Son with Behavior Issues at School

Have you had him tested for A.D.D. or A.D.H.D.? My son, who is now 25, was diagnosed when he was in 1st grade. He was fine at home with me, but when he was at school he was a completely different child. Too much stimulous at school. Just thought I would ask.
S. W.

My sweet son who is now 9 years old had the same problems in Kindergarten and First Grade. His kindergarten teacher daignosed him with Autism. I have a 10 year old sister who is severly autistic and so I know what autism was. Beside that was kindergarten his first experience socially with other kids because he never went to day care and his teacher was a pretty young blond thing. So I dismiss her diagnosis. In first grade he was always gettign into trouble touching and hitting other kids, not paying attention and always talking. His 1st grade teacher brought up ADD. After keeping myself in denial....I took him to see a psychologist. He thought he had a slight form of ADD. He put him on Addrerall. Wow the improvement....no more behavior problems and his grades went from C & D to A & B. We have not had any more behavior problems at all. When I tell him to do something...he does it immendiately. I used to have to ask him 50 times to do something. I was very big into the fact that I was not going to medicate my child. But I have gotten over that denial just due to the fact I see the great improvement and the confidence he has gained from not being in trouble all the time at home and school.

This is the year we sought help for my son as well. For us it was a combination of sesory processing problems and some neurological problems - but they are all "fixable". My only suggestions without knowing your son is to say, Start your path to helping him now while he is little.
Try to find a Sensory Processing clinic to help rule out any of those issues. Contact a specialist (I like Dr. Roa in Plano)to see if there are allergies or an increase in metals in his body. Rule EVERYHTING out before you decide it is a behavior problem. Kids this age REALLY want to please the adults and do not want to be in trouble.

I feel for you and will share any resources that you may need, just let me know if you need more info.

M. M

I didn't read through all the responses so I hope this isn't a repeat advise. I really only have to say that you can talk with the counselor at his school. They are an amazing resources with issues exactly such as this. I have seen them turn kids around in a few months. See what they have to say.

Good luck and hug your son everyday. :)

You might try to lovingly remind him each day not to hit or hurt others. Remind him to use other coping skills. Tell him to talk to the teacher if someone takes his crayon instead of pushing the kid down. Or to tell the other kid “I don’t like that. That is not nice.” I know it sounds silly, but kids often don’t realize that they have better ways to react. Sometimes they have to be told several times before they get it. They react instinctually.

My daughter was a lot younger (2 ½) we went through this. After we started having a talk before each playgroup it was like a switch had been flipped. No more hitting or pushing!

Every child is different. Try talking to your child and asking him why he does these things. Let him know you are disappointed in him and that his behavior will not be tolerated. Be sure and talk everyday about school, the kids there, if there are any problems he is having. Does he like the other kids, did anyone get into trouble today, How did that make him feel? Sometimes it may be something happening around him that is affecting his behavior, not really happening directly to him. For instance, my son got sick eveyday and the school had to call he was throwing up, it was always in the same class. After we really sat down and talked and spent $800 in tests, we found out the teacher yelled at the class as a whole or at a certain child, which was not my son, but it upset him to the point of throwing up. Good luck.

Yes, I have both experienced this with my 5 year old and as a former teacher. You are right that there are a lot of things going on with starting Kindergarten and having to learn to share his parents with two new sibilings. However, it is still reasonable to expect appropriate behavior from him. As for this behavior showing up at school it is not surprising just frustrating for parents because we want them to enjoy school and be respectful. School is a much more structured environment than home with more and different demands. So some children may act out as a way of coping. My son would come home and complain about all the rules and want to know why he couldn't just stay home. As a teacher, I was saddened that he didn't embrace school, but Kinder is different than it used to be. It is a lot more like 1st grade and less like preschool. Some children take more time to grow into the whole school routine. With all that said I would encourage you to work out a plan with his teacher where everyone including your son is working on improving one behavior at a time with positive reinforcement. It could be through positive notes home, a chart, special activity, etc. Punishment rarely works for chronic behavior issues. I'm not suggesting never using punishment. We use timeout or loss of toys with my son when we need to get his attention and stop the cycling of behavior. But over the long road having him make a plan of using appropriate behavior and choosing the reward has been most effective. As for the school part of this if the teacher is not receptive or frustrated as well there should be other staff ( counselor, principle, co-teacher) available to help. Sometimes 2 heads are better than one. I hope this is helpful. I know having infants is tiring enough and then struggling with an older child just adds to the exhaustion. Hang in there!

My son has problems at the beginning of every school year, he is in third grade now. We implement a daily reward system, we have a checklist on the fridge and good things get checks and bad things get minuses then we add up the checks at the end of the week and if he gets 10 we have are bag of dollar store toys he gets to pull from. Also, if he goes a week without receiving a mark in school we do something special. It is time consuming, but if you are consistent it really works, be weary of ADHD medication, and maybe take sugar out of his diet, my son loses all sweets privileges when he gets a mark at school for the week.

J.,I really believe when something like this is going on getting them into something that takes a lot of energy out of them works TeaBall you can play at four. Maybe even curate. Somtimes i have found activities is the only thing to keep up with them, and also at the age of five when there are other syblings in the home that take alot of mommies attemtion away they just want to be in that spot light at all times. Being in sports they fill very rewared. I hope this helps.
Thanks T.

Hi,

Is it possible that your son is getting overwhelmed emotionally and acting out? Is he very sensitive to what is going on around him? Maybe he needs help identifying when he is getting too excited (with either happiness or anger) and then given a way to let out that emotion.

I teach yoga to special needs kids and have a client with this problem. We are working on her finding ways to calm herself down.

Good luck!
M.

My daughter and my step-son both have August birthdays, usually during the 1st week of school. My daughter struggled through Kindergarten and 1st grade, not so much behaviorally but her able to stay focused and on-task. She is much, much better now in 4th grade. My step-son struggled all the way through school academically; he had to go to summer school every year from 7th grade til he graduated from high school. His problems seemed to come from his inability to manage his time, organize his assignments, etc. That all goes back to maturity level, just as the problems your son seems to be having. Prepare to have him repeat kindergarten...it will be better than struggling daily for the next 12 years. You will see a huge difference in him next year, I'll be willing to bet!

It seems as though your son is having trouble with using his words and could be frustrated with being in such a large setting. He can't help it. You might look into a private school that helps with social skills so that he can transition back into a larger environment one day. A couple of great schools you could look into is The St. Anthony School (not religious based) and Great Lakes Academy.

I have a Grandson with the same problem. I know he doesn't mean any harm, just trying to play and some times "entertain" others. At times, I know my grandson has been provoked into his actions, but the teacher is never aware of this. I think these children are just developing their own personalities, and those that "touch others" are just loving, caring, people. The "Keep your hands to yourself" policy is hard for little ones to do when they have been used to playing at home with other children, or even parents. We can't expect children to be "zombies" with no emotion. Unless your child is violent and hurting others, I would just observe and keep in close contact with the teacher with lots of communication. By the way, I also had a different grandson. expelled from day care and he is now a very considerate young man

J.,
I know how hard it is to have a child with behavioral problems. I am raising my grandchildren and a couple of other family members children (7 in all.) One of my grandsons, Zane has autism and is ADHD. We didn't find this out until he started school. We had some testing to see why he was having so many problems. He has problems realizing that everyone needs their private space to feel comfortable. One of his therapies has been to use a hula hoop to learn how much space to let people have. He is very loving and wants to be near people a lot. Zane is on the high side of the austic scale. He doesn't fit the typical persons idea of autism. Most people think of the child who sits and stays by themselves or rocks alone in place. Zane does not do that. Zane liked to run on his toes and really study things intently. He would watch ants or bugs for a long time. If we hadn't had this testing done, we wouldn't have known why he didn't "keep his hands to himself." You might see if you can have someone test your son on his issues. Zane just was being himself and was in trouble a lot. Does your son like group activities or does he prefer doing things by himself? Zane liked doing it himself. He is a very inquisitive child. He wants to see what makes everything work. The first session he had with his counselor, he climb all over the room and ended up turning off the schools main electrical switch. I had warned them he liked to turn stuff on and off. He also liked to hide in small areas, like in shelves. He was great at Hide And Seek. I don't know if you have ever had any behavioral testing done with your son. Our school had a counselor who started us on this road. It has helped immensely. We now know it wasn't just acting out. I don't know if this will help you but I hope it does. Cooks Childrens in Ft. Worth has a Behavioral Health clinic and The Child Study Center in Ft. Worth is also a good place to get help and testing done if you need it. The Study Center is on a sliding fee scale if money is an issue . M. H.

It sounds like he might be too young for kindergarten at this point. My second son was an August birthday and we held him back (at first grade) and it made a world of difference in his maturity and ability to cope in the classroom. Your son may also need a smaller class size. He may be one that his super sensitive and over stimulated in larger groups. You might also look at diet and nutrition. These two things are often overlooked when considering behavior issues but can have a tremendous impact. They just recently completed a study of prisoners and noticed a tremendous difference in behaviors in ones that were given supplements. You can find lots of good info on this website: www.blockcenter.com
For my younger, extra energetic younger son, removing gluten, dairy and soy (and some other things for a while) and all food additives (red dye in particular) had a tremendous impact on his behavior. Also, a whole foods (non-processed diet) is often best for these kids. For example, some of the artifical sweeteners and things like msg end up over stimulating the nervous system (they're referred to as excitotoxins). You can google that last term and find lots of info.
Good luck.

My advice for anyone who has issues with any kind of behavior that needs to be curbed is try the Marbel reward system for everyday he is good one marbel. when he reaches the goal you set for him( start on a low one) he gets a little a little reward an extra time on his night with no babies ect...or if things do not cahnge take that night for a week and remind him that he has to behave in class to get things he wants. I had this same problem with my son ( hes now 7) and i told him that going to school was like his "job" like daddy and daddy would never act that way at his job it woked for me so ya might try it not sure what level his maturity is on. but i hope this helps. Just dont give up I hear it does get better( i just dont know when lol)I have helped raise 2 teens with my husband I have litterly seen it all.

good luck C.

Hi J.,

I agree with the other mom who said he may just be too young for kindergarten. My daughter had 2 boys in her kindergarten class last year who shared the same birthday, but one was a year older (both were Aug 14). The younger one was in trouble on a daily basis. I think that when they are so young like that, they may be academically ready for kindergarten, but behaviorly, they are not. I would talk to his teacher about this....he can always repeat kindergarten next year.

BTW, my son's birthday is Aug 27, and I'm not going to send him to kindergarten the year he turns 5. I think it just starts them out at such a disadvantage when they are so much younger than the other kids in their class.

Good Luck!

I work at a private school for students in 5-12 grades who have behavior issues which have turned into academic issues and vice-versa.
Definitely reward him for good behavior! Maybe have a star system, and evertime he has a good report from the teacher (i would make this a daily report at first!), you put a star on a chart. At the end of the week/month/whatever, go out to dinner (even at sonic), make popcorn and have a friday night movie!
Also, maybe get him into some kind of program where he can release some tension/stress/energy outside of school. I have heard of karate being great for younger and older kids!

Good luck, if you have any questions, please contact me!
-S.

I do not know what school district your son attends, but he is at a critical age to try to better understand the function of the behaviors. In other words, what is he getting out of the behavior. So I would request an FBA (Functional Behavior Assessment). Many districts will be reluctant unless the behaviors are completely out of control, but if you diplomatically work with the school and express the fact that you want to keep the behaviors from getting to that point, it might help. An FBA simply is a process of analyzing what are the situations, people, expectations, etc that are present and occur right before the behavior starts. Then analyzing what is reinforcing the behavior. With that information, the teacher, other pertinent staff and yourself can pick some appropriate replacement behaviors that serve the same purpose.

Hi J....that's pretty much my story as well...my son's kindergarden teacher was calling every other day with some issue of this sort. I was a stay at home Mom and my son was always just fine, he was a busy toddler, but nothing out of the ordinary...it wasn't until he started school that we saw there was a problem. The school suggested getting him evaluated for Sensory Integration Dysfunction. We did..and he had the disorder. SID is when his senses don't always co-operate with each other and his brain doesn't process them correctly. He was so overstimulated in the classroom, his senses didn't know how to process it. My son went through 1 1/2 years if play therapy...we called it play gym, because we didn't want him to think there was something wrong with him...he did great with it, plus he thought it was lots of fun. He was treated at North Texas Therapy Innovations on Avenue K in Plano. Unknown to us, he also has a slight case of ADD...you may want to get that checked out as well. My son has improved 100% and is now in 4th grade and on the honor roll...he has impulsivity issues still, but we're working on that!

My little nephew was like that. My sister had to have him move to a very experienced teacher who knew how to redirect his behavior. I think that he probally is learning how to adjust but an experienced teacher has dealt with this many times and can teach him positive and correct social skills. I agree smaller class sizes helps but unfortantley in public school its hard to do. Can you or a grandparent volunteer in the classroom once a week for an hour or have lunch with him..We found that helped and that we could help his impulses by showing him how to cope with a pesky kid before he started swinging without squashing his spirit. good luck, and congradulations on your twins!

Oh J., I was in your shoes about 4 years a go, you described my 5 year old to a tee. I was getting calls from his teacher about his behave at school any where from once to three times a week. what we did was go over the rules ever morning " eyes, focusing, mouth,Quiet and respectful, hands and feet to ourself, ears listening. Then when we got home from school, if he was good he recieved a treat, if he misbehave he did not get to watch catoons and was sent to be 30min early. We had to get consist. But it worked. It took several weeks, but he has not had any behaver issue since kindergarden and he is now a A student in 3rd grade. Good luck and hang in there he'll get the hang of school.

Hi J.,
I don't know if you've considered the possibility that his behavioral issues have less to do with social problems as scholastic insecurity. I too had some issues with my son when he started...he is a very good, sensitive child, but a bit aggressive at times, and I was told he was either being disruptive, or lazy. After talking with him, I figured out that he just wasn't understanding his lessons, and that what he needed was more one-on-one instruction time in the "basics". Once I attended to it and he got his concepts down, his manner changed. He became more confident, more attentive, and problems stopped occuring. The other possibility is he may be looking to attract attention to himself. Some kids don't care what kind of attention they get as long as it's attention, i.e. my daughter. She would hit my other daughter, and one day, instead of punishing her, I asked her what was on her mind. She told me she hit her sister because I was ignoring her. After explaining to her that when I'm working, I don't often hear her because I'm so focused, and what to do when she wanted my attention. The misbehavior then stopped. Anyway, I'm long-winded, but the thing to do is figure out the cause of the misbehavior. I don't know if it's things like ADHD...I'm on the fence on that one because most kids have a short attention span anyway. Talk to him, and most importantly, listen to him. Ask probing questions. How do you feel when this happens? When you hit someone, why do you think you did it? How did it make you feel? What do you think your teacher should do about it? What do you want so that you don't hit someone? What's he thinking? ...just to name a few. Then, address the cause with love and assurance that no matter what he's going through, you're there for him, and he can always count on you if he needs someone to talk with or answer any questions. Good luck.

I've got a 9 yr old that has had issues in school. He has been diagnosed with ADHD and has a studdering issue. I found out in the begining with my oldest that Pre-School is not a requirement and that's probaly why your son was "kicked out". Now that he's in "big school", your school should work with in in trying to help you with getting all the assistance your son may need. I know that I've been up at the school several times and I've had the emails, notes in the folders and the phone calls. You are not alone. Sit down with the Pricipal, the school counselor, teachers, his doctor and anyone else that you feel can provide some input and make a plan of how to deal with your son's issues. I know that the school my son attends is more than likely sick and tired of seeing me at the school, but I call, email and send notes to keep the line of communication open. Also, they have him meet with the school counselor twice a week, and they have the psychologist for the County Education Co-Op coming to speak with him. All you have to do is let them know that you are trying and that you want them to try all the options that are out there. It does get a bit easier as they grow. My 9 yr old has 2 younger siblings (6 yr old sister and 4 yr old brother) as well, and it will get eaiser. I thought I'd be missing chunks of my hair, but I'm not. It sounds like you've got a good support system around you. Keep on trucking and I promise it will get easier. My prayers are with you and your family. Desiree'

It has been my experience, and the experience of several moms in my circle that high fructose corn syrup accounts for a lot of behaviorial issues. My son just seems to flip-out if he has even a little in his diet. Unfortunately, most schools don't have the best quality food for the kids in daycare or in public schools and it's usually full of the stuff. Go through your pantry and throw out everything that contains corn syrup or high fructose corn syrup and send him to school with his own lunch. Displine didn't help with my son either, because his brain was being controlled by what he was eating! Good luck and you're doing great! Being a mom to a young son and twins, WHEW!