Seeking Advice from Older Moms (40+)

I had #1 at 38 and #2 at 42. I am glad I have them, love being a mom, hope they will keep me young, and sometimes think I am crazy for being so old and getting into this. You are definitely not alone, but will sometimes feel that way - like when you are at birthday parties and realize you are actually closer in age to some of the grandparents than to the other parents. I think the pregnancy itself, the second time around, with more age and with a kid at home, was a bit more exhausting. However knowing what ot expect made it less stressful anyway.

I have 2 kids in their 20s and a 12 year old. I think its a wonderful idea because older women make excellent parents due to increase in patience and a better grasp of what is important in life. Of course, I am only speaking for myself but I also find that it is keeping me young. I have been ready and eager for all the stages all over again. It works even better with a helpful partner!

Hi N.,
You've gotten some good advise - especially from Janine. I too had my children "late" - the first at age 39 & the second at age 41. We have two older children from my husband's previous marriage (they were 9 & 13 when our first one came along). Though we older mothers are rarer, we are in good company. Many of my children's moms are MUCH younger than me (I could actually be THEIR mother) but it has helped keep me young and there are several of us older moms in our 50's now. It all comes down to your health and attitude. Go for it - you'll never be sorry you did, and you might regret it if you don't. Good luck and welcome to the "older mom's club"!!

Goodmorning N.
I have a nephew who married a divorces woman with a 19 years old daughter, they got married she was 43 and 45 they had 2 beautiful daughter together, the only thing she had to be more careful, she a school teacher and when the doctor told her it was time to stay home she stop teaching, the girls are healthy, so good luck to you if you get pregant and enjoy to me children are very important I come from a family of 16 and I'm the second oldess and we all close together because, I help my mother to raise 5 of them before I got married,
OOG LUCK AND MAY GOD BLESS

I was 40 when I had my last baby who is now almost 4. I am also hoping to have another even though I am 44. Everyone says that they think I am staying young because I have little ones at home. They keep me busy and active which is great. I think you should go with you feelings and if you really want a baby then go for it. It is great. I am 44 now and still hoping for another baby.

I had my 3rd child at age 39 and my mom had her 6th child at age 43. Women theses days are still having children in their 40's. I would find a good ob/gyn who specializes in women of your age having children

good luck to you

Hi N.,

My advice to you is GO FOR IT. Did you know in India women have children for as long as they have a period regardless of their age. ;-)

I'm a 51 year old woman (going on 25) and I have a healthy and very smart eleven year old daughter (who may I say made honors this year in school.) So you see I was up there in age when I had her. Doctos did tried to scare me beacuse of my age. I did not allow any testing while I was pregnant in fear I'll miscarried. So no Amnio or anything that has to do with needles to the sack. The chances of down syndrome are 0 to none in my opinion.

If you're ahealthy person (as I was and am) who works out every day (have a healthy life style). If you are phisically and mentally fit, I don't see why you couldn't have a baby at any age.

Good Luck,

L. ;-)

Two of my children were born when I was 40-plus. For me, age wasn't an issue as both of these pregnancies were happy surprises and came easily. I found myself healthier later in my life than I was in my 20's or 30's and less stressed.... but I recognize that not everyone is as fortunate as I am. Be prepared to be scrutinized more by the medical establishment. Be prepared to be more tired than the average 30 year old parent at the PTA meetings.... Be prepared that your own older relatives may start to need more help from you - just at the time when you are caring for small children. Finally, be prepared that if the love of your life has older children who will be living with you (like teenagers) that you will get NO private time whatsoever. To me, your 4 year olds make it prime to have more kids. Any further of an age split and it becomes like two separate families to care for. Just be prepared to play the cards dealt to the best of your advantage and you should be fine.... Pregnancy isn't new to you and neither is surrendering 100% of your freedom to a tiny little person who needs you. Good-luck with whatever you decide!

My mother called me her "blessing in menopause."

Congrats on getting back together with your high school sweetheart (I did the same 7 years, and one marriage later)!

I'm only 33 and trying agian, and nervous too - feeling that I'm "older". They say there is some risk over 35... However, if you know the risks and are willing to accept them, then go for it! You know yourself best.. and you know how you will react to sleepless nights after birth, since it hasn't been that long since you did it).

My MIL was in her late 40s when she had my hubby -- and she said it was hard being in her 60s and looking at retiring AND putting another child to college. She also felt that she didn't have the energy she had with her younger children and she felt guilty about it some -- but my husband thinks the world of his mom and holds great respect for her (to get a child's point of view of having an older mom).

However.... my husband was a toddler with a 50 year old Dad who couldn't play sports or ball with him well - and THAT bothered him a LOT. He overcompesates now (which isn't a bad thing really).

My mom had her youngest at 45, it's definitely doable but like another poster said it gets hard dealing with teenagers at home when you are 60+ - still my parents never regretted having my little sister and it's not like a new baby will even be that much younger than your twins. I'm 15 years older than my little sister. She loves helping out with my two little ones when she visits, and they adore her. I've heard that getting a doctor/midwife who have experience with and are supportive of pregnancies in older women makes all the difference - find one before you start trying to get pregnant if you can. Good luck!

Hi N.,

I say go for it! I had my first and only baby at 38. I'm now 44 and would welcome a second baby in an instant. I wouldn't wait too long to try though. I was fortunate to get pregnant right away for my daughter. At 40 we decided to try for our second. Ater 6 months of trying, we were referred to a fertility specialist because of my age. After tests and 6 months of fertility treatments, we were unsuccessful. There was no medical explanation as to why I couldn't conceive other than the mere fact that I was approaching 42. At 44, I still feel young and willing to raise another child. Who knows, we have not used birth control in 4 years, my Dr. says it can still happen. My daughter started kindergarten this year and I KNOW I am the oldest mom in her class, but I'm okay of that. I think having young children at an older age helps keep you young!!

Good luck!
C.

I am 42 and 6 months along with my 3rd child. My first marriage blessed me with my son who is almost 16. My second marriage is to my high school sweetheart. We've been married for 7 years and have a beautiful daughter who is going to be 6 soon. We are so excited to be having another child and I would even like to have 1 more after this! As far as age goes, here is the scoop (at least for me). I am very overweight and that along with my age caused gestational diabetes for which I have to test my blood sugar 4 times a day and give my self insulin shots 2 times a day. I hope all this will go away after the baby is born. I also had to go thru a level 2 ultra sound since the AFP screening came thru a bit off, but everything turned out fine. Because of this it has been a bit more stressful pregnancy than my others but over all, I feel better now than when I was 26 and not overweight with my son! As far as energy...I think that little ones keep you young and that age is just a number. I play with my daughter and my friends children all the time and love it...even down on the floor or at the beach in the sand. My husband is 42 and still plays like a kid (goes tubing out on the lake with the kids and everything!).The more you do with them, the more your body gets use to as I'm sure you've found w/ 4 yr old twin boys! I think you should discuss it in depth together and go for it! Be prepared to feel a bit more tired though and to get comments like "better you than me" since people sometimes see having a baby when you are older as some kind of curse or something. We reguard it as a blessing :)
Good Luck!

Hi N.,

I am a 48 year old mother of two girls 7 and 8. I will say my pregnancies were very normal. I did have amniocentesis with both, but, it was done so late in the pregnancy that the result would not have affected whether or not I proceeded with the pregnancy. You have to realize that in your 40's each year increases the risk of chromosomal abnormalities in the baby greatly (having a baby at 44 or 45 will be much more risky than having a baby at 40 or 41) Your also have to decide in advance if you will have amniocentesis or not (it will be greatly recommended) and what you will do if it turns out your baby does suffer from some chromosomal disorder such as Down's syndrome. Down's syndrome babies will require a life-time of care. What is your plan if when you become unable to care for them?

I know it sounds like I'm being pessimistic, but it's important to fully understand your choices.

As far as parenting is concerned. I LOVE it!! I can't think of anything else I'd rather be doing. My girls bring undescribable joy, fun, laughter and love to my life. I have two older children from a previous marriage who are 22 and 29 and I think I'm a far more patient and mindful parent because I am aware of how quickly time goes by and my priorities are different. However, I do feel alot older at 48 then I did at 40, and despite walking regularly and trying to eat healthy, I look it too.

I definately am one of the oldest mom's in the elementary school my children attend, (are the teachers alot younger than they used to be!?) but I think I get more respect than I used to, so there's a trade off.

If you do decided to proceed, I would not wait much longer, or you may find the decision will be made for you by decreasing fertility. You could also explore other options, (donor egg, adoption) Best Wishes

J. L.