Seeking Moms Advice..

Try giving him a half of a cup of coffee and see if it calms him down. [let me know if it works with him as it does with many] It sounds as if he is just trying to get mom's attention. So, give him attention when he is doing what you want him to do. Avoid giving him attention when he behaves in not so good ways.

Hi A.,

Subconsciously, now this is me talking, he's probably acting out to reassure you and Daddy that he still exist or possibly just to continue that ONE on ONE attention. I'm sure that you both share and spread the love equally among both kids, but, once upon a time, it was just him. Was he doing that before the baby girl came along?

Have you ever thought or had him tested for ADD or ADHD, the reason I ask is because one of my girlfriends had the same problem with her son and he had ADHA and they put him on medication for this and it corrected the problem, just a suggestion....J.

Your child will behave properly with immediate consequences. A spanking on his bottom, done in love not anger will register with him better than trying to reason with a four year old. Admirable attempt, but he is just too young. I would make sure you show him you love him by a big hug and "I love you," a short time after the spanking. Children want to be disciplined and will grow in respect for you for it. He may be a strong willed child. Try James Dobson's The Strong Willed Child for a more thorough explanation if you feel he is strong willed. It is an excellent book. "Time outs" and such means of discipline, just aren't as effective as God's way! My daughter had the same problem. The wonderful thing is that strong willed children, when channeled the right direction, can be very successful adults. She is now the communication director for Robyn Hayes, Congressman from North Carolina, in the White House. Working in the White House was her childhood dream and she made it! Hope this helps.
Sincerely,
B. S.

Does he get a nap during the day. I also have a 4yo little boy who gets extremely hiper, expecially late in the day. I work and he stays with my MIL so I can't control his naps. I have noticed that on days he atleast has rest time, no tv, no books, no nothing, just quiet, he is much less hyper.

Maybe you have already tried this..or been given this advice. Rather than focus on his negative behavior (which still needs to be addressed when it happens)But, focus more on his positive behavior. Make a huge deal out of it. Try rewarding him with play money when he does good things and then at the end of the week...let him purchase things from the "Family Store" with the money he has purchased (Big Boy Bucks). Buy items from the dollar store...it does not have to be expensive or big items. (stick of gum, play-dough, stickers) I think he is old enough to get the concept of buying things, so he may enjoy something like that. Don't take money away from him if he is bad...but only reward him when he is good or sweet or does something without being told. Explain it all to him and he may take well to this.
Some kids respond better to positive reinforcement. Also...he may need more stimulation than other kids or quality alone time with you or his Dad. Craft time, shopping with you by himself.
Every child is so different! I hope this helps some...good luck!

You might not think he's jealous but his sister is now getting all the attendion that used to be his...been there!! Having him to "help" getting the diapers...bathing...etc. will show him how "important" his new "chores" are & how special being a big brother is! When the baby is napping use that time just for him....cuddling, reading to him or doing some type of puzzle, or lace up cards...the kind that has a picture with holes in it & you lace yarn through the holes...you can make them with thick foam board & a hole punch & make shapes...circle, square,etc. then take yarn & put tape on the ends & have him lace the yarn through the holes ...he'll learn his shapes in no time...or let him play with play dough...a cookie sheet & cutter..etc.Don't think you have to clean house during those times as he's wanting one on one time with you like before his sister came....it works!

A., is your son hiper or disobedient? Is he physically able to sit in time out or not? Is he able to handle the requests you make of him? Are the punishments for childish behavior or serious infractions, like running in the street , or pushing little sister? These questions are important There is a book on the market by James Dobson about raising children THE STRONG WILLED CHILD you need to know his temperament to train him correctly.

Please Please Please try this before having him tested for ADD/ADHD, it is my opinion that way too many children are being treated for this with highly addictive medicines that have several side effects. My daughter was very very stubborn when she was young, and really still is, however, we have learned how to deal with it.

Give him choices...example: He asks for a drink, you say:
Would you like the green cup or the blue one?
Would you like a lid or a straw?
Would you like milk or juice?
Would you like to drink it in the kitchen or the dining room?
Would you like to sit at the table or stand?

The key is trying to give him as many choices as possible, just remember to always give him 2 choices that you are happy with either choice. Usually stubborn children is all about control, they need to feel like they are in control and this way they feel control because they get to decide and decisions are not just made for them. If at first he refuses to choose one of the choices you have given, just choose one for him and he will quickly learn that he must choose. Just be consistent and stick with your decision, even if he throws a fit.

This method will also work with disipline....example: He does something that is unacceptable. Give him a choice of time out in his room or in the chair (or something similar). Just remember to give him 2 choices that you are happy with whatever he chooses.

This worked with my daughter, who is deaf and communication was a struggle too. She is now 16 and even though she is still stubborn, she has much more respect for us as parents because we allow her some control in her life.

Hope this works as well for you as it did for me. If you have any questions, or need some support, just give me a post and I'll try to respond right away.

Hi,
i would like to respond by saying that> have you tried putting him in any activities? T-ball or etc... If his attitude starts to get aggressive a little try to have him tested for adhd i know that my son was bouning off the wall and there for a while i thought that i was going to go crazy!!! I am a christian woman and dont always run to find things wrong with my kids yet something had to give i tested him and yes he had adhd now he is very setted and still hiper but he knows what to do with everthing.. P.s. He is very smart and on honor roll and always has been ,evertime he would do something wrong i would ask why he didnt know.. So that might be a thing to look into ...all ways pray

Well, according to John Rosemond, he is a normal 4 year old boy, and will eventually grow out of it. He says that it is typical for boys to be "hyper." Boys are also aggressive. Have you ever been around other boys his age to notice how they act? I'm a high school teacher, and in 13 years of teaching, I can tell you that boys are much more active than girls, and much more hyper. Of course, many of them are ADHD and some are on medicine for it. The medicine does calm them down and they are great students while on it. There is so much controversy surrounding ADD and ADHD. I completely believe in it, because I have seen it for 13 years. I completely believe in the medicines also, except for cases where it makes the kids depressed. I think he may be a little young to start testing for ADHD, but if this behavior continues for another 2 years, you may consider it. In the meantime, I would read some books by John Rosemond or James Dobson. They both address these issues and have great methods for dealing with it. They act like it's normal.

A.,

Please take him to a good pediatrician who is familiar with treating ADD/ADHD and have him tested.

Also go to www.concerata.com for information on what ADD/ADHD is and what it isn't.

My nephew is the same way...until we started watching closely what he was eating and how he responded afterwards…we found that he needed more starch. We also noticed that when he was bored was when he was acting the worst…he is very intelligent and just needs something to keep his mind occupied. We got computer games (educational) that are a grade year older then his is currently. When he is working on the computer, he is learning and busy in a positive way. When my nephew figures out how to get something done on the game, he is proud of himself and finds that positive actions lead to positive feelings. We also spoke to his teach about the same thing. Now she has extra word puzzles or something to keep him occupied. He does not get into trouble in class any more.
Good Luck.

I have a very hyper 6 year old and the best thing I've found is to keep him busy. He loves to help around the house (dusting, vaccuming, etc). Also being outside helps a lot. Sometimes he will just run around the block 2-3 times or we will go to the park and he can burn some energy for an hour or so. He also loves animals so he burns a lot of energy on his grandparent's farm. The more he sits in front of the tv or inside the worse he is but being outside makes things a lot better at my house. Hope this helps.

I think some of this is just a boy and some might be something else. I have four children and three so far have either add or adhd. I was against medication for a long time however I finally talked to my Dr. about it and just gave it a shot. I did wait until my second child was in the 3rd grade before I started the medication and it made such a difference. Now he is 14 and still on a low dose, just enough to help him concentrate on his school work but not too much. I give him the option now to try it without the medication and he picks to take it because it helps keep him focuses and make better choices. I took him to counseling and we learned about behavior modification to go along with the medication. It has really helped alot. This child was my second and I thought I was going to have a nervous break down because of how hyper he was and he did not seem to mind(very impulsive). Now at 14 we have a wonderful relationship and he has learned to let the medication work for him and when he is not on it he tries to be aware of his surroundings. It is a tough struggle. I would suggest talking to a counselor to evaluate him and just see if they think he might be adhd. The counselor would have a wonderful insite as to how to deal with a hyper child even if you never medicate him. The only reason I tried the medication was to see if it worked on him, by then I had exhausted all other things. He now is a happy teenager who can control himself where he could not before and we let the medication be a tool to help him to learn how to control himself. Good luck with both of you children.

I am a mother with special needs and I have come across kids that are acting out like your son. I know you have a newborn at home,but see if someone in the neighborhood can become a big sister or big brother to him. Take time out to let your son know he is loved, he may not show you that he is jelous, but he is. My own sister broke my arm when I was a baby because she wanted more attention from my parents then she got. I know it may be hard, but keep putting him in timeout, he will learn that you are not playing about being disiplined and he will stop. He thinks he is playing games probly now with you so don't forget you are the parent and you are doing a great job. J.

Try this before anything else. Take him off Red Dye. anything with red dye in it makes my grandson so wild we need a steel cage. it sounds so simple but it made a difference in my grandson. He's now 6 and knows he can't have red dye. basically any juice, soda or red candy has red dye in it. but you have to check labels. Try it for 2 wks. see if it helps. I bet you see a difference within a few days. Remember you have to keep him off ALL red dye, especially 40.