Moms When Did You Know When You Were Ready to Extend the Family?

WAIT!!!! I really thought that I was prepared for it...I had a great schedule with my toddler, but it is really hard to find the time to entertain both! My oldest son gets very jealous. When I feed the baby, he is hungry too. When I change the babies diapers, he needs to go potty too. My advice would be to enjoy the child you have for another year or two. The time goes by so quickly and I know that some days I feel slightly crazy now!!!

When you think you are ready to go through the pregnancy and child birth and bottles, I think you are ready. In my opinion 3 years aprt is pretty good my girls are 3 years apart and my middle and youngest are2 years and 5 months a part, of course the two oldest get along better than the two youngest. I would like to know a little more about what you do for a living though. I have enquired about so many stay at home jobs and they all turn out to be ridiculous and they all say, "this is not a scam" But it just turns out as, I wasted my time. Can you talk to me a little about it without me having to give out all my info. I think we can send messages to each other through this website.

There isn't really a right or wrong, no matter what happens or what you decide, you'll "go with it" and raise your family the best way you can no matter your circumstances! There is no perfect time or perfect spacing - everyone's families work differently. If you think you're ready, then go ahead. If you think you're not, then wait. Lets say you decide to conceive right now and in 9 months time you have a newborn and an almost 2 year old -- then you will raise your family and learn to work with both of their schedules. I know several moms who have kids 9 months apart (not planned) and they just went with it :)

I don't know if you always *know* you're ready to have another child, we all have these thoughts and ideas about life which all get thrown out the window when life actually hits, lol.

We have 4, they are 10, 8, 5, and 2. So #1 and #2 are 2 yrs and 3 months apart, #2 and #3 are 3 yrs and 3 months apart, and #3 and #4 are 3 yrs and 6 months apart. I did not plan the birth of #2 and remember feeling very guilty during my pregnancy. I felt like I was taking attention away from my oldest child and how could I love another child as much as I loved her. I really worried that it wasn't the right time. After my son was born, everything just fell into place. My oldest just LOVED the baby (in fact, she kept saying it was HER baby, lol) and she was very helpful and attentive with him. They were VERY, VERY close for many, many years! They were the best of friends!

We planned #3, but had to wait a bit b/c I was having feminine issues and wasn't *allowed* to conceive. When I was given the ok, we were pregnant in 2 months. In some ways it was nice to have the other ones a *bit* older to *help* with the baby and to be a bit indepedent on their own -- BUT now that they are 8 and 5, I really wish I had had them closer together. We waited a bit b/4 trying for #4 b/c we let our financial worries consume us and waited for the *right* time. So 3 and 4 are actually a little farther apart than I would like.

In my opinion, and this is just me. I would have liked to have had my kids closer together. The first two are spaced closer to how I would have liked. Not that that neccessarily means anything -- our family is the way it is and we function just fine, lol, but I would have like my boys to have more in common at their respective ages (the 8 yr old feels so much OLDER than the 5 and 2 year old of course). But they all love each other and are flexible with each others playing choices.

If I had them closer together, I think it would be easier to make the transition to "big kid" activties. Like the older 2 like to go to the skate park, it's a bit of a pain chasing the 2 year old around there, but we do it. Going to the pool would be a bit easier if the 2 yr old wasn't so hyper, lol. We have just recently been able to take all the kids to movies, but sometimes the 10 and 8 yr old get bored watching movies like Ice Age, etc but the younger 2 aren't quite ready for movies at the theater that aren't animated. The 2 and 5 yr old get bored at the bowling alley while their 10 yr old sister bowls in league, but the 10 and 8 year old don't mind watching their younger siblings (at the bowling alley) when dh and I have our league night. The younger 2 like story time at the library - but the older 2 get bored.

Anyhow -- like I said, I would have liked to have had all mine closer together so our transitions throught the different stages of their growing up would have been easier, BUT no matter what, they all love each other very much and are great friends with a vested interest in each others lives.

You can get advice from a million different stories and hear everyone's opinions, but no matter what, everyone's life/story/lifestyle is different and what works for some, doesn't work for others.

Just go with your heart and do whatever you think is best. No matter what you decide you will work with "what you've got" :)

Best wishes and God Bless!

--S. (Homeschooling mommy to 4 Little Texans - Mia 10, Vincent 8, Anthony 5 and Giovanni Leon 2)

M.,

I have three children. My vote is farther apart. My first child and my second are right at 3 yrs apart. My second child and my third child are exactly 2 yrs apart. Take the time to enjoy your little one while she is little. They grow up so fast. Then when you decide that it is time to have another you will be able to be there for that child. I feel like I missed out on so much of Lily's (my 2nd child) first's because I had to be focused on the newborn in the house. I had a girlfriend that spaced hers out between 4 and 5 yrs. She will tell you that is the wrong thing to do.

I hope that this helps you out. In your gut you will know what is right for you and your family.
Dene'

I can't speak to when I was personally ready to have another, because I am in the same boat as you! I too have a 14 month old who is our true joy. I am torn between 2 sides: 1 is wanting my kids to be close in age so that they get along and have some similar things in common. The other side of me thinks about how stressful it was on our marriage to have a baby and I remember the c-section and recovery and sleepless nights, and the little help I received. Right now I am thinking about planning to have them 2 1/2 years to 3 years apart, which seems to be a good spread, based on what I've heard from other moms. My hang up with that, though, is that what if we want to have a 3rd? I just am looking forward to the days when we can go on family trips and outings and the kids can enjoy similar activities. I guess I should just enjoy my day-to-day with my toddler, though! It's so confusing at times, but I believe that in my heart, I will know deep down if I am ready and that God will provide. I've learned NOT to do something if my instincts tell me it's not quite right.

My take is a little different than the people who have replied so far. I just feel like if you are even asking this question, it's because deep down you'd rather wait a little longer and enjoy your 14 month old. I'm not saying if you got pregnant, you wouldn't do a great job, but since you are trying to plan, I sense you would rather wait a bit. Nothing wrong with that.

As for other people's experiences, I have heard a lot of people say that it's easier to have a second baby once the older child hits about 2 and a half. I definitely have some friends who had some really tough times in the beginning with two really close. Again, not to say it can't be done.

Our children (14 y.o. son and 12 y.o. daughter now) are 2 1/2 years apart. I can only speak from our experience, but it was absolutely perfect. Though BOTH of our children were "suprises" (not unplanned :]), I wouldn't have it any other way. We never had any jealousy issues, and they have always been super close...even now! I do have to admit it was tough in the beginning with diapers/day care, but again, I wouldn't change it for the world.

I would suggest you to see if you and your family are ready, but at the same time, there is always enough to go around.

My daughter is 4 years older than her brother. And he (our middle child) is 25 months older than my youngest. Having two far apart and two close together, I'd have to definitely vote for far apart. You get to really concentrate on each child that way. Our daughter was in such a different age developmentally that she was able to really enjoy her new baby brother She was interested in changing diapers, baths, feeding and just playing with him. I thought it was wonderful.

Honestly, I felt beat down having two little ones in diapers and constantly needing to "help". That is just my personality though. I know some people love it. It is easier now that we have just one in diapers.

I think you need to really do some soul searching and be honest with yourself about what YOU can tolerate. How much mess, noise, chaos, lack of sleep can you handle and still be happy? No right answer to that question..just one you should consider.

Good Luck!!!

R.
SAHM of 3 ages 8,4,2

We both knew we were ready for a second child. I have a 3.5 year old and a 15 month old. I will tell you that it was difficult for me having them so close (potty training right after my second was born, going through some of the 2-year-old issues with a newborn in the house, etc.). I have seen some of my friends wait 3-4 years between the first and second and it seems MUCH easier. I am an only child a never really thought it was necessary to have more than one. However, I now look at my two boys playing together and hugging each other and I am so happy they have each other. I now see siblings as a gift. Good luck in your decision making!

We want our children close in age and a large family. They are about 22 months apart. It was hard to adjust when I had our second child mainly because I could not just sleep when the newborn slept.

M.,

My girls are 2years and 9 mos apart. They are 10 and 8 now, but I would say the hardest part for me personally was potty training my then 2 yr old while I was pregnant! Running to the bathroom when I was at one end of the mall was no picnic :) I would say it was worth it though. I did not want 2 in diapers (for sanity as well as money reasons). It is really nice having them 2 grades apart in school. They can both have friends over and sometimes they all play together. It is a personal choice, but I know I wouldn't have wanted them any closer together. I enjoyed the time I had with my oldest before her sister came along. Enjoy your sweet girl now because you will blink and she will be 10!!!!! Good luck with whatever you decide...trust your instincts.

The "experts" recommend having your children either less than 18 months apart or more than 3 years apart. I am currently due with my second daughter in August. My first daughter turned four on June 30th. I would have preferred to have them a little closer together. My oldest daughter is very social and would have loved to have a sibling to play with. However, this will work out well because my husband works from home and will only have to try to manage two kids for about a year before the older one starts school. You just need to figure out what works best for your family. It sounds like you have a flexible schedule right now, so you could probably handle another baby. You never know what your schedule will be in a couple of years. Good luck!

Almost every one I know has children 18 months apart. It just happened and was not planned. My neighbor was so happy to be pg and I was relieved it was not me then two months later I was pg with our second one. G. W

Hi M.,

I don't think there's a right or wrong answer. It's different for each family.

My boys are 18 months apart. I've always wanted them close in age, and I love it.

Good luck with your decision!
C.

My boys are only 17 months apart. My oldest was 9 months old when I found out I was 6 weeks pregnant. I love how close they are and their bond is great and they are only 1 and 2! It is hard at first having 2 children so young but it has been a blessing.

I would suggest having them close in age but that's how I've always hoped to have my children.

I think you'll know when you are ready to add to the family.

L.

I knew I was ready when the test came up positive, and instead of panic, I was excited. Obviously there are always little worries, but we're gonna have fun with it!I'm due in November, and mine will be 17 months apart.

Well, I have many friends who are pregnant with #2 (as well as myself), and we are all due when #1 is between 2 and 2 1/2. They are all super excited and no one seems to be questioning the wisdom of "two in diapers." I can't speak for anyone else, but a major factor in my personal decision was that I turn 35 this year. Don't get me wrong, I don't think past that is too old or that people shouldn't have children at an older age. It's just that I personally prefer not to take all the risks that come with being slightly older, and I want to be young enough to enjoy them and keep up with them throughout high school. My nephews are exactly 3 years apart and they get along very well. I also have a dear friend who has 16 month and a 2 month old (you'd think they're nuts...) and they say the adjuctment isn't so bad and they are very happy. It's all a personal decision.

we weren't ready when we tried to get pregnant at 13 months postpardum, but we agreed we wanted our kids close in age. The 1 st yr was a bit tough, but now we are SO glad we did!!