and your toddler. Again, this will be short lived but be sure to keep up the mommy and toddler time so your toddler feels like she still has her "mommy". My daugther is now 5 months and my son is doing great (most the of the time ;) good luck with everything!!

It will be short lived! :) Breathe! My son was 2.5 when my daughter was born and he went through a very "two" phase, just trying lots of stuff to get attention. We picked our battles. He needed time to process and adjust. I also found that once my husband went back to work, things settled down. Having daddy home is great, but that is just one more thing to adjust to, one more thing that is different, in addition to the new baby. Definitely have dad take care of baby, too, so you can be with your older daughter and she can have some special mommy time. The first week, I was with the baby more, but then the next week, dad was with the baby more so my son could adjust back to having me around to play with. This worked out great.

I wore my baby in my K'tan carrier and she slept in that thing while we'd play and take walks and go to the park and even eat lunch. This was my son could have mommy time, too, and my hands were free to play! My son helped get diapers for her, he'd get her special toy that he found for her before she was born, he picked out outfits for her to wear, and so on. Their bond is so special and sweet now. You'll get there, too! Give it time!

Daughter 2.5 Baby boy. 7 months. I always involve her in day to day activity..she helps me unbutton PJ's etc... If he grabs at her food we joke and say, "hey..your just a baby you can't have that yet". Have fun with it and turn into a game and craziness will go away. Do a lot of, " i need help with do you think you can be a good big sister and help me? Good luck!

This mama thing is hard work, isn't it?! I feel your frustration and concern! First, know that this will pass. It's a phase - everyone is adjusting and finding their new place in your changing family. Don't feel like you need to *do* anything about your daughter's behavior. Just let her feel how she feels, let her have some meltdowns. Don't try to stop it or correct it because you'll both end up feeling miserable and it won't serve any real purpose. Just take a deep breath, let it be, and then hug her afterwards. Try to make some one-on-one time with her each day, and set up a special time to go out for ice cream or donuts or something, just the two of you. I was exclusively breastfeeding my son, but was able to take my two year old down the street for ice cream after I fed the baby and left him with dad. It meant the world to her.

And watch yourself for signs of PPD - life after the birth of the second child is particularly difficult for mom, so go easy on yourself and get help if you need it.

Good luck!