Potty Training Take II

J.,

Many kids start the potty tringing thing early and then go back. She is not quite 2 yet. I would not worry so much as if she was getting ready to turn 3. My son started to use the potty at 18 mos and then stopped, he did not go back to using it until he was 2 1/2, he is now almost 3 and in underwear durring the day, but still wears pull ups at night. His teachers have told me that is very normal for a child. Don't get upset, it will come in time. I know this is not much advise, but I hope it helps you through the hard times

I agree with pretty much everyone else i think you are expecting something that she really isnt ready for. I thought my 2 yr old was ready also. And i was also expecting my second soon Ended up she wasnt ready and torturing both of us wasnt worth it. Wait awhile you and her will both feel better about it in a few more months. Big girl bed is easier i waited until new baby was out of the bassinet bought my oldest a nice toddler bed with dora sheets she did awesome. Good luck :)

Hello J., I know you have a lot of responses - I haven't read through them all, but I was in your position totally a few months ago. I was told that girls are easier (I have a 7 year old boy that didn't potty train until he was just over 3) and that it could be done at 18 months. I tried introducing it to her and she loved it and did great. I took her to the store and let her pick out "big girl panties" and then she wouldn't do it. It got to the point that she wouldn't go at all - she would sit on the potty but not do anything until she had a diaper on for nap. I got so frustrated because she went potty a couple of times, so I knew she knew what to do, but she wouldn't do it all the time. Anyway, I ended up putting her back in diapers and telling her that she couldn't wear the panties until she could be a big girl and use the potty, then let her come to me. We went through the process a couple of times and I always ended up frustrated. Then, in the last month (she is now 27 months) she decided she wanted to and I haven't had one accident - she just had to make up her mind. She is even not going while she is sleeping. I hope this helps - our advice is not to push it, she will let you know when she is ready!

Please don't dog your baby...she is a baby and your husband seems to realize this...My daughter was almost 3 and a half..at first I dogged her...shame on me....when I decided she will go when she goes we had a much happier household...who cares if she is in diapers...she will grow weary too of diapers....right now you are upsetting her, don't do that..let her be her...she is probably hearing about the new baby and moving to her new room and big bed and rush rush rush her about so you can get on with your new child..??? cherish this baby too and give her and yourself some breathing room...you can sleep and it is not bad or dreadful to go back to diapers...get off her little baby back...her little bladder may not be ready either....best wishes to you and your family and good luck with the new baby....and be glad that your daughter loves you enough to be jealous...go back to diapers and be glad....

Hi J.,

I can totally understand your situation. My son seemed ready at about 24 months but he would only go poop on the potty. Didn't seem to get that the potty was for both types of potty. So after reading books and stuff, I decided to not pressure him and just let him decide when it was right. We did remind him daily and just let him wear pull ups. When he was almost 3 he just started doing it one day and never looked back. From what you have said, I am not sure your daughter is truly ready. I know my son didn't get it at 2 either. This sounds like something you want to do for your convenience rather then because she is ready. Don't get me wrong, I can see why you would want to but bottem line is, if they aren't ready it is going to just cause you more stress and frustration because you think they should be. Since you are pregnant and don't need more stress, just put her in pull ups & remind her ever time but not so much pressure maybe. Also a Dr. I had once told the story of taking your little one to the store and let them pick out their favorite undies (favorite cartoon character) Put those on her and remind her not to potty on "Dora" or whoever. Tell her if she does, you have to throw the underwear out. He said if they do have an accident, take her to the trash & throw them out in front of her so she gets that it will happen again if she potties again on them. That worked on my son too. Good luck!

Hi J.-
I hate to break it to you but I think that 3 is the new 2 when it comes to potty training. My mom always told me that I was trained at 18 months and my brother at 22 months. I have NO idea how this was acheived, but there was no way that I was getting my son to follow in our footsteps. My little guy is 3 today and has just really grasped the idea in the last 3 weeks and now we are doing great. It is very hard to communicate with a 2 year old and the last thing that you want to do is start a power struggle. I think that it would be good for you to just put it on the back burner for a little while because chances are that she would regress when she saw the baby in diapers anyway. Sorry I don't have a magic solution! Good luck : )

I'd give the pull-ups diapers a try if you haven't. There's nothing wrong with taking a step back if it's not working. Also though, do you use the term "dirty" for anything else? Maybe you should actually say, "Now your pants are wet; pee goes in the toilet" and put her on the pot immediately. I think "gentle terms" for things sometimes just confuse the issue. My son wasn't totally potty trained until almost three (and then only during the day). He was night time trained by four.

Also, keep in mind if you make diaper time a fun time with the new baby, there's a possibility your daughter will regress so she can have "diaper time" too. You may want to change the baby in a different room or try to give her equal "what a big girl" time at the very least.

Potty training is IMO one of the hardest parts of parenting. Good luck!

I say you should back-off on the potty training, especially with a new one on the way. A lot of times a new sibling will cause regression in potty training and it seems like your daughter is just not quite there in understanding how this potty business works, which is no big deal (my daughter will be 2 in March and she's not ready, but getting closer). I suggest you wait until after the baby is born and your daughter has accepted that the baby is not leaving, then try again.

I had two kids in diapers for a year and I know how much easier it would've been to have my oldest one potty trained, but it was just not meant to be.

Also, my son was jealous when our daughter was born and he went a week without wanting anything to do with me which was very hard to deal with. Then he spent a few weeks telling me to "send the baby home" until he finally came around to accepting her. Now they play all day together and it's great!

Good luck with the new baby and potty training.

Hi, my name is Amber. I started potty training my daughter at the age of two. She was very interested at first and I did just about everything you have done. I started pull-ups. She had a lot of change over the last year (she is almost three now). I went back to diapers and just tried to remind her often. I also let her go with me when I went. Her interest wained.

I know you have probably heard this a million and one times but it will happen when she is ready. My daughter is finally almost trained, we are working on overnights and naps. I recommend that you don't scold her at all and let her know that accidents happen and that she should just try again next time.

I am sure she feels your anxiety over the issue. I totally understand your hurry with another on the way!!!! Try to relax and remember it will happen.

Good luck and I hope I helped at least a little. I know it is trying, believe me.

Peace and Love,

Amber and Maya

I think it's great that your two year old has shown such interest in going and has done so well although I would say you should put her in pull ups or something similar and lighten up on getting her to go for 2 reasons. The first being that she is barely 2 (I started with my daughter around the same time and didn't get her completely trained til a month before she turned 3!) and the second reason is you've got another baby coming soon and she will most definitely revert after the baby comes anyway. I think you will end up stressing yourself out more than necessary over the situation when you have two babies to deal with. My daughter is now 4 1/2 and has gone back to having accidents since the birth of her brother 6 months ago. Another thing is that 2 year olds don't have the reasoning skills to really understand what you are trying to get her to do as you said. I also would not make a big deal out of it after the baby comes or you will really be in for a battle! Things change a lot when the second baby comes!
Good luck!
S.

Hi J.,

I had two in diapers for a little over a year, and it really wasn't that difficult. My friends who had one "train" just before the other was born actually commented that it may have been easier to manage two in diapers, especially in public, until they'd mastered having two kids. (Although I have to say that just when you think you've got it figured out, they go and change on you!)

I don't think that the number of "accidents" you describe are unusual.

What finally helped my kids with the "#1" was to run around bottomless. They didn't mind a wet diaper or pants, but didn't like wet feet, for some reason! They both pooped on the potty reliably before peeing there reliably. And they were both a little over 3 when we got there.

I'm not sure what you mean when you say "discipline." Are you thinking "how do I punish her to correct this?" or "how do I teach her effectively?" One thing I would do is to have her help with clean up -- matter-of-factly. Put the soiled clothing where it belongs, clean herself and any accident-afflicted surface (obviously, you will need to help a lot with this!)

I just wanted to wish you good luck. We have a son who will be 2 next month and are expecting twins in August. Our goal is to first transition him to a big bed and then start on the potty training. As of yet, his wet diapers do not seem to bother him, so we are not going to start any time soon. I have just heard that 1 transition at a time is best. So, we are going to first do a new bed and then after he is settled in start the potty training. I have ready that some kids go as far as 4 before they are potty trained. Good luck and if you find a great solution, please let me know as I will be in your shoes very soon!

Hi...here's my advice...
I tried to "rush" my now 4 yr old into potty training right about 23 months. He got the concept of going number 2, but he too had issues with knowing when he had to go #1. I was in your situation and was expecting baby number 2 and wanted him to be diaper free by the time she was born. But, after stressing and getting frustrated I decided to let him do it on his own. We never went back to diapers, because he would poop on the potty but we did let him wear Pull-Ups. when he went in them, we didn't make him feel bad, just encouraged him to try really hard to go in the big boy potty next time. And when he did make it to the potty, we rewarded and praised like no other :) Eventually he figured it. My daughter was about 5 months old and he was potty trained. It really wasn't too bad, b/c there weren't 2 poopy diapers ya know.
Also...my advice is don't make too many changes in her world at once. It may make her be more resentful and jealous of new baby if she has to make so many adjustments to prepare for little one. I may pick which is the most important...getting her potty trained right away or getting her switched into a big girl room. Then...once you've accomplished the first...and are comfortable with it...try to focus on the second. :) Congratulations on the new little one!
~H.

J., I had the same problem with my little boy having a relapse. The simple truth seems that toddlers have a lot to process and it may not immediately sink in that diapers and underwear are different. What I did was used diapers, but asked every couple hours if he had to go potty. This greatly cut down on accidents. Before you know it, his accidents were next to never and we have in underwear 24/7 except at night while sleeping. He's 3 and a half and has maybe one accident a month if that. By the parent prompting them very regularly it becomes ingrained. Now he goes all by himself!!! Patience and dedication is the key. Instead of saying "no" which can seem as if going potty is bad all around, try saying "go in bathroom or toilet" or a comprehendable variation. It can take up to nine months before a child is potty trained, so be patient. Peace, S.

I understand that you want to get your daughter on to the potty and out of the diapers, but on average girls are not potty trained until they are 33 months old. Why would you try to rush her into something that will just make her grow up faster? They are only young for such a short time. Enjoy your time with her and she will potty train herself.

I haven't read any of the other responses, so I do apologize if I repeat them!

My daughter is 19 months old and we have been teaching her about the potty for 5 months now. We started her early, but since she was born, she would wake up to poo and even just to pee! I figure I would be fair to her and show her the potty really early and she could go at her pace! She was peed on it a few times, and she will sit on it and try, but we know she is still so young so we don't push it! We have put her in "easy ups"/potty training pants, and she knows the difference between the trainer pants and the diapers. she tells us that diapers are for babies and she wants the "big girls"! I would suggest going to the training pants and letting her know that those are her big girl pants, but if she thinks they are diapers, explain that they are for big girls, and they just help keep accidents off her other clothing! This makes clean up easier for you, but doesn't put her back at baby level!

Like yours, my daughter tells me during or right after she goes! They are still young! My mom set up a system with my little sister, 25 months old, where they set a timer for 30-45 minutes after she tries and goes. This worked for them for a week straight, my sister was clean for the full week. They set the timer for 30 min if she just tried and 45-60 if she actually goes. We are going to try this with my daughter, cause when we were there 2 weeks ago, my daughter got excited for the "potty timer" and she would go in with my sister and try.

My daughter completely understands the what the potty is for, just doesn't tell me before she has to go. She will sit on her potty, completely clothed, and go in her diaper or in her "big girls"! I would just take it slow, at your daughter's pace. she will be completely trained when she is ready! Don't get frustrated, but do get some kind of a training pants instead!

Good luck annd remember she is still young!

I understand your frustration. I have two boys and it was a journey. It is likely that even if you get her potty trained right now she will have trouble when the baby comes (happened with my older son). I personally don't think that going back to diapers is going to be a horrible thing. I in fact did that with my younger son. There were many times when he would go through an entire weekend perfectly then he would go an entire week of messing in his pants. I practiced with my boys and talked to them about what a "big boy" they where when they did go in the potty and rewarded (m&m's are great). My advice is to not stress so much- they can sense that, put back in diapers or pull ups if you need to and let them do it when it is time. Literally my boys woke up one day and were potty trained (of course there were a few accidents). Remember the milestone ages people tell you are only approximate. Let her go at her on pace, that way it is her accomplishment and she can feel confident about it!

Hi J.,
I have not "been there" yet, my daughter is only 18 months. I decided to respond because you sound really frustrated and even though I haven't been there, maybe my opinion will help. But from everything I've read and heard from friends who have potty trained, you CANNOT push it. It sounds to me, again, someone who hasn't yet done this, like you should drop it and go back to diapers. You say she's ready, but it sounds like you're the one who's ready, not her. I understand wanting this done with before #2 overwhelms your world, but I'd be willing to bet that this will be so much easier when the time is right for your daughter. And only she can decide when that is. Good luck.

Hi J.,

I didn't respond to your first email but just thought that I would add my two cents. First off, it is just fine to go back to diapers. It won't stop or delay her from suceeding once she is truly ready. My daughter got all over the potty thing at around 18 months. Then like most things with toddlers, she moved on and had no interest to continue. Diapers were fine. Without my prompting, she took to the potty like a champ around 2 months before her 3rd birthday. In less than two days, she was wearing panties all day with no accidents (yes, we bribed with stickers and a goody at the end of each week) and we kept her in pull ups during the night until we had at least a week of dry morning diapers. Don't pressure her or you'll end up having to give her suppositories to poop or take her to a shrink because she'll have issues. I've seen it from a couple of my more neurotic mom friends. Those of us that let our kids go at their own pace, are much happier now.

Trust your instincts...kids are resilient and ultimately wonderful without all our good intentions. It's all too much with the transition of having a new baby. My daughter actually potty trained when my baby son was just a month old. The whole big girl versus baby thing worked for us.

J., I have 4 childen close together as well, so I understand wanting to get her done training before the next one arrives. My girls were both ready right around their 2nd birthday, but I still held off until it was convenient for me to spend an entire week really working on it and not going anywhere (like an additional 6 months). My opinion, since you asked, is that you are the Mom and you (and your husband) know best. Go back to diapers or pull-ups if that will bring peace back in the home. I suppose theoretically people would say not to start and stop, but "they" aren't you! There seems to be anxiety for both you and your daughter while trying to succeed at this. And you do want her to succeed. As soon as you turn it into a discipline issue, she may stop wanting to try and be confused by it. Also, it's possible she would revert anyway with new baby arriving. I would wait. Let her do pull-ups if she seems to want to keep trying or at least pooping in the potty. It's expensive, but it will relieve a LOT of stress you're all feeling right now. You only have a few months to spend with just her...drop the issue, love that little girl, connect with her and both of you will be excited to welcome new baby. Later on, you and she will know it's time to try again. Good luck!