Putting My 18 Month Old to Bed Without Crying

What I did with my son was to create a bedtime routine. He has his bath, then we sit together with his comfort things, (in his case his blankie, a sippy of water, and a stuffed animal) and we read a couple stories, and/or sing a couple songs. Then he gives us night-night kisses and it's time for bed. By that time he knows that it's time to go to sleep. At first he had a little trouble getting into the habit, but now, he likes his routine and it seems to comfort him. The routine gives him time to get used to the idea that it's time to sleep. You don't have to do what we do, but I would recommend some routine. Children are more comfortable if they know what to expect. I hope this helps.
T. F.

Please don't feel guilty for nurturing your little boy. I learned with my now 3 year old girl that making your child secure at bedtime leads to good sleeping habits later. I rocked my little girl to sleep and at naps until past age two. Now she puts herself to sleep by reading by flashlight in her big girl bed. She doesn't need me in the room anymore. There's a lot of pressure from other parents to make our children independent. But honestly, why are we in such a hurry to make them grow up faster than they will naturally? I wish you the best as you follow your God given maternal instincts to comfort your child. R., Certified Nurse Midwife, SAHM of newborn boy and 3 year old girl.

I totally agree... the no cry sleep solution by elizabeth pantly is an awesome resource. I will include some other links for you to check out. Additionally, you might want to read The Sleep Book by Dr. Sears. Honestly, though, if you enjoy rocking your son, why not just do it? He won't want you to a whole lot longer. I say enjoy your time with him.

http://www.llli.org/NB/NBSepOct05p204a.html
http://cryitoutrecovery.org/TheFamilySuffers.html
http://www.sleepnet.com/infant3/messages/534.html
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/7/T070100.asp

I totally agree with Suzanne! Go buy the "No Cry Sleep Solution"! There is one version for infants and one for older kids/toddlers!
The author is great! She doesn't believe in the cry it out method and supports those of us who don't either!
Even if you choose not to use her methods word for word, reading the book is very supportive and caring.
Good luck and I hope this helps!

My oldest (now 5) was 18 months old when we started getting her to fall asleep on her own. What I did was to lay her in her crib and sit in a chair next to her crib until she fell asleep. The next night the chair was closer to the door and I left just before she fell asleep. The next night, next to the door and left a little earlier. After about a week, I was able to lay her down in the crib and walk out. If she happened to start crying, I would go in, talk to her and stroke her head for a couple of minutes until she calmed down and left. Only had to do that twice.

I think this worked well because she was a laid back baby. This didn't work with child #2 and I don't anticipate it working with #3. #2 and #3 are both very active, have different personalities and want/demand more attention.

I personally never had the experience. I never rocked or sang them to sleep....they were put in their crib or bed and that was it. Of course it was after a bath, story and often cuddle time with mom and dad but nothing more. The routine was kept short. If they fussed for any reason, I would check on them, reassure them all was ok and I was not far away and then would quickly leave. We rarely had a problem with getting our kids to bed (now ages 21 and 12).

However, over the years I have read that you just need to be persistent. I think 6 nights isn't enough time. Keep at it...your child won't be scarred for life if you do. You're right, he needs to do this on his own and the sooner the better for all.

Try using a reward. Offer him something he really would love to have but tell him he has to "earn" it by going to bed on his own. Make him do this for at least a couple of weeks before he is rewarded. By then he should be used to the idea of going to bed on his own, he's earned a special toy (or whatever) and he's also learned that some things are worth working for.

So, my advice...stick with it....it may take a week or two (maybe even a bit longer) but if you can hold out I think you will see results.

Good luck!

one thing I did for my daughter @ 2yrs is lay her down in bed & tell her mommy is going to sit next to you but you need to lay down & go to sleep then I would sit next to her in her bed & pat/rub her back until she fell asleep. I did this for a week then I just sat next to her not touching her for a week. Then the following week I would sit with her for a couple of minutes tell her I will be right back I have to check on something. I would stay gone for just a few minutes then return so she new I was coming back. Each day i stretched the time longer that I was gone. Eventually she got tired of waiting and started to fall asleep on her own. Hope this works it did for me. Every once in a while I have to sit w/ her again but I just sit there & don't touch her. This has worked for about a month now. Good Luck!!

Hi K.,
We used to rock our son to sleep until he was six months and not only did he get too big but it took hours to get him down. We let him cry it out. Luckily it only took a few nights but I think the longer you do something, the harder it is to break to habit. They say breaking habits such as this can take up to two weeks. I would keep trying. Keep in mind, you are doing something good for your son...giving him the gift of sleep and the ability to do it on his own. Good luck.

I also agree. The "No Cry Sleep Solution" is what you are looking for.

My husband and I had the same problem with our son. We referred to Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Marc Weissbluth and Happiest Baby on the Block or Happiest Toddler on the Block (I can't remember which one), and these helped. It might be worth checking them out at the library or book store. There were several helpful suggestions and we picked what we thought would work best for us. What we wound up doing was putting our son to bed after a solid routine we established (bath, bottle, book, bed). We put him to bed awake, but calm/groggy. Then we employed the 5/10/15 minute rule. If he cried/screamed we would go back to his room, not picking him up or touching him, but saying the same calm reassuring words every time. We waited 5 minutes to go in, then 10, then every 15 minutes til he fell asleep. It was very hard the first couple of nights, but finally we had success and sleep for all--hooray! Good luck!!

Read no cry sleep solution. It is a great book. I just got done finishing reading it for my newborn. For my oldest son we had to get him out of our bed at 15 months because I was so pregnant and he was starting to kick me at night. So, he would go to sleep luckily on hiw own but, around the same time every night he would get up. It took about 3 good nights of working together to get him down but, eventually he realized that he was staying in his bed. You have to be consistent. You will be so tired the next few days but, it pays off. I do not do the crying out method or letting your baby hit their head on the wall. NO WAY!!! So, what I did was a little bit like the crying out method but, I stayed with him for the most part. I would lay him down and walk out wait 2-3 mins then go back in there and not say anything but, pait his pillow and also bend down to the level of his pillow and stick my arm through the rail patting. He would get mad but, would eventually lay down then I would rub his back to get him to relax and stop crying and then walk out...wait 2-3 mins and do it again. If he got hysterical he would come out of his crib me not speak to him and I would rock for a bit. Then lay him back down he would get mad so I would pat his pillow. It took a good 2 hours and then he finally fell asleep. The next night it took only doing it once and then he was done and the next night once again and then after that pretty good. I have noticed even now (he is 21 months old) if we let him in bed with us at night and sleep the next night he will wake wanting to come to our bed. It is much easier to get him to realize he has to stay there. I also wouldnt always be silent with him. I would reassure him and let him know that I loved him and he was a big boy and had to sleep in here etc.... Good Luck! Play it by ear. I think the no cry sleep solution would help though. We also have the same bedtime routine every night. Bath the same story every night and then bed.

K., I understnad your situation. My son is 15 months old adn was breast feed till he weened him self at 13 months. But I still contiunued to bottle and rock till he went to sleep. We have just transitionto going to bed on his own. Like you crying it did not work he would cry till he made him self sick. So we stoped and went back to the rocking. When we started again I woud rock till he was just bearly asleep then take him and put him down in his crib adn stay with him. We use the same music every time adn also a light on the ceiling mobile (Fisher price ocean wonders). I stayed in the room with him till he fell asleep the first week. Then I stood out side the door way, then just left the door open and now can close the door after I put him down. Over the last month or so he has lerned that mom is still here and comes when he calls (always go in if he calls fr me but don't always pick him up) but that it is ok to be in the bed by him self. It has be non tramatic and has worked like a charm. Patiance is the key this is not a overnight skill for babies to learn but your son will do great. Good luck.

I have a daughter who is my strong-willed child. When she was young, she refused to sleep. She never napped in the daytime and we knew she was exhausted, but she had stamina! We finally found a plan. We would watch the clock and let her scream (and bang her head even!) for 5 min. Then we would go in and lay her down very softly saying, "Go to sleep, Sweetie." We did not pick her up or turn on any lights, etc. Just very quietly laid her down and told her we would be in our room. Then 10 min. and the same routine. Then 15 min. and the same boring, monotonous routine. Then 20 min., etc. This way, she knew we were not abandoning her but all she would get was the same monotonous, quiet, boring words. Exactly the same each time. It only took a few nights. She learned that she was only calling us in to physically lay her down and say the exact same words each time. She finally got tired of it. During the 15 min. segment, it was hard not to go in sooner, but my husband held me back. We had seen this on 60 minutes or something like that and it worked. Good luck. Let me know if you have any questions.

Hi K.,
I want to second Rachel C's advice. My boy's only one (today!), but I think I'll probably be in the same position as you in six month's time. It is incredible how many parents (and even more non-parents who are so-called "experts") tell us that if we help our kids to sleep when they are very little, they'll still need us when they're teenagers! And yet there are hundreds of thousands of examples to refute this all over the world. If my son is still having difficulty sleeping when he's able to talk and understand other's needs (about three), then I'll try to teach him to go to sleep on his own. But I'm pretty sure he'll learn all by himself, just as he's learned to crawl and will learn to walk! The hitting and biting your husband is not good, though. Don't know what to do about that!
Good luck, supermum!

my daughter hates going to bed and can stay awake for exceptionally long periods. eventually i got tired of the nightly fight. i used a combination of the methods from the other mom's. it is a very complete list except i wanted to mention that my moving farther away every night took longer and we had some setback nights. the bedtime routine was very important but eventually she got to the point where she is more flexible. also when she is sick or there is major transition i just let her sleep with me.

Have you tried having story time, saying goodnight, give hugs and kisses and lay him down then rub his back a little bit and play some classical music and walk out. Let him cry a little bit and then go back say very gently it's time for night nights, rub his back some more and leave again. It's a tough job to learn how to self-soothe. I don't know how i lucked out, but i have had a set bedtime routine with my 2yr old son and he gets his blankies and his blue's clues dolls and goes right to bed!!! good luck!!

K.,
My kids both used to cry themselves to sleep until I started a bedtime routine. Now my daughter recites the routine to us while we do it...just to make sure we don't miss anything. We start the routine about 20 minutes before putting the kids down. The diapers get changed and pajamas go on. We read a story or sing a couple of songs. Then it's off to the bedroom where we pray, do 2 sandwich kisses (my husband and I each kiss a cheek at the same time), then tuck in time. My husband does it the same way each night...place the stuffed animals in the same place, sheet up, comforter up, blankie in place, and now we have a quiet CD playing as well. Say sweet dreams, a kiss on the forehead, and Love you...Good night!

It also helped to give them both a blanket to cuddle with while they fall asleep; sometimes parents will use stuffed animals, but we found that blankets are easier to wash if something gets on them. The stuffed animals we use can be substituted or left out, if necessary, without much trauma; but the blanket must always be there at bed time.