?? RE: Article "Toddler Inappropriately Bringing up Race/ethnicty - What to Do?"

My husband is "black". He is West Indian, not African nor is he offended by being called "black" as I am not offended by being called "white". Funny that people are so touchy. My kids call their father black, me white, and each other "brown". My youngest is lighter so they used to call him "yellow", but now they call him white also. So I guess white people are still just called "white".

I think if anybody is stereotyping by color than it is a problem, but simply pointing it out is just being obvious. It more important for children or anyone to know all are equal, the same and none are better than the other. In my opinion it is like saying, "she has green eyes and I have blue eyes". I also try to make my kids see differences in people of the same race so they realize that differences and similarities are not just in color.

My two year old said, "Look mama, that baby made of CHOCOLATE!" "That baby's" parents looked at me bemusedly as I stood silent praying for the right answer to come to me. My answer? "No, baby, he's not made of chocolate but I am sure he is a sweet boy." We all had a good laugh.

I don't know the answer, but we are all people. Some people are more offended/offensive than others. Skin color is a description just as valid as eye color, height, hair color. It is impossible to know the "right" answer all the time. There are people who feel like "black" is okay...others prefer African-American...hispanic...latino...etc. etc. etc. You can't please everyone and you can't always say the right thing. We have a responsibility to not be racist or bigoted, but the receiver also has some responsibility in taking the message as it was intended.

Unless a two year old is spouting the "N" word (which they must have learned somewhere)...in my mind, there is ABSOLUTELY NO reason to be upset with a child.

My child often points out people's skin colors, hair color, sizes, bald men, if they are in a wheelchair...

I usually just say to him in front of the person, "I know, it's beautiful, isn't it wonderful that God made us all so different?" Not one person has been offended so far and sometimes even start talking to him, about their amputeed leg and telling him the story, or how he has cute blue eyes or something.

Then I pull him aside and tell him that it isn't nice to talk about a person's appearance and explain to him why and how we are all different. At home, toys and books we have feauture all different ethnicities. We have friends of different races and my son doesn't see anything different about them, just when we are out because the person is unfamiliar to him.

We were at a close friends home having dinner when their son asked why are my husband and daughter black. It was summer and they had very dark tans. My girlfriend was so embarassed, she was speachless and appologized several times. To us we just explained how God made everyone different and each person was special. Then we talked about hair and eye color, short and tall, etc. He accepted this answer.

We go the scientific route.

Race is a cultural construct... so instead we talk about genetics, melanin, & geography.

Which makes things a great deal simpler... since both Russians and Indians are Asian... and if you're looking at someone with deep brown skin they could be wholly or part african, aboriginal australian, caribbean, philippino, samoan, tongan, sri lanken, or indian. Or something entirely different. True blue black skin usually means either australian or west/ central/ south african... but they could also be 5th gen New Orleanean.

Back to your actual Q though: "White" is one of the easiest of identifiers... because it pegs people as USUALLY either descending from Northern European, or Northern Asian (Russian) Stock. But of course, that's not always true. Circassians, just for example, can be blond haired blue eyed middle easterners... and the berbers will also frequently have light skin and blue or green eyes.

So we learn the scientific reasons WHY people are different shapes and colors, and learn to describe based on appearance & geography & nationality & other affiliations. It's very useful to us, because we travel a lot, are really mixed within our OWN family (my DH is a redheaded Italian who would blend in seamlessly in Dublin, but is also 1/4 Blackfoot... and many of our relatives are "mixed") and a lot of our friends have adopted children.

We don't avoid cultural race descriptions... but they quickly become so "except for, except for, except for" that they become a bit of a pain in the tucus.

I had a similar situation a few years back with my oldest son ( http://www.mamapedia.com/questions/5683014736560521217 ). He was eating a chocolate bar, saw that it was brown, and the next time he saw an African American, he called him chocolate. It wasn't just limited to African Americans either, Hispanics, Asians... they were all chocolate. After he would say that, I would just repeat, "Yes, that person is Asian..." etc. It took about a month for him to stop saying it. I was a little worried that by correcting him, I would be highlighting people's differences too much and he would start judging them, but 4 years later he has no issues and still has friends of all races.

I tell my daughter the simple, physical fact: all people are born with a certain level of brown, or pigment, in their skin, just like hair color or eye color -- it's just a part of our body, skin's an organ like our heart or lungs. Our spirit is the only truely unique part of us, and how we treat others shows that part best:)

I was really surprised, when reading that posting, to find that people had been offended by the little girl's question. Certainly there are people out there who are overly racially sensitive (no matter what their race is), but I wonder if the mom is also imagining animosity when it isn't there because she is embarrassed. Kids ask about things that are different from their own families, and people who have kids, no matter their race, will know that.

I lived for several years in Japan, and honestly, the kids were fascinated by my eye-color (green - my hair is brown, which is common in Japan as well and not nearly so interesting as, say, a blonde). Truthfully, I don't think my skin-color is very different from an Asian's, so that particular issue never came up, but I wasn't offended by a child staring at me or asking their mother about me. My features are different, and especially once I moved out of Tokyo, many of the children had only seen people that look like me on TV. The risk of offense came entirely from the mother's answer! ^_^