Moms with More than 1 Child

I don't believe that close spacing leads to better friendships between siblings - actually, it prob. increases competition - especiall for #2 who tries but is never quite as fast or smart. When there's more space between them, they get a chance to develope their individuality. All the info about one out of diapers/crib etc. before the next helps as well.
Don't start too soon based on the worry that it won't happen right away. The more space the better.
Good luck.

It all depends on the family. I have three boys...Dec 2001, Sept 2005 and Nov 2007. The boys that are 4 years aprt fight like crazy and the boys that are two years aprt are like best friends, but there is always one of them getting into something. And when I was going through the morning sickeness with #3, I was being challenged by #2 who was entering the terrible two stage. I am still paying for not having the energy to punish him then. Maybe in 5 years, the two older will be better friends and the two younger will be at each other's throats...who knows? But I've heard opposite things from other people. So like I said before-it all depends on the family.

Hi A.! My kids are 3.5 years apart and I wouldn't have it any other way! My son and daughter are best friends. My daughter is 2 and HIGH energy but my son is forever patient with her and they have gotten along from day one.
My sister and I are 11 years apart and we are SO close. You will know what is best for your family! There is no wrong answer! :)

Hi A.! I just wanted to point out (though I'm sure you know this) that "planning" doesn't always work that way. We wanted to have our kids be about 2 years apart and so when my daughter turned one we started trying. Over a year later and everything from acupuncture to 3 unsuccessful IUI's (intrauterine inseminations) we decided to call it quits. All of our tests came back 100% normal or above normal so we were simply diagnosed with "unexplained secondary infertility". Now we're just going with the flow and if its happens, then great. If not - we've accepted that too.

Not to say that you would experience such a long road - most mom's don't! But just don't put too much stock into "planning" your timing. :)

My girls are just over 4 years apart b/c it took longer for us to conceive #2 than we had hoped. BUT, it actually has been a blessing in disguise! The 5 year old still absolutely adores her "baby" sister (who will be one in Sept.) If we (husband and I) were younger (we are 38 and 35), I would wait longer for #3, but IF we have a #3, we will start "soon" b/c husband doesn't want to be a new dad at 40. Nothing like pressure on me, eh?! Anyway, I would wait until at least 15 to 18 months to start for #2; longer may be better than you think!

I have three boys(8 1/2, 51/2, and 2 1/2) We would wait until the youngest turns two to try and get pregnant, then by the time the baby was born the youngest would be three or a little older. I like three years between them. The older children can have their own things to do and not feel like the baby is interfering (too much) Also an added bonus has been them enrolled with scouts as each new child is added to the rooster the older child is moving into a new uniform and the new scout gets the same one that was out grown. I don't have to spend $70 each time just once because everything is shared.

Good luck, I hope I helped a little.

My mom ALWAYS says to never have more than one child in diapers at once (unless u have multiples). My daughter is 9 and my son is 3 and we just currently are trying for our third. We started right around his 3rd birthday a few months ago.

My brother and I are exactly (only 9 days off) 2 years apart - and growing up, it was perfect. We were close enough that we could play, but still far enough apart that we didn't fight as much and teachers had time to recover from me before getting my brother (hence they didn't expect him to be *exactly* like me). :) I wouldn't have children closer than 2 years apart if I could help it - too much sibling rivalry!

I think three years is the perfect spacing between children. It works particularly well if you end up having children of the same sex. My sister and I are three years apart, and have always been close. When we were little, we were close enough in age that we could play together, but just far apart that we weren't interested in all the same things at the same time.

My husband and his brother are less than two years apart, and they have never been close. His younger brother has always been competitive with him, and had a real chip on his shoulder about his older brother. They were on the same athletic team in high school, and that really didn't help.

Our sons are three years apart, and they get along wonderfully. The older one looked forward to the baby's birth, and has loved and enjoyed him ever since (they are going into seventh and fourth grade this fall). They are far enough apart that the younger one doesn't judge himself by his smart, athletic brother's standard, but close enough that they can have lots of fun together.

Then there is the mommy factor. Having two kids close together is incredibly difficult. Having a baby and a three year old isn't quite as hard.

It will be interesting to hear what you decide.

I have two children and am almost 24 weeks pregnant with baby #3. I am #4 of 4 children in my own family. I love big families but this is my last! My first two children are 5 years apart and the 2nd two are roughly 4 1/2 years apart. I didn't want them to be this far apart but life and medical issues got in the way.

I like that they are this far apart because it is easier to handle them individually. The older children are able to entertain themselves and are able to understand a little better about a newborn's needs.

The downside is they don't have as much in common and I think there is more sibling rivalary. My oldest gets annoyed with her younger brother and it can be overwhelming for me and my husband. I vote for two - three years apart but not more than that. I have friends where there is around eight years difference between their children. They like it. Good luck in your planning. There is always the idea of just letting nature just takes it course.

Too be honest I don't think there is a perfect spacing. There are pros and cons to both. I do think the most important thing is having a sibling. I think there is an important role and lessons to learn that come from having a sibling that no other person can fill. The fact is if you want another child regardless of when that child arrives you just find a way of making it work. And maternal age plays a key factor if you are waiting too long. I didn't start having kids until 35. It is hard because I don't have as much energy as a 25 year old but what I lack in energy I make up for in wisdom. Good luck, I hope that is a little food for thought. Just do what feel right. You will know.

18 months was my favorite spacing. Old enough to be doing some things independantly, but young enough to still be needing mom and dad and oblivious to the change for the most part.

I haven't read all the posts but I am sure there are many opinions. My two are 21 months apart and are best friends. They play together very well and like the same toys, videos, etc. It is nice to have them so close in age because when we go to an amusement park they are going on most of the same rides too.

We had our children about 2½ years apart. I would say when you child can do things more independently. You are not going to have the same amount of time to do things for the first child. It was nice to be able to say can you go and get your shoes and bring them here while you were feeding the baby or something to that nature. Of course it is all up to what you think you want and can handle, that is just what I noticed was nice.

I don't think there is every a "perfect" time. My children are 3.5 years apart and 4 school years. It's great now because I'll only have one in college at a time! Something to consider.

But growing up they were the best of friends - one was a detailed person and the other big picture. They rarely fought and still now are good friends. My daughter is 20 and in New Zealand for 5 months and my son who is 16 is always asking about her and wants to know how she is doing. He's glad when we skype her so he can see her and say hi.

We didn't plan to have them that spread out but that's how it worked out and we love it!!

Good luck,

Hi, not sure if there is a right age to have another child. Mine are 7 years apart and my sister's are 4 years. My sister's hate each other while my two girls get along. Have another one when YOU are ready for it. Two kids is a lot of work not matter what the age difference is. Good Luck!

Sometimes planning the spacing doesn't work out the way you want. My first was a surprise so I never thought I'd have fertility issues, but when DD1 was 15 months and we started trying for a 2 yr age gap, month after month went and no luck. I ended up needing fertility help from my dr. to get pg w/ #2, and the space ended up being almost 3 yrs. I LOVED the space, DD1 was potty trained, more independent, and had almost 3 full years of time as an only child. Also my girls play great together, I don't notice the 3 yr gap as much now that they're both a little older.
Even though we loved the age gap, we decided to TTC#3 when DD2 was 15 months, again trying for a 2 yr gap. This time we got pg on the first try and DS was born almost exactly 2 yrs after DD2. There are some good things w/ the closer gap, first is they are closer in age and will be only 2 yrs apart in school. Also, the early years may be busy but I can already see now that my younger 2 are 1.5 and 3.5 that things get easier, and watching them play together is so much fun.:)
I'd say anywhere from 2-3.5 yrs apart is ideal, but I'm sure you'll get a range of responses based on people's experiences. I have a friend that has 3 under age 4 and she's very frazzled and tired all the time, but in a few years things will be easier for them. My DH and his brother are 5 yrs apart and my MIL swears by that age gap.
GL w/ your decision!

My children are 16 months apart Not planned but I would not change it . I love that they are close and can be friends . We have a boy and girl . Yes it was hard for the first year or so but now it is nice they have each other to play with and fight with . I myself like them close I grew up with my sisters being 9 and 8 years older then me my brother 10 and I did not know them at all . I have one brother who is 2 1/2 years older and we are still not that close but closer then the others with me . I guess every one is different you need to do what feels right for you and your husband .

I have 3 kids that are between 2-3yrs apart and I like it that way. The advantage to having them closer together than that is they usually nap @ the same time and they usually get out of diapers and car seats @ about the same time. But it depends on if u want that kind of chaos too. Lol

A.,

I had my first two 21 months apart and I am glad I didn't wait any longer. If you can bring baby into the mix before the terrible two's start, all the better. It's h*** o* the first one to go from an only child to sharing mom with a baby and the longer you wait, the harder the transition is. I was the oldest with one sister who was 6 years younger than me. My parents plan was that it would be easier not to have two little ones at once and to pay for college one at a time, but my sister and I had nothing in common and didn't get along until I left for college and my sister didn't go to college at all; so much for plans.

The first few months are hard. I spent a lot of time nursing and reading stories to my toddler at the same time. I had two in diapers for a few months. But the payoffs are huge. They have the same interests, play together well, and take gymnastics and swimming lessons together. I have a total of 4 children, ages 2,4,6 and 8. Now it is really enjoyable and we do lots of fun activities together over the summer that everyone can enjoy. My children are so closely bonded, it was worth every crazy moment.

Best wishes,
S.

My two oldest are 17 months apart. My oldest never really got much of a chance to be the "only child" but he and his sister were very close when they were young. He use to watch out for her at school and when she came home and said she didn't play with anyone during recess, he said "yes you did" and named off all the people she played with. She just gave us a grin with that. My youngest is 5 and half years younger then his big brother and 4 years younger then his sister. His sister took him under her wing and mothered him big time (spoiling him rotten) He and the oldest didn't have much in common and didn't spend a lot of time playing together while they were young. The older also played the big brother to the hilt, getting him to scream any chance he could get. So that is to far apart while they are growing up. Now that they are all adults in the 20's the boys are best friends and spend a lot of time together. My daughter and oldest son get along good but don't spend much time together. The youngest son's wife and my daughter are good friends so they spend lots of time together and my daughter is the best aunt to her brother's little girl. My oldest and his wife are expecting the first of the year so I am sure "Auntie" will be showing up much more in his life also.

Guess what I am saying, 2 or 3 years and even 4 years seems to be good. I think it has much more to do with making sure you don't have jealousies and don't play favorites on how well they get along then how many years they are apart. My kids always knew each were special. I would say "who is my favorite 2 year old? Who is my favorite 6 year old? Who is my favorite 7 year old?" and I also kept journals on each of them so we would read about how silly they were when they were small. This kind of stuff kept them feeling special and not worried about favoritism. I never had to go through the physical fights that a lot of siblings get into. They would argue and work it out.

My children are all 2 years apart. It's a little crazy when they're little, but as they get older it gets a little easier. They are the best of friends and I'm very happy about that. Otherwise, my brother & I were 4 years apart. It was a pretty good age gap...we weren't the best of friends for a while, but now as adults we're close again.

I didn't read what other said, but here is my experience:

My first and second are 8 YEARS apart. My second and third are 19 MONTHS apart (I am pregnant with my 4th and these last two will be 21 months apart). My daughter (#1) is a blessing to us. She is a wonderful help. My two sons (#2 & #3) are great friends, even though they are still very young (3 and 19 months). It is very challenging to have them so young together, but it does make a great bond. It makes it difficult for my daughter because we aren't able to just get up and go like we were able to for the first 8 years of her life, so I sometimes wonder if it is "fair" to her. Most don't wait so long between babies, though.