Sleep over Anxiety

I would let him go. You don't want him to resent you when he is older nor do you want him to be secluded. I have a 14 year old step-son who hardly ever goes anywhere and wants to be gothic because he was sheltered by his mother. Being gothic and secluded can be dangerous when they are tees. Not saying that yours will be but you don't want to hold him back from being with his friends and staying over at their house because you have had a bad experience. It is a shame that you did but don't punish your son. Maybe this will help you with the mental part that you have been dealing with all these years. You never know.

Don't let your childhood fears transfer to your children. They don't deserve that. Every child is different and it really depends on how "independant" he already is and if you think he can handle being away all night. If you think he'll be fine then by all means let him have the experience. Feel free to call the mother once during the evening to see how everything is going, but try not to disturb him at all. If he gets anxious and calls you, make sure you sound concerned but not scared on the phone. If this is his first time away from home he may have some adjustment issues, but if he sees that you're ok with it, then he will be too.

My kids stay over with friends all the time and have been doing so since they were, I think, 5-6yrs old. Just keep the lines of communication open and things will be fine. I assume you have met the parents, but maybe you could share your general concern with the mother, just so she knows where you stand. Then maybe next time you can hold the sleepover at your house.

Hmmm. Well, I can understand your anxiety. But I also think you might be being a little over-protective. I'm not sure what your bad experience was but also remember that bad things can happen just by letting him play over at someone's house for a few hours. Not that I'm trying to scare you, just trying to offer a little perspective. That being said, there are things you can do to ease your mind if you decide to let him go. First, I would ask the parents if they could meet you and your husband prior to the sleep over, maybe for lunch or coffee or something like that. Something that would allow you to get to know them a bit. Next, I would tell the parents that your are concerned and not very comfortable with the idea of a sleep over. You don't need to tell them you had a bad experience, but let them know that you are worried that something could happen, like an accident or exposure to things that you don't allow (like certain TV shows, for example). I'm sure they would understand that...I think the first night a child spends away from home is hard for the parents, especially Mom. Give them a chance to assure you that your child's safety is their top priority while he is in their home. Which I'm sure it is. Talk to them about the rules they have in their home and how those rules are enforced. Find out their feelings on things like TV viewing, video games, snacks, anything that might be a concern for you. Let them know that you would like them to contact you or that you would like to call at some point during the sleep over, just to check in, and you would also like to speak to your son at that time. Lastly, if the thought of him spending the night just bothers you too much, it's ok to not let him go. I think I was around 8 when I slept over at someone's house for the first time. I would say that eventually you should let him spend the night at a friend's house, but if you decide 5 is too young, that's perfectly fine and reasonable. I hope this helps!

M.

You know I am a girl in all but I had some, make that 3, very bad expiriences at sleep overs. My children will NEVER go on sleep overs. No one else cares or will care for your children as you do. I saw this when I was little. My husband had one awful expirience as well so that furthered my conviction. So if kids want to sleep over they can come here to my house. Otherwise NO WAY is it gonna happen. So you aren't the only one that made such convictions.

No, you are not being paranoid, you are just being a mother. All I would tell you is to check the sex offender websites. That should give you peace of mind.

If I were you I would talk to your boy. See if he really wants to go. If he does then tell him that he can call any time of the night if he wants to come home. Be on alert all night and if you get the call, then go get him. I would also have the friends home number to call and check up on him to make sure he is doing fine. Then again he may want to come home. Having that escape will ensure both of you that no matter what time you can and will get him if he wants you to.

Or you could always let him go and play for a couple of hours then pick him up. Either way I would leave it up to him. I would also let the parent know that this is his first night over at a friends house and if he starts getting sad have her call you. Every parent understands how hard it can be on a child and she should be understanding to you and your sons needs.

Listen I understand the bad experience thing and not wanting to let them go. My daughter is 6 and she just had her first sleep over not to long ago. Just meet the parents and talk with them. You can usually get a sense of how people really are. If you aren't comfortable with the parents then don't let him go. If you are, then do he will have so much fun. Another helpful thing is to make sure he knows how to use the phone and your phone number so he can call if he needs to. Hope this helps.

I think you must not keep your kids from living their lives because of your own fears. First, you must remember- your kids are not you. (I've struggled to get my own mother to understand that :) Perhaps you will rest easy if you keep in mind that if something goes wrong or by some slim chance something awful happens, the other boy's mom will call you. Just make it a point to meet the mother first (if you haven't already) and make sure she has your number and let her know that it's ok to call for any problem big or small. I'm sure your little boy will be fine - and I bet if he was uncomfortable, the other boy's mom would let him come home. Also - perhaps you can offer to keep the other two boys sometime and maybe get to know their parents that way and get to know the kids whom your boy will probably grow up with.
Good luck.

I'm sorry that you had "bad experience" when you were little. But you will be depriving your son of a totally normal act of child hood. The 1st sleep over is almost a right of passage for kids...staying up all night, watching dumb movies, and eating junk food and cutting up friends all night. if you now and trust the parents and the other kids, then there is no real reason he should not go. i had sleep overs with my friends all the time growing...we always had a blast and I will always cherish those memories.

Let him go but get the other mom's phone numbers and addresses. That way you will beable to keep in touch with your son and check on him. Don't call every five seconds, lol. But that should help you out along with him.

okay, I guess its just me after seeing the other responses.... but I say....NO you are not overreacting!!!! Five is too young for a sleep over....now I can see seven...but Five...absolutely no way! They are only young for a short period of time, don't start the sleepovers yet!

I think that especially since it's a "group" thing, that he'd be safe at it. I let my daughter spend the night at our neighbor's house which is where her best friend of the same age lives, and my daughter is 4, not even 4 yet at the time. However, they had been playing together for a long time and I trust the parents. I do think though that in today's day and age, you can't be too careful. There are some really sick people out there, and the only ones in this world to protect our little ones are us, their parents. So, if possible, maybe you could meet their parents ahead of time, or offer a few playdates. Also, what if you let him stay there for a few hours instead and then went and picked him up before bedtime? I am with you, I'd never let my kid stay the night at someone's house that I didn't know. I would also want to know the friend they would be staying with, and I'd want to know him well enough to feel that he comes from a good home. It's too bad it would be tacky to ask the parents for friends' or neighbors' names and phone numbers! Wouldn't that be great if we could call and get "references" on them? In today's world, things like that should become part of life, really.