Question About Child Spacing and Anxiety

I've gone through the same thinking and emotions you are sharing with us. From what I've experienced and from what I've heard from other parents, there is no magical spacing of children. There are great things about any spacing and there are uncomfortable things that we all experience no matter what. I decided to have my three children based on instinct that told me I was just not done yet. I did not want to be one of the moms who speak of their regret of not having another child and wish they had...I'd rather go through another short term in life lack of sleep and effort to change diapers than carry any regret. I'm done having children now. I am so confident and set in this decision and that is a nice place to be.

Having two is truly a gift but yes, the chaos gets a tad harder. On the other hand your son will have a life long friend and it is short lived as they are only a newborn for a short time and I can say my son grew up way too fast.
If you are not able to handle stress, chaos then I would advise to just not have another one though, because it comes with the package. Kids fight, two can be sick at the same time, both want attention at the same time at times, both need meals, baths, there is more clothing, more toys. So if you cannot handle that then just wait until maybe you can.

I can say that the first six weeks were tough when I brought my son home, I had a csection and was tired, however after that the first two years were great! They still are great! My daughter adored my her brother and we found a routine that worked. She was in preschool when he was a newborn so I got a little break. Now they are 3and 6, they do fight now and they aggrevate, yet love each other. They are best friends and then fighting enemies. They are full of love and they are so wonderful. Even on the most stressful days I cannot imagine a life without them.

You have to be ready for the chaos, stressing over the "what ifs" will only drive you more crazy. Nobody can tell you exactely how it is going to be but you can know it is different and more work but also wonderful. It is rewarding and awesome!

School work doubles, laundry doubles, grocery shopping doubles, meals get more complex, there is another personality in the house too. You are the only person that can decide and it should not be a stressful one. Pray and relax and it will happen if it is suppose to. It is a precious gift however and I hope it all works out for you!!!

I agree with Katie D my second baby was so much easier. My kids are 28 months apart and the only draw back I had was my oldest is just now getting the potty training thing so the expense of having two in diapers was a little much. I will be the first to admit after my second came along, that it was easier for me to just relax and enjoy being a mom. I have always been tightly wound and stress out easily. Now I don't stress over every little thing my oldest son does , if the house is clean or not, what we are having for dinner etc. I was so worried when I was pregnant with my second that I wouldn't be able to handle it, I thought I would never be able to go anywhere without help. I couldn't understand how people with more than one kid did it. I thought I would never get a moments rest and my whole life would just be constantly on the go. It is funny how you just fall into a pattern and everything just flows. The funny thing is I can get myself and both my kids ready, in the time it takes my husband to get ready. like I said you just fall into a pattern. Now I can't even remember what my life was like without 2 kids, nor do I want to. I actually think my kids have helped me calm down and just enjoy the simple things in life. As far as your concerns about potty training, big boy beds, sleepless nights, that stuff just works itself out. If it makes you feel any better my almost 3 year old still sleeps in my bed (who cares), I know eventually he will be in his own room.
When you are ready to add that new baby into the mix just remember the most important thing is to just enjoy your kids because it goes by so fast.

Hello, what you are feeeling is very normal, I have 7 kids ages 16,15,15,14,6,3, and 18 months, look at the age gaps, mt oldest 2 are only 11 months apart, no matter which way you go there are advantages, when they are closer all the chaos is back to back, there is no time to remember what before the baby slept through the night was like, alos it is over in a few short years, if the spacing is farther you have the obvious, more time with baby ect, but it will also lead to the opposit of what i just said. If you didn't feel the way you did I would be worried, when we decided to go for baby # 5 I was scared, I new I wanted another one but it had been 9 years since the last baby in my house (2 of the older aren't mine but they came to me very little, just not babies) I was so unsure of giving up sleeping all night, the freedom to pick up and go, ect,... what I did find is that it really wasn't that hard, and then of course he needed someone closer to his age so we had #6, and then #7 who was our surprise. Whatever you decide, there is always some adjustment with a newborn, no matter how close or far apart they are. So good luck, just about every mom out there goes through this!

Our first two are almost exactly 3 years apart. The hardest part for me with that was that we had almost a year off diapers and I didn't want to go back. Our next are going to be 23 months apart. Now the hardest thing is facing 2 in diapers. (Our second does not have the same tendencies in that area that our first did.) I love my two boys, and having them 3 years apart has been perfect for us. #3 wasn't exactly planned. It is harder for naps, since kids can outgrow them starting at age 3, but we have our older son lay down and "read" sometimes to help with that. We wouldn't change anything about our family! I do think it's easier to have two, since now they entertain each other.

I say if you are having doubts, wait. It only gets harder. However, for me, having my third child (who is the sweetest kid ever) was much harder then having the second.

I like the idea of having children close together. When my second child was born, my older one automatically became easier to deal with. He was interested in her and what she was doing from day one. As they grew, they were so near the same age that they were interested in the same things. Looking back, it was really fun. Now they are 10 and 11, they want their own time more now but they have been close forever. They are growing up together, they know the same kids at school, it's wonderful. I feel like they will always be able to identify with each other and each other's problems as the years go by because they are so close to the same age. I also have a 9 year old and 6 year old twins(twins were a HUGE suprise). When my 9 year old was born, life was tough the first year, but now I think it's all worth it. He has siblings that are not much older than him to show him the ropes etc. I think I might have gone a little crazy when my twins were born but that's a whole other story. I don't think you should worry too much about having another baby now. Of course you will be tired at first but the baby will grow and then you will have two kids making up games, playing in the sandbox, running through the sprinklers. It will be worth it.

My children are only 22 months apart. I think it was so much easier the second time. And I'll be the first to admit my first child was a very easy baby (slept well, loved everyone, very happy) but my second was not (still doesn't sleep well, wanted only me, very tempermental). But even with that, it was just easier. I was prepared for the sleepless nights and how to deal with an infant in general. I had two children in diapers for over a year, but they both potty trained within 9-months of each other. It is stressful and chaotic and I don't think there is anything you can do to make that go away, so that is something to consider. It might be easier if you wait until your son is older when he can really understand how much time and attention a baby needs. Or you can decide to jump into head first knowing that it will be hard to have two but that you will make it through. My kids are great friends now and I wouldn't give up the chaos and stress for a nice, quiet only child.

Good luck with your decision. I'm sure you're make the best choice for you and your family.

I won't lie to you--it is hard having two. I got pregnant with my son when my daughter was about your son's age, so if you get pregnant soon, the advice I am giving will be helpful, because the spacing would be similar. The first three months are hard no matter if it's your first or second child. But its harder with the second, because you have to keep up with the first as well. I was unlucky in the fact that my daughter stopped napping right around the time my son was born, so I never got them both to sleep at the same time during the day--therefore, no "free" time. That was one of my biggest problems! I never got to take a nap, or get anything done. There were days I didn't get to shower until my husband came home from work! Nursing was also hard, because I would be stuck sitting somewhere and my then two year old would sneak off and get into mischief because she knew I was unable to see her and stop her ...THAT SAID, I LOVE HAVING TWO KIDS THIS CLOSE IN AGE! It has gotten easier as my son has gotten older. I would say by the time my son was about 4 or 5 months, I had a good routine down, and my son was old enough that he wasn't attached to me all the time, I was able to devote more time to my daughter, and we were able to relax a little (and sleep!). Now that my son is 18 months old and my daughter is almost 4, they play really well together. My daughter is a GREAT big sister, and really loves her brother, and helps look out for him. The older they get, the more fun it is. I hope they continue to be good playmates and friends.

It sounds like you are getting very stressed about making this choice. It is a huge decision, and will change everyone's life; but if you really want another baby, you can make it work. However, if you aren't really sure if now is the right time, then hold off for a while. Make sure you can handle it, because it is a lot of work. But worth it! Maybe you might want to wait until your son is older and more self sufficient? My sister had her kids about 4 years apart and had a much easier time than I did! Good luck with whatever you choose to do!

Becca,
I was in your shoes 5 years ago. I have a daughter who is 5.5 now and just had my second and I LOVE The space. She had her time with us and is a well adjusted kindergardener. She loves her new brother and can help me out with him. Dont get me wrong there are some adjustment pains but at least she is at the age where she can talk to me about them and not just act out. I am 5 years apart from my sisters as well and we love it. It allowed all of us to have our own identity, not compete in school or sprots, and we are best firends now.

I also can not imagine trying to take care of a toddler and an infant- I would go crazy and probably not be a good mom.

I would highly recommend at least 3.5 years if not longer b/t kids for you and your child!

S.